It seems almost impossible to move on when someone you love dies, and you may feel very hopeless at first. But either way, once you start to work through your feelings and seek support, you'll be able to see the calm in front of your eyes. While you won't be able to resurrect those who have died, or stop thinking about them, you will be able to take steps to overcome the pain and move forward to living a meaningful and fulfilling life.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Coping With Your Feelings
Step 1. Remove everything
You may think that if you hold back your feelings, or pretend that they aren't yours, you'll be able to recover faster and get back into your normal routine. While this may be true in some circumstances, at first, if you hold back your feelings, you can never truly forget them. So take it slow, take some time for yourself, and allow yourself to cry, get angry, feel any emotion, or try to relate to your feelings in the best way you can.
- Only taking time alone to cry can help you realize that you are on the right track to something better. Although no one likes to cry, in fact, crying is actually healthy and really helps you express your emotions and feelings.
- It is said that not everyone cries after the death of a loved one. If you don't cry, it doesn't mean you don't care about those who have died; it just means that you handle the situation differently. Don't feel guilty because you didn't cry or force yourself to do something you didn't really want to do, or when you weren't ready to accept it.
- You can vent your feelings when you're alone in your room, or even by talking to loved ones or close relatives about what you're going through. You can choose whichever makes you more comfortable.
- Keeping a journal when you are grieving can also help you feel more centered and in control.
Step 2. Give yourself time to grieve
Once you have expressed your feelings, it is very important to realize that, yes, you are experiencing grief. Grief takes time to process, and when you are grieving, it can feel like you will no longer be able to enjoy many of the things that normally make you happy. You'd rather stay at home than go out with friends. You no longer laugh watching your favorite funny shows on TV. You may read your reading and feel all the words are blurry. Accept the situation, instead of trying to move forward quickly, and feel that things will get better.
- If you feel you have to take a break from work, routine, or even school to deal with this difficult situation, then that's perfectly normal. It must be hard going through things when you're feeling so broken; others, however, find comfort in their old routines. it's important to work out what's best for you personally.
- Don't force yourself to be social. You may not be in the mood to go out with your usual group of friends or attend big parties. While you shouldn't be totally isolating yourself, you shouldn't have to pretend everything is okay by flashing a fake smile, when all you want is to lie home alone.
Step 3. Seek support
While spending time alone can help you process what's going on, you don't want to be in that state forever. If you want to move on with your life when someone you love dies, then you have to make sure you have at least one or two shoulders to lean on; talk to your friends, family, or even people on social networks if you can't find anyone you feel close to. Let them know that you need help getting through these difficult times.
- Don't assume that you are burdening your friends by feeling sad all the time; they care about you and know that's how you should feel. If you don't want friends by your side during these difficult times, then what use are they?
- Of course, you don't always need friends and family around you at this time of year, and sometimes you might even prefer to be alone all the time. However, make sure that they know you really appreciate their presence when you need them.
Step 4. Don't force yourself to feel strong
Some people think that people who stay strong in their greatest sorrows, are admirable people, who impress everyone with their serenity and dignity. Well, of course, some people who have had to deal with loss may be like that, but you see a lot of them on television alone. You don't have to pretend that everything is “okay” and you have absolutely no trouble moving on with your life. While you don't have to cry in public if you don't want to, you don't have to try hard to make everyone around you think you feel strong.
- Remember that your friends and family care about you. They want you to be open and honest with them, instead of trying desperately to fool them with the tough side of you that you show.
- Overcoming all the pain and loss alone is enough to be called a struggle; then you don't have to complicate your life by also pretending to be okay.
Step 5. Don't mind the specific timeframe
Even though you may think you should be feeling “fine” and ready to move forward after a while because you read about it from someone else, or because you see how long it takes your best friend to work through her or her similar sadness, you should throw the concept away. this is far away. Don't force things to be "fine" just because of a certain deadline, let alone feel frustrated or disappointed because you didn't follow your recovery schedule.
- This is a time to be generous instead of harsh with yourself. Don't tell yourself how you should behave after a certain amount of time, but focus on healing from within.
- Don't compare yourself to the way other people are dealing with their loss. Your best friend or relative may show their strong side after a short loss, but you never know what they really feel inside.
Method 2 of 3: Seeking Support
Step 1. Spend more of your time with friends and loved ones
When you need it, your friends and family can give you the support you're looking for. Whether it's just watching a movie with your family or telling a friend about your grief, making sure that you stay on good terms with those closest to you can help you live the life ahead of you. You can't get caught up in your own thoughts and grief or you'll never enjoy your relationship with anyone again.
