Guilt is the feeling that comes when you know or feel that you have done something wrong. Guilt can be a tool to mature emotions. If a girl has been mean to you, making her feel guilty may help her learn from her mistakes. However, one thing you need to know is that everyone is responsible for their own feelings and you can't force someone to feel guilty.
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Part 1 of 3: Managing Your Mind
Step 1. Make sure whether you care about him or not
If you are dating or if he is your friend, decide if you still want him in your life. Whatever the decision, you can still make him feel guilty. However, you'd better find out in advance whether you still want him or not.
Determine which of his actions was wrong. Admit any wrongs you may have made in this conflict, and focus on what he did that offended you. Does he treat everyone that badly or just you?
Step 2. Stay away from him
Give yourself time to recover from the way he treated you. Don't talk to him. Avoid him at school, work, or anywhere else you might run into him. If you happen to run into him, walk away and pretend he's not there.
Step 3. Think about it and decide which part of his or her actions hurt you
Focus on healing yourself without setting a specific time limit.
Hang out with friends who support you. Talk to them about how he hurt you. Make sure you have group support, so you don't have to face him alone before you're ready
Step 4. Make a plan
Before you confront him, make sure you have a clear idea of what you are going to say. If you're still thinking about him, take the time to write down some specific things he did that hurt you.
Part 2 of 3: Confronting Him
Step 1. Be firm and confront him head-on
Make sure that you stay level-headed with a normal tone of voice. Don't let your conversation turn into a fight that might turn him on the defensive and seek revenge.
- Don't make yourself a victim or feel sorry for yourself. The goal is for him to understand, not for him to feel sorry for you.
- Make sure your posture remains open. Stand straight with your hands at your sides. Do not cross your arms on your chest because this gesture is often interpreted as a defensive gesture.
Step 2. Choose your words carefully
Focus on self-pronouns (“I”, “I”, and the like) to describe the situation. Look him in the eye and say statements like:
- "I think you should know, it hurts when you do the 'X.' I feel the pain because of the 'Y,' and I hope you don't do it again."
- This conflict is not only about what he has done, but also about your involvement in it. Be prepared to forgive and make up with him.
Step 3. Avoid generalizations
Our minds have a tendency to exaggerate things when we are angry. Before starting a conversation with the words “you always…” or “you never…”, ask yourself if that's really the case. Name specific examples that have made you angry.
Give an accurate example. Avoid statements like "I'm annoyed that you always lie." Instead, make statements like, "I'm upset that you lied yesterday about being too busy to talk. You also lied about that last week.”
Step 4. Emphasize the pain you are feeling
Tell him about how hurtful he was and try to get him to feel your feelings. But don't get angry or aggressive.
- Speak slowly and carefully.
- If you start to feel like you're about to cry, take a break and gather your strength again. If your defenses are really breaking down and you don't feel like talking, take a few moments to control yourself before you move on.
Step 5. Get him to put himself in your shoes
You may be able to touch his conscience by asking him to see the situation from your position.
Ask him how he would feel if your positions were reversed. Do it with love when you try to get him to see the situation from your point of view
Part 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Be prepared for the response
Maybe she will cry. Women are usually more sensitive than men, and direct confrontation can make her defenses collapse or even become aggressive.
It could be that his emotions become so unstable that you can't continue the conversation. He could have left to avoid conflict. If this happens, be open and give him a chance to think about what you've said
Step 2. Take responsibility for your role in this matter
There will be no smoke if there is no fire. He could be pointing out things you've done that have hurt him. Apologize for your mistake and give him a chance to do the same. Say something, like:
- "You're right, I made mistakes too. I shouldn't have done it."
- "I should have been wiser. I'm sorry, I hurt you."
Step 3. Be optimistic
Whatever the outcome, you must have the courage to face him head-on and apologize for your own mistakes. This experience will mature both of you, even if you don't make up in the end. Maybe he needs more time to understand his mistake and you can't force him.
Step 4. Forgive him
Even if he's unable to apologize, you can still forgive him. Forgiveness doesn't mean you get rid of what he has done to you, but forgiveness is for the sake of your own peace of mind. That's the main thing.
- Maybe you can't forgive him right away. Depending on how badly he hurt you, it may take you some time to truly forgive him.
- Eliminate negative feelings. Holding a grudge will only stress you out. Realize that everyone makes mistakes, then move on with your life.
Step 5. Help him correct his mistakes and make amends
If he understands your feelings and apologizes, accept it. Show him that you are very pleased with his apology, and that you really appreciate that he takes responsibility for his actions. Encourage him to apologize to others he may have offended.
