Abandoned and left is an unavoidable phase in one's life. At some point, you will definitely experience the feeling of being abandoned by loved ones, whether due to death or other reasons. The situation is of course painful; But that doesn't mean it can't be treated positively. Learn to manage your emotions. While the process, take care of your physical and emotional health. If necessary, seek support and assistance from a trusted mental health professional.
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Method 1 of 3: Managing Emotions
Step 1. Allow yourself to feel all kinds of post-loss emotions
Losing a loved one is a very painful experience; It's natural for your emotions to be mixed afterward. No matter how bad the emotion is, allow yourself to feel it. Suppressing or hiding your feelings is not wise and will not help you heal.
- Ignoring your grief will actually prolong your grieving process. In addition, these actions actually make you vulnerable to emotional disorders and anxiety, and encourage you to consume alcohol or illegal drugs. Sometimes it's painful to admit your feelings, but you need to do it. Do not cover up the feelings of sadness, fear, and disappointment that you feel. Allow yourself to cry whenever you want.
- There are certain types of loss or death that are more difficult to process. For example, you may feel very angry and unfairly treated if your only child dies. You may also feel very angry with those closest to you who decide to end their life by suicide. On the one hand, these emotions don't seem right for you to feel. But remember, there is no such thing as a good emotion or a bad emotion. The way you deal with emotions can have a negative impact (either for yourself or for others). But basically, feeling those kinds of emotions is normal; Don't judge yourself based on how you feel.
- Remember, not all emotions that arise after the loss of a loved one are negative. Many people will actually be grateful for having the opportunity to be close to someone, even though they have left. You too may feel that way; You may actually smile and feel relieved when you think about that person again. In fact, many people find themselves in the midst of happiness and sadness – in the midst of laughter and tears. To process loss, you first need to understand that all these emotions are natural and healthy.
Step 2. Express your feelings to the other person
Communicating your feelings to others is an important part of the post-loss self-healing process. Your friends or relatives may not be able to offer advice, but they will certainly be willing to listen to your concerns. Sometimes, telling your feelings out loud can help you manage them. After the departure of a loved one, find a friend or relative who can understand your experience. Express your feelings to them; find the support and comfort you need.
Step 3. Forget sadness by being creative
If you're not a creative person by nature, try to hone your creativity. Trust me, being creative can really take your sadness away! Try making a simple album containing a collage of photos of you and your loved ones. You could also try writing a poem, essay, or short story about your relationship with her. If you prefer to draw, try describing your feelings by playing with colors on a piece of paper. These actions can help you release your feelings in a positive way. As a result, your emotions can be processed better.
Step 4. Prepare for moments that remind you of him
After a loved one leaves you, moments like holidays or birthdays, as well as other triggers like a certain smell or place can come back to your mind. Although difficult, try to anticipate when these triggers appear so that you can prepare in advance.
- The anniversary of the death of a loved one can be a very painful moment. Also, even a birthday or holiday that you have to spend alone can be a real blow to you. At these times, anticipate the emotional reactions that will arise. Acknowledge the fact that you will definitely be very sad at these moments; allow yourself to feel the sadness that arises.
- However, put your comfort and emotional health first. Make sure there's someone you can call or meet whenever grief strikes. Also make sure you have any necessary assistance or diversion means. Admitting your grief isn't easy, so feel free to do activities that can help calm you down. Try watching a movie at the cinema or calling an old friend.
Step 5. Recall pleasant things about the person
Most people will feel calmer after reminiscing about pleasant things about the person who left them. At first, this may be painful. But over time, these memories will be nurtured into a very beautiful flower and your existence will be appreciated. At the funeral, try to share memories of the person with other people present. Believe me, memory can be a panacea to heal your grief.
You can also plan various activities to honor the person. For example, you could make a donation or get involved in an organization that is important to him
Method 2 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. Meet your physical needs
Mainly because when grieving, people tend to neglect their physical needs. Keeping yourself in the midst of grief is hard, but try to do it. Ignoring basic needs will only make your mood worse.
