All parents want to protect their child from predators, how can you protect your child if you don't know how to recognize him? Anyone can be a child molester or pedophile, so identifying them can sometimes be difficult – especially since most child molesters or pedophiles are initially trusted by abused children. Keep reading to learn what behaviors and traits to look out for, what situations to avoid, and how to deter child molesters from targeting your child. But remember, Not all pedophiles are child molesters, and having thoughts about children is not the same as taking action.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Knowing the Profile of a Child molester
Step 1. Understand that any adult can be a child molester
There are no common physical characteristics, professions, or personality types that all child molesters share. Child molesters can be of any gender or nationality, and their religious affiliations, occupations and hobbies vary as much as anyone. A child molester can appear charming, affectionate, and very kind while possessing predatory thoughts that she is good at hiding. This means you should never ignore the possibility that someone could be an uncontrollable child molester.
Step 2. Know that most child molesters are known to the child they abuse
Thirty percent of children who have been sexually abused are abused by family members, and 60 percent are abused by adults they know but are not family members. This means that only 10 percent of sexually abused children are targeted by foreigners.
- In most cases, the child molester turns out to be someone the child knows at school or other activities, such as a neighbor, coach, church member, music instructor, or caregiver.
- Family members such as mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, stepparents, and so on can also be sexual predators.
Step 3. Know the common characteristics of a child molester
While anyone can be a child molester, most child molesters are male, whether the victim is male or female. Many sexual predators have a history of abuse in their own past, either physical or sexual.
- Some also have a mental illness, such as a mental illness or personality disorder.
- Heterosexual and homosexual men can both be child molesters. The idea that homosexual men are more likely to be child molesters is a myth.
- Female child molesters usually abuse boys more than girls.
Step 4. Pay attention to common behaviors exhibited by child molesters
Paedophile child molesters usually don't show the same attraction to adults as they do to children. They may have jobs that allow them to be around children of a certain age, or devise other ways to spend time with young children by playing the role of coach, caregiver or neighbor trying to help.
- Child molesters usually talk about or treat young children like adults. They may think of children as adults or lovers.
- Paedophile child molesters often say they love all children or feel like they are kids.
Step 5. Look for the "grooming" sign
The word “grooming” refers to the process a child molester goes through to gain the trust of a young child, and sometimes the trust of a parent as well. In months or even years, a child molester will become increasingly a trusted family friend, offering care, taking the child shopping or walks, or spending time with the child in other ways. Most child molesters will not start abusing someone until they have earned their trust. Some may use the opinions of others around them to support their self-confidence to take their children shopping.
- Child molesters seek out vulnerable children in their tactics because they lack emotional support or are not getting enough attention at home or will try to reassure parents that their child is safe with them and they are not going far. A child molester will try to be a “parent” figure for the child.
- Some child molesters prey on children of single parents who are unable to provide supervision or convince parents that they are a good person to supervise without it.
- A child molester will often use many games, tricks, activities and language to gain trust and/or deceive a child. These include: keeping secrets (secrets are very valuable to most young children, considered something "adult" and a source of power), sexually explicit play, fondling, kissing, touching, sexual behavior, exposing children to pornographic material, coercion, bribery, praise, and – at worst – compassion and love. Be aware this tactic is commonly used to alienate and confuse your child.
Method 2 of 2: Protecting Your Child from Predators
Step 1. Find out if there are pedophiles living in your neighborhood
You can use the US Department of Justice's National Sex Offender Database (at www.nsopw.gov/en-US) to find out if any sex offenders live in your area. You just enter the zip code and do a search, then you'll be able to see where the child molesters might live.
- You can also do an individual name search to see if a particular person is a sex offender.
- It's good to be aware of possible predators, but be aware that taking action against a sex offender is against the law if he has already served his sentence.
Step 2. Supervise your child's extracurricular activities
Involving as much as possible in your child's life is the best way to protect him from child molesters. They will look for a child who is vulnerable and does not get much attention from his parents or will convince parents that he is not a danger to his child. Come to games, rehearsals and rehearsals, accompany them on excursions and trips, and spend time getting to know the adults in your child's life. Show that you are an involved and always there parent.
- If you can't accompany you on a trip or outing, make sure there are at least two adults you know well who will be accompanying you.
- Don't leave your child alone with an adult you don't know well. Even family can be a threat. The key is to always be there as often as possible.
