Your child is a teenager but oddly enough, does he still have diapers in his closet or even likes to wear them? Even if it seems confusing, try to approach the situation calmly, wisely, and in control, especially since negative reactions can traumatize your child and refuse to open up to you.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Talking With Him
Step 1. Express your feelings in a letter
It's surprising to find out that teenagers are still wearing diapers. However, try to remain calm and deal with the situation wisely. That is, prioritizing love and support as parents in responding to these conditions. If you want, you can write down all your pent-up emotions on paper before confronting your child, especially if the situation is really making you emotional and confused.
- Write a letter that you will not later send or give to your child. In the letter, list all the raw, spontaneous reactions that come out of your mind, including negative emotions like anger, fear, and frustration. All these emotions must be released so that you don't offend them during the discussion process! Remember, you want to make your child feel safe and supported in the conversation.
- Once written, set the letter aside for a few hours. While waiting, do something else to distract yourself like watching television, reading, taking a leisurely walk, etc. Then, reread the letter to dive into your emotions in a moment.
- Remember, the letter is there to help you process the feelings that arise. Alluding to the issue of diapers to children who are already teenagers is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand, you know! That's why you have to make sure that any reaction that comes next should be positive. After re-reading the letter, immediately destroy and throw it away, then move on to the next stage.
Step 2. Speak from the bottom of your heart
When confronting your child about their habit of wearing diapers, try to speak as a parent who loves and cares for their child. In other words, speak from the bottom of your heart to make sure the discussion takes place with the right motives and goals.
- Remember, this discussion is done because you are worried about the child's condition. Therefore, abandon all judgments and assumptions and have a loving conversation. For example, you might say, "This topic was brought up because I love you very much and are worried about your choices."
- Put love above all else. When discussing a difficult topic, never try to "win your argument." In other words, avoid the urge to convince your child that your understanding and mindset are correct. Remember, your goal is not to “win”, but rather to find a solution that works for all parties. If you're feeling frustrated or starting to want to judge your child, try thinking, "This discussion is taking place because I love and love my child."
Step 3. Create a safe space for dialogue
Most teens have difficulty opening up to others. After all, wearing diapers as an adult is such a shameful habit that your child may not want to discuss the situation honestly with you. Therefore, try to create a safe and comfortable space to have an honest and open dialogue with your child.
- Generally, a person will feel more secure if they are positioned on an equal footing in the conversation. In other words, don't make your child feel like you're being tutored or scolded. Point out that you just want to understand his perspective and help him work out any issues he may be having.
- Willingness to respect each other is also effective in creating a safe dialogue space for all parties in it. Therefore, try not to judge the condition of the child. Emphasize that despite the concerns that arise, you still value him as a whole and mature human being. Avoid phrases that sound judgmental and be an active listener throughout the conversation. In other words, nod your head to confirm your child's words and look him in the eye while he's talking to show your concern. Every now and then, repeat what your child has said in your own language to confirm that you are listening and understanding what he means.
Step 4. Understand the child's perspective
Empathy is the key to diving into a difficult subject! Even if it's not easy, try to understand your child's experience and identify the root of the problem.
- Before starting a conversation, try to understand the child's perspective first. Don't assume the reason behind his penchant for wearing diapers. Instead, try to imagine what it would be like to be confronted about a potentially embarrassing issue. What emotions will emerge? How would you react if you were in that situation? Think about how difficult this situation will be for your child, and take that perspective when bringing him into the discussion.
- Listen to the child's words and try to understand them. Whatever your child's reasons may be, make a sincere and conscious effort to put yourself in his shoes and understand his perspective. Remember, empathy is the key to dealing with any kind of difficult issue effectively.
Part 2 of 2: Exploring Causes
Step 1. Understand the concept of infantilism paraphilias
Infantile paraphilia is a rare trigger of sexual arousal, which is when a person receives sexual gratification when treated like a child or baby. If your child admits to seeing diapers as a sexual object, try to take the time to learn about the condition from trusted sources. Remember, although rare, infantile paraphilias are generally not a mental disorder. According to the DSM-4, mental disorders "are always associated with a person's difficulty or inability to live a stress-free life, and are associated with an increased risk of sudden death, pain, and loss of freedom." If the infantile paraphilias experienced by a child do not make him feel depressed (beyond the shame caused by the condition's conflict with prevailing social norms), and do not make him hurt others, technically the condition cannot be classified as a mental illness or disorder.