- If you have lost a family member, then spending time with other members of your family and sharing memories of those who died can make you feel better because you are not alone. Remember that you don't have to avoid the topic of loss in order to move on.
- When you're spending time with friends, you don't have to go to bars or big noisy parties; going to a cafe with a close friend, going for a walk, or watching a relaxing movie with a friend can help you recover.
Step 2. Consider joining a support group/group
Being in a session with several other people who have had the same experience as you will definitely reduce your sense of loneliness, and can be a way of coping with loss. It can also pave the way for new relationships, making you feel like you're not alone in going through the tough times after losing a loved one. At the very least, join the group once or twice a week so that you have a goal and something you've been waiting for, this will also give you a new support system outside of relatives and friends.
Tell yourself that at least you will try. Don't judge what a support group is until you meet the members individually and hear their stories. You may even feel more comfortable talking to new people you know are experiencing and feeling the same way
Step 3. Find calm in your beliefs (if any)
If you belong to a particular religion, then you can help yourself by spending time with faith-based communities. Whether you spend time in a church, mosque, or other house of worship, you not only find peace in your faith, you can spend more time with those who truly care about one another in the community.
- Even when you only go to a house of worship once a week it can still give you something positive to do and look forward to in your daily life.
- Your religious community may also invite you to attend certain events, such as an invitation to volunteer for a social service, which can help you spend your time in a positive way.
Step 4. Consider seeing a therapist
While therapy doesn't work for everyone, it doesn't hurt to try. If you find it difficult to deal with grief by sharing with friends or family, then one of the best solutions is to seek help from a professional who can tell you about your feelings and mental state, and provide appropriate solutions that you can do. This therapy can be a new way of looking at situations, and it's also another way of helping you cope with loss.
Don't think that you are admitting your weaknesses by going to see a therapist. In fact quite the opposite; You show persistence by stating that you really need help
Step 5. You may want to have a pet
While some people may find it stupid to have a cat or dog as their pet to cope with loss, it can actually improve your mental state a little bit. Having a pet means having something to cuddle with or to spend time with, and realizing that someone needs your attention and care; it fosters purpose and makes life more meaningful. Of course, having a kitten or dog can't bring back the Mom or Dad you love, but it can help you move on with your life.
Go to the animal shelter and adopt one of the animals from there. You will feel much better when you bring home an animal that really needs your attention and affection
Step 6. Don't be discouraged because there are people who don't know how to help
Unfortunately, not everyone can make you feel better, and some may even accidentally make you feel worse. People may say things they don't really mean because they think they can make you better or because they think that's what you need, and what they say may sound wrong. Try telling them how they can make you feel better, or even direct their behavior. You can stay away from them, trying to avoid spending time with these people if it really bothers you.
- Some people might compare the loss of your loved ones to the loss of someone you've only known for a while; they may say, “he is in a better place”, or they may even talk about how long it took them to bounce back, that it would take “a few weeks” for them to feel normal again. These people don't mean to be mean or hurt you, they want you to feel better even if the way is sometimes wrong.
- Keep in mind that if you're wasting too much energy getting annoyed with people like this, it could mean that you're focusing your negative energy and sadness in the wrong situation. It's natural that you might feel upset, but make sure you don't hold it in for too long; it's really not worth it.
Step 7. Don't force yourself to fake a smile
As you try to move on with your life and spend time with other people, don't force yourself to be always cheerful, too friendly, or overly excited when all you want is to burst into tears. You may feel like you have to hide your sadness from being seen from the outside, but you also shouldn't pretend and fake reality when everyone knows that you are going through a difficult situation and time. If you insist on reassuring your friends and family that you are “fine”, then they will surely tell you that you are recovering quickly.
It can be very tiring if you are constantly trying to show a cheerful side when you are not in a good mood. Exerting energy this way can actually make you feel much worse
Method 3 of 3: Moving Forward
Step 1. Avoid making any major life decisions as soon as possible
After experiencing the loss of someone you love, you may feel like you need to quit your job, sell your house, or move quickly, but you need a moment to think clearly when you have to make big life decisions. Of course you don't want to make the wrong decision and regret it later while lamenting endless sadness and grief. Therefore, think about it carefully for at least a few months, or discuss it with a friend so that you are absolutely sure that your decision is right.
