Everyone has experienced change at some point in their life. Change can occur consciously or unconsciously. If you've decided to change completely, you can do so by re-examining your habits, principles, and appearance. Total change is not an easy process, but it is still possible to do.
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Method 1 of 3: Changing Habits
Step 1. Decide on the things you want to change
If you want to change completely, think back to the habits you do every day. What habits would you like to change? Developing new habits means giving up old habits. For example, if you want to be more flexible with your friends but have been too shy and rarely move outside of your usual routine, you might want to consider developing new habits that involve relationships with other people.
- If you're usually anxious and timid, think about whether your habits have influenced your fears. Many people claim that staying away from social media for a while will increase their levels of happiness.
- Start small. It's easier to make small changes than big ones.
Step 2. Prioritize the things you want to change
If you want to be healthier, make habit changes that bring multiple benefits at once. For example, to become healthier, one of the good changes is to stop smoking. This will help you live healthier, exercise more easily, and keep expenses down.
- You can also replace bad habits with good habits. If you find yourself starting to get into a bad habit, whatever it is, consider something better that you can do.
- Consider the personality you want in yourself, and think about all the habits that a person with this type of personality would assume. What habit changes were easiest for you to make? This easy change will be a good starting point.
- The main rule is to remember that you have to start with the habits that are easiest to change or the habits that have the most negative impact. Set yourself the starting point you choose.
Step 3. Use certain reminders to trigger your new habit
No matter how well-intentioned you are, your motivation and memory alone will not succeed in creating lasting change. Good reminders don't rely on personal motivation or memory in your brain, but make use of good habits that have been in place for a long time. So, if you want to improve the condition of your skin by using a facial moisturizer every night, do this as soon as you finish washing your face, which is a good habit that you have to do every night. In a short time, the act of washing your face will "trigger" the next action, which is using a facial moisturizer.
Step 4. Repeat your new habit as often as possible
Learning and adopting new habits takes a long time, which usually takes 15-254 days. Repetition is an important key to making new habits settle. Even though you may feel hopeless, keep going. If you're having too much trouble, consider a new, easier way of triggering this new habit.
Step 5. Think of changing habits as a process that needs to be done on a day-to-day basis
While you may want to change a bad habit forever, there's no point in imagining a process that's too long and arduous. This will actually feel too heavy and haunt you. Instead, try to imagine that you will change the habit "just today" without worrying about the next day. If even a day feels too long, just imagine the change in an hour. If even an hour feels too long, try to stop the bad habit for just ten minutes. Thinking about the change process on a day-to-day basis helps you to more easily manage it and not feel too overwhelmed.
- If you're starting a new habit, try to do it at the same time every day. If this new habit has become part of your daily routine, it will be easier for you to remember it. For example, maybe you want to take a ten-minute walk every day after dinner, or visit your elderly neighbor every Sunday afternoon.
- Remind yourself that you don't need to stick to this new habit forever, but just one day is enough. Then, the next day, focus on the new habit again "that day," and so on.
Step 6. Just relax
Remember that you don't have to change everything about yourself all at once. Feeling like a failure is a belief that limits you, and you better get rid of this kind of belief! Instead, when making changes, focus on the things you did well. Be patient with yourself, and believe that change will happen over time.
- If you make a mistake and fall back into old habits, don't stress. Just start the change again the next day.
- When you learn a new pattern of behavior, you don't have to "stick" old habits or past mistakes to who you are. However, keep your attention focused on the personality you want and are working on.
Step 7. Use the easy way
If you find this habit change too difficult, consider whether you can break it up into smaller sections. For example, if you're trying to be a kinder person, start by letting someone else take your parking area, or holding the door when the person behind you is about to pass. You don't have to quit your job and open a free soup kitchen to be a nice person.
- Becoming a kinder person is a big goal that can be broken down into smaller steps. All you have to do is choose one of those steps.
- If you want to learn a new skill, start by focusing on it for 10-30 minutes each day. Do this every day.
Step 8. Make a commitment to the other person
Enlisting the help of others in the personal change process is one of the most practical steps you can take. This person can be a close friend or anyone, the important thing is that they are willing to be your accountability partner. This person must be willing to check the operation of the system that you have agreed to do, and be serious about this role.
- Many people claim that daily reporting is the most useful form of accountability. Reporting on the implementation of commitments every day is one way to maintain a daily routine as well.
- It's also possible that this person can use this commitment as a way of taking responsibility for something else for himself. Having an accountability partner who is ready to change in his life will also be an excellent morale booster for you.
- If you know another person who is also trying to make a big change in their life, you can form a joint responsibility group. Being part of such a group provides support and encouragement in the change process you are working on.
