Do you have a friend, coworker, or relative who has autism? Autism (including Asperger's syndrome and PDD-NOS) is a complex developmental disorder that makes it difficult for a person to communicate, express feelings and thoughts, and interact with their social environment. Getting to know and understand them more closely is a challenge for you, especially because the ability to communicate and interact with each autistic individual is different. Do not worry. Even if you don't experience what they do, understanding autistic individuals is not difficult if you know the rules of the game.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Studying Autism
Step 1. Understand the emotive challenges autistic individuals face
To understand a person better, you need to know their full background (including their emotive difficulties). Autistic individuals tend to have difficulty reading and understanding the emotions of those around them; as a result, they often feel confused and 'lost'. In addition, most autistic individuals also experience sensory problems and have very introverted personalities. For them, socializing is a tiring activity. However, they still need to feel 'connected' with the people around them.
Step 2. Understand the social challenges that autistic individuals face
If you have a friend who has autism, at times you may see them say or do inappropriate things (such as commenting on other people's physique out loud, touching other people's body parts, violating other people's personal distance, or cutting lines. All they do that because autistic individuals tend to have difficulty understanding social norms and rules that apply in society.
- You can immediately rebuke them if you see them acting against the norm. To reduce the possibility of something similar happening in the future, it never hurts to try to explain the norms that apply to them. But make sure you don't speak in a high tone or harsh words. For example, say something like, “Since we just arrived, we have to stand at the end of the line. Well, the end is visible. Let's move over there." Autistic individuals usually place a high value on fairness and honesty, so explaining things like this might help them later in life.
- Assume that they don't mean anything bad. Autistic individuals usually don't mean to hurt anyone through their actions and words; they just don't know how to respond appropriately.
Step 3. Study their behavior
Autistic individuals often exhibit various attitudes and behaviors that are sometimes difficult for us to understand, such as:
- Parrot the words and actions of others. In the medical world, this behavior is known as echolalia.
- Feel comfortable discussing one topic for a long time without realizing the other person is tired of listening.
- Speak honestly, sometimes even too bluntly.
- Give statements that are not relevant to the topic of conversation at the time. For example, when you are talking about a famous singer's music concert, he turns the topic to the mango tree planted in your yard.
- Does not respond when called by his own name.
Step 4. Understand how important routine is to them
For most autistic individuals, routine is an important aspect of their lives. If you want to understand them better, always keep in mind that their routine is something you don't disturb as much as possible. You can also help ensure that their daily routine is working as it should.
- If you have become part of their routine, never withdraw or change their routine. They can be really mad at you.
- Always keep that perspective in mind when communicating with them. If you hate routines, that doesn't mean you can break them or don't respect them.
Step 5. Understand the power of special attraction for them
A special interest is like a passion for people who do not have autism. The difference is, when they are interested in something, they will find it difficult to break away from that attraction. Your friend may have a special interest that he or she likes to share with you. See if his interest also intersects with yours. If so, use that attraction as a tool to get closer to him.
Some autistic individuals have more than one interest at the same time
Step 6. Understand their strengths and uniqueness, and your challenges to getting closer to them
Each autistic individual has their own characteristics; it is important that you understand them as unique individuals.
- Difficulty reading intonation and other people's gestures is one of the characteristics of autistic individuals. Feel free to explain further to avoid misunderstandings.
- Typically, autistic individuals have slightly different body language; they often avoid eye contact with others and perform repetitive gestures to calm themselves. Discover the characteristics of your friends.
- Most of them have sensory problems; Autistic individuals tend to have difficulty digesting loud sounds, or feel irritated and angry when touched without permission.
Step 7. Get rid of the stereotypes of autistic individuals that still dominate your mind
Most people think of autistic individuals as super-intelligent people (such as being able to count the number of toothpicks that fall on the floor in an instant). Such stereotypes are a product of media (especially films) which are baseless and often false.
In fact, it is rare for autistic individuals to be intellectuals at the same time
Part 2 of 2: Behaving Around Autistic Individuals
Step 1. View them not only as autistic individuals, but as ordinary people as well
If you focus solely on their disorder, you may end up treating them like children, forming stereotypes about their behavior, or even introducing them as your 'autistic friend'. On the other hand, refusing to see their shortcomings and not wanting to help them is also not the right attitude. Be balanced; look at their flaws, find out how much you can help, and don't overdo it.
- Do not share their condition with others without their consent.
- If they ask for your help, help as much as you can and don't overdo it (such as constantly promising to help them or giving them pitying looks). They will be very grateful for your kindness and appreciate your understanding.
Step 2. Be clear about how you feel and want
Autistic individuals have difficulty picking up cues or clues; make your point clear. This will help reduce any possible confusion and misunderstanding. In addition, if one of you hurts the other's feelings, the guilty party has the opportunity to learn from his mistake and correct it later on.
- "I'm having trouble at work and I just want to be alone. We'll talk later, okay?"
- "It's so hard to get Jamal out. That's why I was really surprised when he wanted to go out with me! Oh, I can't wait to go on a date with him next Friday. Would you like to help me choose some pretty clothes?"
Step 3. Accept their sometimes odd nature and behavior; no need to try to change it
Autistic individuals tend to move, talk, and interact in out-of-sync rhythms. If this happens to your friend as well, bear in mind that it is a part of him. Learn to accept and understand him if you really really want to be friends with him.
- If they do something that crosses the line (like ruffles your hair or touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable), or just makes you angry, don't hold back on your feelings or yell at them. Be honest about how you feel and explain what kind of behavior is bothering you.
