Do you feel nervous or even scared when you are around women? There's no need to feel that way! Building self-confidence, overcoming the fear of rejection and lots of practice talking to women will hone your technique. Soon you won't have to be afraid of women anymore -- they're just human beings just like you!
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Method 1 of 4: Building Confidence in Yourself
Step 1. Make a list of your positive traits
Make a list of your strengths, accomplishments and things that you admire about yourself. Write down at least three items from each of these categories. Recall a time when you did something you were very proud of. Keep this memory in mind when talking to women to maintain your confidence.
- For example, your three strengths might be "kind, considerate, wise"
- Your list of three achievements could be "winning first place at a local poetry contest, getting a great new job, getting a high score at your favorite arcade game."
- A list of three things you admire about yourself could be "I often volunteer at local charities, I donate money to nonprofits I trust and I compost food scraps."
Step 2. Think positive
If you encounter negative thoughts about yourself such as "I'm not attractive to women," imagine those thoughts simply passing through you in your mind's eye. Replace those negative thoughts with active affirmations like "I have a lot of positive qualities and there's no need to be afraid of women." Don't dwell on or obsess over negative thoughts.
- You are in control of your emotions; not the other way around. While you can't choose the feelings that come your way, you can choose how you react to them. Stay aware of how you feel and think to keep your confidence high and find the courage to talk to women.
- Use self-talk techniques to stay positive. Self-talk is an inner monologue that you do with yourself, a script that runs through your mind. Negative self-talk will bring you down with toxic thoughts like "I'm not good enough and people don't like me." On the other hand, positive self-talk helps you focus on the good things in life. By taking control of your self-talk through conscious thoughts such as "I am a champion and have a bright future," you can improve your self-confidence and overall attitude.
Step 3. Keep yourself clean
Wear clean clothes that smell fresh. Use deodorant. Brush and floss your teeth at least twice a day. Shave if necessary and shower every day. Trim your nails and keep your hair clean and tidy. Talking to other people will become easier if you are well cared for and feel refreshed.
- Take a shower every day. You can shower at night and or in the morning, any time that suits your schedule. Some people like to take a shower in the morning because it helps them wake up. Some others prefer to take a shower at night because it can wash away sweat and dirt after a day's activities. However, for those of us who live in the tropics where the air temperature is relatively warm so it is easy to sweat, take a shower at least twice a day.
- When brushing your teeth, use the rotating method. This method uses brushing motions that are neither vertical nor horizontal across your teeth, but rather in small, concentric circular motions from the base of your gums to the tips of your teeth.
- If you have dandruff, use a special anti-dandruff shampoo and conditioner. Avoid dry places and consider purchasing a humidifier to avoid the effects of a dry environment on your scalp.
Step 4. Stay away from people who make you feel sad
Don't listen to people who make you feel too tall, too fat, too skinny or too short to talk to women. Don't believe the lie that women will never be attracted to you because of a flaw that someone else has imposed on you.
If someone makes you feel bad, let them know. Say something like "What you said earlier hurt my feelings so much. I didn't do anything wrong to deserve your cruel words. Please don't say anything mean to me again." This step can bring the negative behavior to the attention of the person who hurt you and they may apologize
Step 5. Take care of your health
Taking care of yourself and being healthy will help you build the confidence needed to overcome your fear of women. A few simple healthy habits will give you more positive energy when dealing with others and when you think about your own abilities and worth.
- Try to get 6 to 8 hours of sleep every night. Getting enough rest will help maintain a positive attitude and keep you focused when talking to women.
- Eat a healthy diet that includes lots of fruits, vegetables and whole grains.
- There are many advantages to exercising regularly. Regular exercise will help build stamina, increase strength and even help you improve your life goals. This helps build the confidence you'll need to overcome your fear of women. Try different types of exercise such as swimming, cycling, jogging, and lifting weights. Start any exercise you can do slowly and increase the intensity of the exercise each day. For example, when you first start, run 1.5 km per day, then after one week increase the distance to 3 km per day.
Step 6. Learn the art of conversation
Being able to talk easily with people from all walks of life is a skill that can be learned. Practice speaking with a friend, then increase the size of your audience to larger groups of three or four people so you can attract listeners effectively at social gatherings or parties.
- Learn to tell jokes. Making people laugh is a great way to get to know yourself. Many people are attracted to people who can make good jokes. If you're good at sharing funny stories, you'll easily make a positive impression on girls and you won't have to be afraid to talk to them anymore.
- Focus on the topic at hand, not on your perception of yourself. Don't worry about how you look, whether food might be stuck between your teeth, or how your hair is doing. Paying attention and not being distracted when you're talking to a woman will make you less nervous during the conversation.