- Other people will notice changes in your life too, before you know it yourself. Sometimes, radical change is easier to see from the outside than from oneself.
Step 9. Implement a system of consequences and rewards
Working with other people also means that other people know your successes and failures. This creates a system of consequences in the form of social motivation. If you are doing this process alone, or if you want to implement a more tangible form of consequence, implement a reward system to encourage yourself. You can also add negative consequences, to prevent yourself from slacking off in the process of doing something new.
- An example of a positive consequence is to calculate how much you spent on cigarettes over a period of time, and then buy something for yourself with that amount of money.
- The form of prizes applied can be very simple, such as shouting out loud, "Win!" each time you successfully complete a new habit.
- A negative consequence, for example, is doing household chores that you really don't like every time you allow yourself to do old habits that need to be changed. For example, if you're trying to stop gossiping and find yourself busy sharing the latest news about other people with your friends at work, you'll have to scrub the bathroom and toilet for an hour as a consequence.
Step 10. Be patient
Realize that complete change is a process that can take a very long time. You may be changing in things that you are not aware of yourself, even though the habits that are the focus of your change are very real and clear.
- Remember the old saying, "Little by little, gradually becomes a hill." While it may not be visible yet, every "little" of those contributes to your growing "hill" of change.
- Do not give up! The only thing that keeps you from changing is if you don't intend to change yourself. Always keep this in mind, and while following each of the guidelines above, know that change will happen if you keep trying.
Method 2 of 3: Changing Personality
Step 1. Believe that change is possible
The first requirement for change in your personality is to believe that you can change. If you don't have this belief, your personality will remain the same. No matter what situation you're in, believing that you can change is the single major contributor to your success at changing your personality.
- Most people are raised with the belief that character or personality is a constant. Current research proves this to be wrong.
- If you don't believe you can change, think about why. Consider the benefits of the undeveloped side of your personality. If there are fears that are holding you back from believing that you can change, admit them and face them.
Step 2. Choose a particular side of your personality that you want to change
Study the "Five Major Personality Factors" that psychologists agree on as the building blocks of human personality traits. You can use this guide to begin to understand the things you want to change. As soon as you find a common trait that you want to change, start thinking about simple, tangible ways to make that change. Define the changes you want and how to do them as specifically as possible. The "Five Major Personality Factors" are:
- Openness to experience: This includes a willingness to experiment, emotional depth, intellectual curiosity, and tolerance for diversity.
- Accuracy: This is also called work ethic, which is the personality side that includes personal discipline, regularity, a sense of self-competence, and a sense of responsibility.
- Extroverted nature: If you tend to be shy, you may need to develop traits in this trait, namely assertiveness, warmth, playfulness, and increased activity.
- Interpersonal harmony: This includes the qualities of sincerity, modesty, sympathy, and calm demeanor.
- Natural reaction: Think about how emotionally reactive you are. Do you tend to show strong reactions to little things? You may need to work on improving one of these areas of your personality, such as anxiety, violence, stress sensitivity, self-awareness, and self-pleasure.
- If you're not sure which one you need to change but feel you need to change, spend more time thinking about the things that are causing discomfort in your life.
- If you're still confused when you're trying to figure it out, ask someone else for help. People who can help with this include parents, friends, counselors, therapists, religious leaders, or other people you trust. The important thing is that you always remember that you don't have to do it alone.
Step 3. Consider the positive and problematic aspects of the trait you are developing
Before you jump right into trying to develop a new personality trait, consider whether this change will benefit or hinder your life, and whether the results will align with your personal values. If you think about trying to be both calm and carried away but your personal values emphasize real action when witnessing injustice or crime (e.g. shouting and defending), those new traits will clash with your personal values and cause confusion. and discomfort. You may need to rethink traits that don't align with your personal values.
Step 4. Pay attention to how you feel about the changes you are making
The first thing to consider is how well you fit into the new aspect of your personality. Most people construct identity and self-identity based on their personality traits. For example, if you tend to get angry easily, you might feel uncomfortable having to remove that defensive aspect of your personality. You may worry that others think you are weak or that they will take advantage of you.
- It's natural to be afraid of making changes in your personality! It is very important that you acknowledge this fear, in order to get rid of it.
- Make a plan to deal with the confusion about how you feel about this change in personality. Positive affirmations, relaxation techniques, and accountability partners are some of the ways you can overcome your fear of or reluctance to change completely.
Step 5. Visualize yourself in your new personality
Part of believing that you can change is visualizing yourself in a new life and a new identity. For example, if you believe you can turn into an introvert, visualize yourself relaxing and rejuvenating in solitude. Also develop the belief that quiet time at home will enrich your soul. Imagine yourself feeling happy while doing a favorite activity alone.
