It's normal to have minor problems in a friendship, but sometimes it's hard to restore a relationship after a big fight. If this friendship means a lot to you, the ability to control your emotions plays an important role in dealing with current problems. Even though it is difficult, the friendship that had been cut off will be even closer if it is successfully restored.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Communicating Again
Step 1. Be proactive to initiate interactions
If communication is lost, someone has to take the initiative. Be the first to get started! This way shows that you want to be friends again and really want to work things out. Think of the best way to get him to communicate again. Consider your friend's personality and how big the fight has been. Use a variety of ways to contact him.
Step 2. Start communicating at all costs
If he doesn't answer when you call, leave a voicemail explaining that you want to improve the relationship and then send a text message with the same news. If he blocks your phone number, send him an email. If your email continues to be ignored, send a personal message through social media. If all else fails, come to his house to talk one-on-one.
- After using a certain method, wait some time for a response before communicating in another way. Do not let him feel disturbed or depressed.
- If you receive word via text or email that he is willing to meet you, ask to meet in a mutually agreed upon public area so that no one feels intimidated or pressured.
Step 3. Respect his privacy
If he doesn't want to meet or talk to you, let alone meet in person, don't push yourself. He needs privacy that must be respected. Take the time to reflect on what happened and prepare what you want to say.
Don't force it if you already know that he doesn't want to communicate. This made him angry and annoyed
Step 4. Explain the real problem honestly and openly
Tell him how you feel about this problem and then ask him to do the same. Let him speak freely. Listen carefully to the explanation and don't interrupt the conversation. That way, both of you can clarify the real problem and find out why.
Express your feelings without saying offensive or judgmental words. For example: instead of saying, "You've made a stupid decision," say: "I want to know why you're acting like that."
Step 5. Use the word "I" or "I"
This method makes the interlocutor not feel blamed and the atmosphere of the conversation is calmer. For example: instead of saying, "You're really selfish," you could explain, "I feel like you don't understand how hurt I am because of what you said."
Step 6. Apologize to your friend and forgive him for his actions
Even if you're innocent, apologizing is a great way to start a conversation, for example: "I'm sorry that this situation has caused us trouble. I hope we can be friends again."
- If you have done something wrong, apologize sincerely.
- If he apologizes, forgive his mistake wholeheartedly.
Step 7. Don't start a fight
During the conversation, don't say or do things that hurt your feelings. This will only damage the friendship and may be irreversible. Try to control your emotions to keep the conversation calm. If one of the parties starts to get angry, don't be easily influenced.
For example: if a friend says, "I can't accept what you're doing! I don't trust you anymore!" respond with, "I understand my actions were very rash. I'm sorry and want to correct it. Please tell me what to do."
Part 2 of 3: Making Healthy Friendships
Step 1. Free yourself from anger or frustration
If you really want to restore the friendship, start by letting go of the negative feelings about the problem and forgiving your friend. Ask him to do the same. Forget about past problems and focus on the future.
Step 2. Make a plan to restore the friendship
Ask your friend what you need to improve to strengthen the friendship. For example: "Please give me some advice so this problem doesn't happen again and what I should do to keep us friends."
If you want to make a request, submit it now. For example: "In the future, I hope you will respect how I feel and listen to what I have to say."
Step 3. Be patient
If you're both having a really big time, the best way to repair your friendship isn't to just talk to him after school as usual. Instead of wanting to stick to the old habits, start by having a chat over the phone and meeting up every once in a while. Use this opportunity to recuperate and forge lost friendships.
Step 4. Don't repeat the negative behavior
Apologies are meaningless if you don't want to improve. Make the necessary changes to make the friendship last. Pay attention to how they talk and interact with each other. If nothing changes between the two of you and the friendship doesn't work out, it's a good idea to reevaluate the relationship.
Part 3 of 3: Identifying Harmful Friendships
Step 1. Pay attention to how the two of you interact with each other
While this advice may not be the best, remember that not all relationships need to be restored. Friends who are always behaving badly or blaming you are not very good friends so friendships don't need to be maintained.
A good friend is someone who is able to be kind to you by helping, encouraging, appreciating, and being able to empathize. If he can't do it to you or vice versa, the friendship may not be worth it
Step 2. Determine if you can be yourself when interacting with him
Negative friendships keep you from being real when you meet friends, so you have to pretend all the time. If he is constantly criticizing your character, this is an indicator of a negative relationship.
Good friends will provide useful criticism with great care
Step 3. Make sure there is balance in the friendship
A positive and healthy relationship is indicated by a balanced interaction. If he never calls or texts and you always make plans, this is a sign of an imbalance in the friendship.
- A negative friend makes you wish he would be your friend. A good friend will accept you as you are and make time without demanding anything from you.
- Negative people will focus on their own problems and demand that you ignore your problems.
Step 4. Consider whether an ongoing friendship is a positive and beneficial relationship for both parties
Start by observing how you feel when you interact with him and honestly answer whether you are willing to provide genuine support, feel comfortable being friends with his friend, and always have faith in him. Good friends should be ready to support each other.
Friends are people who can inspire each other so that both of you continue to develop yourself
Step 5. Disconnect the negative friend
If you have made the decision not to continue the friendship, cut off all means of communication with him. Communicate this directly by being assertive, instead of simply blocking the phone number and avoiding interaction with it. End the friendship by having a one-on-one conversation with him.
