There may be lots of people greeting you in the corridor, filling your friends list on Facebook, and maybe you have a busy schedule full of socializing. However, do you feel truly connected to those "friends"? How can you be sure? If you want to learn how to test friendships and make better friendships, you can learn from the following article.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Test Your Friendship
Step 1. Ask your friends for help
If you need help, is that friend willing to help you? Or, does he make excuses and disappear when needed? A true friend will show up if you need help and will be there to celebrate your success with you afterwards.
- Moving furniture, dropping off at the airport, helping you with your homework. These are the signs of a good friend.
- You also shouldn't be too demanding of your friends. If you're constantly in need of help, it may be difficult for people to form close relationships with you so they can think of you as a friend.
Step 2. Change the plans that have been made with your friends
If you are best friends with someone, you will still be their friend, no matter what your plans are. Just hanging out together is enough reason to have fun and just hanging out together should be satisfying enough. How would your friends react if you decided to change your plans? If you and your friends were originally planning to go out on a Sunday night, see if your friend would suddenly ask you to stay home and watch a movie, just to spend the night in peace.
A rejection doesn't automatically mean that your friend isn't your friend, but the way he reacts can tell you a lot. Does your friend react as if your suggestion is a very bad idea? Wow, that's a bad sign. Does your friend really want to see the movie and don't understand why you're suddenly not going anywhere? That's another matter
Step 3. Open up to a friend and talk about something personal
School friends or acquaintances are not interested in helping you through difficult times. They're just interested in having fun, easy-going, fun friends on a Sunday night. That's not to say there's no place for you to make friends with these types of friends, but if you're wondering who your real good friends are, you should open up and see how they react.
- Tell your friends how you feel about your crush or about a problem with your family that is stressing you out. Don't expect an answer, but if your friend isn't listening sympathetically or if your friend looks irritated, that's not a good sign.
- This is different from gossiping. Very many people love gossip. But that doesn't mean they are good friends.
Step 4. Invite your friends to spend time with your family
While it's possible to have friends who don't really get along with your parents and siblings, if your friends get along well with your family, that's a good sign. If your friend enjoys the time he or she spends visiting your home and your family enjoys the friend's presence, it's a sign that your friend is comfortable around you and that you can accept him for who he is.
Invite your friends over to dinner with your family as a quick and easy way to test things out. Make sure you get parental consent first
Step 5. Watch for signs of "taking advantage of"
Did you just get a car in high school and now suddenly you make friends with a bunch of people who didn't notice you before? Often times, people will be friendly when they want something from you. It's usually better to avoid these types of relationships. People who like to take advantage of others will flatter you and try to please you with their attention, but will never hang out with you if the circumstances are not right.
If you have a friend who uses you to use your car, pool or Xbox, invite them to hang out at a different time or tell them your car is in a repair shop. If he cancels his plans with you, this means a bad sign
Step 6. Watch for signs of jealousy
Sometimes, friendships can get into trouble because of jealousy, especially when two members of the group of friends are at two different points. For example, if you and your best friend both got on the volleyball team, but you made it to the varsity team and your friend didn't, then your friendship could start to break down. But good friends can learn to ignore jealousy and put friendship first. Signs of jealousy include:
- Your friend never celebrates your achievements or always criticizes instead of congratulating you.
- Your friends become more distant.
- You feel "negative" energy
- Your friends disappear when you are struggling and need help.
Step 7. Watch for signs of a two-faced friend
Everyone who badmouths you to other people is not a friend. If you catch confusing cues from someone or if you catch someone talking about yourself differently when in front of you than when in front of other people, they are not a friend.
- Talk to other friends if you're curious about what you've been talking about so far. Good friends will tell the truth.
- If someone insults you right in front of you, it's clear that he's not a friend. Friends can make fun of you sometimes, but if someone puts you down and doesn't realize they hurt your feelings, then they don't really care about your friendship.
Step 8. Confront the person who you think is playing tricks on you
If you suspect that a friend may be jealous, duplicitous or using you to achieve something, but you don't really understand it, talk to them one-on-one when you're calm and ask them directly, "Are we friends?"
