Autism, known medically as Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD, is sometimes also known as Asperger's Syndrome or PDD-NOS. This disorder has a different impact on each person. Some people with autism face more challenges in romantic relationships, while others withdraw altogether. If you are in a relationship with someone who is autistic, you may be confused about how to properly handle some of the things you are already dealing with. Then, you can start looking for ways to improve the quality of your communication with your boyfriend, such as anticipating social challenges, accepting repetitive behaviors, staying calm when upset, and listening when your boyfriend wants to talk.
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Part 1 of 3: Understanding Your Boyfriend Better
Step 1. Learn more about autism
By enriching your insight into the conditions and challenges that your boyfriend may experience, you will better understand the conditions he faces on a daily basis. This knowledge may help you to be more patient, find better ways to communicate with him, and even improve the quality of your relationship.
- Read the general definition of autism.
- Focus on books and articles written by autistic people because they experience the life of an autistic person firsthand.
- Be careful when choosing reading sources. Some autism groups claim that they speak on behalf of autistic people, even though they work hard to silence autistic people.
Step 2. Be aware of communication challenges
Autistic people generally have trouble communicating as well as non-autistic people. Some forms of expression may be too full of meaning and difficult to understand and respond to. It might lead to misunderstandings and problems in the relationship. To avoid such problems, try to be as straightforward as possible when talking to your boyfriend.
- For example, suppose you say, "Gina texted me earlier." You might expect him to reply, "What text?" However, your boyfriend may not understand what you mean because you didn't ask him anything. Instead, it might be better to ask, "Do you want to know what Gina texted today?" or just convey the words of your friend.
- Everyone who is autistic is different. You will have to learn and adapt as you get to know your boyfriend better.
Step 3. Anticipate social challenges
Social situations that are fun or easy for you may be difficult for your boyfriend to deal with and stress him out. The hubbub and clutter of some social situations may cause your boyfriend to feel uneasy and have trouble concentrating on what someone is saying. Your boyfriend may also have a hard time introducing himself or making small talk.
- Try writing a letter to your boyfriend about his role in a social event. Use clear language and discuss issues one by one. For example, you could write a letter that focuses on why you want him to attend the party with you.
- Cooperate in making social situations more comfortable for him. Maybe he can handle the party if he can get out of the party buzz once every half hour or if you set a time when you guys can get home early so he knows he doesn't need to be at the party any longer.
Step 4. Discuss physical challenges
Some autistic people don't like to be touched or don't know when to give physical affection. Therefore, your boyfriend may not know when you want to be hugged by him or he may not like it when you touch him suddenly. Discuss these kinds of things with him so you can have a better physical relationship.
For example, after something upsetting has happened, you might say, “I'm really pissed off right now. Can you hug? I'll be fine after being hugged."
Step 5. Accept repeated behavior
Some people with autism may have routines that help them feel better. If this routine is disturbed, they may feel restless and irritated. Try to understand the routines your boyfriend has that help him feel more comfortable. Do your best to avoid interrupting the routine.
- For example, if your boyfriend runs every 7 pm, respect the time and don't stop him from doing his normal routine.
- Self-stimulation such as flapping your hands or paying attention to light is a common symptom of autism. Consider such actions important, even if you don't understand why your boyfriend is doing them.
Step 6. Ask your boyfriend's needs
Everyone who is autistic is different. Your boyfriend may have some very specific challenges that other autistic people don't face. Try asking some questions to understand her challenges and preferences better. This will help you pay more attention to their needs.
- For example, you could say something like, “I want to know what's bothering you so I can pay more attention. What do you think is the problem with autism?"
- Make sure you ask about their personal limits on touch. For example, does he bother being hugged? Do you have to tell him first if you want to hug him?
Step 7. Be aware of comorbidities
Autistic people may suffer from anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses. People with disabilities, especially those with problems processing emotions and communication (including autistic people) are more at risk of sexual violence than those who care for them in a variety of roles. or others, and this can lead to post-traumatic disorders. You must be sensitive and support your boyfriend in the face of challenges.
If he is receiving harsh treatment, he may not want to share the details with you. The best way to help her is to respect her desire not to reveal details of what happened and gently offer to take her to the doctor (without forcing her) if she's very stressed
Step 8. Get rid of stereotypes
There are many stereotypes about autism, such as autistic people being unable to feel love or emotions, but they are not true. Autistic people have a variety of emotions like other people. However, they express it in a different way.
