Every couple certainly never imagined their marriage would end in divorce. However, sometimes divorce is the way to go. Unfortunately, it is rare for a divorce to go as peacefully as one would expect. Many losses will be experienced when the relationship ends, for example losing your home, security, finances, comfort, intimacy, and so on. However, there are strategies that both parties can learn so that painful separations can proceed peacefully, without causing stress. By implementing the right strategies for dealing with the loss and pain of divorce, each party can find an effective way to ease this process and accept the final decision peacefully.
Step
Step 1. Deal with the emotional aspects that usually accompany a breakup
Divorce is always accompanied by emotional pain and great change. You may have done everything possible to save the marriage, but divorce is still inevitable. If you are struggling with change and emotional loss, it is very important to seek the help of a consultant who will help you overcome the loss of trust, respect and love in a relationship. Learning how to deal with divorce effectively will help you deal with pain and loss. Common emotional problems include:
- There may be feelings of trauma when someone has to admit that he was rejected or replaced. You will experience feelings of rejection and that will affect your self-esteem, especially if you are the one left behind.
- Feelings of anger and hatred must be melted away so that you can return to your life as a free person.
- Feeling empty when looking to the future can bring you down. It's natural to worry about finding someone else to share your life with, but this can hinder your ability to bounce back.
- The hurt feelings, which are sometimes very deep, can keep you from opening up to others or showing the emotions you feel. You can stop trusting people.
Step 2. Try to see the positive side of dealing with lawyers and courts
Maybe some of the stages in the divorce process will stress you out, but once it's all over, it turns out that there are positive aspects to be learned. Now, legally the couple is no longer responsible for each other. In fact, the distribution of miscellaneous assets that occurs as a result of legal proceedings can reduce emotional stress. In dealing with the legal aspects of divorce, consider the following to help facilitate the process:
- Know your rights. It is important to know your rights and how to apply them in cases of price sharing, payment of benefits, and trusts. Having knowledge of this will help you feel calmer and easier to deal with what is going on.
- Find a suitable lawyer. Don't settle for the first attorney if you don't think you're a good fit. Sometimes an intense divorce process can be made worse if you are bothered by the attorney's quirky behavior. So make sure you feel comfortable working with him before deciding to hire him. If the lawyers are aggressive and “want to win themselves”, the settlement process may be tough. Take this into account when choosing a lawyer.
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Consider a divorce without the intervention of a lawyer. Know that a bad divorce attorney will quietly drag you into battle. Divorce is often expressed in terms that are often repeated. You can do a Google search if you want.
Unfortunately, if you have children, divorce may be too complicated to resolve on your own. Good divorce lawyers are not interested in dragging you to war with each other. They actually make more money (in the long run) if they provide fast, quality service that you enjoy working with and are willing to recommend to friends, family or even strangers. Reading books about divorce can be helpful, but keep in mind that this kind of book is written in general terms, not specific or accommodating to a particular case. If you and your partner can come to an agreement on every aspect of the divorce, you can make your own application using a format available online, but you'll still have to pay for a lawyer to review it. This will save you time as he can pinpoint minor mistakes that could result in your application being returned by the court. If you have children, the situation becomes more complicated, especially if you want to win custody of the children after the divorce. Paying a lawyer to examine your documents may be more effective than returning them because they are incomplete or need to be corrected
Step 3. Avoid bitterness when possessions have to be divided in two
This process creates great disappointment as both parties feel robbed and this creates a dispute over who has more right to what. Most couples find it difficult to come to an agreement on this division of property, when they should focus on starting a new life in a new environment without the shadow of failed marriages in the past. This thought will help them to avoid fighting over items that will remind them of the memories and pain of their previous marriage.
- Have all the information your attorney needs to help him build a strong financial case and convince your spouse without creating a lasting conflict. Use receipts, written evidence, and other trusted sources of information to support your application. You may need to write a complete financial history of the marriage, reflecting the resources you have, the value of joint property, personal assets and liabilities. Although it may sound sly, actually revealing the facts factually can be the best way to control emotions.
- Give your partner a chance to take what he wants from the house. You'll be surprised to learn that there's no need for a lengthy argument to share things in the house if you let them go. For many couples, there is always a clear division between “his and mine” and in times of disagreement that division is used as a weapon to hurt each other. Avoid this possibility by offering your partner to take what he or she wants. His sense of responsibility and guilt will prevent him from being unfair to you.
- Use coins to determine who is entitled to co-purchased items. In the end, everyone will get an equal share. Think about it, are those things worth more than the anxiety that will always haunt you?
Step 4. Think about how to organize family life for your children
“Who has custody”, “How to regulate parental visitation rights”, “How both parties share parental responsibilities”, are important issues to be solved. It is not healthy for children if parents use them as weapons to attack each other. Children are not protected from conflicts and anger that arise between parents. Put children's welfare first and avoid situations where they are emotionally trapped due to their attachment to both parents.