- While it may sound strange and the person may be surprised, you can accompany the question with any factors that you are aware of. "I realized that you only want to hang out when you can use my swimming pool. And I know that you badmouth me to other people when I'm not around. That's not what a friend is doing. What's the matter?"
- Let others explain themselves. If you don't like what you hear or if they're trying to defend an inappropriate habit, that person isn't your friend.
Part 2 of 2: Making Good Friends
Step 1. Follow your gut feeling
All friends and all friendships are different. A lot of how you feel about someone will be a gut feeling. If you feel like someone really cares about you and you feel confident that they are friends, this may be a sign that they really are your friends. If you even have to question them, chances are they aren't your true friends.
Ask yourself these exam questions, even if you're not sure of the answers, and follow your hunch: Would your friend pick you up at the airport at midnight if you needed one? Will your friend spend her Sunday boring dinner with your grandparents, only to become good friends and hang out together afterwards? Can your friend celebrate your success together if you win something and he doesn't?
Step 2. Keep in touch with friends who support you
Friends are usually around to help support you and celebrate the good times with you, as well as help you through the tough times. Anyone who doesn't support you emotionally is not a friend. A person can be called a friend if he:
- Praise you sincerely
- Talking good things about you to others
- Looks really happy when you are successful
- Empathize with you, when you are going through hard times
Step 3. Keep in touch with friends who accept you for who you are
Friendship should not be based on superficial or external things. If someone wants to be friends with you because of your car, because of your swimming pool or because you were the "cool" kid at school, they're not your best friend. Friends should support you no matter what. A person can be said to be a friend if he:
- Doesn't force you to do things you don't want to do
- Not judging you for opening up
- Not embarrassing you and not ashamed to be friends with you
- Behaving the same way when you're around other people
- Doesn't always demand you
Step 4. Keep in touch with friends who stay by your side when you do something wrong
Friendship is not always colored by laughter alone. Good friends are willing to think about what's best for you, especially if you're the one making the mistake. This can be tricky, because you need a friend who will accept you, but who will understand when you make a mistake and be willing to help you out of it. A person is your friend if he:
- Disagree but express it politely with you.
- Doesn't attack you personally
- think the best for you.
- Know what you want and need
Step 5. Keep in touch with listening friends
If your friend seems unfocused when you're together or if they seem to prefer to be elsewhere to hang out with other people, that's not a good sign. This can happen to friends you may have known for a long time. But sometimes, something can suddenly change and the relationship isn't what it used to be. A person can be considered a friend if he:
- Keep in touch, even if you both change.
- Make your friendship a priority
- Want to hear details about your life
- Remember the conversation in the past that happened between the two of you
Step 6. Keep in touch with friends who are fun to be around
Friendship isn't always beautiful, but friendship doesn't always have to feel like work. If you're reluctant to spend time with someone, or if they don't seem to like having to hang out with you, chances are the relationship is no longer a functional friendship. A person is your friend if he:
- Easy to get along with
- Makes you feel relaxed
- Doesn't make you more stressed
- Not making "drama"
Step 7. Keep in touch with forgiving friends
If you make a mistake, your friends will usually forgive you, unless you're a real jerk. Friends should be willing to forgive what might be minor mistakes and oversights, if they really know you and think what's best for you. A person can be called your friend if he:
- Accept your apology
- Forgive your failure
- Not expecting you to be a different person than you really are
- Do not dig back the problems that have passed
Step 8. Be a good friend
If you want to attract good friends, make sure you become good friends yourself. Just always hoping that all of your friends will be around, support and listen when you need to talk is not enough if you are not willing to work on yourself to return the kindness and generosity needed in friendship. Reread this list and do the same to your friends as you would expect them to, and you can feel confident that your friends are true, real and lasting friends.
Tips
- Some friends may actually have a plan every after school. For example, some friends may have a big swimming match and have to go to practice every day of the week so it's a good idea to ask their parents or siblings.
- Keep in touch with friends who will always support you. For example, if you get into a fight and you're short on 17-to-1 reinforcements, bring someone who's willing to fight with you. This may sound extreme but even in smaller situations, having friends like this is a good thing.
