Have you recently been annoyed with your partner's emotions and behavior that are becoming increasingly difficult to understand? Before making assumptions, ask yourself this line of questions: is your partner in the 40-50 age range? If so, it could be that they are experiencing a midlife crisis. This article describes the three main signs of a midlife crisis in men, namely emotional changes (sudden irritability or aloofness), behavioral changes (doing extreme activities), and appearance changes (changes in dressing style, hairstyle, even doing activities). plastic Surgery). It is undeniable, the midlife crisis in men not only affects himself, but also affects his life partner. For the sake of your sanity and the longevity of your relationship with your partner, this article also explains various powerful and effective ways to deal with the midlife crisis that occurs.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Recognizing Emotional Changes
Step 1. Realize if your partner is in a bad mood
Those who experience a midlife crisis tend to feel sad and depressed for a long time. The key word here is “a long time” – mood swings are normal. But for those who are experiencing a midlife crisis, depression is not something that just goes by. They feel it every day, over a long period of time, and for no apparent reason.
According to experts in the field of mental health, the above symptoms cannot be concluded as a midlife crisis if they have not lasted for 6 months or more. As explained earlier, this kind of attitude usually appears for no apparent reason. So, the above symptoms cannot be interpreted as a midlife crisis if your partner is suffering from depression or his mood changes after experiencing a traumatic event
Step 2. Observe her temperament
A man going through a midlife crisis tends to be more irritable over small things. This anger appears suddenly, without any sign, and usually affects those closest to him. If your partner, who is usually good at controlling emotions, suddenly becomes very grumpy, it could be that he or she is going through a midlife crisis.
Remember, anger that only appears occasionally cannot be immediately concluded as a symptom of a midlife crisis. Like women, men's emotions are sometimes triggered by the influence of hormones. You just need to be alert if these symptoms have controlled your partner for months
Step 3. Ask your partner if he or she feels isolated
Those who experience a midlife crisis tend to show symptoms of depression: feeling alienated from the world around them, losing interest in things that were once their hobbies, and unknowingly withdrawing from those closest to them. This kind of attitude may or may not be obvious; Did you know that men are also good at hiding their inner conflicts?
If you have any doubts, discuss the topic with him. Let them know that you have noticed a change in their attitude. Ask him, did he notice it too? Does he know the reason behind the change in attitude?
Step 4. Ask your partner if the idea of death crosses his or her mind
Men who experience a midlife crisis often think about the meaning of their existence in the world. They constantly think about death and examine how meaningful (or meaningless) the life they are living is. Did this kind of topic ever come up in your conversations with him? Have you noticed the emergence of a “nothing else really matters” mentality in your partner? If so, it could be that the midlife crisis in the couple has entered its worst phase.
This is the essence of the midlife crisis. You arrive at the halfway point of your life, realize that you are halfway through your life, and look back on what you have and have not accomplished. Midlife crisis usually occurs when a person feels that they have not lived life to the fullest and still have minimal achievements at an age that is no longer young. Dissatisfaction and regret is what triggers the inner conflict within them
Step 5. Talk about his spiritual state
Men who were once deeply religious can change drastically during a midlife crisis. They will begin to question many things, including beliefs that were previously unshakable by anything.
It could be that the opposite happened. Those who previously didn't really care about the spiritual realm would begin to explore the realm for the first time. They may be moved to join a new cult or become active again in their old religious group
Step 6. Identify your relationship with your partner, listen to your heart and use your common sense
Does he look really disappointed? Is your relationship with your partner so close, both emotionally and physically? Are you and your partner so rarely communicate, rarely travel together, rarely have sex, which unwittingly stretches your relationship with your partner? Indeed, the mastermind is not necessarily a mid-life crisis. But if other signs are also visible, it's very likely that you are the cause. However, these situations will pass if you are willing to accompany your partner through them.
Don't take it to heart if your partner does or says things they shouldn't. Remember, it's not you who changes his behavior or emotions! If your partner's behavior changes, it doesn't mean his love for you has decreased. It wasn't you who made him unhappy; he was just having an inner war that made him question everything
Part 2 of 4: Recognizing Changes in Appearance
Step 1. Observe the change in body weight in the partner
The weight of those who experience a midlife crisis tends to increase or decrease drastically. Automatically, this change will be followed by changes in diet and exercise patterns.
