If you can't decide if your friend is a true friend, then the friendship is in trouble. Friends are easy to find, but true friends are very rare and much more valuable. Fortunately, true friends are easy to spot.
Step
Part 1 of 3: How True Friends Speak
Step 1. Real friends provide supportive comments and encouragement
A real friend makes you feel needed, confident, and happy. Everyone needs positive energy here and there, and true friends can give a lot. Even if he doesn't agree with you ("your hat looks like it's made out of a dead squirrel"), he still supports you in the best way possible ("but why do you look so cool when you wear it?").
- If your friend makes sincere compliments about anything from your new outfit to your work ethic, that's a great sign.
- See if she is your cheerleader. Maybe he's not always cheering you on, but if he's a true friend, he's definitely a fan of yours and will always support your success.
- If your friend is always belittling or trying to outshine your success ("You got an 85 on your test? Great. I got an 89"), puts you down, and/or doesn't believe you can be successful, they're not really a friend. Ignore him as well as his unpleasant attitude.
Step 2. Real friends listen to you
Sometimes you just want a friend to be quiet and listen. A true friend knows when to shut his mouth and open his ears, as long as you do the same for him. He makes eye contact when you talk, remembers what you say, and asks thoughtful questions. Notice which of you talks the most. In an ideal friendship, both parties should be in balance. If you feel like you're always listening to your friends' problems, it means that friendship is one-sided.
- If you feel like you're the only one listening to the problem, your friendship is out of balance.
- If in the middle of a conversation he looks around the room and checks his phone, or forgets that you signed up for law school, he may be a fake friend who doesn't deserve your time.
Step 3. True friends communicate with each other openly
You can share embarrassing stories and secrets with a true friend, and he will tell you stories too. He can understand your mood without needing a clue. For example, the words "You're so weak today," are a guy friend's best attempt to show emotional empathy, but are still a meaningful sign of friendship. He cares. When there is a problem, a true friend doesn't just talk in circles, he will discuss honestly and maturely to find a solution.
- If the two of you can talk maturely when you're not feeling well, then you have strong communication. If you can comfortably say, "Hey, I'm sorry you didn't come to my party last night" to each other, then you've found a friend worth keeping.
- If you feel the need to hide things from your friend, can't trust him with big secrets or news, or feel like he's not open about his own life, then you're dealing with friends who aren't real friends.
Step 4. Determine if he is honest
Honesty is one of the foundations of true friendship. If your friend is open and honest with you, this is a good sign. If your friend is lying, even if it's trivial, it's likely that he or she isn't really your friend.
Step 5. Real friends stay away from gossip
If the person you consider a friend gossips, there's a good chance he or she will gossip about you when you're not around. Everyone loves interesting gossip. But if you feel like he's always gossiping about other people or insulting someone, chances are this "friend" will do the same to you once you turn your back on him. Here are some ways to tell if your friend's gossiping habits are getting out of hand:
- If he insults someone who just left the room, he's not a good person.
- If he often talks about people he says are his closest friends, then he's probably done the same thing about you to his "real" friends.
- If he's always saying negative things about other people who aren't there, then he's not a real friend.
Part 2 of 3: How True Friends Be
Step 1. Real friends make time for you
Life is so busy that there is not enough time to sleep, work, and eat, let alone socialize. But true friends always make time. If he can't find time to meet or talk on the phone, why are you friends with him?
- If your friend does try to schedule a phone call, lunch, or dinner, and always sticks to it, she's a good friend. Safe! Of course you should do the same and make time for it.
- If he never makes time for you, complains about life being "very busy," and expects you to adjust his schedule, then there's a problem. Especially if he has time for his partner or other friends. Everyone is busy, but not everyone disobeys.
Step 2. True friends always share 50/50
In an ideal friendship, both parties put forth equal effort, whether it's in terms of communicating, spending time to meet, or treating. Friendship is give and take, so don't give it all if your friend can only take. Usually, you can feel when this happens. Watching movies is always at your house, you are always the first to call, he always borrows your DVD without asking, etc. And if you feel this way, cut the friendship. A true friend will give without a second thought.
- You both have to be willing to show affection. Not everyone is comfortable with hugs, but everyone has a way of showing concern.
- Equality does not mean spending the same amount of money on friends. Relationships cannot be bought and sold. The most important thing is to feel valued and cared for, no matter what.
- Don't let your friend always come when you need help or support, but be busy when you need help. You must both be able to turn to one another, not only asking for help, but also offering.
Step 3. A true friend keeps his word
Fake friends are not friends. If your friend never seems to do what he says he will, keeps you waiting, or forgets about the plans you made together, then he's not a real friend. We've all canceled plans or made last-second changes, but if your friend never seems to do what she promises, she doesn't value your time and presence. For a good friend, "a promise is a debt".
