Relationships with cousins can be challenging, but also fun. Find a way to get to know your cousin, talk about your problems without hurting each other's feelings, and learn more about each party. Your relationship with your cousin will last a lifetime so you can enjoy kindness by finding ways to bond with him!
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Method 1 of 3: Controlling Reaction
Step 1. Remain calm when he starts doing something you hate
When he does something that annoys you, don't react right away. However, just because you remain silent doesn't mean you are a weak person. Actually, you are a stronger person because you are able to withstand your reactions. Save your energy for more productive chats, not silly fights.
- Sometimes, the annoying things he does can end quickly if you don't say anything.
- Often times, people realize that they are actually being annoying. If you don't say anything, there's a good chance your cousin will notice that he's just been showing annoyance.
Step 2. Control nonverbal responses to your cousin
Nonverbal cues are body movements, voices, or facial expressions that convey a particular message. If you show him your annoyance with nonverbal cues, his reaction will only get worse.
Be a big soul. Don't nag silently, roll your eyes, or make certain facial expressions to show your annoyance
Step 3. Take a deep breath in and out slowly
Instead of reacting to the annoying thing your cousin did, take a deep breath. Let the frustration out. As you exhale, focus on one word that can stop your reaction, such as “Calm down”, “Be patient”, or “Relax.”
Step 4. Focus on the bigger situation
If you feel compelled to fight with him, consider the situation at hand. Maybe he won't stop doing something that annoys you if you respond in a negative way. Think about the reasons for doing this. If you think about what might happen in his life, maybe you can show him more concern or empathy.
Ask yourself, what is the positive impact of this fight for both of us tomorrow or next month?
Step 5. Calm down
Get out of the house and go for a walk or chat with another friend or relative over the phone. Devote your energy to something else for a few minutes. Use headphones to block out other sounds and listen to the music you love.
Be careful not to spend time alone or use headphones for too long. If you stay away all the time, your relationship with your cousin could be damaged
Step 6. Redirect the situation
That way, both of you can feel more at ease. If he does something that upsets you, ask him about something he cares about. Sometimes, if you can figure out how to interact in a positive way, you won't have to go through a bad experience with him.
- Make quiet pauses in situations or chats. You can say, “Oh! I want to ask you something." After that, wait a moment before throwing your question.
- Name something he did. Don't make the point that it sucks. Instead, talk about it as it is. You could say, "You're playing a video game right now. I wonder what you will be doing this weekend with your friends. I also want to know who's going to visit grandma and if you go, will you take someone with you?"
Method 2 of 3: Consider Your Role
Step 1. Break negative thought patterns about it
Your mindset can encourage you to believe all the negative things about him that may be your own assumptions, and not his real personality. These thoughts are harmful to your relationship because they can make you angrier or colder towards him.
Once you realize that you often think about the annoying things he does, find something to distract you. Listen to music, chat with someone, or do something else
Step 2. Don't make assumptions about why you do something
The habit of thinking about the reason someone does something is actually dangerous for themselves. It will be easy for you to feel like you understand what is happening because you know him. However, you still need more information to understand the situation.
- For example, you might feel "He's making this noise because he wants to piss me off." It might have been something else. Who knew he was screaming while playing a video game because he had a bad day at school.
- If one day you think you know why you did something, it's a good idea to ask him right away. You can say, "Why did you say that?"
Step 3. Have a deeper chat with him
Get to know him more closely. The deeper you get to know him, the greater your ability to sympathize with what he does.
- Ask open-ended questions. Ask him why he likes something he does, or maybe the relationship.
- Listen to him carefully and don't cut him off. Show that you're listening by nodding, mumbling, and maintaining eye contact.
- Ask good follow-up questions. Show that you listened to his story and ask more questions about the topic he is discussing. Mention any other information you know about it. You can say something you know about another friend. For example, try saying, “Did your friendship with Maryam make your best friend Ani feel neglected?”
Step 4. Share something you love with him
Younger cousins usually want to participate in the activities you do. Often, they are curious about “your world”, even though they may not really like it. Let them join. Take them to a baseball game or your favorite place to eat, or take them for a walk to an area you know.
- Tell your life story to your cousin. He will surely love to hear what is happening in your life.
- Laugh with him. Tease each other or laugh at something that happens to you. Having a sense of humor can relieve tension in the future when both of you start to get upset.
Method 3 of 3: Chatting about Problems
Step 1. Ask him if he has time to talk to you
You need to talk to him about the problem at hand. This is a healthy move and keeps the two of you on good terms. Make sure he has free time and you can talk in an undisturbed place.
If he is busy, ask him when he has free time
Step 2. Go to a quiet place where you can chat without being disturbed
Stay away from other relatives, relatives, or friends. You also need to avoid television and computers. Make sure you put your device aside so you can focus on the chat.
Step 3. Start with the positives
Let him know that you love him and like him. Give a real example of your togetherness, or his actions and words that make you love him. People have to feel loved and liked before they can accept criticism.
- Teams with good performances get five compliments for each critique.
- It's possible that he has always felt that you don't like him, and with your words, he will open himself up to listen to you.
- If you don't usually talk like this, you can follow this step in a way that is more natural or suits your personality. However, make sure he can trust that you care about him.
Step 4. Discuss one issue that exists for each chat session
Do not immediately discuss all your problems with him. This will make him feel attacked and the discussion will not produce positive results. Try to focus on one problem first that can be fixed in the relationship.
Step 5. Accept your “role” in the problem
When talking to him, explain what you would do in the given situation. Let him know that you don't completely blame him for the problem. However, say that you need his help to solve the problem. By accepting your faults in the situation, you will appear wiser and can encourage him to improve the relationship.
- Give real examples related to your contribution to the problem at hand. For example, you could say "I know I offended you when I said you weren't great enough to join the basketball team."
- Apologize and accept your own mistakes. For example, you could say “I'm sorry. I was very angry and shouldn't have said that."
- Let him know that you want to change and show a different attitude in the future. You can say “I will think before I speak when I am angry.”
- If you point to lots of examples of the trouble he's done, but don't tell him your own mistakes are the same as his, your cousin may have a hard time believing that you're being sincere.
Step 6. Be careful what you say
Share your feelings and reasons, and don't speak in anger. Explain that you may not understand what happened, but tell him what he did and how you felt about his actions (or the negative impact you had on his actions).
- For example, you could say "I find it hard to believe you when you're not telling the truth."
- Try not to sound judgmental. You can speak clearly, without sounding judgmental. Don't say things like "When you always lie." Try saying, "When you're not telling the truth."