Some men will suddenly turn into lazy and like to eat junk food in excess. On the other hand, there are also those who suddenly have no desire to eat anything, go on a strict diet, or exercise crazily to lose weight. The first and second cases are both bad for health
Step 2. Observe if your partner begins to obsess over his appearance
Did you know that the appearance of a gray hair can trigger a midlife crisis in men? If they realize that they are getting older and feel disturbed by this fact, even silly steps they are willing to take to look younger, starting from using various anti-aging creams to doing plastic surgery.
This kind of behavior is usually followed by a change in style of dress. Don't be surprised if one day your husband shows up in the dining room wearing your third child's clothes. Very embarrassing, indeed. But at least this is better than doing plastic surgery, right?
Step 3. Be aware that your partner may no longer recognize his reflection in the mirror
Most men going through a midlife crisis don't recognize the figure they see in the mirror. In their minds, their figures were still 25 years old, complemented by thick black hair and firm skin that was not covered with age spots. Imagine how they would feel when one day they woke up and realized things were no longer the same?
How would it feel if you woke up one morning feeling 20 years older than the day before? Terrible, isn't it? That's how your partner feels. He must begin to face the fact that he is no longer young and half of his life has passed
Part 3 of 4: Recognizing Behavior Changes
Step 1. Observe if your partner is acting more carelessly than usual
At that age, your partner suddenly likes speeding, doing various risky activities, and even regularly visiting nightclubs. This kind of impulsive and childish behavior is actually his attempt to prove that he is still young at heart and able to enjoy life like a normal teenager. It's also possible that he wants to avoid regrets due to time passing too fast.
- Sometimes, men going through a midlife crisis are obsessed with freedom and independence like teenagers – the difference is, teenagers haven't started a family yet so they only need to think about themselves. Men like this often want an adventure even though they don't know where to start; and usually they do not take into account the impact on their respective families.
- This kind of reckless behavior can turn into irresponsible actions such as "running away" for a moment from the life they are living. Men who experience a midlife crisis tend to feel bored with their lifestyle, so they are willing to leave all responsibilities in order to experience something new and be able to increase adrenaline.
Step 2. Watch for changes in your partner's work pattern
Those who experience a midlife crisis often think about leaving their jobs, drastically changing their professions, or even reluctant to work again forever. Beware, the impact of the midlife crisis is very broad, starting from himself, his relationship with his partner and family, to the continuity of his career.
There are times when they think that the people around them and their current career do not support their vision of life in the future. When they realize that, they will automatically make various changes, including even drastic ones such as changing their profession
Step 3. Be aware of the possibility of your partner seeking additional sexual pleasure
Unfortunately, most men going through a midlife crisis are "running away" to women other than their legal partners (or at least, they plan to do so). They often show seductive body language to other women – their younger co-workers, their daughter's gymnastics coach, a foreign woman they meet in a cafe – even though they know such behavior is unacceptable, they do it anyway for extra sexual pleasure.
Some men are more comfortable seeking sexual pleasure behind their personal computer or laptop. They can spend hours (even days!) in front of the computer just to communicate online with strangers
Step 4. Pay attention to your partner's bad habits
Men who experience a midlife crisis tend to spend most of their time drinking alcohol. Suddenly they turn into men who love to drink, both with friends and alone. Another possibility, they could start experimenting with various drugs. Both are bad for health, so make sure you keep your partner out of these possibilities.
If he seems to be starting to harm himself, don't hesitate to take action. No matter how far he stretches, come close to him. Embrace your partner, because this time what is at stake is his health and life. If necessary, you can contact a therapist or psychologist to help you deal with the problem
Step 5. Observe the financial movement
Men who are experiencing a midlife crisis tend to spend their money on unnecessary things. They are willing to spend a lot of money on things that previously did not interest them, such as exchanging family cars for sports cars, buying various products shown on television, buying new clothes, even buying mountain bikes even though they don't like cycling.
