Admit it, getting back into a relationship with someone who has meant so much in the past is an experience that is not only enjoyable, but also warm and moving. If you're interested in finding an old friend and experiencing that mix of emotions, try reading this article to find some tips that can make your search easier. In addition, this article also provides tips on how to overcome the awkwardness of meeting someone you haven't seen in a long time.
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Part 1 of 3: Calling Old Friends
Step 1. Search your friend's profile on social media
These days, the easiest way to find someone is through social media. After all, almost all social media allow you to search for a user's identity by name. If it turns out that your friend has a social media profile that is open to the public, just send a message using the chat feature provided. In fact, one in four people started using social media in 2013, so you're more likely to find their profile on popular social networks like Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Google+, and Ello.
If just typing your name doesn't bring up your friends' profiles, try searching for their old school or work profiles and then searching for people who have "liked" or commented on the page. Chances are, your friends will have an online relationship with these pages
Step 2. Type your friend's name in the search engine
If you can't find it on social media, try typing your friend's name into a search engine like Google. After that, the search engine should show various websites related to your friend's name.
- To narrow the search results, enclose your friend's name with parentheses, such as "Fulan bin Fulan." After that, the search engine should only show pages containing your friend's first name and last name in order, instead of showing random results.
- If you wish, you can also add information about the name of the person or location associated with your friend to narrow the search process, such as, "Fulan bin Fulan" SMA 1 Tangerang Multipurpose Building Industry.
Step 3. Call your mutual friends
If you're having trouble finding it, try asking someone else for help. For example, get in touch with someone who once knew him very closely, such as a mutual friend of the two of you, his former boss at work, his former teacher, his former co-worker, or even his ex-girlfriend! Although your friends may also no longer be in touch with them, at least they can provide the latest news about your friend.
Step 4. Contact the alumni organization at their educational institution
Most high schools and universities keep the latest data on their alumni in an online database. Usually, they always update the information regarding the address and phone number of the alumni with the aim of requesting donations or informing them of the latest news. Therefore, try to contact your friend's educational institution and ask for the latest information on him, especially if he is a very active student there. However, understand that in all likelihood, the party in charge will not want to provide this information for reasons of protecting student privacy.
Step 5. Take advantage of public databases
Believe it or not, most of a person's personal data is actually recorded in online public databases that can be found on the internet. Therefore, try typing your friend's name on the internet to find his personal data that is open to the public at no cost. If you still can't find the data you're looking for, try visiting a government office in the city where you both lived to find information about your friend, although this method will of course take longer.
- Another easy and fast way to find someone's data online is to use the Pipl.com site. The website has a very simple interface and is easy to use. In particular, you only need to type in the name of the friend you are looking for along with where he lives, and the results that can be displayed will appear in a few seconds.
- Try typing different variations of the name. For example, your friend Alex may be registered under his god name, Alexander. Also consider the possibility that the name you know may be a nickname that is actually common to people in the area where they live.
Step 6. Attend the reunion
Most schools and universities hold regular reunions, generally every five years, but some do so more frequently. If your educational institution is holding a reunion, don't forget to attend! Even if you can't find your friend there, chances are you can find someone who can give you a clue as to his whereabouts.
If your educational institution is adopting a Western style and hosting a homecoming party or welcoming the new school year, try attending it with your closest friends. Generally, this kind of event is open to alumni and is colored by a variety of fun activities, such as sporting events or small parties
Step 7. Consider paying for a service that is willing to help find your page friends
If all of the above methods fail, there's nothing wrong with spending a little money to find the friends you've been looking for for a long time. For example, you can hire a private investigator or browse the internet to find a service that can reconnect you with people from the past. However, always keep in mind that these services are generally paid for, especially if you are using a private investigator service. That's why, it's a good idea to try practicing all the free solutions first before implementing this method.
Step 8. Remember, women may have a new name after marriage
In other words, a woman may follow her husband's surname after marriage, although there are still many women who still retain their original name. Most importantly, keep the possibility in mind!
Although research on the subject has varied results, it cannot be denied that adopting the husband's last name or surname is a common practice for most women today. One study even found that more than 60% of women who married in their 20s ended up with their husband's surname, and women who were in the older age group were even more likely to do so
Part 2 of 3: Rebuild a Broken Relationship
Step 1. Send an invitation to meet again in a warm tone
Once you've found the old friend you're looking for, be brave enough to contact him first! Contact him by phone, text message, email, or even a letter. Don't procrastinate so you don't miss this golden opportunity! Remember, his life situation can change at any time and it may be difficult for you to see him again in the future.
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If you have a social media account, try sending a short message to their social media account, such as:
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- Hello! It's been a long time chatting with you, here. I hope you remember me, huh. At that time we had one class at (name of both your educational institution). By the way, I've returned to (name of city) and want to meet with you again, here. Contact me, if you are interested in drinking coffee together. Waiting for a response!
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On the other hand, if you can't find it on social media, try sending a more detailed message via email or post by referring to the following guidelines: (pay more attention to bracketed captions)
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- Hi (name),
- Wow, we haven't seen each other in a long time, huh! How are you? Hope everything will be fine. We last saw each other at graduation, right? Do you remember, it was really hot at that time and both of us didn't stop sweating under the toga? (That sentence can be replaced with any anecdote you want.) After that, unfortunately we were both so busy that I couldn't say goodbye, even though I knew I would miss you for sure. Well, now I want to correct my mistake at that time. I have returned to (name of city) and would like to meet you, if possible. Call me at the number (your cell phone number) if you want to have coffee with me sometime, okay! I'm waiting for your reply.