- If suddenly they say they want to change themselves to be more 'normal', help them; Tell them frankly if they do something that looks weird. Explain well without showing superior attitude; Suppose you are trying to explain the quickest route to work to your new driver.
Step 4. Try introducing them to your other friends
If a friend or relative with autism wants to make new friends, they may be interested in hanging out with your friends. Worried that their 'differences' will be so obvious that they end up being ridiculed? Don't assume. You might even be surprised at how well other people respond to them.
Step 5. Watch for signs of stress in them
If signs of stress begin to appear, talk to them to avoid bad things that might happen. If autistic individuals begin to feel depressed, they tend to scream, cry, or even lose the ability to speak. They may have a hard time recognizing these signs, so you need to help them do it; if they start to look restless, ask them to take a break.
- Invite them to calm down in a place away from the crowds and busyness.
- Keep them away from crowds of people.
- Ask for approval before touching them. For example, when you want to take their hand and ask them out, say, “I want to ask you out. May I hold your hand?" Pulling their hand suddenly can frighten them.
- Don't criticize their behavior. Autistic individuals have difficulty controlling themselves, so it is very unwise to constantly criticize their attitudes and behavior; if you feel you can't take it anymore, it's best to leave them for a while.
- Ask them if they want to be hugged tightly. Sometimes a tight, warm hug can help soothe them.
- Let them relax for a while; accompany them or leave them if they want to be alone.
Step 6. Respect their free will and private sphere; ask others to do the same
Basically, treat autistic individuals as you would any other person: don't touch their bodies without permission, don't grab objects they're holding, and watch your attitude and behavior when you're with them. Ironically, there are still many people (including adults) who think that autistic individuals do not need to be treated the same as those who are considered 'normal'.
- If you see someone treating an autistic individual badly, don't hesitate to warn them.
- Raise awareness in your friend who has autism; teach them to be aware if they are being treated badly, and teach them to protect themselves. Autistic individuals, especially those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) tend to find it difficult to do so.
Step 7. Ask how much you can help them
Explore deeper understanding by asking what it's like to live as an autistic individual. If your relationship is close, they will not hesitate to talk and share a lot of useful information that can help you understand them.
- Avoid overly vague questions like, “What is it like to live as an autistic individual?”. They had a hard time digesting such a complex question. You'll find more useful answers to specific questions like, "Do you still get dizzy because the voices in your head are so loud?" or “What can I do for you if you are under a lot of stress?”.
- Make sure you talk to them in a place away from crowds; don't get other people's attention on them. Speak carefully in a clear voice; Don't let them misunderstand and think you're teasing them.
Step 8. Try not to be distracted by their body movements
Repetitively moving their bodies in random motions is their way of staying calm and regulating their emotions. For example, if they're giggling or banging their hands in the air when they see you, it's a sign that they really like you. Always remember that these seemingly careless gestures often help them express themselves. As long as the gestures don't actually intrude or violate your privacy, learn to accept them. Whenever you feel irritated, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Some repetitive movements that are often performed by autistic individuals are:
- Busy alone with certain objects.
- Constantly moving their bodies.
- Constantly moving your hand or hitting it in the air.
- Bouncing his body.
- Shaking his head or even banging him against the wall.
- Talk, shout, or cry in a high pitched tone.
- Constantly touching something textured, like hair.
Step 9. Make it clear that you accept their existence
Autistic individuals often receive criticism from family, friends, therapists, and even strangers, simply because their behavior is different. Trust me, giving them the same treatment will only make their lives more difficult. Show your acceptance through words and deeds; remind them that being different is not a crime. Whatever they are, you want to accept them as they are.
Tips
- Communicate regularly with them via email, SMS, or other messaging apps. Some autistic individuals find it easier to express themselves in cyberspace than in the real world.
- Avoid exaggerating or overreacting to autistic individual differences. Don't be busy seeking attention or declaring that you are a wingless angel because you can tolerate their attitude and behavior. Autistic individuals know that they are different. Constantly bringing up or discussing their differences will only hurt them and make them feel less confident.
- Remember, each autistic individual has its own uniqueness. There is no one approach that can work optimally for all cases. Get to know them more deeply, you will surely find the best approach to interact with them.
- Your friend with autism may take longer to 'come out of her shell'; maybe they won't do it forever. Don't force them, let them move at the rhythm they are most comfortable with.
- Treat autistic individuals as you would anyone else; they deserve the same attention and respect.
- Instead of thinking of autism as a deficiency, try to analogize autistic individuals as people from a 'different' culture. Assume they are experiencing a 'culture shock' and try to interact with you. As a result, it is not uncommon for them to feel troubled, confused, or lost. Your job is to help them, not leave them in the dark.
- Today, there are three terms commonly used for people with autism: people with autism, people with autism, and individuals with autism. So which is the most appropriate name? Autism is categorized as a developmental disorder, not a disease. So it seems unwise to use the term 'sufferer' or 'person'; as if they were suffering from a disease that needed to be 'cured'. Therefore, it is better for us to use the term 'autistic individual' which refers to the differences and unique characteristics of each individual. If you are still in doubt, it's better to ask them what name they are most comfortable with.
Warning
- Never call them 'living burdens', 'brainless people', or 'handicapped people'. Most autistic individuals grow up with these accusations; hearing it again from their friends would only further lower their self-esteem.
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Don't insult or make fun of them, even if your tendencies are purely joking. Most autistic individuals are too often made the object of ridicule by people who claim to be 'joking'. As a result, they tend to fortify themselves and have a hard time understanding what you mean.
Autistic individuals tend to 'swallow' and understand whatever they hear wholeheartedly