Method 2 of 4: Reorganizing Your View of Women
Step 1. View women as human beings
Don't put women, or a particular woman as a benchmark. No woman is perfect. Women are human beings, just like you, humans who have their own difficulties and struggles. Many women are just as scared and vulnerable as you are. Being realistic in your overall assessment of women can reduce your fear of them.
- Every woman has her own unique characteristics and traits. Dig deeper into this to find out the best way to talk to a woman. For example, you might ask a woman about her favorite sports team, while for another woman you might ask her family. Learn the things they value in life and invite them to share it with you.
- Accept the fact that not all women can get along with you. Women are individuals, who have their own tastes and preferences. Some people will never get along.
Step 2. Find out about the problems women face
Women face big problems that men never bother with in their daily life. Differences in pay rates, sexual harassment, reproductive rights and dual roles as mothers and working women are just some of the unique challenges for women. The more you understand women and the struggles they face in life, the more human they will be in your eyes and the less fear you will have.
- Read writings about women's struggle and emancipation. The literature by feminist activists such as Gloria Steinem will shed light on how women's experiences and goals are different-but equally valid-to those of men.
- Other important feminist literature such as A Room of One's Own, Herland and The Yellow Wallpaper will illustrate women's issues very well for you. Understanding these differences can erode your fear of women and replace it with respect and admiration.
Step 3. Identify the various achievements of women
Some people think women are best suited just being a housewife or wife and doing housework. When you understand that women are also capable of achieving the same success as men, you will lessen your tendency to think of them as a different group of people. Imagine a professional field and think about all the women who have contributed to it. Seeing successful women will help you realize that they too can inspire you, just like men. Talking to talented women can broaden your perspective.
- Female artists include Mary Cassatt and Georgia O'Keefe
- Female scientists including Marie Curie and Carolyn Porco
- Women politicians include Margaret Thatcher and Elizabeth Warren
Step 4. Don't focus too much on a woman's appearance
Women are not just a pretty face. Although society tends to reinforce the idea that beauty is a very important part of a woman's identity, this is not true. Women can be tall, short, fat, thin and fit various concepts of beauty. After all, "beauty depends on the eye of the beholder", and standards of beauty are set very differently in different cultures.
Instead of immediately feeling intimidated by a woman who is tall or very beautiful, try to calmly introduce yourself to her. Say something like, "Hi, my name is _". As the conversation progresses, focus on the topic at hand, not on its appearance
Step 5. Don't believe in the notion that all women are materialistic
Being a materialist means that you only care about the superficial things in life, like being beautiful and having money. Not all women chase rich men just because they want money. Many women are not attracted to the most handsome and manly men; some women prefer men who are funny or introspective. Some others appreciate a kind and warm personality. Realizing that not all women share the same values and goals will help correct the clichéd image in your image of women and then overcome your fear of them.
- Try to get over your fear of women by approaching each woman with an open mind. Don't make negative associations between one woman and another based solely on gender. Ask yourself, would you be willing if a woman judged all men's self-esteem and personality as equal to thugs and criminals?
- In reality, men are more materialistic than women, because they tend to be more concerned with status and wealth.
Method 3 of 4: Talking to Women
Step 1. Talk to all the women
It's important that you treat all women as human beings and equals to you, not just as possible wives or lovers. You may be afraid to talk to women because the women you usually try to talk to are the ones you really like and you end up having a hard time talking naturally. However, if you talk to more women, not just those who seem potential dates, you'll gain a lot of practice talking to women that you can practice throughout your life. After all, 50% of the people in this world are women; inevitably at some point you will have to talk to them.
Talking to women doesn't always have to be accompanied by ulterior motives, such as wanting to find a date. Talk to women like you talk to other male friends. Think of talking to women as mutually beneficial and can help develop your personality
Step 2. Be yourself
Being honest about who you really are and what you think is a skill few people have. Being yourself will make you feel more relaxed when you are around women. If you pretend to be able to overcome your fear of women -- bragging or bragging, for example -- you'll end up getting caught. What's more, you won't be happy because you feel like you have to keep pretending to be the person you imitated earlier.
For example, if a woman really likes western films, you shouldn't pretend to like western films either just to impress her or make her think you're cool. Use your ignorance as an opportunity to let him tell you about his favorite movies. Ask lots of attention-grabbing questions like "when is the movie coming out?" and "who's in the cast?" The conversation should be an opportunity to learn about the other person and their interests, as well as an opportunity to show who you are
Step 3. Use friendly body language
Instead of folding your arms and looking down at your feet, look women in the eye and keep your hands in your pockets or at your sides. Greet everyone with a smile.
