When you don't have the money to buy what you want, you can always depend on your parents. However, sometimes they will refuse your request and at this point, it is important that you are able to convince them. You can use persuasive chatter, good timing, honest effort, and other behaviors to win their favor. Even if they refuse at first, you can still win their approval and get what you want.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Convincing Parents
Step 1. Wait for the right moment
Pay attention to their mood. Maybe they're angry about your behavior, upset about a problem at work, or sad because of a problem with a friend or partner. If your parents are upset, now is not the time to ask for gifts or a vacation somewhere. Wait for them to appear cheerful and calm before asking for something. Thus, your chances of getting what you want are greater.
- Even if they're feeling happy, if you've recently been in trouble, it would be wise to wait for at least a few days or until the tension and awkwardness wears off.
- Don't make requests when your parents are busy. Imagine someone asking you to go to the convenience store to shop for milk, while you are working on an important school assignment. Such a request certainly seems selfish and annoying.
Step 2. Demonstrate open and positive body language
Smile. Make eye contact. Don't fold your arms in front of your chest. Body language like this builds a warmer atmosphere so your chances of getting something you want are greater.
- By smiling, you show that you are still able to remain calm even though you want something. This will make you seem friendlier and your parents will feel more at ease.
- Stand or sit with your legs spread apart. Straighten your back and relax your shoulders. Don't fold your arms. Body language like this reflects confidence, comfort, and openness.
- Nod when your parents speak. Lift your head and make regular eye contact with confidence, but don't glare at your parents. This will let your parents know that you are willing to listen and are confident.
Step 3. Show gratitude and be grateful when you make your wish
No one likes being spoiled and ungrateful. Imagine someone coming to you saying, “Come on, give me the gift I asked for!” Of course you will feel unappreciated and humiliated. You need to show your parents that the gifts they get are very much appreciated, and that you appreciate their hard work to earn money and buy you something you want.
- Try starting your request with something like, “Mom, I know you work hard to support and pamper us. I am very grateful. Thank you mom."
- This is not a trick to deceive them. Don't fake or force your gratitude. Show genuine gratitude because your sincerity will have a significant impact on conversations with your parents.
Step 4. Do not use hints or “signals”
Jokes or comments like “Wow! The new iPhone 11 Pro is awesome! The features are also complete…” in front of your parents will not give the desired result. It's possible that even your parents won't be able to understand the instructions you give. They could understand it, but say nothing. Whatever the odds, you still won't get what you want. Therefore, state your wishes clearly.
As an example of direct communication, you could say, “Well, I want to go on vacation to Bali so I can learn to surf.” Having a proactive goal can also have a positive impact. You could say, for example, "Mom, I really want to get a laptop so I can write more and learn to create websites in preparation for university."
Step 5. Take advantage of delayed responses
Don't expect your parents to grant or deny your wish. Instead, try saying, “Mom, I want to ask you something, but I don't need to get the answer right away. Please think about my wishes first.” This will give your parents time to consider whether they want to buy you a gift or take you where you want to go.
Using this strategy shows patience because you are willing to wait a day or so before getting an answer. Your patience can impress your parents and can even lead to better results
Step 6. Show persistence
If they refuse your request, ask why. However, don't ask questions while pleading or whining. Stay calm, ask if they have any particular reasons, and find out what you can do to change their decision. That way, you will not seem annoying, but rather mature. You can still talk about why you want something, as long as you ask, talk to, and listen to your parents respectfully.
- Once you understand why they're refusing you (e.g. "You haven't been helping at home lately" or "Your grades are too bad"), ask what you can do to "fix" the situation. Keep your promises and try to improve your behavior.
- A calm and mature demeanor may impress your parents and help you get what you want in the future.
Part 2 of 3: Bargaining with Parents
Step 1. Manage your argument before talking to your parents
Think about what you want and why. Is it an object or an experience? Once you figure that out, ask yourself the following questions. These questions will prepare you for a discussion with your parents: Why do you want this? Why did your parents need to give it? If you can't think of a proper answer, now is not the time to ask your parents for it. If you don't know why you want something, chances are they won't give it to you either.