- To be willing to learn a new trait is to give up old ideas about oneself. For example, if you are learning to have fun alone, you need to turn feelings of social awkwardness into feelings of being yourself. Also learn to laugh at yourself when you fail.
- Pay attention to other people who share the same traits or personality you want to develop, and imitate these people in your daily life.
Step 6. Find new role models
An exemplary figure is a person who shows an exemplary life or lifestyle, according to what you want for yourself. When visualizing yourself in your new personality, it can also be helpful to have other people around you who have been exhibiting these traits or traits.
- For example, if you want to be a more welcoming and warm person, pay attention to people who appear warm and happy when they help others. What do these people like and do? You can learn a lot by following their lives.
- One of the factors that can help you survive the changing process of life is realizing that you too are a role model for others. Is your life living up to the example you want to set and share with others? Are these changes you're making to strengthen the life you really want and you can be proud of?
Step 7. Practice your new personality trait
The more you practice a new side of your personality, the easier it will be for it to come out on its own. Practicing new personality traits in various situations and times (day or night) is important in order to make them natural.
- Always be prepared for opportunities to practice new personality traits, not stick to the old ones. For example, if you're trying to be a more spontaneous person instead of being overly cautious, invite your friends to roller skate together. Do things that you didn't expect to do before.
- If you don't feel like you're being yourself at first, don't be surprised. As the old saying goes, "Alah is possible because it is ordinary."
Step 8. Try using affirmations
Affirmations are positive words about your beliefs, or things you want to believe. If you want to change completely, you may have to change your beliefs about yourself and about your limitations. These negative beliefs are the ones that limit you. Limiting beliefs can be replaced with positive beliefs, namely affirmations.
- For example, if you believe that you easily feel overwhelmed and exhausted, replace that belief with the idea that you have good stamina.
- Write your own affirmations on small cards, and place them where you will see them many times each day. Every time you see it, read the affirmation aloud. Gradually, these affirmations will become part of the beliefs in your conscious mind about yourself.
Step 9. Find the right training
Personality change training or counseling can help you identify the personality traits you want to change and ways to make those changes. You can discuss your personal values and vision of your ideal self, and a counselor can teach you various techniques for achieving your change goals, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or Solution Focused Therapy.
Method 3 of 3: Changing Appearance
Step 1. Make a complete makeover
Get a haircut, change your make-up style, try out a new style of dress, are all ways that can be done to transform into a new you. If you are making a major life change, try changing your appearance to better suit your new personality.
- Most people need a makeover about every five years. The clothes you wear when you are in high school will not be suitable to wear when you are in college. If you're a young working professional, it's time to ditch the college student look and replace it with a solid, professional style.
- Look at photos of people who live up to who you want them to be and find the changes you need to make in your own appearance.
- While hair, make-up, and clothing may be "surface" ways in the process of total self-transformation, they all reflect your idea of yourself. Your appearance affects how the world treats you and how you view yourself.
Step 2. Add a touch of color
Many people feel trapped in the trap of the same colors all the time. If you've tended to wearing black since your teens, it's time to add another touch of color. A new touch of color to your outfit will create a whole new look.
- Get rid of all the clothes you don't want to wear anymore. Go through your wardrobe and donate old clothes to charity projects to create space for your new self.
- Do not forget the elements of accessories. Adding new belts, scarves, and jewelery accents to an old outfit can renew its look and make it look fresh again.
Step 3. Do something dramatic in terms of hairdo
There is nothing more powerful to show a change in yourself than a change in hairstyle. Whether you color it, cut it, add length, or shave it off, a dramatic change in your hairstyle will have a huge impact on how you look.
- The right hairstyle will make you look slimmer, younger, and healthier.
- Try a hairstyle you've never thought of before, and enjoy the impact it has on you.
Step 4. Simplify your look
If you're trying to make a complete makeover, you'll need to create a new set of basic outfits as well. If you really know who you want to be, make sure that everything in your wardrobe supports that new basic look.
- Have at least ten pieces of clothing that match your new style, and make sure that they all match each other.
- These ten pieces of clothing are different for each person. The basic attire of an investment banker will differ from the basic attire of an artist who has his own tiny office. Choose clothes that match your new look.
Step 5. Consider getting a tattoo or piercing
Wearing a tattoo or piercing doesn't mean you're a rebel. On the other hand, this style may be perfect for showing your change and new self. What tattoo would express this for you? Many people often use symbols such as butterflies, mermaids, or other abstract images to express their changes.
- Make sure that you get your tattoo in a clean tattoo parlor that is serviced by a professional tattoo artist.
- Remember that tattoos are permanent. Before deciding to get a tattoo, make sure that you really want to wear this image or motif forever.
