If you think someone you know is contemplating suicide, you should help them immediately. Suicide, which is the act of taking one's own life, is a serious threat, even to those who do not fully understand death. Whether your friend tells you he or she is contemplating suicide or it's just a possibility, you have to act; your actions could save someone's life. Call the hotline 500-454 to learn more about how to provide help and find out about local suicide prevention resources. Experts agree that suicide is a medical and social problem that can be prevented by socializing about the act of suicide.
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Method 1 of 3: Talking to Someone Suicide
Step 1. Understand the principles behind suicide prevention
Suicide prevention is most effective when risk factors are reduced and protective factors are strengthened. To intervene in attempted suicide, try offering or reinforcing protective factors, because then you will have less control over the risk factors.
- Risk factors include a history of attempted suicide and mental disorders; for a more comprehensive list, see Method 3: "Understanding Suicide Trends" section.
- Protective factors include clinical care, support from family and community, support from medical professionals, and the development of problem prevention and conflict resolution skills.
Step 2. Show that you care
The best protective factors for combating feelings of isolation (which is a risk factor) include emotional support from and relating to friends, family members, and the community. A person who is suicidal needs to find a reason why he wants to choose to stay alive, so show him that he is an important part of your life. Think of ways to support her or remove stress from her life.
Step 3. Discuss the enthusiasm of adults or young adults about things they enjoy
If the person you care about is young, do some research on their particular interests so you can talk to them about those things. The main goal here is to show that you care enough about the person, through a serious conversation about their interests and suggestions. Ask open-ended questions that allow him to freely share his enthusiasm or interest with you.
You can ask questions like: “How did you learn so much about (something)?” “Can you tell me more about it?” “I like your personal style; how do you decide what to wear? Do you have any style suggestions for me?” “I watched the movie you suggested and I absolutely loved it. Do you have any other movie suggestions?” “What's your favorite movie? Why?" “What hobby or activity will you be doing for the rest of your life?”
Step 4. Help the elderly feel useful
If you know an elderly person who is contemplating suicide because he feels helpless or a burden to others, try to make him feel useful or give him some relief.
- Ask him to teach you something, like how to cook a favorite recipe or how to knit, or how to play a favorite card game.
- If the person has health problems or is difficult to travel, offer to drop them off somewhere or deliver home-cooked meals.
- Show an interest in someone's life or ask for advice on how to solve a problem. You could ask questions like: “What was your life like when you were a teenager?” “What is your favorite memory?” “What is the biggest change you have ever seen in the world in your life?” “How do you support someone who is being bullied?” “How do you deal with being overwhelmed as a human?”
Step 5. Don't be afraid to talk about suicide
Some cultures or families treat suicide as a taboo subject and they avoid talking about it.. You may also fear that if you talk to someone about suicide, you will trigger them to act on their suicidal urges. These or other factors may make you hesitant to talk openly about suicide. However, you must fight this instinct, because the real truth is the opposite; Talking about suicide openly can often trigger someone in crisis to think about and reconsider their options.
For example, when an anti-suicide project was carried out on an American Indian reservation, several eighth graders admitted that they had planned suicide before participating in open discussions about suicide. These discussions crossed cultural taboos, but ended with each participant choosing life and signing a contract to avoid suicide
Step 6. Be prepared to talk to someone about suicide
After educating yourself about suicide and re-emphasizing your relationship with someone who is suicidal, be prepared to talk to them. Set up a comfortable environment in a non-threatening environment so you can talk about your concerns.
Minimize possible distractions by turning off electronics, putting your phone on silent mode, and keeping roommates, children, or other people busy in other rooms
Step 7. Be open
Offer non-judgmental or judgmental support, and listen with an open mind to foster closeness. Don't let your conversation build up barriers; avoid this by showing that you are open and caring.
- It's easy to get frustrated when you talk to someone in a crisis who can't think clearly, so remind yourself to stay calm and supportive.