This kind of behavior can have both positive and negative impacts. The negative impact that tends to be useless is when they are willing to spend billions of rupiah to decorate the interior of their car. A more positive impact will be felt if they spend the same amount of money to buy a set of sports equipment that they can enjoy with their families
Step 6. Realize that they can make decisions that will change their lives forever
Their rebellious attitude makes them more vulnerable to temptations that can destroy their lives forever, such as:
- having an affair
- Leaving his family
- Trying to kill myself
- Looking for new activities that are too extreme
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Getting drunk, using drugs, and gambling
The behaviors above are rooted in their dissatisfaction with the life they are living. They then do drastic things to create a new life without thinking about the impact on themselves and those closest to them. In many cases, the mindset of these people is very difficult to change
Part 4 of 4: Dealing with the Emerging Crisis
Step 1. Take good care of yourself
Make this your top priority. Remember, it's not just your partner who is going through difficult times. As the closest person, you must also feel that life is turning 180° and is no longer easy to live. Therefore, take good care of yourself and enjoy your life. Really, it's the best thing you can do in the midst of a crisis that lies ahead.
No need to be too sad if your partner now prefers to spend time playing poker with your child's friends. If he can have fun, why can't you? Pursue your happiness! Take advantage of the free time you have to do various fun activities. This is the best thing you can do for yourself as well as for your partner
Step 2. Know that if done separately and only happen at certain moments, these things are not dangerous
Your partner wants to do plastic surgery? Or suddenly having an affair? Things like that could be a natural turmoil that often approaches middle-aged men. But if various behavioral changes (which tend to be inappropriate) overwhelm your partner over a long period of time, he or she may be experiencing a midlife crisis.
Some signs such as feeling isolated, fond of anger, or often thinking about the meaning of life, can also be symptoms of mental illness. If these symptoms seem to affect your partner's mental state (not their behavior), consider seeing a counselor, psychologist, or mental health professional
Step 3. Pay attention to the time span
Has your partner lost interest in their hobbies? Or his anger exploded in certain situations? If these behaviors don't change his personality and only occur at certain times, you can't indicate them as symptoms of a midlife crisis. Small changes are a natural thing experienced by people who are growing up. You should be wary if these changes are constant for 6 months or more.
Try to return yourself to the early days of the crisis. In many cases, there is always one or two things that trigger. Whether it's something as simple as finding a gray hair, or the traumatic experience of losing a loved one. If you can remember a conversation or moment that was associated with a change in your partner's behavior, that could be the trigger
Step 4. Reassure your partner that you will always be there for them
Going through times of crisis is very difficult for men; they no longer know who they are and what they really want. Be his interlocutor and listen to his complaints. Don't yell, berate, or accuse and demand change. Just show your partner that you are aware of the changes and that you are ready to help them through these difficult times. Remember, you are there to support him, not to hinder his efforts to regain his happiness.
If he's willing to open up to you, try to understand his mental performance and the way he views his life at the time. This will help you set expectations for him and for your relationship. Every crisis requires a different approach. To find a solution, you first need to know the root of the problem. Changes can occur in his appearance, his work, his relationships with the people around him, or his hobbies. Talking to him can help you predict – or at least not be surprised by – his behavior
Step 5. Make room for your partner
Even though it's hard, in the end you need to let your partner do whatever makes him feel comfortable. Chances are you won't be involved in his new interest. But not to worry! Give him the space and distance he needs, your relationship will definitely go better in the future.
In addition to physical distance, chances are your partner also needs emotional distance. If he doesn't want to discuss anything with you, don't force him to talk. Although at first you will feel uneasy about it, but believe me, your sacrifice will be useful to suppress prolonged conflicts in the future
Step 6. Know that you are not alone
26% or 1 in 4 people in this world are struggling to face the midlife crisis, both as perpetrators and as people closest to the perpetrators. You may even know most of them. If things start to feel overwhelming, don't hesitate to take advantage of all the help available around you.
There are quite a number of books and internet sites worth reading. You will be made aware that every relationship needs a break. There are times when you need to stop wasting time and energy on someone else's life, even if that person spends half their life by your side. After that, you need to evaluate the best course of action you can take, whether that's keeping or leaving your relationship. Remember, it's not just your partner who is the victim in this kind of situation. You too are affected, so there is no harm in considering all possibilities
Tips
- If your partner seems defensive and doesn't want to acknowledge the changes, try talking about it with family or close friends.
- If your partner begins to engage in unhealthy and dangerous activities, consult his personal doctor.
