No one said that helping a guy get over a divorce was easy-especially if you fell in love with him. But if you do have a bond with the guy, you need to make sure he's completely past the divorce by talking about it with him, providing comfort and support, and doing new things with him. You also have to be patient with him and take it slow so he has time to process everything that happens to him. Once you treat him with love and affection, he will be ready to resume a relationship with you in time.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Helping Her Recover
Step 1. Listen to him
Don't ignore his sadness in the face of his ex-wife. Try to provide a constructive listening room as a place for him to vent his thoughts without criticism from you. Feel free to give advice if he asks for it but don't be offended if he doesn't take it. It is the way of listening without being judgmental that matters. Let him say whatever he wants, rather than interrupting the conversation with questions or opinions. Right now, the thing he needed most was ears to hear.
Hold your judgment as much as you can. Maybe he didn't behave well during his marriage, or maybe his wife was a bit distant during the marriage. You're not there to make him feel worse for his behavior or badmouth his ex-wife. It would only make him feel worse for everything he was going through
Step 2. Understand that she feels vulnerable
Men are very fragile after a divorce, and can feel isolated, disappointed, and unhappy with themselves. Be prepared to be fragile and easily hurt, and understand that he needs you to be kind, loving, and sensitive. However, you shouldn't take advantage of that vulnerability to try to solve the problem by telling him how much you love him; focus on helping him recover as an individual before you start a relationship with him.
If the guy is fragile, then maybe he doesn't feel open to hearing jokes about his divorce, or even subtle teasing about things from his past. He's probably questioning himself on many occasions and may not understand that you're just being sarcastic or that you're not really taking what you're saying
Step 3. Don't ask too many questions
Admit it. You may be curious to know all the details about his divorce, especially if you're dating him or thinking about him romantically. However, he may not be ready to reveal much to you, or talk about all the pain he's going through. Once your relationship deepens, he'll feel the need to tell you what's going on, what financial problems he's having, what his relationship with his ex-wife is like, and so on. But if you just want to help her get over the divorce, let her talk and just listen.
Looking too far could open up his unhealed wounds. He might tell her something he really doesn't want to talk about, just to be nice, and that will make him feel even worse. Don't think too much about satisfying your curiosity
Step 4. Do something new and fun with him
One thing you can do to help a man get over his divorce is to try something completely new and different with him. Chances are he'll think about his past if he visits the same bars and restaurants his ex-wife frequents, walks around the same lake, or watches the TV shows he and his ex-wife used to like. If you want him to get over his divorce, you need to do new things with him, from going on hikes to learning to make enchiladas. While distracting him isn't a great long-term solution, giving him something new and exciting to be excited about can make him feel like he's moving on with life.
- Ask him what he's always wanted to do but never had the chance to do. It could be snowboarding, cooking steak, or writing a novel. Encourage him to try new things and even support him when he does. Gradually, he will feel his focus shift to something he really cares about and will become more focused on the present and future, rather than the past.
- He may be so upset about the divorce that he doesn't really want to leave the house or try something new, so you can encourage him to try new things without being too pushy. If he's just not ready for rock climbing, you may need to give him space.
Step 5. Be patient with him
You may feel like you've found the right person for you and would like to hold hands with him in public, introduce him to some of your close friends, tell your parents about him, and take him on weekend trips out of town when the opportunity arises. However, he may not want to make a commitment to you in the public eye until he feels ready. Don't force her, or you might jeopardize your relationship or make her do something she's not ready to do. If you want to make your relationship work, respect the fact that he needs more time than you need.
- If you're constantly complaining about why he hasn't seen your friends, kissing you in public, or saying "I love you," complaining won't speed up the process. Putting pressure on him to do something he's not ready to do will only make it harder for your relationship to develop naturally.
- Of course the things you're asking for, like a little bit of affection in public and a sign of more commitment, are perfectly natural. However, since you're dealing with a guy who has a tough past, it will take longer. That's what you have to be ready to accept.
Step 6. Make sure he's ready to hook up
If you've been with the guy for a few months, and he still seems very sad, fragile, and emotional when it comes to the divorce, maybe now isn't the time to take the relationship to a serious level with him. You may have a different goal than him. If you do care about him, you have to make sure he's really ready to commit to you, or make sure you don't mind having a very lighthearted relationship with a guy who's reorganizing things. If you can't spend time with him without bringing up marital problems, making him sad, or fighting about why you can't see his children, then this might not be a good time to start a relationship.
