Ending a relationship with a partner is not easy, especially if the partner threatens to hurt him or even end his life to thwart the decision. If you are caught in such a situation, understand beforehand that the threat is actually an attempt by your partner to blackmail you emotionally. In particular, the threat may make you feel guilty, scared, or angry. However, always remember that you can (and should) still end the relationship! To minimize the risk of your partner hurting themselves, try asking them to discuss issues that are really going on in the relationship. During the process, don't forget to pay attention to your safety as well as its security, and most importantly, don't forget to take care of your emotional health.
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Method 1 of 3: Communicating Problems with Your Partner
Step 1. Emphasize that you still care
Explain that your partner is still important to you, even if your relationship is not working out. Also make it clear that you don't want to hear about it or see it hurt yourself.
- Say something like, “I still really care about you, you know. I'm sorry, if this situation is very difficult for you." In addition, you can also say, “I was so sad when I heard you wanted to hurt yourself. Even if our relationship didn't work out, I know how special you are."
- Understand that your partner may not believe your words. So just tell him what you want to do for him, but don't feel pressured to do things you don't feel comfortable doing.
Step 2. Avoid fighting with your partner
Don't make statements that challenge your partner's threats. If he doesn't feel taken seriously, he's more likely to actually hurt himself to prove your assumptions wrong.
- For example, avoid sentences like, "You're not serious," or, "You said that just to make me feel guilty." Instead, you can say, "I'm sorry if you think so."
- Quarrels can also be avoided by using "I" in sentences, such as "I'm not happy in this relationship" instead of "You don't make me happy," which of course tends to make your partner defensive.
- Keep your tone soft and polite, at a low volume. Also use open body language by relaxing your hands and feet. Remember, if you raise the volume and/or use intimidating body language (such as crossing your arms over your chest or clenching your fists), there's a good chance that a heated argument will ensue.
Step 3. Define your boundaries
Let your partner know that your decision will not change. Re-explain the reasons behind your desire to end the relationship in a polite, but not over-the-top manner.
You can say, "I can't sacrifice my long-term goals for this relationship, even though I know you're a really great person and have a lot of positive things to offer."
Step 4. Remind your partner that the choice is yours
Explain again that you do not have the authority to control his decisions so he has no right to blame you for the choices he made.
For example, if your partner says, "If I die, it's your fault," you might respond by saying, "I don't want you to kill yourself, but that's your decision. I can't control what you do, can I?
Step 5. Reassure your partner that your relationship does not define their identity
In other words, always remind your partner of their positive qualities, talents, and interests, and make it clear that they don't need other people to feel complete or fulfilled.
- For example, you might say, "I know you're having a hard time thinking right now, but you need to know that our relationship doesn't define your identity or your meaning in life. After this you will take veterinary education and do many things that are useful for society. As time goes on, you can definitely find happiness with other people, really!”
- Remind your partner that other people care about them too. If necessary, write down a list of people who can support and help him during these times.
Step 6. Help your partner get all the help they need
For example, find a suicide prevention hotline that your partner can call whenever needed, or encourage them to communicate their concerns to trusted therapists and counselors. In addition, also help your partner to find information about mental health services available in the area where they live.
- For those of you who live in the United States, the National Suicide Prevention Service can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. The hotline is free of charge, can be accessed 24 hours, and is willing to maintain the confidentiality of the caller.
- In cyberspace, crisischat.org is a text-based online alternative that can be used to replace the hotline role. On the site, credible experts can help you from Monday to Sunday, 2pm to 2am.
- Wikipedia also has a list of suicide prevention hotlines that can be reached outside the United States.
Method 2 of 3: Keeping All Parties Safe
Step 1. Take your partner's threats seriously
Don't ignore your partner's threats or assume they're lying. Maybe your partner is lying, but there's nothing wrong with providing an umbrella before it rains, right? Therefore, take the threat seriously.
- If your partner's threats sound vague, offer to take him to the nearest Emergency Unit (ER) or call the suicide prevention hotline provided by the Ministry of Health at 021-500-454.
- Call a friend or relative to accompany your partner.
- Don't leave your partner alone, but don't feel like you have to be with them either. Remember, your partner shouldn't assume that threats are the only way to get your attention!
Step 2. Call the police or other emergency services
If you think your partner is really going to hurt themselves or others, call the police immediately. Don't worry about police assumptions! Most importantly, make sure you and your partner are safe.
Find out where the couple is before calling the police. This way, your partner will not know that you have contacted the police, and the police will be able to approach them at the right time
Step 3. Call a friend or relative of your partner
If you are really concerned about your partner's safety, ask someone else to watch over your partner after you end the relationship. For example, you could raise your concerns with a relative or friend or two, then ask them to be on site and offer extra support for your partner after the relationship with you ends.
- For example, you might say, "Hey, I know this topic is not fun to talk about, but I've decided to end my relationship with Emily tonight. The thing is, I'm really worried because he's threatening to kill himself. Do you want to go to his house tonight, so he can have friends after I leave?"
- Do not leave your partner until the person arrives to ensure their safety is ensured.
- Choose people who are close to your partner.
Step 4. Find a safe place if you feel your safety is being threatened
Sometimes, threats of suicide or self-harm indicate potential violence within a person. Therefore, if you feel threatened while trying to end the relationship with your partner, don't hesitate to leave the situation. If necessary, continue the process over the phone.
- If your partner has a history of violence, try ending the relationship over the phone or in a public place.
- Prioritize personal safety in dangerous situations, even if at that time you feel afraid of your partner.
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Emerging Emotions
Step 1. Remind yourself of the need to end the relationship
If your decisions start to waver, always remember that there is no point in staying in an unhealthy relationship. Doing so will only make you feel trapped and end up hating your partner. Also, someone who tries to manipulate you by threatening to kill you will always find other ways to control you.
Step 2. Don't feel responsible for your partner's behavior
No matter how bad the effect of your partner's threats on your emotional state, always remember that his behavior is neither your responsibility nor your fault. Always remind yourself that the only person responsible for your partner's behavior is yourself. In other words, you don't have the authority to control it or make decisions for it.
If you feel guilty after ending your relationship with your partner, try consulting a professional counselor for your emotions
Step 3. End the relationship with your partner
After your relationship ends, move on and don't look back! In particular, never reconnect with your ex-spouse, even if you miss him or her very much. Remember, you both need space and time to mourn the situation, and procrastinating will only make it harder for both parties to move on.
- End friendships with ex-partners on social media.
- Ask your mutual friend not to mention your ex-partner.
- If you feel the need to communicate with your ex, choose an indirect way, such as via text message or email.
Step 4. Seek support from close friends and relatives
Remember, you don't have to go through the process of ending a relationship alone! This means that you have the full right to seek support and help from those closest to you whenever your mood starts to deteriorate. If you start to question the decision to end the relationship, they can also reassure you that the decision is actually the best path for all parties.
