Removing old wounds is not easy. If time has passed and you still can't get up and move on, you may need to choose a more proactive approach. No matter what happened to you in the past, it is important to remember that you are in control of your life and have the power to create a better future for yourself.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Healing Yourself
Step 1. Forgive others for your own good
When you forgive someone who has hurt you, you are giving yourself a valuable gift. You will experience several health benefits, including lower blood pressure and better heart health, as well as several psychological benefits, such as lower stress levels and symptoms of depression. The opportunity for a better relationship in the future is even greater.
- Forgiving someone who has treated you unfairly is a sign of strength, not weakness. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean that you condone or condone the person's actions that have hurt your feelings; instead, you no longer allow the action to become a burden on your mind.
- When you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you make up with them right away. Sometimes, making up can't or isn't the right thing to do, depending on the situation you're in. Forgiveness shows that you are letting go of the resentment or anger, as well as the desire for revenge that you have been feeling for a long time.
- As much as possible try to show concern and empathy for the person who has hurt you. It's important for you to understand that sometimes someone hurts someone else's feelings because they're hurting themselves.
- If you're taking responsibility for an old wound (e.g. you were hurt after your partner broke up with you because you were caught cheating), you also need to forgive yourself. It's important for you to recognize or be aware of this responsibility, but don't let it dwell on you. Forgive yourself with care and understanding.
Step 2. Don't let yourself be a victim of feelings
Even if the person is guilty of hurting you in the past, he or she is not responsible for your decision to dwell on and dwell on past hurts. The first thing to do to heal yourself is to regain control of your life and realize that you have the power to make your future better than ever.
- If you always blame the person in question for everything negative that happens, you are letting them control your life. If at any time such thoughts arise, consciously remind yourself that it is you who have the authority to govern your own life. After that, try to think positive things to make you feel better.
- You will feel fully empowered when you can manage or manage your own recovery process. To get others to stop controlling your actions or emotions, make your own plans to let go of old wounds. You may seek advice from other people, but remember that you are in complete control of your own life.
Step 3. Think or say positive, self-reinforcing things over and over
If an old wound has damaged or lowered your self-esteem, take a moment to think about your most positive character or things. After that, remind yourself every day that you are a valuable and admirable person.
Try various ways to strengthen your love for yourself. Sing, write, or say it out loud to yourself. Make art incorporating words of affirmation and post it or keep it somewhere you see it often
Step 4. Show your feelings
By showing or expressing your pain and hurt, you will feel freer. Try writing down what happened in a journal or writing a letter to someone who has hurt you in the past (but don't send the letter). By expressing all the pain, you can process your feelings and understand why you are still hurting.
Step 5. Remember or revisit your past for your own good
Looking back on or bringing up the past is sometimes a negative thing, but if you do it for the good, it can actually put you through a painful past. If you continue to harbor feelings of guilt or other negative feelings about yourself, try to think back on past events and think about why the hurt or hurt feelings occurred. After that, think about why the negative feelings (wounds or pain) that you feel do not match or are based on reality.
- An exercise like this is best done to remember a traumatic event that made you blame yourself (and you don't really need to blame yourself). If, for example, you feel responsible for your parents' divorce or feel guilty about your spouse's unfaithfulness, try to recall or revisit your past to understand the source of those feelings. If you analyze past situations, you will realize that the negative feelings you feel about yourself are not based on reality or actual facts.
- Be careful not to blame others too much. The goal of the exercise is not to hold grudges against other people and, instead, to find out why you are upset or uncomfortable with yourself and stop feeling that way.
Step 6. Get the help or support you need
You may need a few different types of help, depending on the wound you want to remove. Don't keep your feelings to yourself if you feel trapped in them. Talk to someone (you trust) so you can manage your feelings. Sometimes, you will feel comfortable or better when you express how you feel.
- Talk to a friend or family member about how you feel, but make sure they don't get involved with your problem. They can help better if they are completely uninvolved in the problem at hand.
- Find a support group that can address your concerns (eg a support group for people who have been traumatized by the loss/death of someone, or childhood trauma).
- Find a therapist (both individual and group) who has experience dealing with past injuries or trauma recovery. A therapist can help you understand why you are feeling negative feelings and learn how to deal with those feelings.
Part 2 of 2: Rise Up and Move On
Step 1. Focus on the positive
If you allow negative thoughts or memories to overwhelm you, you will feel that there is no room in your life to feel positive or happy. Instead of letting negativity get in the way, take the opposite approach: fill your life with lots of positives so there's no room for negativity.
Try to keep yourself busy with goal/achievement-oriented activities, like school or a career, or things that make you feel good about yourself, like volunteer work or playtime or fun with friends
Step 2. View painful experiences as opportunities to learn something
Changing your view of negative thoughts will really help you to get up and move on with life. Everyone must have experienced painful things. However, by seeking or seeing it as an opportunity for self-improvement, you can overcome the pain.
- For example, you may get hurt when your partner breaks up with you. Instead of sinking and dwelling on the hurt, try changing your view to: "I'm hurt because I lost my partner, but there are many lessons from the relationship that I can take with me for the next relationship."
- As another example, maybe someone is being mean or unkind to you. Try changing your view to, for example, “That person hurt me, but I am a strong person and will rise from pain. His behavior won't keep me down."
Step 3. Beware of distracting thoughts
As you begin to think about what has happened, slowly push those thoughts away and remind yourself of what is currently the focus of your life. It doesn't matter if you recognize or accept the existence of bad memories, but it's a good idea to immediately replace thoughts about those memories with positive things so that you don't continue to sink into old wounds.
- When your mind starts to be filled with memories of the past, try saying and repeating this sentence to yourself: “There have been bad things that happened to me in the past, but those things have passed and I don't have time to think about the past. because I'm focusing on/on _.”
- Alternatively, you can take the time to note all the positive things in life. If you fill your mind with positive things, there will be no room for negativity.
Step 4. Try to be open to other people
If you've been hurt by someone in the past, you're more likely to assume that someone else will hurt you in the future. Unfortunately, this mindset can lead you into a new relationship with pent-up anger. If you want to develop healthy relationships in the future, you need to work on letting go of anger and not making the worst assumptions about other people based on what happened in the past.
Tips
- Holding a grudge against another person can make you anxious, depressed, and angry. Ironically, the grudge you feel may not have any effect on the person concerned. This means holding a grudge will do nothing but make you worse off.
- You may benefit from integrated meditation or cognitive behavioral therapy, depending on the situation at hand. Some people also benefit from participating in religious activities.
- Heartache and resentment are addictive states or mindsets. You may need to work hard to get rid of such negative feelings. Keep trying and get rid of that unhealthy mindset.