If you really feel like you see serious potential with the guy but still have plans for now, maybe you should try starting a relationship at a later date instead of ruining what you have now, when he's totally unprepared
Part 2 of 3: Continuing Life Together
Step 1. Give him some time before you make him a part of your life
He may need more time than the average guy to do the things a lover would normally do with you, such as meeting your friends, showing affection in public, posting your status in a relationship on Facebook, or going on vacation with you.. While you may want to take him to your office function, family vacation, or just a party at a friend's house, he may not be ready to make that commitment. It's not that he doesn't care about you, but that he wants to take things slowly
If you keep asking him to come to events with you, he will probably comply, but his mind won't be focused on that. Wait for him to suggest that he wants to see your friends, coworkers, or family
Step 2. Give him time to make you a part of his life
Don't feel angry or hurt if a guy isn't ready to introduce you to his friends or family. Remember that they have been at their best and worst in their past relationship and it will take them some time to get used to their relationship with you. If he has children, never ask to see them until he is ready to introduce yourself to them. Remember he doesn't want to confuse them about who you are or make them feel that his personal life is constantly changing. Wait until he is ready to take those steps with you.
- Don't be mad at him if he hasn't invited you to dinner with his family, invited you to meet his friends in his spare time, or introduced him to his little sister. If he hasn't decided to do this, he must have good reasons for it. Of course, this won't last forever, but you'll need to wait until he feels like he's completely gotten over the divorce before you can take these steps with him.
- If your ex-wife and children are still a part of her life, try to build a relationship with them. Be nice to his ex-wife and be helpful and kind to his children, if they are ready to accept you. Approach them slowly first and wait for your relationship to develop. If you're serious about the guy, you should try to come into his life, when he's ready, without pushing it too far.
Step 3. Enjoy your relationship on its own
His ex-wife was doing too much for him, whether it was getting too involved in everything, to being too boring. However, make sure you have the right balance. You have to complement each other like tea and sugar. If he's being boring, show him how to have fun. Take him out, and introduce him to hobbies you enjoy. If he gets too excited and leaves the house too much, calm him down. Invite him to spend some time with you for a few nights, take him to the movies, show him that you can have fun indoors as well as outdoors. Be great to each other.
Step 4. Accept that there will be obstacles
There are things to go through in every relationship. Outside influences can create problems. The main influence, if any, may come from family and friends. They can be a stumbling block between you and your partner. Couples often want to respect their family's opinions, so you should too. When he sees how respectful you are, he will eventually respect them too. The important thing is to sit down with him alone and agree to overcome any obstacles that may arise. There will be many obstacles. Keep positive thoughts about each other and you will get through it.
There will be obstacles in any serious relationship. While divorce will present a number of other challenges, the important thing is that you both have to overcome them together
Step 5. Be honest
Maybe you have some secret things. His ex-wife probably cheated on him and now he has trust issues. Now this may make you feel afraid to be honest about your past relationship, and the fact that you may have been an cheater. It's okay to be honest. The best way to earn trust is with honesty. Letting him know about your past dishonesty will reassure him that you are ready to change and start your new relationship from scratch. Be honest. Fully.
Step 6. Show affection
Show love to the man. Look him in the eye when you talk to him. It shows honesty and respect. Hold her hand in public, when she's ready, to let the world know that you're happy with her. This will give him confidence and encourage his confidence in all aspects. Compliment him once in a while to let him know that you like every single thing about your partner. Help her to be herself again before the divorce. Return the pleasure and happiness you feel by giving him the same thing he deserves. Love him unconditionally.
Her confidence may not always be high after her divorce. You can make him feel better about himself again
Step 7. Keep the relationship interesting
Keep him responsive. Men love surprises. They want to know that you put in the effort to show your love. If you're not a girl who likes to dress up, ask her to do something fun. If he's a busy guy, you should spend a little more time with him. Put away your cell phone, hire a babysitter so you guys can have some time out on a date, or have a quiet night to relax. Random messages, bath times, cards, gifts, or anything else that makes him feel special can keep a relationship going strong. It's important to keep the relationship fun and feeling fresh.