- The best way to be open is not to prepare a response for the person you love. Ask some open-ended questions like "How are you feeling?" or "What makes you sad?" and let them talk. Don't try to argue with the person and convince him or her that things are not as bad as they seem.
Step 8. Speak clearly and directly
There's no point in sweetening words or circling around the topic of suicide. Be open and clear about what's on your mind. Consider using small talk, which will improve your relationship with the other person. Explain what you've noticed, and let him know you care. Then ask him if he's been contemplating suicide recently.
- For example, “Amy, we've been friends for 3 years. Lately, you seem to be depressed and like to drink more. I was very worried about you, and I was worried that you might be contemplating suicide.”
- For example, “Son, when you were born, I promised myself that I would always be there for you. These days, you don't eat and sleep like you used to, and I've heard you cry several times. I don't want to lose you. Are you thinking of committing suicide?”
- For example, “You have always been a good role model for me. But you just commented about hurting yourself. You are very special to me. If you want to kill yourself, just talk to me."
Step 9. Give yourself some quiet time
After you start a conversation, the other person may at first respond with silence. This is because he may be surprised that you are “reading his mind,” or surprised that he has done something that makes you think he is suicidal. He may need some time to think before he is ready to answer you.
Step 10. Be persistent
If the other person ignores your concern with the words "I'm fine" or doesn't respond, share your concern again. Give him another chance to respond. Stay calm and don't pressure him, but make sure you stick to the urge to talk about what's bothering him.
Step 11. Let him talk
Listen to what the other person has to say, and accept the feelings he or she expresses, even if those feelings hurt when you hear them. Don't try to argue with him or lecture him about what he should do. Offer options through the crisis and give him hope if possible.
Step 12. Acknowledge the feelings of the other person
When talking to someone about how they feel, you should accept them instead of trying to "wake up" or convince them that their feelings are irrational.
For example, if someone tells you that they want to kill themselves just because their pet recently died, you shouldn't overreact. If he says he recently lost his partner, don't tell him that he is too young to understand love, or that there are many other fish in the ocean
Step 13. Don't try to “challenge the person
“This seems obvious, but you should never challenge or support someone to commit suicide. You might see it as an approach that will either make the person realize that he or she is acting stupid, or that you want to give him a chance to realize that he really wants to live. However, your "push" can actually make him act, and you will feel responsible for his death.
Step 14. Thank the person for opening up to you
If he admits that he is contemplating suicide, express your gratitude for trusting him with the information he provided. You may also want to ask if he has shared his feelings with anyone else, and if someone else has offered to help him work through his feelings.
Step 15. Suggest he asks for help from outsiders
Advise the person to call the hotline 500-454 so they can speak to a trained professional. This professional can provide tips for developing skills to overcome suicidal ideation, so that a person can get through the crisis he is going through.
Don't be surprised if he rejects the suggestion to call the line, but write down the number for him or enter it in his phone book, so he can call if he changes his mind
Step 16. Ask about plans to deal with suicidal ideation
You should get your loved one to share the details of their suicidal thoughts with you. This will probably be the most difficult part of your conversation, as the danger of suicide will become more apparent. However, knowing a specific plan can enable you to minimize your risk of suicidal success.
If a person has gone far enough to turn suicidal thoughts into a plan, you should seek help immediately
Step 17. Make a deal with the suicidal person
Before ending the conversation, exchange promises. You have to promise that you will be there if he wants to talk at any time of the day or night. Instead, ask him to promise to call you before he will act to kill himself.
The promise might be enough to stop him and ask for help before he takes irrevocable action
Method 2 of 3: Acting Against Suicide
Step 1. Minimize the chances of self-harm in a crisis
Don't leave someone alone if you believe they are in a crisis. Get help right away by calling 112, a crisis intervention specialist, or a trusted friend.