- Miss you,
- (Your name)"
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Step 2. Invite him to do casual activities together
If the two of you haven't seen each other in a long time, chances are the situation will be a little awkward. For example, the two of you may have different opinions on the same topic, or even grow up with different personalities. As a result, returning the friendship situation to normal, of course, will be difficult. That's why, your first interaction after a long time without seeing each other should be as casual as possible! Some examples of activities that you can do are invite him to drink coffee or lunch together. If the first meeting went well, please plan further meetings. If not, you can at least ask to resign without feeling embarrassed.
- If possible, create a “plan B” in case your expectations are not met at the first meeting. For example, prepare the address of a bowling alley that you used to frequent. If the meeting fails, at least you can spend the remaining time at the venue!
- Do not invite other people to the meeting. Believe me, an intimate meeting and not involving too many people can help both of you to re-establish a connection that had been lost.
Step 3. Invite your friends to attend various upcoming events
If the first interaction between the two of you went well, start "pulling" him back into your life. One of the easiest ways to do this is to invite him to the various events you will be attending. That way, both of you are sure to have a lot of fun because the activity is interesting for you, regardless of who you invite to attend. In addition, you will feel more comfortable because you can do activities that feel familiar so that it is easier to initiate conversations with them.
Step 4. Introduce him to your new friends
Sooner or later, he will surely meet the people who now fill your days. No need to worry about the situation! Instead, let the situation happen naturally, and make it clear to all parties that you're not "favoring" anyone by including everyone in the conversation.
- To avoid any possible awkwardness, you can share your old friends' interests with your new friends and vice versa before all parties meet. That way, they'll have topics to talk about like, "I heard you like making clay crafts, huh?"
- However, always keep in mind that some of your friends may not like them right away or get along well, mainly because they may not have had the same experiences and so aren't able to make more personal connections. Do not worry! After all, your feelings do not depend on their feelings.
- If your friend is married or has children, take him and his partner or family with you for a trip with your partner and family.
Step 5. Reminisce while still creating new memories
James Gandolfini, a popular American actor, once said, "'Do you remember when we…' is the sentence with the lowest meaning in conversation." That is, nothing prevents you from reminiscing about the good times that have happened in the past. However, keep yourself open to doing fun new things with your old friends to build new memories. Don't let the past define your relationship! If this situation is maintained, the relationship between the two of you will definitely end up boring because both parties don't know what else to say to continue the conversation.
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Awkwardness
Step 1. Keep the conversation balanced
As much as you want to know how he's doing, don't be in a rush to ask too many questions! Don't shower him with information about your life or even flaunt your recent accomplishments. Instead, keep the conversation balanced by making sure all parties have an equal share of information.
- Don't feel obligated to share sensitive information.
- Balance the questions with statements about your life.
Step 2. Address all the issues that have weighed on your relationship in the past in a straightforward but polite manner
If the friendship between the two of you does not end well, you should immediately communicate the problems that have occurred at the first meeting. Don't act as if the problem never existed. Be careful, he can misunderstand this attitude as your indifference to his hurt. Worse still, you're thought to be ignoring the issue on purpose. Therefore, swallow your ego whole and admit all forms of tension that have ever occurred.
If, after the breakup, you realize that the fault lies entirely with you, don't hesitate to apologize sincerely. If not, simply acknowledge your desire to forget the past by saying, "Hey, looks like our last meeting didn't end well, didn't I. I hope you'll forget all the troubles that have happened and turn over a new leaf with me."
Step 3. Control your expectations
Do not rush to restore the level of intimacy between the two of you as usual. Remember, he may not have the same desires and expectations as you. For example, he may only want to have lunch with you once, while you are actually serious about rekindling your friendship with him. In order to avoid the awkwardness of unbalanced expectations, it's best not to get too excited before the reunion actually happens. Instead, approach the reunion optimistically but remain calm. That way, whatever the situation at the reunion, you won't be disappointed or hurt.
Step 4. Don't assume his opinion
To avoid unnecessary awkwardness, make sure you don't bring up a controversial topic until you fully understand its position on the topic. Even if the topic fits with the flow of your conversation that day, now is not the time to bring it up! Remember, everyone's point of view, even those you have been very close to, can change over time as they are shaped by experience. As a result, even your old friend may have a point of view that sounds “foreign” to your ears and doesn't seem like an image of himself in the past. In particular, avoid the following topics until you really get back to “knowing them”:
- Religion
- Political
- The latest news that is hotly discussed
- Money
- Negative gossip about your mutual friends
- The opposite sex
Step 5. Ask questions, whenever doubt strikes
Don't know what to say to an old friend you haven't seen in years? Try asking the latest news. After he answers the question, ask a follow-up question. Remember, everyone likes to talk about themselves. In fact, psychological research shows that humans spend most of their time talking about themselves, rather than other people. Some examples of questions you can ask:
- Where are you currently working (or studying)?
- Have you got a boyfriend?
- How's your family?
- Can I ask your opinion about the problem that has been bothering me lately?
- Is there a good book that you can recommend?
Step 6. Relieve any tension or awkwardness with the help of alcohol, if you are both old enough to do so
In many cases, moderate amounts of alcohol can help relieve awkwardness in various social situations. That's why, when you're both old enough, try taking him to drink alcohol to make the situation more relaxed and intimate. After a drink or two of alcohol, both of you should feel more relaxed and able to show a more friendly attitude and ready to have fun!
However, always remember that alcohol of any kind should be consumed responsibly. If you want, you can read the wikiHow guide to drinking alcohol responsibly for more information. Also make sure you don't drive after drinking alcohol
Tips
- After you haven't seen him for a long time, don't immediately act too familiar or close.
- Be friendly and welcoming!
- Introduce him to your other friends.
