Relationships with parents sometimes become less harmonious because you feel that you are not understood. However, you still have to respect them. For that, start by evaluating the mindset and way of behaving towards your parents so that you continue to treat them well.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Changing Your Mind About Your Parents and How You Feel About Them
Step 1. Be grateful
Gratitude can be shown by being grateful and appreciating what you have. In addition to bringing you into this world, your parents tried to fulfill your needs and desires at the expense of time and effort. Show respect for your parents by appreciating the effort they put in for you.
- Express gratitude in person. The easiest way to show gratitude is to say thank you and tell your parents that you appreciate them and what they do.
- Do small, meaningful things, such as tidying up the kitchen after dinner or taking out the trash without being asked. Parents will see and appreciate your kindness.
- Praise the things parents do well. For example, tell your mom how delicious the food is or how great your dad is doing at work.
Step 2. Try to understand different perspectives
The ability to respect different opinions is a life skill needed in all aspects from politics to work. Understanding the parent's point of view does not mean changing beliefs. Both parties will understand and accept each other if you are able to understand the situation from the parents' point of view.
- Ask your parents questions so you can understand them better. Remember that parents are born from different generations and a lot changes over time. Invite them to discuss to eliminate gaps and foster mutual understanding.
- Keep a journal to record interactions with parents. Reread your notes to understand things more honestly and not to make interpretations according to your own interests.
- Consult a neutral person. A respectful relationship can be established if you are able to understand the reasons underlying your parents' attitude towards you. For that, consult with selfless people so that you are able to understand things from the perspective of others, including from the perspective of parents.
Step 3. Respect the wisdom of parents
Wisdom means the ability to integrate knowledge and understanding about life to deal with uncertainties that may occur. Believe it or not, parents have experienced almost everything that happened to you as a child or teenager. Thus, acknowledge that parents have knowledge and judgment that deserves respect.
For example, when you want to consult a doctor, you will choose a doctor who is experienced and has the knowledge to diagnose and cure diseases. The same goes for parents. You will appreciate your parents more if you are able to see them as professional people in various aspects of life
Step 4. Remember how much your parents love you
The love of parents for their children is immeasurable. In addition to supporting their children, parents educate, guide, help overcome their children's difficulties, devote themselves, and love their children unconditionally. As children, we often forget how much kindness our parents have for us. Reflect on your parents' love and support to rekindle love and develop respect for them.
- When your parents seem to be getting in your way, remember that they're doing it for a good reason. Often, parents act as shields to protect their children from dangerous things.
- Your parents prioritize your future success because they love you very much. Conflict with your parents can occur if your behavior seems to hinder your ability to achieve success. Realize that this is based on the love of parents for their children.
Part 2 of 3: Changing Behavior
Step 1. Follow the rules
As a child, you may not agree with the rules that your parents set, but remember that rules are determined based on certain considerations. Rules play an important role in everyday life because as humans, we are interdependent. If any rules are violated, the consequences will not only affect themselves, but also other people (including parents). By following the rules, you show your parents that you respect their judgment and decisions.
- Know what parents expect. Carefully understand the rules that are set so that you don't get confused and accidentally break them.
- Consider the consequences first. Think about the consequences of your action and the impact it will have on yourself and others. Also think about whether your actions are really worth it.
Step 2. Be polite to your parents
Manners aren't just about knowing the right fork at a dinner party. Having manners means being able to understand other people's feelings. Cultivate the awareness to be polite to the parents you have known all your life by showing respect and honor.
- Say "Please" and "Thank you". Every word has power and meaning. In addition to being polite, speaking politely is a way of showing gratitude and appreciation to your parents.
- Pay close attention to your words. When talking to your parents, think carefully about the topics discussed and the words you say. Parents always think of their child as a baby (regardless of age) and always take a positive perspective.
Step 3. Spend time with your parents
At a certain age (especially during your teens), you may prefer to do other activities than hang out with your parents. They can understand and accept this. However, imagine how much love, happiness, and respect they would feel if you wanted to spend some quality time with your parents as a surprise to them.
- Participate in activities that parents enjoy. Get involved as they fill their free time while having fun. Whether exercising, dancing, playing music, or gardening, ask them what activities they enjoy and do it with them.