Step 2. Get rid of all the things that can make someone hurt themselves
If he's in a crisis, set certain boundaries, which include reducing his ability to hurt himself. Getting rid of all objects that are part of a suicide plan is very important.
- Most men who commit suicide choose to use a gun, while women prefer to poison themselves with drugs or toxic chemicals.
- Remove access for suicidal persons from firearms, drugs, toxic chemicals, belts, ropes, scissors or very sharp knives, cutting tools such as saws, and/or other objects that might facilitate the act of suicide.
- Your removal of things to help with the suicidal process will help slow the process down, so that the suicidal person has time to calm down and choose to live.
Step 3. Ask for help
A person in crisis may ask you to keep their suicidal feelings a secret. However, you should not feel obligated to keep this request; this is life-threatening, so calling a crisis management specialist for help doesn't mean you're betraying his or her trust. You may wish to contact one of the sources below for assistance:
- Suicide prevention hotline at 500-454
- School counselors or spiritual guides such as pastors, priests, or rabbis
- Doctor of people who are in crisis
- 112 (if you feel the person experiencing the crisis is in danger)
Method 3 of 3: Understanding Suicide Trends
Step 1. Understand the severity of the suicide
Suicide is the culminating act in the process of overcoming the human instinct for self-preservation.
- Suicide is a worldwide problem; in 2012 alone, around 804,000 people took their own lives.
- In the US, suicide is one of the leading causes of death, occurring every 5 minutes. In 2012, there were more than 43,000 deaths caused by suicide in the US.
Step 2. Recognize the development of suicide
While the trigger for suicide may be sudden and impulsive, suicidal ideation actually develops progressively and is usually detectable by others at a glance. The stages of suicide development include:
- Stressful events that trigger sadness or depression
- Suicidal thoughts, which cause one to wonder whether to continue living
- Making plans to commit suicide in a specific way
- Making preparations for suicide, including collecting various methods of suicide and giving possessions to loved ones
- Attempted suicide, which involves a person's attempts to end his life
Step 3. Watch for signs of depression and anxiety that occur with drastic life changes
People of all age groups experience life changes that can make them feel anxious and depressed. Most people are able to recognize that problems are normal and situations in life are only temporary. However, some people are so focused on their depression and anxiety that they can't think beyond the moment they are experiencing right now. They have no hope and see no option to walk away from the pain they are going through.
- People who have suicidal thoughts try to end the pain caused by a temporary situation with an eternal solution.
- Some people even believe in the fact that if they feel suicidal, they are insane. And, if they really are crazy, they're abysmal and it's better if they kill themselves. This is not true for two reasons. First, people without mental illness may also consider suicide. Second, those who are mentally ill are still valuable people.
Step 4. Take all suicide threats seriously
You've probably heard that people who are serious about suicide don't talk about it. This is wrong! A person who talks about suicide openly may actually be asking for help in the only way he knows, and if no one offers to help, he may succumb to the darkness that surrounds him.
- In a recent study, 8.3 million American adults admitted to having considered suicide in the previous year. 2.2 million have made suicide plans, and as many as 1 million people have failed when attempting suicide.
- For every successful adult suicide attempt, it is believed that there are another 20 to 25 failed attempts. In the 15-24 year age group, there were as many as 200 unsuccessful attempts for every successful suicide attempt.
- More than 15% of high school students in the United States surveyed admitted that they had considered suicide. 12% of them made specific plans, and 8% attempted suicide.
- These statistics tell you that if you think someone is contemplating suicide, chances are you're right; better assume that you are right and seek help.
Step 5. Don't assume your friend isn't the “kind of person” who would commit suicide
It may be easier to prevent suicide if there is a specific profile of the type of person who commits it, but sadly, this kind of thing doesn't exist. Suicide can happen to people of every country, ethnicity, gender, age, religion, and economic level.
- Some people are surprised that even children as young as 6 years old and the elderly who feel that they are a bother to the family, will sometimes commit suicide.
