Respecting family starts with being polite. It also means learning to disagree and listen to each other even when you're upset. In addition, mutual respect can also mean simply being there for each other and showing that you care.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Be Polite
Step 1. Say "please" and "thank you"
You don't like being asked to do something without being kind. In family life, this is easily forgotten, including matters of manners. Always remember to say "please", "thank you" and "excuse me" when the time is right, even to family members.
Step 2. Keep your tone of voice
This step goes hand in hand with saying please and thank you. After all, no one likes to be ordered around. It is important to pay attention to the tone of voice you use when speaking to family members.
For example, instead of demanding in a harsh tone like "Get me some juice!", you could say, "Can you get me some juice please?"
Step 3. Take responsibility if you make a mess
One way to be respectful and polite is to clean up the mess. If you let someone else clean things up, it shows that you don't respect the time. Store your toys and belongings, and get rid of dirty clothes. Clean the bathroom after you use it, and do your homework.
Method 2 of 4: Learn to Disagree
Step 1. Talk about your feelings instead of throwing the blame
That means, use the statement "I" instead of "you", when there is a dispute. If you're upset that your sibling is always in the bathroom, talk about how it's affecting your feelings rather than just blaming him.
- For example, you might say, "I feel unappreciated when I don't get enough time in the bathroom because I don't have enough time to get ready. I feel unprepared for the day."
- Using "I" statements will help soften the tone. This will help the person understand why you're upset without being blaming, which will make everyone feel defensive.
Step 2. Take a deep breath
Everyone gets a little heated when they're upset. The problem is, it can keep you from thinking clearly and saying things you might regret later. If you're feeling overwhelmed with emotion, take a moment to calm down. Try focusing on inhaling and exhaling for a few minutes or counting numbers until you feel calm.
Step 3. Stay on the topic
Meaning, don't bring up the past debate to that person. Don't remind him of the last time he said or did anything wrong. This will only increase emotions and will not help resolve the ongoing debate.
Step 4. Listen to what other people have to say
In an argument, you tend to want the other person to know your point of view; of course, you feel right. However, you should take the time to listen carefully to what other people have to say. Even if you decide to defend your point of view, respect the other person by giving credibility and time to their views.
Really listening means really considering what the person is saying. Don't just sit back and think about the arguments against his views
Step 5. Don't scream
Yelling can frighten children, and it also teaches them to scream instead of talking about what's bothering them. Likewise, when you yell at an adult, it creates a bit of fear, which will silence them, and mean they won't be able to really hear what you have to say.
Step 6. Be willing to change your mind
Whether you are a parent, husband/wife, child, or sibling, sometimes someone else has a point. That means you need to be willing to change your mind if you realize you were wrong.
This step also includes being willing to admit that you made a mistake. Sometimes you make mistakes and need to apologize. For example, you could say, "I realize now that I was wrong. I'm really sorry for the mistake I made."
Method 3 of 4: Showing You Care
Step 1. Focus on the present when speaking
Listen carefully to what the person has to say. One way to physically show that you are listening is to stop doing something else you are currently doing. Look into the person's eyes. Let the person talk, and don't cut them off until they're done.
Step 2. Make time for each other
One way to show that you appreciate the person is to give him or her a gift of your time. Watch a movie together, or cook dinner together. Travel in particular. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you take the time to enjoy each other's company.
Step 3. Support the interests of your family members
Everyone needs some kind of hobby or channeling, and often each family member has different interests. Check in with your family members' hobbies regularly, and attend important events if you can, such as a dance recital or a baseball game.
Step 4. Comfort when someone is sad
If you notice a family member who is sad, try to cheer them up. One of the things you can do is just listen to what's bothering him and try to help out as best he can.
Method 4 of 4: Respecting Your Children
Step 1. Learn the love language of your family members
"Love language" is a term that Gary Chapman uses to describe the way people feel love. That means, different kinds of people need different kinds of actions to feel love from other people. You can use the website, 5lovelanguages.com, to take quizzes and determine the love language for each member of your family.
- Knowing each other's love language will help you express your love for each other.
- For example, one of the love languages is affirmation, which is used when a person needs verbal encouragement to feel loved. Another love language is an act of service, which is when a person feels loved when someone else does something for him or her.
- The third love language is receiving gifts; small gifts make people with this type of love language feel loved. The fourth love language is time together, which is when spending time together makes someone feel loved. The final love language is physical touch; love is shown through hugs, kisses, and affectionate touches.
Step 2. Encourage your children
Children are still learning to be polite and ask for things respectfully. Therefore, when your child does ask politely, be sure to encourage the action.
- Try to be specific about your compliment. For example, when your child politely asks if he's allowed to leave, instead of getting up and leaving the table, you can say, "Thanks for asking nicely and using your manners."
- Also remember to encourage them for their hard work, not just the results. For example, whether your child wins or loses a tennis match, you can say that you are proud of him or her for trying so hard.
Step 3. Respect privacy
Your child will begin to set their own boundaries on the extent of their privacy. It's his way of expressing his independence, you should try to respect him as often as possible with some boundaries. For example, if your child is still quite young, you may need to be in the bathroom while he or she is bathing. However, you can do something else so he doesn't feel like you're focused on him.
- Remind yourself that sometimes, your doctor or her doctor needs to check her body to make sure she stays healthy
- Many children will start wanting privacy in elementary school. However, if your child seems very shy about his body, you may want to make sure he's okay, as that could be a sign of sexual abuse.
Step 4. Set boundaries for your child
Boundaries are a good thing for kids because it will help them know what not to do. Your children may not see it as a sign of respect at first, but it will help them grow into positive, contributing adults.
- Plan ahead, and tell your child about any boundaries clearly and definitely. This means that you need to know what rules you are going to apply before setting them, and your child needs to know that he or she has no wiggle room. For example, use statements rather than questions: say "Please clean your room before leaving the house," instead of "Can you clean your room before you leave the house?". That doesn't mean you have to use a loud tone; even a neutral tone is better because it will not frighten your child.
- Don't be afraid to use humor to encourage collaboration. Kids love funny sounds and jokes, so try doing a fork dance when you want to tell them to eat or having a toothbrush talk to them.
Step 5. Learn and teach strategies for dealing with problems
When you don't get what you want, you have to learn to deal with it without screaming. For example, you can use certain techniques to calm yourself down, such as listening to a meditation CD. Alternatively, you can use creative ways to express yourself, such as drawing, coloring, or painting.