- Prioritize your parents by deciding to spend time with them occasionally, instead of always hanging out with friends. They will appreciate your attitude.
Step 4. Show affection to your parents
As we get older, many of us forget to hug and give affectionate kisses to loved ones. Physical closeness to your loving parents shows that you acknowledge, respect, and value their position as a parent and the person who raised you.
- Tell your parents that you love them at the most unexpected times, rather than just when you need something.
- Hug and kiss parents lovingly without any strings attached. If they ask why you're behaving this way, say "Because Mom is my mom."
Part 3 of 3: Improving Communication with Parents
Step 1. Don't go against what your parents say
Yelling, cursing, belittling, or speaking harshly to parents is a bad attitude. This method is defiance and will lead to conflict with parents. Learn to control negative reactions when your parents give you advice so you can respect their authority.
- Identify the problem. You've already taken the most important steps if you recognize a problem and want to address it. Maturity is needed to understand the different perspectives and reactions between children and parents.
- Apologize to parents. If you've ever been disrespectful to your parents, admit your mistakes and ask them to guide you to change your behavior.
- Try to control your thoughts. The next time you want to say something rude, think again before speaking impulsively because you want to vent your emotions. Consider what parents say and why.
Step 2. Pay attention to your body language
Communication is determined more by the way of speaking, rather than by the words spoken, such as voice intonation, eye contact, and body movements. Make sure you give nonverbal cues that show respect and understanding for your parents.
- Don't cross your arms because you seem defensive and don't want to communicate.
- Pay attention to your intonation. Do not speak in harsh words or in a high tone of voice. This behavior indicates that emotions are starting to control your thoughts instead of logic. Speak calmly and try to control yourself.
- Make eye contact to show that you are sincere and willing to listen to what your parents have to say.
Step 3. Don't bring up the past
When the discussion heats up, you may be provoked into discussing things that make you angry, hurt, or stressed. Focus on the subject of discussion so that you are able to tackle the problems one by one without feeling overwhelmed.
- Find out if there are any unresolved issues before starting the conversation. Communication will be hampered if you still harbor anger or hurt. Take care of any remaining problems one by one so that you can improve your relationship with your parents.
- Before starting a conversation, make an agreement with your parents that you will discuss the issues one by one. I don't know who deviated from the topic, remind each other to return to the topic being discussed.
Step 4. Accept differences of opinion
Your parents aren't always right, but this isn't an excuse to be disrespectful when you're defending your opinion. Instead of fighting with your parents, try to express your opinion calmly and rationally.
- Make notes. Think of an opinion you want to convey to your parents and then write it down along with reasons and examples to support your opinion.
- Find an appropriate time to talk to your parents. Don't discuss when you're angry. Instead, find out when your parents are relaxed and not stressed and invite them to get together so you can speak your mind calmly.
- Use the word "I/I" to express your opinion without getting defensive. Begin by saying "Me/Me" followed by behaviors you don't like, how you feel, and things that need to change. For example, instead of saying, "Dad never listens to me," replace it with a sentence, "I feel neglected. I want you to respect my opinion."
Step 5. Have a chat with your parents
Let them know your daily life. Tell about your activities at school, at work, with your crush, or fun things that have never been told. Share your concerns or fears with your parents because they may have experienced the same thing. Parental involvement in an open conversation shows that you trust and respect their opinion.
- Trust your parents what has been kept secret. Telling everything to your parents might make you feel uncomfortable. However, show that you respect your parents' wisdom and trust them by telling them the little things you've been keeping secret.
- Don't hesitate to express your emotions. You can show your parents fear, anger, nervousness, happiness, or other emotions. Letting them be involved in your life is a positive attitude that shows that you care about them.
Tips
- Parents work hard every day to make sure all your needs and wants are met. They deserve respect. Even if you don't get along with your parents, show respect and let them know you appreciate them.
- Give gifts and treats as a surprise even if there is no special occasion. Show how much you care by giving him a small box of chocolates or a bottle of cider.
- Remember that parents are not perfect people. They also make mistakes and continue to make mistakes. Try to love them unconditionally as they love you.
- Remember that you only have one pair of parents. Treat your parents well throughout their life to appreciate them.
- Appreciate your life by showing how much you love your parents while they are with you.