- Eat properly and regularly. Many people feel a loss of appetite after the death of a loved one. Not infrequently they will eat carelessly and do not maintain a good diet. Eating healthy foods, such as vegetables and fruit, can really do wonders to improve your mood.
- Perform the most basic of “self-care rituals.” When people are grieving, it is easier for people to forget the most basic rituals, such as brushing their teeth twice a day, bathing regularly, or exercising. For the sake of maintaining emotional health, try to keep doing various basic rituals that exist in your daily life.
Step 2. Don't try to numb your pain
When you are grieving, you may be tempted to consume alcohol or drugs. Alcohol or certain drugs can temporarily numb your pain. But be careful, the use of illegal substances can trigger addiction that harms your life in the future. Therefore, no matter how bad your feelings are, never turn them to alcohol or drugs!
Step 3. Get some sleep
Maintaining a sleep pattern is also important to maintain your emotional stability. After experiencing a traumatic event, make sure you put “sleep” at the top of your priority scale. Also make sure you get quality sleep (about 7-8 hours) every night.
After losing a loved one, sleeping well is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. If you have prolonged trouble sleeping, see your doctor and ask for medications that can help normalize your sleep cycle
Step 4. Keep your routine
Keeping a routine is one of the hardest things after losing a loved one. To prevent prolonged grief, you need to try to live a normal life. At the very least, the sense of familiarity that emerges will help you to feel calmer. Therefore, stick to a standard routine that can help get rid of your negative emotions.
- Activities such as eating, sleeping, and exercising are important to incorporate into your daily routine. Make sure you always make time for the most basic activities.
- At least once a week, go outside and meet other people. Most people choose to isolate themselves after losing a loved one. In fact, the support of people who care about you is a panacea for you to move forward.
Method 3 of 3: Seeking Support and Help
Step 1. Tell others what kind of help you don't need
When you are grieving, you are likely to get a lot of sympathy, advice, and feedback from others. Unfortunately, not all that help is really what you need. Sometimes, the people closest to you just don't know how to help you, so they unwittingly give you the help you "don't need". So just let them know if what they do or say doesn't help you. After that, you can explain what kind of help you really need.
- Sometimes, people say hurtful-sounding words unintentionally. For example, your friend might say, "Never mind, just be grateful for the time you've spent with him." If a loved one dies at a very young age, those words may hurt you. Calmly say to your friend, “I really appreciate your help, but you know my cousin died at a very young age, right? Every time I remember that my time with him is very limited makes me feel angry. Can you not say it again?”
- You can also tell us what kind of help you need. There are many people who are genuinely willing to help you. Even if they say something wrong, it's because they care about you. Tell them what can and can't help you, so they can provide more help in the future. For example, you might say, “Next time, just ask how I feel and let me explain. Don't offer any advice. Sometimes, I just need to be heard.”
Step 2. Join relevant support groups
For some people, a powerful support group helps them to adapt to a recent loss. Talking to people who have had similar experiences can broaden your perspective and help you better manage the situation. Find a support group or counseling agency in your area. If you're having trouble finding one, consider doing online counseling.
Step 3. Recognize when you need psychological help
It is normal to feel sad and grieving after the loss of a loved one. But be careful, sometimes grief can transform into prolonged depression. If you experience one (or more) of the following, consider seeking psychological help:
- Your emotions are too intense, making it difficult for you to carry out daily activities
- You have trouble sleeping for a long time
- Your personal relationship with the people closest to you begins to be disturbed
- Your professional life has begun to be disrupted
- Your sexual life is disrupted or your self-awareness is reduced so you are more vulnerable to harm
Step 4. Find the right psychologist or counselor
If you are experiencing symptoms of prolonged grief, seek the help of a psychologist or relevant counselor. Search your insurance data or ask for recommendations from trusted parties, such as your doctor. If you are still in school or university, find out if your educational institution provides counseling services that you can join for free.
