If you were a victim of violence in a previous relationship, you should be more careful when entering a new relationship in the future so that the previous experience doesn't repeat itself. Even if you've never been a victim, you should be aware of the traits of a male who may be violent, so that you can be protected.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Assessing Personality
Step 1. Be wary of men who seem perfect
Of course, not all seemingly perfect men behave rudely. However, some rough guys are usually very concerned about their image and popularity and have lots of friends. An abusive man may care more about his image than a healthy relationship.
This is also related to the tendency of rude men to have a controlling personality. He manages his own image very carefully. So, they also want to manage other people
Step 2. Watch out for traits of dependency or quick commitment
Rude men tend to change partners frequently quickly. This behavior is related to the extreme attitude that abusive men generally have. A man may behave violently if he:
- Forcing you into a relationship or living with him in a relatively short time
- Force that your relationship is love at first sight, or he can't live without you.
- Makes you feel guilty if you're not ready as fast as he is
Step 3. Keep an eye on your potential partner's level of jealousy and anxiety
Is it overreacting when you're spending time with other people? Does he dislike your friend for no apparent reason? Did he accuse you of having an affair? These may be signs that he gets jealous easily. An even more obvious sign that he is jealous is his tendency to manipulate his jealousy. Here are some ways men manipulate or cover up their jealousy:
- Saying that his jealousy is a form of deep love
- Covering jealousy as worry
- Saying that he's curious about your day-to-day activities and who you talk to, when in fact he's watching your behavior and interactions
- Saying that he doesn't like you spending time with other people because he misses you
- Pretends to visit you suddenly with a gift when he wants to check what you are doing
Step 4. Discuss feelings with a potential partner
Most rude men find it difficult to express their feelings. Before entering into a serious relationship with someone, it's a good idea to talk often first so you can review their personality and determine if they can share things that relate to their feelings with you. It also shows that he's willing to open up to you, a trait rarely seen in rude men.
Step 5. Don't tolerate rude behavior or signs of abusive behavior
If your potential partner shows signs of abusive behavior towards you, or even an inanimate object, you should avoid being in a relationship with him or her. For example, if your potential partner gets angry and punches a table or chair, it may be a sign that he or she will be rude to you in the future.
Another dangerous sign that your potential partner is abusive is the use of force, even in a playful way, during sex
Step 6. Review the potential partner's history of abusive behavior
People who are abusive in relationships are usually abusive in other situations as well. Try to find out if your potential partner has behaved violently in other relationships, such as with family or pets. Most men who have behaved violently in previous relationships will also behave violently in later relationships.
If you decide to be in a relationship with someone who has a history of abusive behavior in their relationships, encourage them to change
Method 2 of 3: Reviewing Relationships
Step 1. Determine if your relationship is healthy and loving
Your relationship may not be fully developed if it's still in its early stages, but you should be able to determine if your relationship is on a healthy path. Healthy relationships are based on love, trust, and communication. Some signs of a healthy relationship are when both parties in the relationship can:
- Share your feelings and thoughts openly
- Feel safe and happy with yourself
- Admit when you are wrong
- Share admiration for each other
- Spend time doing various activities, whether intimate, fun, serious, new, etc.
Step 2. Discuss how your partner feels about the division of roles in the relationship
You may want to ask your partner's view of the equal distribution of roles in the relationship specifically. Some abusive men are eager to maintain the tradition of gender-based roles in a relationship. However, remember, there are people whose words are sweet, but their actions are not appropriate.
Rude men usually perceive women as inferior to men. If your potential partner conveys the idea that men are superior to women, he may not be the right match for you, even if he doesn't appear to be abusive. You should be with someone who respects you
Step 3. Recognize if your partner is trying to isolate you
An early danger sign of an unhealthy relationship is a man trying to distance you from other people. If he seems to be limiting your time with friends or family, get out of the relationship immediately. This is a tendency that will continue and get worse in an unhealthy relationship, until eventually the victim is very alienated and feels like there is nowhere to go if he or she leaves the relationship.
Step 4. Ask the other person how your partner talks about you when you're not around
Even when things go wrong, both parties in a healthy relationship will not speak ill of one another. If your partner belittles, makes fun of, or blames you for a problem when you're not with them, he or she may have a tendency to behave violently. While it's hard to know what your partner is talking about when you're not with them, if you're feeling nervous about it, you can always ask the people around you.
Method 3 of 3: Recognizing Characteristics of Victims of Violence
Step 1. Realize whether you are afraid of your partner
It's very unnatural for you to be afraid of your partner or your partner's temperament. If you're new to a relationship and you're afraid of your partner, you should break it off immediately. The longer an unhealthy relationship lasts, the more severe the abusive behavior will be. The victim, even if the abusive behavior gets worse, usually has a harder time breaking up.
Step 2. Assess whether you often feel guilty
Do you often feel guilty? Do you feel like you're always letting your partner down or not being the best for your partner? Sometimes guilt is a fabrication of your own mind, but abusive men are very good at manipulating their victims into feeling guilty. This is one of the ways used by abusive men to stay in a relationship with their victims.
- If the guilt comes from within, you should go to therapy to find the cause of the guilt.
- If you are manipulated or incited to feel guilty, your partner may be secretly controlling your thoughts and actions.
Step 3. Review whether you spend time doing the things you really want to do
Some victims of violence feel they have to ask their partner's permission before doing anything. If you only do things your partner wants you to do or have to ask permission to do something, you may have been a victim of violence.
Keep in mind that asking permission to do something is different from discussing your day's activities. You can talk and agree on what to do without being stuck
Step 4. Take care of your relationships with friends and don't forget hobbies
It's easy to get carried away in a new relationship, but if you feel like you're starting to forget who you were before entering the relationship, take some time for yourself. You should be able to start a new relationship in your life without forgetting your friends and leaving the things you enjoyed doing before meeting your partner.
Tips
- Make no secret of the rude behavior you receive! Tell someone you love, trust and know.
- A rude man may accuse you of not loving him. Don't be fooled. This is just a ploy to make you feel guilty and stay with him.
- If you tell him that you can't accept his attitude and he apologizes, but blames you afterwards, it means he's not being sincere. You better leave it.
- If a guy hits or slaps you, leave the guy. It might be a habit. There's bound to be a second, third, fourth, even a hundred times he hits you, until you either leave or die. Get out of the relationship immediately.
- Keep duplicate keys and copies of files in a place known only to you so that when you want to run away from home, you are not locked in your house and still have access to your car, passport, etc.
- If you have decided to leave him, do it immediately and cut off all contact and communication with him. It's the only way to get on with your life without it. He must respect your decision. He will have to leave you if you ask him to.
- Find a safe place for you to go without your partner knowing. Try to find a neutral place that he can't get to easily.
- If you notice that you are being rude, take immediate action and ask for help.
- When you tell him that your relationship is over, make sure to do it in a crowded place, but still have some personal space. The last thing you want is to be ruded for trying to stop your partner's abusive behavior, and reduce the likelihood that your partner will act violently in public.
Warning
- Some rough guys are good at acting. Don't take the action for granted, especially if you want to leave him and his behavior suddenly changes for the better, such as giving him a gift as an apology, expressing how sorry he is, and insisting that he won't do it again.
- Don't want to be a victim. Find a way out of a dangerous situation at all costs.
- Try to tell someone about your condition so you can get help.