- To find out "good" reasons in your parents' eyes, pay attention to the things they hold dear or value. There are various things that are seen as a good thing, depending on the culture and family. Helping manage the family business and look after siblings can be something that impresses some parents. Meanwhile, for some other parents, effort and achievement at school, as well as extracurricular activities can be something that convinces your parents more effectively. Think about when they praise and appreciate your actions. The moment or action is a "good" reason to get something you want. In addition, some parents are also impressed by the logical arguments.
- Prepare some “good” reasons about your desire or need for the item/vacation/experience. Good excuses show that you're not just impulsively satisfying your desires and are considering your desires before talking to them. Some examples of “good” reasons are things you want can improve your performance in school, prepare you for adulthood, and help you thrive. As another example, a desired item can fill your imagination, provide a sense of calm or relief from life's challenges, or benefit the entire family and/or society.
- Reasons that seem selfish or irrational will usually not convince your parents. For example, don't ask for something just because "your friend has it too." Parents often see this as your desire to follow trends and be like everyone else. They will also assume that you will not really appreciate the gift. Excuses like “Yeah, just want it”, “I deserve it”, or “I have to have it” are also not “good” reasons. You will also not get what you want if you complain a lot and say that your parents are bad if you don't grant your wish.
Step 2. Find out the selling price of the desired item
Visit sites such as Tokopedia, Bukalapak, and sites or platforms for buying and selling used goods to get more affordable prices. If you want an experience, look for cheaper travel options, as well as more affordable places to stay. When you discuss with your parents and give them all the information, they know that you don't just care about what's going on you want, but also the funds they have.
- Calculate the time it will take to save so that you can pay half the required costs (as well as the overall cost). If your parents are willing to share those costs with you, your calculations will be very helpful.
- If you believe that you can't get it, try accepting the possibility. If you do get it, you'll appreciate it much more. If you can't get it, at least you can get over your annoyance or disappointment with your parents more easily.
Step 3. Offer to do homework in return
If your parents reject your wishes, there's a good chance they feel that you don't "deserve" what you want. Handle the situation head-on and offer to take on certain tasks to get what you want. Your parents will respect your dedication and efforts. Even if they don't agree to your agreement, do it or keep your promise. Over time, your attitude can impress them and you can get what you want in the future. Show them that you have developed into a responsible person.
Some of the household chores that you can offer/do are washing clothes, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, sweeping/cleaning floors, caring for pets, mowing lawns in the yard, cleaning walls or floors outside the house, and tidying up a messy room
Step 4. Pay part of the cost of the item you want
It's possible that your parents don't have enough money to buy you what you want. They may also have sufficient funds, but are reluctant to buy you something (or pay for a vacation) because it is very expensive. By offering to pay part of the cost, you are showing your seriousness and your desire to work towards getting what you want.
- Find a part time job to earn money. If you are too young to work legally, ask your parents if they can give you a small job to earn money.
- Save the money you earn until you have enough funds to pay for some of the cost of the items you want (or the cost of gas/travel tickets somewhere). Talk back about what you want once you have everything you need. Show that you can plan, work, and save to convince them.
Part 3 of 3: Pleasing Parents
Step 1. Improve your grades in school
In addition to doing assignments, increasing grades is also one of the best options to encourage your parents to give gifts or take you to where you want to go. Are there certain subjects that you find difficult at school? Tell your parents that you are willing to put in extra effort to understand the subject. Keep your promise by studying and improving your grades. After that, show the results to your parents.
- Ultimately, your parents want you to achieve success in life and develop into a smarter person. They also want to prepare you for adulthood. Improved grades in school are tangible evidence that shows that you are already trying to achieve your goals.
- Ask if you can get a certain reward every time you manage to get a higher score in each subject. If you want a vacation or an expensive gift, ask if your parents will pay for some of the other fees when you've managed to raise your grades in each subject.
Step 2. Do what they asked in the first place
Oftentimes, parents are often annoyed that their children don't want to listen to what they have to say. Your parents may be confused when they have to repeatedly ask their children to do something. Therefore, be obedient children as long as their wishes are natural. Take a shower when asked and clean your room. Follow your parents' directions so they feel respected. When you fulfill their wants and needs, over time your parents will fulfill or grant your wishes.
- Once you know what your parents want you to do on a regular basis, start working on them before you are asked. Tidy the dinner table when the dish is almost ready, clean the house with a vacuum cleaner, and tidy up the yard. Doing errands without being asked can be something more impressive and appreciated.