If your friend keeps breaking promises, talking about uncertain plans, or forgetting important dates, then she's a fake. Just ignore it and don't bother marking your calendar
Step 4. Real friends have no other motive for making friends
This other motive is difficult to identify, but important to know. Think about why your friend would want to hang out with you. Usually, it's because you and he are good friends, and the other "advantages" happen naturally. There are some classic reasons why a fake friend might be looking for you, but you'll usually see some warning signs that he's not a real friend. However, you should still be wary of people who want to support you for the following reasons:
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Popularity.
If there's a lesson to be learned from the movie Mean Girls, it's that true friends will always be there whether you're popular or not. Popularity is always changing, but true friends will not be affected.
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Riches.
Don't get me wrong, rich friends are fun. You can do all the things you can't pay for yourself. But if your friend only likes you because you're rich, he'll leave before you spend your last penny.
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Convenience.
Do you give him a ride to work or let him cheat on your homework? Has he ever done anything for you?
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Boredom.
During the school holidays, the next door neighbor suddenly became friendly. When school starts, you never see him again. This so-called "friend" dumps you as soon as he finds a new group of friends or a new girlfriend.
Step 5. Find out if they are trying to increase their confidence by being friends with you
While friends are supposed to support each other, some people may need you too much. If he's just looking for you to increase his confidence and be better about himself, he's probably just taking advantage of you.
Part 3 of 3: How Real Friends Feel
Step 1. True friends make you feel good about yourself
Friends don't necessarily have to agree with what you do, but friendships should make you feel good about yourself as a person. True friends make time pass quickly and the world seems to be conquered. If after meeting him you always feel strong, excited, or giggle at the memory of silly moments spent together, then you have a great friendship.
If every time you leave a meeting with a friend you feel like you've done something wrong, make him angry, or you feel worse, then there's a problem. If he puts you down to make himself better, then there's a problem. If he makes you uncomfortable with insulting comments about your looks, weight, grades, and so on, you know there's a problem
Step 2. True friends make you feel valuable
If hanging out with a "friend" makes you feel unsure about how important you are in his or her life, then he or she isn't important in yours either. A friend shouldn't spoil you with lies, and a true friend always makes you feel needed, important, and irreplaceable. He asks for advice and listens, and doesn't leave you when a "cool" friend comes along. No one has time for stupid games like that, find someone who truly values your friendship.
Fake or casual friends might make you great when you're alone, but act like they don't know you at parties or in public. He ignores your suggestions or thoughts and doesn't include you in the crowd plans
Step 3. Real friends make you happy
Seems simple and clear, doesn't it? That's why it's so important to remember. Easy and simple, a true friend is someone who makes you feel happy every time you are with them. If you feel happier alone than when you hang out with him, then you should be alone. He is a sucker for happiness.
- Everyone has had problems. But if you feel like he's always in crisis and you can't enjoy time to yourself because you're too busy fixing his problems, then there's a problem. You are a friend, not a tissue.
- If you're not looking forward to meeting him, distancing him from your other friends or family, or feeling overwhelmed by his presence, then he's not a real friend. But in this case, you can politely withdraw.
Step 4. Follow your instincts to find true friends
If something feels wrong, it means something is wrong. Don't follow the horror movie logic of ignoring bad taste only to reap the rewards later. If you're not happy with him, don't feel supported and loved, or can't trust him, don't be friends with him. True friends aren't easy to find, but that doesn't mean you have to be stuck with people who treat you like trash. Step back and ask yourself if you really feel like he's a real friend, or if you just want him to be a good friend.
If you've ever doubted whether your friend is a true friend or not, chances are there is a big problem in that friendship. No friendship is perfect, and problems do exist. But the problem should not be the only color in friendship
Tips
- True friends accept you as you are.
- True friends are always behind you. He supports you in difficult situations and is always there to lean on.
- Don't compare positive actions with negative actions. Real friends shouldn't do things like talk behind your back, steal things from you, or lie to you, no matter how good they are.
- Like anything else, friendship has levels. True friendship requires a high commitment from both parties. Many people are unable or unwilling to repay that trust without betraying them. Don't destroy a good friendship because you think it's not perfect. Remember, you will not be able to have true friends if you have a habit of betraying others.
- True friends will not be jealous if you are close to other people.
- Talk about your doubts, but don't accuse.
- Always put yourself in your friend's shoes to try to understand the situation.
- A true friend will always stand by you even if the world is against you.
- If he's always putting you in a bad mood, then he's not a real friend.
- A true friend is always kind, helpful, and not afraid to stand up for you.
Warning
- Don't lie to yourself when you're friends with someone who doesn't feel the same way you do. In the end, you will only hurt yourself.
- Don't try to change a friendship that you know you can't change. If your friend is really insincere and rude, there's no point in repairing the friendship. Break ties and find better friends. You will feel the benefits in the long run.
- Don't always doubt your friends. The result is even more detrimental than beneficial, especially if the friendship is truly sincere.
- Don't lie to your friends because if you lie, you may be lied to too. Or worse, he may not consider you a friend if you're not honest about important matters and he catches your lie. If you have to do something drastic, be honest with him!
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https://www.lifeadvancer.com/5-ways-to-know-if-your-friend-is-a-true-friend