Step 3. Install a hidden camera if you hire a nanny
There are times when you can't supervise, so use other equipment to make sure your child is safe. Install hidden cameras in your home so that indecent activity can be detected. No matter if you really feel like you know someone, you need to be aware of your child's safety.
Step 4. Teach your child about online safety
Make sure your child knows that predators often act like children or teenagers to lure kids online. Supervise your child's internet use, make rules to limit their "chat" time. Have regular discussions with your child about whose friends they communicate with online.
- Make sure your child knows never to send pictures to someone they know online, or meet someone they communicate with online.
- Be aware that young children can sometimes be secretive about their online behavior, especially if they are encouraged by others to keep secrets, so you need to be careful about staying involved with your child's online activities.
Step 5. Make sure your child feels emotionally supported
- The child molester will ask the child to keep a secret from his parents.
- Make sure your child understands that if someone asks him to keep a secret from you it's not because the child will be scolded, but because the person asking him to keep it a secret knows that what he's doing is wrong.
- Because young children who don't get attention are very vulnerable to predators, make sure you spend a lot of time with your child and that they feel supported. Take time to talk to your child every day and try to build an open and trusting relationship.
- Express interest in all of your child's activities, including schoolwork, extracurriculars, hobbies, and other interests.
- Make sure your child knows he can tell you anything, and that you're always willing to talk.
Step 6. Teach your child to recognize inappropriate touching
Most parents use the “good touch, bad touch, secret touch” method. This means teaching your child that there are some appropriate touches, such as a pat on the back or a high five; there are some unwanted or “bad” touches, such as punches or kicks; and there is also a secret touch, which is a touch that the child is asked to keep secret. Use this method or another to teach your child that some touch is not good, and if this happens, he should tell you right away.
- Teach your child that no one is allowed to touch them in private areas. Many parents define a private area as an area that should be covered by a swimsuit. Children should also know that adults should not ask children to touch other people's private areas or theirs.
- Have your child say “no” and walk away if someone tries to touch him or his private areas.
- Ask your child to come to you immediately if someone touches him the wrong way.
Step 7. Identify if there is something strange with your child
If you notice your child is behaving differently, pursue the problem to find out what's going on. Regularly asking your child about the day, including asking if any “good,” “bad,” or “secret” touches occurred that day, will help to open the lines of communication. Never ignore it if your child says he was touched inappropriately or doesn't trust an adult. Trust your child first.
- Never ignore your child's accusations because the adult in question is a valued person in society or is unlikely to do so. That's exactly what child molesters want.
- Remember that the most important thing you can do to protect your child is to take care of him. Think about his needs and wants, talk to him, and basically, be the best parent you can be. The thing to remember: If you don't pay attention to your child, someone else will.
Warning
- Clarification of terms: A pedophile is someone who is primarily attracted to preteens (a common mistake in the media is to define a pedophile as anyone who is attracted to someone under the age of majority, extending the definition to being attracted to teenagers, which is a mistake). A hebephil is someone who is primarily interested in young to mid-teens, and an ephebophile is someone who is attracted to mid-to-adult teenagers. A child molester is certainly anyone who abuses a child, regardless of sexual interests or preferences.
- Remember, if a child looks isolated or sad, it will make him a very easy target for predators. Ask about your child's school life, find out who his friends are. If he doesn't have friends, try to change that. Having more people who support him emotionally is very important and in many cases can save his life if you happen to be absent.
- One should know that no matter how the media and other channels misinterpret it, there is a difference between the terms “pedophile” and “child molester”. Not all pedophiles are active child molesters. Likewise, not all child molesters are pedophiles. There is usually an ulterior motive in criminal behavior, and some are situational abusers. Contrary to popular belief, most pedophiles are just as afraid of his attraction as people are who resent him.
- This doesn't mean one has to have sympathy for child molesters; on the contrary, it simply means that we should always pay attention to society's failures and try to correct them whenever possible by paying attention to our children and opening the ropes of communication and trust.
- Due to rampant misinformation issues as well as media coverage associated with cases like former Penn State soccer coach Jerry Sandusky, people with such interests are sometimes afraid to go out and ask for help with their illness. Likewise, therapists are not always objective, so some pedophiles become desperate because they can't get the help they need. This recklessness will later become action.