- This approach takes a long time. If you consistently follow this step, your parents will appreciate and respect your efforts more. This gives you a greater chance of getting what they want from them.
Step 3. Take small responsibilities
This is similar to doing household chores, but the main difference is that you shouldn't act as if those annoying tasks were done because you were asked to. Offer to do small chores around the house that your parents usually do. This is a long-term strategy to show your parents that you want to repay your family's kindness, as well as help develop and care for their family. This step also shows that you don't hate your duties or responsibilities.
- This attitude is seen as more mature and can earn the respect of your parents. In the end, your attitude helps you get what you want from your parents, with less resistance.
- Homework that your parents usually do and don't ask you to do can be the right choice. Make sure you are able and know how to do the task safely before completing it.
- Other common tasks like cleaning, tending pets, and trimming the lawn are also good choices. The key is your desire to contribute for the sake of the family.
Step 4. Meet their needs
Like you, your parents also have many needs. The more needs that are met, the more likely they are to give you what you want. Take the time to understand their needs and provide what your parents need in as many ways as possible.
- Parents need to know that their child is safe and not in danger in their absence. Show a good and responsible attitude when you are with your parents. Choose friends who are responsible and can be trusted so that your parents are not too worried.
- Parents want to feel respected and heard. Don't insult or call them bad names. When they are upset with your attitude, listen and try to understand what they are saying.
- Parents want their children to recognize them. Usually, a new child is able to see his parents as individuals who have their own lives when they grow up. Try asking about your parents' lives. In addition to increasing your chances of getting what you want, you can also build open and communicative relationships.
Step 5. Make them feel confident as parents
In other words, try to “make them feel good and proud.” There is no one specific way to raise a child, and sometimes parents feel inferior or judged by their ability to raise a child. Help them feel proud and confident by being nice in public. Show friendliness and courtesy when meeting their friends or your friend's parents.
- Chat with your parents' friends, answer their questions, and reflect your interest as much as possible.
- Show respect and courtesy to your parents (not just your parents, but anyone older than you).
Step 6. Don't complain
Even if you feel their decision is unfair and you deserve what you're asking for, resist the urge to protest. You can question their decision calmly and maturely, but grumbling and whining actually reflects to your parents that they really shouldn't give you what you ask for. Your attitude actually makes you feel like you deserve what you want, and that can irritate your parents.
This step applies to all interactions with your parents. If you complain a lot, curse, or insult them, you will get the same treatment. It's possible that your parents will get defensive and see your behavior as a form of trouble
Step 7. Be happy with what you have
Be grateful for everything your parents have given you. Take your time enjoying all the gifts and experiences that exist, rather than just enjoying them for a moment and forgetting about them. By appreciating what you have, you can be happy for a longer period of time. Your parents will also know that the gifts they give are not in vain and are given to children who are devoted and able to be grateful.
Tips
- Show them that you have a responsibility to get what you want, and don't make your parents feel that they don't have to give you what you want. Your responsibility shows that you can manage and maintain what you want.
- Always plan what you want to say. This way, your parents know that you understand what you are saying so that you look more mature in their eyes.
- Don't keep talking about what you want. It's actually annoying and can't convince them to give you what you want.
- Wait until you do something good, and use the moment as an excuse for your parents to give you what you want.
- If you've just been bad, don't ask for something right after the incident. Your request will not be granted because you are still leaving a bad impression (at least for a while). Also, don't apologize and make your request on the same day because your parents will feel that you're only apologizing to get what you want.
- Don't make your request while your parents are on the phone.
- Make sure you don't expect an immediate answer. Try to impress your parents before getting a final answer from them.
- The more often you ask, the easier it will be to remember. However, don't make requests to your parents too often. Ask for the same on your birthday, Easter, Christmas, or any other event and celebration that allows you to earn a gift. Don't just make your requests every day.
- Show confidence. There is a chance that you will feel nervous when you ask for something. However, don't worry. Life must go on.
- Speak clearly and don't look down. This is important to remember so that your parents can understand you better.
Warning
- There's no point in being nice for something you want, then turning back to being lazy after getting it. This attitude makes you untrustworthy.
- Keep in mind that what you want may not match your current age. For some, you can't get it because you're not old enough, whether you offer to pay part of the fee or not.
- Begging and whining won't work.
