"A fool is thought to be wise when he is silent and he is thought to be understanding when he closes his lips."
Proverbs 17:28
The ability to communicate verbally is an important attribute that is very useful in everyday life so that we can immediately express what we are thinking without having to first arrange the words we want to say. This has advantages and disadvantages. It would be hard for us to think for a moment before shouting "Run!" when you have to give a warning to someone so that he immediately saves himself. Communication will be hampered if we can not immediately respond to the interlocutor when conversing with him.
On the other hand, this ability often creates problems if we immediately say words that are not useful or should be conveyed in a more thoughtful way. Many people have experienced something like this, especially if we respond when we are stressed, having a confrontation, or at any time. The trick is to always be alert when we are facing this condition because our words do not always match what we want. Solving this problem is not very complicated, but you need to change the behavior. This article helps you build awareness when communicating verbally so that you can speak fluently naturally, think before you speak, and decide whether you should choose silence.
Step
Step 1. Do some introspection
Observe under what circumstances you say the words you end up regretting. Does this often happen when you: interact with certain people, certain groups, or everyone? fight or argue? should provide information spontaneously? Find the pattern by writing a journal to record daily events for evaluation.
Step 2. Identify your behavior patterns
After determining the situation that most often triggers a negative impact, be alert when the same situation occurs again. The better your ability to recognize this, the easier it will be to change your behavior.
Step 3. Make observations while communicating
Once you notice that you are having a behavior problem, try to work around it by listening to the information. Often times, we give inappropriate responses because we don't quite understand what the other person is saying. This is a good time to control the urge to talk and observe what is going on around you. Instead of thinking about what to say, learn to listen actively so that your mind is focused on processing the information that is being conveyed.
Step 4. Observe the interlocutor
Ask yourself: who is speaking and how is he communicating? There are people who are very literal and there are those who convey information with supporting facts. Many people often use facial expressions and body language to provide affirmation, but there are also those who prefer to convey complex theories. The way a person absorbs information can be reflected in his behavior when he conveys information.
Step 5. Prepare in advance the response you will give
Before responding, consider different ways, not just one. There are different ways to say something and what you need is to have a positive impact on the subject. Communication is basically very dependent on the listener. Therefore, you must communicate according to the interests of the listener.
Step 6. Consider several criteria before submitting the information
Will you provide information that is effective, useful, accurate, timely, and worthy of delivery ("ENATA" stands for Effective, Necessary, Accurate, Timely, Appropriate)? If you're responding simply to the person speaking, your communication may not meet the "ENATA" criteria. So don't be reactive and keep listening so what you have to say is helpful, rather than just causing a ruckus.
Step 7. Think about the listener's reaction first
Has the information to be conveyed been formulated in such a way that it has a positive impact? Communication will fail if done in a negative atmosphere. To prevent this, think about how the listener will react before speaking because you expect him to understand what you are saying, not be distracted. Remember that once the listener reacts negatively, communication will fall apart.
Step 8. Control the intonation of the voice
The way you speak is just as important as the words you speak. The intonation of the voice can express enthusiasm and sincerity or rejection and sarcasm. However, what is said can be misunderstood. The main reason is because the intonation of voice, words, body language, facial expressions, and the information conveyed has not been carefully considered so that the way you communicate is not the most effective way for listeners.
Step 9. Communicate according to the "ENATA" criteria
By now you know what to say, why you have to meet the "ENATA" criteria, how to speak, and are able to anticipate listener reactions. Wait for the right moment to speak, after the other person has finished speaking. Don't interrupt a conversation even if an interruption is sometimes necessary. How to interrupt a conversation is not discussed in this article.
Step 10. Make one more observation
As you speak, think carefully about what you are going to say and pay attention to any reactions that arise. Once the conversation is over, review the process thoroughly and then evaluate it to determine what you could have done differently and why. This is a continuous process. Over time, your abilities will develop and improve so that you can become a better communicator and the interlocutor will be more receptive to your responses.
Tips
- Make sure you provide feedback that is relevant and worthy of conveying in the conversation. Do not deviate from the topic at hand. Focus on the ongoing conversation.
- Wait a few seconds before responding. Take the time to consider whether you will provide a truly needed, helpful, and thoughtful response.
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Remember these inspirational quotes from some famous figures:
- "It's better to be silent and be seen as stupid than to speak and prove it." ~~Abraham Lincoln: February 12, 1809-15 April 1865.
- "It's better to just shut up and let people think you're stupid rather than talk too much just to prove it." ~~Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain): November 30, 1835-21 April 1910.
- Apologize if you said something you regret and hurt the other person's feelings. Express apologies verbally or through a written message. Choose the most appropriate way.
- If you have said words that you regret, try to change your speaking habits so that this problem does not happen again.
- Before entering the meeting room, imagine the people you will meet and the questions they might ask. Decide in advance how to respond and prepare the information you want to convey.
- This process takes a lot of time and should be an important aspect of your daily life. With increasing skills, you will become a person whose opinions are worthy of respect.
- Remind yourself to always think before you speak. For example, gently pinch your arm just to remind you to take time to think. If you've established a new pattern for answering a question, you don't just say the first thing that comes to mind.
- Placing your chin on the back of your hand (as illustrated above) is a gesture of wisdom. However, pay attention to the situation around because this attitude can be interpreted as boredom.
Warning
- People who don't talk to you usually don't need your opinion. Don't force yourself to get involved in the conversation.
- Do not say words that provoke anger. Words that insult or attack other people personally via the internet don't have much impact, but the effect is very different if this is conveyed orally. You will lose respect and experience negative effects. Get in the habit of thinking before you speak.
- If you don't understand the topic to be discussed, don't try to convince others. You can give your opinion, but show that you are speculating yourself.
- Don't use the same phrases over and over, for example, "Basically".
- Avoid absolutes. The use of the words "always" or "never" tends to provoke debate. Replace the words with "often", "sometimes", "sometimes", and "rarely". Remember that "nothing is perfect in this world" and don't use the words "always" or "never" in conversation.
- Listeners will get bored if you say the same word over and over again.
