Have been friends with someone for a long time, but suddenly introduces you to their new partner? So, what should you do if the new partner immediately becomes the "third person" in your friendship and best friend? If that's the case, understand the fact that the nuances of your relationship with your best friend are bound to change, whether for the better or not. For example, the time he spends with you may decrease. Or, he may start to have a new interest or hobby because of being influenced by his partner. This situation, even though it feels difficult, should actually be able to be treated positively. This means that you should keep trying to show support for any changes that may occur.
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Part 1 of 3: Adjusting to His New Relationship
Step 1. Show support for the relationship
Even though it means you have to swallow your ego whole, be happy if your friend looks happy. Even if you don't like the choice, try to keep the negative opinion under wraps and let the two of them get to know each other without distractions.
- The easiest and most straightforward way to show support is to say, “Hey, Vanessa really seems to make you happy, doesn't she. As long as you're happy, just live it!"
- The worst thing you can do is ignore your partner's presence or refuse to talk about their new relationship. If he feels the relationship is a good thing for him, make sure you're willing to be openly supportive!
Step 2. Get to know your partner
Try to remember what made you like and trust your best friend. Most likely, it's because best friends are special and competent in choosing a partner. In other words, you may also like the figure of his partner. If that's not the case, understand that you don't need to like him to support your partner's decision.
- If you want, travel with them to get to know their partner more closely. For example, you could ask him where he comes from, his family background, his hobbies, or his goals in life. Show that you really want to get to know him better.
- Remember, you don't have to be her friend to support her relationship with her best friend. After all, your job is to support your best friend to achieve their happiness, and you have no right to determine that happiness.
Step 3. Be happy for your best friend
Remember, you are her best friend, not her parents, therapist, her protector, etc. In a true friendship, one party will feel happy if the other party is also happy. Therefore, if your friend seems happy with his decision, be happy too! If not, let your friend find a way out on their own and don't have to interfere too much.
Be honest with yourself. Does your best friend look like they really like their new partner? Can you pinpoint one real reason that he is a negative person? If the answers to both questions are “yes” and “no”, then he might be a good choice for a friend, at least for now. Therefore, show your support and happiness by asking them to talk about their new relationship, inviting them to social events, and spending time with them
Step 4. Keep negative opinions about your new partner
Unless asked, never say things that you don't like about your new partner so that you don't suddenly become a bad friend.
Understand that most likely, these negative feelings arise because you feel you have lost a friend, not because the new partner is annoying. Therefore, do not let the feeling of loss overshadow the opinion or advice you give to friends
Part 2 of 3: Keeping Friends
Step 1. Appreciate the time spent with friends
You should be able to focus more on the quality, not the quantity of meetings. In other words, try to always cherish every moment that can be spent with your best friend because it should, the relationship between the two of you will not change too drastically after one of the parties is dating.
- Understand that you are not his partner. In other words, you won't be able to get most or even half the time of friends. If you keep forcing your best friend to do it, surely your friendship will be destroyed!
- Make sure your friend knows that you are enjoying the time you spend with them, and that the moment is important to you. However, set limits on the consequences that need to be applied if your friend can't commit to his willingness to spend time with you, or if he suddenly meets his partner when he has promised to travel with you. Keep realistic expectations about how to balance the time between friendship and his new romantic relationship.
Step 2. Get ready to travel with your best friend and new partner
Instead of trying to seize your best friend's time, why not try spending time with your best friend and partner? That way, you can still spend time with your best friend, while also being at the forefront of seeing how happy your best friend is with his new partner. The more time you spend with them, the more secure you should feel in their relationship.
Even though you have a lot of doubts about the person who fills your best friend's heart, trust that your best friend will really appreciate your intention to get to know their partner. At least you won't lose time with your best friend even if you can no longer travel alone with them
Step 3. Invite your new best friend to go on a trip together
If you are worried about the person who now fills your best friend's heart, try taking him on a trip together to get rid of these negative thoughts. Tell your friend that you'd like to get to know your partner better, and ask what they think about the idea.
Go to places you usually go with friends, such as city parks, arcades, or sporting events. Of course you're not dating her, but taking her on a trip alone can help you get to know her better and allay any worries that may arise
Step 4. Get used to hearing both happy and sad stories in the relationship
Remember, you have to be the biggest supporter for him! Chances are, you tend to focus only on the negative, and deliberately "turn a deaf ear" to the positive in the relationship. Do not do that! Don't talk about your new partner in a negative way either! Instead, listen to your best friend's story and let her lead the conversation.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Jealousy
Step 1. Think about why you feel threatened by your new best friend's relationship
Possibly, one of the reasons is the absence of a clear structure in a friendly relationship, in contrast to romantic and kin relationships which have clear structure and expectations.
- Be aware that a friendly relationship may change as the parties get older. In other words, each party might find a new love and plan to start a family afterward. As a result, the time spent with each other will be reduced. However, that doesn't mean the meaning of your friendship will just disappear, right?
- Chances are, you'll have a hard time finding a "role" in your romantic relationship, especially since your best friend and partner will be more focused on building a future together.
Step 2. Don't enter a new relationship impulsively
If you are now the only single person in the relationship, the temptation to enter into a romantic relationship with someone else may arise. However, understand that you and your friend are not competing! In other words, there is no need to feel the need to keep yourself busy if your best friend starts to seem busy with their new partner, nor do you need to feel the need to pursue romantic happiness if you see your best friend being happy with the person of her dreams!
Jealousy is normal. However, never fight the jealousy by entering a new relationship impulsively! Never date someone just because you don't want to lose to your best friend
Step 3. Reflect on your feelings to a friend
If you and your best friend are of the opposite sex, and you feel jealous when your best friend has a new partner, try to identify whether or not you have a romantic interest that you actually have for your best friend. In fact, having a romantic interest in your best friend is very common, and the biggest challenge comes when a third person enters the circle of friendship. Chances are, you've been caught in a stalemate and no longer have access to move anywhere.
- If you feel you have romantic feelings for a friend, think about whether your friend needs to know about it. However, understand that your confession may be misunderstood as a sneaky attempt to ruin his new relationship! After all, always remember that liking is a dynamic emotion. Therefore, do not admit it if you feel the feeling is only temporary.
- Confessing your crush on your best friend can completely change the feel of your relationship. On the other hand, you may not be able to stand still when you see your best friend dating someone else. If you find yourself in such a situation, try talking to someone you trust and asking for advice. Never act rashly! In other words, always think about your options before acting.
Step 4. Be willing to share the time you spend with your best friend with your new partner
One day only consists of 24 hours, and now you have to share those 24 hours with more people. Therefore, be prepared to face various changes that are bound to occur, such as when the time your best friend spends for you suddenly decreases.
In fact, the longevity of a friendly relationship is commonly at stake if one of the parties in it establishes a romantic relationship with another person. This is especially the case because the time that the party has will be divided between his partner. If the figure of a friend and the relationship is important to you, be prepared to face the situation so you don't risk losing both
Step 5. Realize that you and your new partner are not competing for your friend's attention
Remember, you and he have different roles in your best friend's life. As a result, the two of you shouldn't be competing! After all, you and your best friend have been good friends before, and will probably continue to be on good terms, with or without their partner.
Step 6. Balance your socializing patterns with other friends
Chances are, you and your best friend have been spending too much time together. Now, he has to share his free time with someone else, namely his partner. Instead of getting upset, why not spend some free time with friends and relatives who also appreciate your existence? By doing this, at least the sensation of rejection you feel after learning about your new friend's relationship can be reduced.