- Support the autistic person by pointing out how wrong the assumptions about the autistic person's condition are when you are dealing with the condition. Try saying something like, "I know that… that's considered autistic, but actually…."
- Recent research has even shown that autistic people may have deeper and more intense emotional capacities than ordinary people.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with Differences in Communicating
Step 1. Be prepared to get honest answers
Sometimes people who care about each other will lie for good or cover the truth with sweet words out of consideration for their partner's feelings. Autistic people may not do these things. Instead, you may get a very honest answer from your boyfriend. These answers are not meant to offend you, but that's how your boyfriend communicates.
- For example, if you ask, "Am I pretty without a yellow top?" You might expect him to say, "Yes." However, autistic people will respond with a "no" if they don't think you're beautiful. Therefore, you may want to avoid asking questions whose answers might upset or upset you.
- Remember that honesty is your boyfriend's way of helping you.
Step 2. Answer the question
Since some autistic people have a hard time understanding sarcasm or other nonliteral communication, you may have to deal with situations where your boyfriend or girlfriend asks you a variety of questions. Don't be upset if that happens. Remember that he's asking because he cares and wants to understand you.
Step 3. Share your feelings
Remember that gestures and other nonverbal communication may be difficult for autistic people to understand. Instead of trying to communicate with your boyfriend using nonverbal communication, share your feelings and thoughts. By conveying your feelings or thoughts, instead of trying to get your boyfriend to guess, you may avoid an uncomfortable situation or even an argument.
- For example, when a non-autistic person like you avoids looking someone in the eye, it's generally a form of disinterest or annoyance. However, for people with autism, avoiding looking someone in the eye is common and is generally not a sign of anything. It can be helpful to say, "I'm really stressed out today," or, "I've had a really bad day."
- If he does something that annoys you, tell him. Giving hints or staying silent and then getting angry at him won't help. Be straightforward so he can understand and make changes. For example, “Please don't eat while tasting. His voice is so annoying."
Step 4. Share your expectations with your boyfriend about how he will respond to you
Some autistic people are unsure of how to respond to certain situations. However, you can help your boyfriend understand your needs and your expectations of him regarding his response in these situations.
For example, imagine that you are upset and when you tell your boyfriend about your day at work, he tries to give you advice about your work. Just say something like, "I'm grateful you wanted to help me, but I really need you to listen when I tell you about my day."
Part 3 of 3: Working Together
Step 1. Be open to taking the initiative more often
Autistic people sometimes have trouble taking the initiative or don't know what to do, and are unsure whether their actions are appropriate or not. You can make things easier by starting the things you want to happen, whether it's flirting or kissing.
Step 2. Talk to him before discussing his autism with others
Some people with autism are quite open about their shortcomings, while others prefer to share their condition with only a few people. Talk to him about how he feels about his medical diagnosis and who he thinks you can talk to.
Step 3. Handle disagreements as calmly as possible
Discuss your feelings and thoughts with your boyfriend in a calm and straightforward manner. While you have every right to feel angry or hurt, a calm and direct approach will be more effective than an emotional reaction. Getting emotional can leave your boyfriend confused about why you're upset.
- Avoid making him-focused statements such as, “You never,” “You aren't,” “You should,” etc.
- Instead, make statements that focus on you like, “I think,” “I think,” “I would,” etc. It's a useful approach that works for everyone (not just autistic people).
Step 4. Listen to your boyfriend
To understand your boyfriend's point of view, you have to listen and make your girlfriend feel like she's been heard. Make sure you take the time to stop and listen to your boyfriend when he's talking. Don't chime in when he's talking. Just listen and try to understand what he's saying before responding.
Step 5. Acknowledge your boyfriend's feelings
Acknowledging the other person's feelings or concerns means that you don't take them for granted. Even if you feel like your boyfriend's views aren't perfect, you need to accept what he's saying to keep the lines of communication open in your relationship.
- Understand first before responding. If you don't understand why when he feels something, ask him, and listen carefully to his response.
- For example, instead of responding with, "Why are you angry about what happened last night?" Say, "I know why you're angry about what happened last night."
Step 6. Support her self-esteem
Autistic people generally have problems with their self-esteem because they may be referred to as a burden due to their autism or their unusual behavior. Offer him support and reassurance, especially during his toughest days.
Encourage him to get help if he shows signs of depression or is contemplating suicide
Step 7. Accept him as he is
Autism is a part of your boyfriend's experience, personality, and life. That won't change. Love him for who he is, including the autism he has.
