Is your friend showing symptoms of suicidal ideation? Be careful, suicidal thoughts often cross the minds of those who suffer from acute depression; the slightest trigger, can make them do it without hesitation. Don't worry, there are many things you can do to prevent it. As one of his closest people, you are the one who has a high potential to save his life. Recognize the symptoms (in addition to the ones you already know), provide support and assistance as much as you can, and know when and how to ask for external help. If your friend's condition becomes dangerous, immediately call the police or the Mental Health Hotline at 500-454.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Recognizing the Symptoms
Step 1. Observe the mindset of people who are suicidal
To do prevention, you need to first recognize the symptoms. Suicidal ideation is usually framed by two or more of the following thought patterns:
- Constantly drowning in certain thoughts (usually related to dissatisfaction, disappointment, or past mistakes).
- Believing that there is no hope, so the best way to end his suffering is to commit suicide.
- Seeing his life as useless or uncontrollable.
- Feeling his brain filled with fog so hard to concentrate.
Step 2. Observe their emotions
Emotional changes often occur in someone who wants to commit suicide. Some of them:
- Extreme mood swings.
- Feeling lonely and isolated, even though you are in a crowd.
- Feeling guilty, embarrassing, and worthless. They also hate themselves and think that no one cares about them.
- Often feels sad, restless, tired, indifferent, likes to be alone, easily distracted, and easily angry.
Step 3. Observe their comments
Pay attention to statements that follow the thoughts and emotions of suicidal people. Some of the statements they usually make:
- "Life is not worth living."
- "You (or someone else) can live better without me."
- "Don't worry, I won't be here in a minute."
- "You'll regret it once I'm gone."
- "I will not bother you anymore."
- "I can't cope with anything - really useless."
- "I won't be your burden anymore."
- "There's nothing I can do to change anything."
- "I'd rather just die."
- "I feel like there's no way out."
- "Maybe I should never have been born."
Step 4. Watch out if his mood suddenly improves
This often happens to people who want to commit suicide. This sudden calm may be a sign that the person concerned has firmly decided to end his life. If this happens, immediately take preventive steps.
Step 5. Observe their unusual behavior
Most people who are suicidal will change their behavior 180°. You should be worried if the following things happen to your friends:
- His performance at school, at work, or in other activities drops dramatically (sometimes the opposite happens: he fills his time with so many activities that he can barely rest).
- Isolate himself from the social environment.
- No longer interested in sex, friends, or activities that were once her hobbies.
- Ignoring his well-being and physical appearance.
- Extreme changes in eating or sleeping patterns. Observe if your friend begins to starve himself, diets in an unhealthy way, or ignores doctor's orders (especially for the elderly).
- Changed his routine drastically.
- Lack of energy and withdraw from the surrounding environment
Step 6. Recognize the symptoms of planned suicide
If it has been planned in advance, it is likely that suicide will be carried out in the near future. Observe the signs below:
- Get things done (such as saying goodbye to those closest to him, donating his valuables, or managing his finances).
- Making careless decisions or being passive about other people's decisions (even if they are important to his life).
- Collect various 'weapons' that can be used as suicide tools, such as bottles containing pills, drugs, or sharp weapons
Part 2 of 4: Talking to Your Friends
Step 1. Determine a convenient location
Suicide is a very sensitive topic, especially if your friend is also feeling ashamed and guilty about her problems. Make sure the conversation can take place without any distractions. If possible, choose a location that is comfortable and familiar to both of you.
Step 2. Start bringing up the topic of suicide
A list of questions worth asking to start a conversation:
- "How do you deal with everything that's happened in your life lately?"
- "Have you ever felt like giving up?"
- "Do you often think about death?"
- "Have you ever thought about hurting yourself?"
- "Are you thinking about committing suicide?"
- "Have you ever hurt yourself?"
Step 3. Speak clearly and openly
As much as possible, be specific about everything; make sure you don't sound like you're accusing or cornering him. For example, instead of saying, “You always say that everything is impossible,” try conveying more detailed observations such as, “Recently, it seems like fun things like spending time with your kids don't really improve your mood either.”
- Bringing up this topic is another way to show you care about him. By expressing your concern clearly, you are showing that this is a serious issue that needs to be acted upon immediately.
- Traditional myth forbids us from bringing up the topic of suicide (especially to those who are thinking of doing so). According to the myth, bringing up the topic of suicide will only strengthen the idea in their minds. In fact, discussing it openly can actually help make your friend aware that suicide isn't the only solution.
- Defend the topic as much as you can. Your friend may try to change the topic or make you feel stupid for bringing it up. Don't worry, stick to your worries-especially if you already believe in the symptoms your friend is showing you.
Step 4. Get rid of certain stigmas about suicide
Never judge your friend's feelings or decisions. Naturally, you will think that your friend has made the wrong decision. Maybe you also think the problem is not so severe that he had to end his life. Remember, you are not in his position; understand that you cannot 100% understand it.