When telling a story or a joke, use your hands to emphasize and illustrate what you are saying. The wiggle of the fingers or the palm of the hand that is open upwards are two examples of hand gestures that are commonly used in conversation
Step 4. Talk about what he wants to talk about
Don't just focus on yourself or what you like and ignore what interests him. Conversation should be two-way. Find out what movies, books, music and media he likes. Does he enjoy traveling? If so, to where? If you don't know what he's interested in, just ask. Don't dwell on one topic too long. When one of you is ready to talk about something else, move on to the next phase of the conversation.
- Ask for clarification when he explains or describes something. "Where exactly?" or "What do you mean?" are good examples of questions to dig deeper into a conversation with a woman and show that you're interested.
- Recognize the signs of boredom during a conversation: short, general, superficial and expressionless answers. If a woman is quiet and her eyes are glaring at you, you may need to change the subject or let her take over the conversation. Ask "What do you think?" or "Have you ever tried it?" to keep him interested.
Step 5. Make an effort to talk to women with a friend or with a group of friends
Getting together to chat with women with a friend or two can make the process of meeting and talking to women much easier. Ideally, you should go with someone who has different strengths or chatting techniques than you. Use hands-on experience to learn from your friends and ask for directions. Go to entertainment events, clubs and parties with your friends to practice talking to women.
You don't have to meet women through traditional media to overcome your fear of them. You can start talking to women in online forums or chat rooms, then move on to face-to-face interactions. Make an effort to meet women in book clubs, cafes, and on mixed sports teams
Step 6. Don't talk to women who are rude and seem disinterested
Be sure to only talk to women who are friendly and polite. Even if a woman isn't romantically interested in you, there are elegant ways to tell you; he shouldn't treat you like a nuisance. If he rolls his eyes at you, hardly ever answers you, and is simply being rude, then politely step back. Don't let anyone act like they're too good for you.
For example, if you offer to buy a drink for a woman and she scoffs, "From you? No thanks," ignore it and walk away. No one deserves such treatment
Step 7. Make sure you don't misunderstand
Sometimes, we take comments that are meant to be joking, especially when the comments are from the opposite sex. Before getting offended or upset, try to rethink the context of the conversation. If you are hurt by something a woman has said, tell her. Chances are he didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Step 8. Be patient
You may be rejected several times. You may become nervous and fail to approach. Not a big problem! Keep trying and don't give up. In the end, you will succeed in talking to a woman. When you're not talking effectively to women, don't beat yourself up or keep thinking about them. Think of the conversation as an exercise, not a failure. Try to learn something from it and don't overanalyze a conversation.
- Sometimes it's hard to know why a conversation isn't going well. Try different approaches when talking to women. Talk to them by giving them what they are looking for. Be a humorous person on one occasion, then be a reflective and wise person on another occasion.
- Think about the woman you are talking to: is she a deep thinker or is she more interested in shallower conversations? Match your conversational style and approach to the personality of the person you are talking to.
Method 4 of 4: Coping With Rejection
Step 1. Minimize the significance of negative responses
This step can best be accomplished through strategies known as emotion-focused coping techniques. This technique is the process of realizing that while you can't change your current life situation, you can change how you react to situations and how you feel about them.
Change how you feel about being rejected by understanding that the woman who is rejecting you doesn't understand you, may have just had a bad day, or is already in a romantic relationship with someone else. In other words, you don't have to take it to heart
Step 2. Develop a fear of regret
The possibility that you might miss a great opportunity to talk to or date a woman is more terrifying than the possibility of rejection. There's nothing worse than realizing how different your life could be if you just hung out and talked to women more.
Think of your life as a forked road. At one point in your life, you choose to talk to a woman and fall in love, get married, have children and live happily ever after. In another scenario, you live your life in fear of talking to women and spend the rest of your life carefree, but alone. Which one would you like to choose?
Step 3. Experience rejection
The only way to make a sword is to melt metal in a fire. Being rejected so painfully will only make you stronger once you get through it. After your heart is torn apart by the woman you really care about, then the next rejection will not feel as great as before.
- Don't take the rejection you're going through to heart. Realize that the rejection is to do with his feelings and mistakes, not yours.
- You may feel disappointed when you have been rejected, but do not react with anger or violence towards yourself or others. Shouting or throwing things, for example, are inappropriate actions. There will be more opportunities for you to overcome your fear of women later in life, so don't let a few rejections discourage you.
Step 4. Respond to rejection with laughter
Finding something funny about your rejection can be difficult, but it's an effective way to get over it. When you laugh and smile, your body releases endorphins, painkillers that relieve stress and make you feel happy. After being rejected, try to find at least one funny thing about the situation.