- People with infantile paraphilic tendencies may enjoy playing the role of babies. In addition to wearing diapers, people with the condition may also enjoy activities such as feeding others, drinking milk using a pacifier, talking like a baby, being spanked, and/or playing baby games. Although infantilism is mentioned by the DSM in addition to other, more common types of paraphilias (which are colloquially referred to as "kinks", not "fetishes"), research on the subject is still very limited. As with other triggers of sexual arousal, so far no cause has been found. a person has infantile paraphilias.
- Although generally sexual in nature, many adults also enjoy wearing diapers and playing baby roles for other reasons. For example, they may simply feel the need to behave in this way, without getting sexual gratification from it.
- For most people, the existence of infantilism paraphilias does not have a significant impact on their daily activities. In fact, many people with the disorder have stable jobs, healthy sexual relationships, and good emotional stability and adaptability. In other words, these tendencies, while less normal, are generally harmless.
- In rare cases, infantile paraphilias are associated with mental disorders such as depression and anxiety. In other words, a person with infantile paraphilias may have suicidal thoughts or have even tried to do so.
- Also understand that infantilism paraphilias are very different from pedophiles. Pedophilia is a disorder that makes adults have sexual desire and desire for small children. Meanwhile, sexual arousal in people with infantilism actually appears when imagining themselves and/or other adults being dressed and/or acting like children/babies. In contrast to pedophiles, people with infantilism do not have a sexual attraction to children. In fact, the source of their sexual gratification is adults who violate social norms.
- Ask if your child has any articles or links they'd like to show you to help you understand their condition.
Step 2. Allude to the possibility of bedwetting
If the child does not receive sexual or emotional satisfaction after wearing diapers, another possible reason is the bed-wetting behavior that may still be present today. If that's the case, it's natural for your child to feel embarrassed to tell you about the behavior, right? However, your child's difficulty in holding back the urge to urinate should still be known so that the cause can be evaluated accurately. In general, bed-wetting behavior can not only be caused by medical disorders, but also psychiatric disorders such as anxiety and depression.
- Raise the topic with care. For example, you might say, “This topic is a bit embarrassing to discuss. But I just want to make sure your health is fine. Do you want to talk about the problem of having trouble holding your pee all this time?"
- Remember, bed-wetting behavior should be evaluated by a doctor to make sure the cause is not a specific medical disorder.
- Do not alludes to the possibility of wetting the bed if a child wears diapers because of sexual or emotional gratification afterward. Your actions will only make him feel wrongly assumed and further humiliated. As a result, you will no longer be able to have a healthy discussion and approach with him.
Step 3. Watch for symptoms of depression and anxiety in your child
In some cases, infantile paraphilias and bed-wetting are basic symptoms of certain mental disorders. Therefore, you should also observe the presence or absence of symptoms of depression or anxiety in the child, which will generally manifest in the form of:
- Sadness, hopelessness, or low self-esteem
- Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
- Loss of interest in daily activities
- Irritable or disturbed nature
- Energy drop
- Show a genuine interest in the child's life. In other words, don't be afraid to ask him how he was feeling that day, and ask him to talk about his friends and the most interesting aspects of his life. If he asks why, simply say that you want to get to know his world better. Trust me, doing so can build a solid foundation of trust so your child can more easily open up to you in the future.
- If you feel your child needs the help of a therapist, try asking the therapist for recommendations from the insurance company that covers you. They should be able to provide a list of therapists whose consultation fees are covered by the insurance. In addition, you can also ask the therapist for recommendations from the doctor who usually treats your child. If your finances are tight, most therapists are also willing to refer you to another therapist who is more affordable. Alternatively, some clinics also provide discounted rates that can cut the cost of child therapy significantly. However, if your mental and emotional state looks healthy, regardless of his habit of wearing diapers, don't force him to join the therapy process. Most therapists don't classify paraphilia as a psychological disorder that you and your child should be worried about.
Step 4. Ask your doctor for help with a medical evaluation
Bed-wetting in adulthood often indicates a medical problem, such as hormonal disorders in teenagers. In addition, difficulty holding urine in adolescents may also be caused by a bladder that is too small and/or certain genetic diseases. If your child still wets the bed even though he is old enough, immediately carry out various necessary medical examinations with the help of a doctor.