- Be careful not to transfer emotional abuse from abusive parents to children. Neither you nor your partner has the right to do so. Don't tell them "You have to live with mom if you really love mom". This method is considered a cruel manipulation of children and puts them in a dilemma because no matter what they say or choose, they still lose one parent.
- Use a consultant or mediator to help manage guardianship issues if you can't resolve them on your own. If a guardianship issue has to be decided in court, or ultimately has to be decided in a courtroom, the court will appreciate the efforts and cooperation of parents who put the interests of the children above all else.
- Be prepared for the trial that has been set for this kind of matter. The trial process, either in the religious court or the district court, will go through several stages. Don't forget to prepare the kids too.
- For a peaceful transition, both of you must be prepared to discuss important decisions about children's welfare and continue to interact with each other in children's lives.
Step 5. Handle adjustment problems in social life properly
Usually divorced couples break up with mutual friends and colleagues in search of new ones. Mutual friends from previous marriages often have to choose “who” they will support. Handle this loss maturely and accept the fact that friendships, like your marriage, are untenable. For many who value your relationship and feel a sense of belonging, this divorce is a huge loss. However, being realistic about your relationship can help you overcome this transition.
- Don't expect your friends to choose one of you. If you don't badmouth your ex, they won't do the same either. If you reassure them that the divorce is going well and the two of you remain friends, it will ease tensions with your friends (if your statement is true). Try not to talk about your ex-spouse; it will break the bonds between you and them, and allow everyone to move on with life.
- To better understand how friends perceive this situation, try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would react to a divorced friend.
Step 6. Try to restore yourself as a person
This means that you have to see yourself as an individual, not as part of a couple. The reactions of rejection, anger, bargaining and intense sadness must be replaced by sincerity.
- Give yourself time. At first you may feel divided, vulnerable, heartbroken, low self-esteem, and a variety of other emotions, depending on your gender, whether or not you filed for divorce, and what happened during the divorce process. For some, this event may be a relief! Whatever your feelings may be, coming to terms with this situation takes time and the formation of new routines and habits.
- To maintain your inner peace, don't beat yourself up. Relationships are based on the agreement and commitment of two people. If you blame yourself for what happened, you will feel guilty, angry, and helpless. Guilt is a useless emotion and when it comes to divorce, it will only hurt you. Accept that your marriage is over, and now your life has changed and you have to find a new purpose.
- Take a yoga, meditation, or self-defense class to give you the opportunity to develop personal goals and relieve yourself of any stress you may be feeling.
Step 7. Stay away from all aspects related to a failed marriage
Move on and find your individuality. This is called total separation, which is the stage when a person begins to feel whole again. At this stage, you should clearly define personal rules about future interactions with your ex to maintain peaceful feelings. Here are some examples of rules you can apply (it's up to you):
- Ensure future interactions occur in a professional manner. You still need to communicate for the sake of the children. Do it as if you were in a business meeting, focusing only on the welfare of the children.
- End any communication with your ex that turns into an argument or when you're constantly interrupted. Explain that you will continue the conversation once things have calmed down. Make sure you explain to your partner that if he interrupts you or starts to raise his voice, you will end the meeting as well.
- Never use your children to text your ex-spouse. Use email or regular mail for this purpose. Avoid text messages as they are too personal, intimate and close.
- Don't involve emotions in all your communications. Try to be direct and concise (you can write down the main points first) and stay neutral.
- Break all ties. Don't ask for advice, help, advice or the like, unless you have no other choice. Find other people you can turn to for advice, such as your accountant, doctor, lawyer, personal assistant, or someone else in the same profession as your ex-spouse.
- If you need money for the kids, talk it over with your ex-spouse in a professional manner. Don't beg, cry, manipulate, or pretend to be a victim.
Tips
- Sometimes the advice of friends and professionals can help, but sometimes it can make the situation worse. Be prepared to rely on your own judgment for the most peaceful and comfortable end result.
- Find a lawyer who supports you and is cooperative. On the other hand, be aware that your attorney may not have the same image in your spouse's view, and conversely, your spouse's attorney may not have the same image in your view. Lawyers defend their clients, not the opposing party. That's how contradictory systems work. If the feud is getting more and more annoying, you can discuss the lawyers' tactics with your ex-spouse and then report it to their respective attorneys and ask them to be less aggressive. This can reduce tension between the two of you.
- Don't forget to speak up to find a solution because talking is always better than violence.
Warning
- If you feel suicidal during the divorce process, seek help immediately. You are going through difficult times, but it is not worth sacrificing your life.
- If communication hits a dead end during the divorce process, the desire to be outgoing and friendly can suddenly turn violent and stubborn. It's easy to get caught up in the negative energy of your own negative emotions. Try not to fall into malice. You can try to work it out with the help of a mediator, especially when it comes to finances and asset sharing. A neutral person can put emotions, fatigue and anger aside and can communicate with both of you impartially.