Suicide is an act of selfishness, insanity, or against morals, is an assumption that has been passed down from generation to generation by our culture. Remember, suicide is the result of a complex psychological state; think twice before blaming your friends
Step 5. Avoid words that can hurt her feelings
Giving advice or opinions doesn't always help. Make sure you don't make any of the following statements:
- A statement that simplifies his feelings, such as "Your problem isn't that big of a deal, really."
- Shallow comments that will make him even more embarrassed and isolated such as, "What's lacking in your life, anyway?" or “Just think about how painful it would be for your family and friends if you did that.”
- Instead, show your empathy by saying, "Your life must be heavy when you think that way."
Step 6. Show your empathy
Use your chats to show him that there are still people who love and support him. Try to put yourself in his shoes as much as possible and not judge him; this will help you to understand his feelings better. Look him in the eye when he speaks and use your body language to show that you are listening.
- Let your friend talk to the end, don't interrupt. Even if you really want to throw in a thousand motivational words for him, hold yourself back. Give your friends space and time to express themselves without being interrupted by your opinions.
- Show a positive reaction to whatever he says and feels. Trust me, it's really hard to tell something if you know the other person won't be able to (or won't) understand it. Therefore, show that you understand his feelings; make sure that he is no longer alone.
Step 7. Show you care
Emotional support is the most powerful suicide prevention tool. Show your friend that you love him, think about him, and that he is an important part of your life. Show your appreciation and affection throughout the conversation.
This is your chance to share your perspective. Convey that suicide is a permanent solution to a problem that can be solved. Also let him know that you and his other friends are willing to help him think of other solutions
Part 3 of 4: Preventing Your Friends from Suicide
Step 1. Ask if your friend has any equipment they could use to injure themselves
Check if he has any sharp weapons or other tools that he could use to kill himself; make sure your intonation doesn't sound condescending or judgmental when asking. This is an important question to ask, because someone who is already planning to hurt themselves can do it at any time off your radar.
Step 2. Get rid of potential tools
Throw away all forms of sharp weapons and thick ropes that are in the house. In Indonesia, not everyone can easily own a firearm. As a result, a knife (to cut the pulse) and rope or other thick and strong rope (to hang oneself) are the most common tools used by a person to end his life. Make sure you also throw away any medication that your friend is not currently taking.
Keep the drugs that your friend must take for health reasons. Make sure you limit the dose as needed
Step 3. Offer to be actively involved in her life
Ask him to tell you whenever suicidal thoughts come to his mind. Instead, tell him what you're going to do to help him, such as asking a professional for help. Never promise things you can't deliver.
Before doing this, ask yourself how far you can get involved. Remember, the time, energy, and emotion you need to devote is not small
Step 4. Help your friends gather useful information
Find out about the support groups available in your city. Also browse books and internet sites to find detailed information about suicide and the reasons behind it. Learn everything so you can provide the right support.
Information about support groups can be found online. A professional psychologist will usually also be able to help you find relevant support groups. One community that is diligent in conducting counseling and ready to provide assistance to people who want to commit suicide is Into The Light ID
Step 5. Be more sensitive
If your friend seems particularly vulnerable and prone to suicide, stay with them at least until professional help arrives. Make sure there is always someone by your side, whether it's you or someone you can trust.
Step 6. Offer ongoing support
Later on, keep yourself available whenever he needs someone to talk to. If you like, you can also check up on her feelings from time to time or spend some time doing activities with her. These supports can help speed up the healing process; he will feel that his existence is also important for those closest to him.
Part 4 of 4: Asking External Help
Step 1. Call the police
If your friend's condition becomes increasingly dangerous, don't hesitate to ask the police for help. There's no need to force yourself to fix the situation on your own, you just won't be able to. Don't simplify what your friend says to hurt himself.
Step 2. Call the Mental Health Hotline at 500-454
This service is available 24 hours and is an official counseling service opened by the Indonesian Ministry of Health since 2010.
Step 3. Get your friend to join in therapy
Oftentimes, having regular counseling sessions with a professional psychologist can help reduce a person's suicidal ideation due to depression. For those who have already attempted suicide, talking to a psychologist can reduce the chances of the same action happening again by up to 50%.
Step 4. Share the basics that other people need to know
Make a list of the names of the people closest to your friends who can help identify the symptoms above. Make sure you only share your friend's suicidal ideation to people you think can help.
Step 5. Make sure you don't feel overwhelmed
Helping someone else in something as serious as this can be a real drain on your time, energy, and emotions. Make sure your good intentions do not adversely affect your physical, psychological, and emotional state. If necessary, share your feelings with people you trust; this will help you process the situation as it occurs and understand your experience.
Tips
- Be careful when contacting the authorities. They are trained to protect themselves and others with lethal weapons. If your friend has a tendency to throw a tantrum when he is 'taken into custody', the police may be forced to shoot him or incapacitate him by force. Oftentimes, the defensive attitude shown by those arrested is precisely their attempt to provoke gunfire and death at the hands of the police (in English, known as suicide by cop).
- Try attending various counseling about suicide to learn and discuss more about suicide, the reasons behind it, and what can be done to prevent it.