- Don't assume that only mentally ill people will attempt suicide. Suicide rates are higher in those who are mentally ill, but mentally healthy people can do it too. In addition, people who have been detected as having a mental disorder may not share it publicly, so you may not know the person's mental state.
Step 6. Be aware of trends in suicide statistics
While suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone, there are some patterns that can identify groups at higher risk. Men are 4 times more likely to commit suicide, but women are more likely to have suicidal thoughts, and fail to make a suicide attempt.
- Indians have a higher suicide rate than any other ethnic group.
- Adults under the age of 30 are usually more likely to contemplate planning suicide than adults over 30.
- Among teenage girls, Hispanics have the highest rates of attempted suicide.
Step 7. Identify risk factors for suicide
It must be remembered that, as described above, suicidal individuals are unique and cannot be classified into a specific group. However, knowing the risk factors below can help you determine if your friend is at risk for suicide. People who have a high risk of suicide usually:
- have a history of suicide
- suffering from mental illness, usually depression
- abuse alcohol or drugs, including prescription painkillers
- have health problems or chronic pain
- have financial or work problems
- feeling alone, isolated, and lacking social support
- have relationship problems
- have a family member who has committed suicide
- victims of discrimination, violence, or attacks
- experience feelings of helplessness
Step 8. Pay attention to the three most serious risk factors
Dr. Thomas Joiner believes that the three best factors for predicting suicide are feelings of alienation, feelings of burdening others, and learning about self-harm. He called the attempted suicide a “rehearsal” for actual suicide rather than seeking help. He explains that those most likely to successfully commit suicide:
- physically resistant to pain
- not afraid of death
Step 9. Recognize the most common warning signs of suicide
These markers differ from risk factors (see above) in that they indicate a greater risk of an attempted suicide. Some people commit suicide without warning, but most who attempt suicide will say or do things to alert others that something wrong is going on. If you see some or all of the warning signs below, intervene immediately to prevent a tragic death. Some warning signs include:
- changes in sleeping or eating habits
- use of alcohol, drugs, or pain relievers
- inability to work, think clearly, or make decisions
- extreme unhappiness or depression
- showing a feeling of isolation or the impression that no one is paying attention or caring
- share feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or lack of self-control
- complain about pain and the inability to imagine a future free of pain
- Threats to self-harm
- give away valuables or possessions that are highly favored
- a period of excessive happiness or energy that appears suddenly, after a long period of depression
Tips
- Understand that patience is a key factor on your part. Don't force someone to make a decision or tell you what to do. You should always be careful in situations as serious as death.
- Try to understand what makes a person decide to commit suicide. This action is usually accompanied by depression, which is an emotional state that is difficult to imagine for people who have never experienced it. Listen carefully and try to understand why someone feels suicidal.
- Events that can trigger suicidal thoughts include the loss of a loved one, job/home/status/money/self-esteem, changes in health, divorce or loss of a relationship, recognition as an LGBT person, other types of social stigma, successful survival of a natural disaster, etc. Again, if you are aware that a suicidal person has gone through these experiences, make sure you take the situation very seriously.
- If the suicidal person is not in immediate danger, the best option you can do at this point is to talk to him or her.
- Especially if you are a teen who is worried about a friend or family member who appears to be contemplating suicide, tell a trusted adult or call the hotline above to seek immediate help for both of you. Don't keep this a secret! You will feel burdened, and if your friend ends up committing suicide (despite all the promises he made when you tried to intervene), the burden will only increase.
- Just listen. Don't try to tell your friends how to feel better, or make suggestions. Take it easy and really listen.
- Let your friend keep talking. Develop an understanding environment. Tell him that you love him very much and will miss him in his absence.
- Listen to themselves and their problems. They need a listener.
- Illnesses that can lead to suicidal thoughts include depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, deformity, psychosis, alcohol or drug abuse, etc. If you know someone who has one of these illnesses and has mentioned suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately.
