Losing the trust of your parents must be sad for you as well as for your parents. You may feel guilty, helpless, vulnerable, or ashamed. Your parents may feel betrayed, frustrated, and tired. Although easily damaged, trust in relationships can still be repaired. With good communication, appropriate actions, and clear expectations, you and your parents will be able to trust each other again.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Communicating Two Ways
Step 1. Get your parents talking
Tell them how you feel. It's possible that your perception of what they think about what you do doesn't match how they really feel. Initiate proactive communication and invite them to sit down to talk, ideally in a neutral and free of distractions (electronic or otherwise) such as a park near the house.
Step 2. Listen to your parents
In order for communication to work well, you and your parents must both be able to talk and listen. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the parents and understand what they are saying. If they say something confusing or offensive, ask for more explanation. Once the channels of communication are open, you and your parents can rebuild trust in the relationship.
Step 3. Apologize for breaking their trust
A sincere apology will go a long way in helping you earn their trust again. A good apology means admitting the mistake, stating what happened, acknowledging the consequences, asking for forgiveness, and proposing ways to avoid making the same mistake in the future.
- Try not to expect anything in return. While it would be great if an apology could fix everything right away, it's probably not that big of a deal. Maybe your parents don't know how to respond to your apology.
- The words you use are not as important as the sincerity behind the apology.
- Another part of apologizing is forgiving yourself.
Step 4. Ask what you can do to get them to trust you again
The easiest way to find out what you need to do to restore their trust is to ask them directly. They may not be able to answer right away, but tell them they can think about it first, then let you know.
Respond to their requests honestly. If they demand a lot of things that you can't possibly do, say (without complaining) that you don't believe you can live up to all of their expectations. Invite them to compromise
Step 5. Trust them
Trust can build trust, and trusting your parents will encourage them to trust you too. In fact, you may not even believe in them right now, and that's normal. Trust in a relationship goes both ways so you also need to build trust from your side.
Method 2 of 4: Changing Attitudes
Step 1. Spend time with your family
Spending time with family can build trust in a relationship for several reasons. First, your parents won't suspect the way you spend your time with them. Second, spending time with them can help you understand them better and also improve communication. Third, they will remember your positive attributes, such as a sense of humor, instead of focusing on your actions that violated their beliefs.
Step 2. Take action that demonstrates responsibility
Do your chores at home. Pick up your sister from school on time. Wash dishes after eating. Showing responsibility in daily tasks can make your parents think that you are a responsible person. This alone may not be enough to restore trust, but when coupled with other things like open communication, these small steps can help.
Step 3. Show that you care
Showing that you care for your parents, for yourself, and for the parent-child relationship is an important part of a relationship based on trust. There are many ways to show you care, but you can start by doing and saying things that make them happy.
Step 4. Make amends for your mistakes
If you have hurt someone other than your parents as part of this breach of trust, you must apologize and make amends to that other party. If you've asked your parents what you can do to regain their trust, do what they ask, even if it sounds silly. For example, washing your dad's car at first glance may have nothing to do with restoring his trust, but at least it shows that you're willing to do anything.
Step 5. Demonstrate your readiness to change
Showing that you're ready to change with the little things-like making your bed every morning like your mom always tells you to-can prove that you're willing to change for big things, and this is important in getting their trust back.
Method 3 of 4: Avoiding Incidents That Distrust
Step 1. Control your emotions
Often situations and events that undermine trust are caused by rash or emotional decisions. Trying to be rational and in control of your feelings can make you appear more trustworthy. If you're having trouble controlling your emotions, consider seeing a therapist to discuss strategies for controlling your emotions.
Step 2. Understand parental expectations
If you know what your parents expect you not to do, it will be easier for you to avoid it. If you're not really sure what their rules or expectations are, just ask. If your breach of trust is new, you need to be very careful about anything they might consider out of line.
Step 3. Obey the rules at home
However, you currently live with your parents. They definitely have rules and expectations about what to do and what not to do during your stay in their home. Follow their terms even if they don't seem reasonable to you.
- Remember that someday you will live in your own home and be able to live according to your own rules.
- While it may seem like a long time before you can move out of your parents' house and live on your own, the time will surely come.
Step 4. Avoid the causes that trigger the breach of trust
If any particular person, habit, activity, or event breaks your parent's trust, avoid it as much as possible. If you feel you need help, ask for help.
- In serious cases such as the use of illegal drugs, you may need professional help to deal with addiction.
- If a friend is causing you to make the wrong decision, it's best if you step away from them a little.
Method 4 of 4: Fixing Specific Trust Violations
Step 1. Get your parents' trust back after you lied
If you're breaking your parents' trust by lying, especially if you've lied a lot before, you'll need to get into the habit of always telling the truth. Showing a commitment to being completely honest will help restore your parents' trust. Unfortunately, this takes a long time.
Step 2. Start obeying the rules
If your parents' trust is broken because you violated one of their rules, such as no drinking or staying out late, talk about the rules at home again.
- You have to understand what their rules are, why they were created, and how to follow them.
- An open dialogue about these rules can help you make more informed decisions going forward.
Step 3. Try to treat your parents' heartache
If you hurt someone, you have to make up for it. If you hurt your parents by doing something that upsets or upset them, you should try to understand their feelings.
Putting yourself in the parent's shoes and thinking about the apology you'd want if you were them can help you heal their hurt
Step 4. Repair the damage to the property
If your mistake causes damage to certain property, for example if you damage a car or public facility, you should try to fix it. You can make your own repairs, such as repainting a mural that you damaged, repairing a dented car, or cleaning a tree you've decorated with toilet paper. In addition, you can also pay for repairs, for example when a car accident occurs.
Step 5. Accept financial responsibility
If you have done something that has harmed another person financially, you must compensate financially as well. Even if this means sacrificing a month's salary, accepting financial responsibility can go a long way in showing your parents that you understand the consequences of your actions.
Tips
- Work hard and look for opportunities to take the initiative and take responsibility.
- You and your parents may need some space and time to cool off. Try to discuss when you are both calm.
- Time can heal everything. It may take a long time to restore parental trust, but it will work out in the end. Do not give up.
- Accept that humans (both you and your parents) are imperfect and can make mistakes.
- Restoring the trust of parents may be something difficult. If you did something really bad, but clever, like sneaking out of the house at night, you MUST apologize! Little things can help too: Do homework without being asked, get good grades in school, tell your mom that she's beautiful and you love her, make breakfast and give her a massage, help your dad fix something, say you love him, buy him T-shirts, and so on.
- Ask what you can do to get their trust back, but don't ask this right after the incident. If you immediately ask how to make amends, you may sound like you want to avoid trouble.