Even if you think that making a big decision or getting rid of something that you feel is no longer needed can lighten your load, it could be that those decisions give you more to consider when your situation is difficult
Step 2. You must continue to take care of yourself
Although sleeping 8 hours a day or eating a variety of vegetables is certainly far from your mind right now, if you want to continue living, you must remember to always take care of yourself. Staying as healthy as you can will make you feel stronger both physically and emotionally and can enable you to overcome all of life's obstacles. Here are a few things you should do:
- Sleep at least 7-8 hours a day and wake up at the same time every day.
- Eat a balanced diet consisting of 3 aspects: protein, fruit and vegetables, and sufficient and healthy carbohydrates.
- Pay attention to your personal hygiene. It's important to shower and groom yourself regularly so you can feel better prepared to face the world.
- Exercise at least 30 minutes a day if possible. Even choosing to walk instead of driving a car helps boost your adrenaline and makes you feel more alive both physically and mentally.
Step 3. Slowly, socialize
As you feel more and more moving forward, you can get out of the comfort zone where you have been. Don't just watch a movie with friends, but try to go out to a restaurant with some friends, or even attend a small party if you feel like it. While you don't have to force yourself to leave if you're not ready, when you start to feel restless being alone, socializing can really help you get back in touch with people.
- You don't have to schedule too many events in your daily life. In fact, you have to keep a balance in keeping your distance from other people and yourself in order to remain who you are.
- If you usually drink frequently, you should avoid alcohol until you feel your emotions have stabilized. Alcohol is a depressant, you may feel numb at first, but it can actually make you feel more sad and unstable if you drink more than 2 drinks. Also don't fall for a friend's invitation to drink, if you don't feel ready yourself.
Step 4. Pursue your hobbies and interests
Once you start to re-energize yourself, you can start doing things you love and make you happy again. While you may be too lazy to start painting, doing yoga, or playing guitar at first, you'll more or less realize how much you miss them. Take at least a few hours each week to do what you love and allow yourself to be immersed in it.
- While you can't always distract yourself from the pain and loss, dedicating yourself to doing what you love can help with the healing process rather than doing something mind-numbing, like watching television. Indeed, of course, there is room for both. And if you don't want to do what you love yet, be patient. You need time.
- If you've never really felt like there's something you enjoy doing, find a new passion, throw yourself into it.
Step 5. Don't erase the memory of those who have passed away as a form of respect for them
Just because you are able to move on and organize your life, doesn't mean you have to one hundred percent forget about this loved one. You can still honor them by reminiscing about their life stories with people you love, visiting their graves, viewing photos, or reminiscing about their gifts that remind you, or meditating on them while you spend time alone. These things can help you realize the fact that they are gone, but their love lives on in your heart and mind.
If right now it seems too difficult for you to think about or remember those who have died, then you can wait until the time comes and you feel much more prepared and comfortable
Step 6. Rediscover happiness in life
This step may be the most difficult step to take, but you can definitely do it. This doesn't mean you have to "end" or stop thinking about them as soon as you're looking for the happiness of your life. When you feel ready and on the road to recovery, you will begin to appreciate everything from the beautiful sunsets to the long evenings you spent with friends. Maybe now you feel that this is impossible to do, but one day, you will know that you can move on even when someone you love dies.
- If you take a little time to start appreciating the little things in life, from the touch of your pet or homemade food, you will move forward not only to living your life, but to living it to the fullest.
- Be patient with yourself. Everything may seem gloomy, dark, and hopeless for a long time. But as long as you keep trying to move forward and are willing to respect and take care of yourself, you will be able to feel happy again, one day.
Tips
- Sometimes, all you need is to cry about it.
- Talk to someone you love, and realize that there will always be someone out there who also feels how you feel; you are not the only person who has been left by a loved one.
- Raise your head, think of all the good things because like I said, they're already in a much better place, and one day you'll be back with them up there.
- Sometimes you need to let go of all your sadness, then go to bed and wake up the next day. You will probably feel much better.
- You can also talk to a friend, they may make you feel better because they have been through the same thing as you before.
Warning
- Don't ever think that this is all your fault. This only makes things worse.
- Always remember that they may be dead and gone forever, but they will still love and watch over you, watching over you from up there, always.
- Don't let all this sadness take over your life.
- Don't let your family members exaggerate all this until they feel almost crazy. Yes, they also need time to think clearly and collect everything. Do not let them feel there is something wrong with this world let alone to turn them into a bad person.
- Don't let all the sadness drag you too far, until you can no longer think about anything, don't eat, sleep, sleep, or anything. Stop dwelling on sorrow.