When you feel settled and are absolutely sure that he has forgotten about his divorce, you should always be doing new things together while deepening your love with the same hobby
Part 3 of 3: Knowing What Not to Do
Step 1. Don't stalk his ex-wife
While it may be tempting to Google your ex-wife or find her on Facebook, in the long run, this will only hurt and make you feel insecure about your relationship. You may be wondering what he looks like, what his job is, or where his school, university, preschool is, but knowing these details will only make you feel worse than satisfy your curiosity. If there's anything you really want to know about his ex-wife, she'll tell you, and being obsessed will only make you feel worse, like you can't compete with her.
If you really try to stalk him, you'll probably find some photos of your boyfriend and his ex-wife, and that's sure to make you feel even worse
Step 2. Don't insult his ex-wife either
You may think that making fun of his ex-wife or making fun of her with bad names will make the guy forget her faster and make you look better. Unfortunately, the opposite happened; badmouthing his ex-wife will only make you feel insecure, and it will weaken your relationship, as he may end up getting defensive and defending his ex-wife. While he may mock him, you have no right to do the same, and you should avoid judging someone you don't know.
If he's angry about what his ex-wife did, you can agree that it's not good, but never make fun of her or swear at her
Step 3. Don't compare yourself to him
For better or for worse, you and your ex-wife don't have the same goals. He may have loved him once, and he may love you now, but he wants to keep the feelings of the two relationships separate. If you compare yourself to him and ask him if his ex-wife behaves like you, or even looks like you-not to mention-what she looks like when she's having sex, she'll only get annoyed, angry, or annoyed. If you want him to forget his relationship, you have to treat your relationship as new, not a better version of his old marriage.
What's more, if you compare yourself to his ex-wife, it might scare her off, because she'll start to take your relationship seriously. He may not feel ready for it, and even comparing your relationship with his marriage can be considered a bad sign in his mind
Step 4. Don't bring up the matter of marriage too soon
You may want the guy to completely forget about his past marriage before you even mention the word "married." Unfortunately, this can take years, and you may have to be prepared to wait for it. If you bring up the marriage too soon, talk about how you want to have kids, or ask him to move in before he's ready, you'll destroy the relationship. Of course, if you've been together for a few years and he's showing no signs that he's getting over his divorce or moving on with your life, you may need to break up, but if you've only been in a relationship for a year or so, you may have to be patient.
When you do bring it up, make sure you do it thoughtfully. You don't want to startle it and make it feel unexpected
Step 5. Don't try to control what he does with his ex-wife or children
Be careful never to get to the point of forcing him to cut off communication with his ex-wife, especially if there are children. He needs to stay in touch to carry out the division of responsibilities he and his ex-wife have for their children. And it's not up to you to make decisions about who can and can't communicate with him. If you suspect something, now is the time to find out or leave it, before you get too serious about it.
- You definitely don't want to appear in control or he will feel constrained. If you feel secure in your relationship, you won't care if he goes to his ex-wife to sort out routine stuff. And regarding his children, if you can't accept that they are a part of his life, then you're not ready to be in the relationship.
- Avoid forcing him to do anything about his ex-wife. He knew what he had to do. You only have the right to say that his dealings with his ex-wife impacted you personally; in that case, really show how it affects you and what you worry about yourself. Being honest will help him see your real concerns, and won't think you're trying to get in the way between him and his ex-wife.
Tips
- Avoid major debates involving complaints about his previous marriage. Never compare him to anyone in your past and never mention that you know why his ex-wife left him.
- Do not complain. Your complaints can add to the burden on his mind.
- Don't hook up with him just because you feel sorry for him-many people go through divorce.
- Be patient with him. Divorce is a major transition process.
- Keep him interested in you, that way he won't be sad about his failed marriage.
- Adjust your timing, as you probably won't get too much time with it.
- Be nice to her, she's been through a lot and maybe her feelings are still sensitive.
- Praise him as often as possible; this will greatly build his confidence.
Warning
- Dealing with mood swings that may occur due to the stress he is experiencing may be difficult.
- You may not get as much time as you'd like with him because of the past he's still dealing with (kids, company, divorce settlement).
- Adjusting to his usual way of life can be difficult.
- He can change his mind at any moment and conclude that he cannot find true happiness without his ex-wife.
