It's natural to worry about what other people think of you. However, you will feel so depressed and anxious that you won't be able to be yourself if you focus on this all the time. Learn to love yourself if other people's opinion of you often triggers feelings of anger or worry. Practice controlling your mind to focus on the things you need to prioritize instead of guessing what other people think or say about you. Also, make the most of constructive criticism and ignore useless or dismissive criticism.
Counselor Trudi Griffin cautions:
"The habit of thinking about other people's opinions of you often makes you change your behavior because you want to please others. In addition, this mindset makes you project nonverbally a need for recognition that interferes with harmony in a relationship."
Step
Method 1 of 3: Building Confidence
Step 1. Write down your strengths and successes
Realizing that self-worth comes from within is an important aspect that makes you don't care about other people's opinions. One way to increase your confidence and self-respect is to write down all the positive things you have.
- Strengths include various aspects of personality (e.g. kind and patient) or skills (e.g. a great chef or great driver). Success can mean getting good test scores, the ability to complete a project, or getting a promotion.
- Ask a friend or family member to help with input if you're having trouble deciding what to include on the list. In addition, answer the question of the Internet character strength survey conducted by VIA to find out your positive character.
Step 2. Replace negative thoughts with realistic thoughts
It can be difficult to control yourself to think positively if you're used to thinking negative thoughts or if you're easily offended by harsh criticism. Once you realize you're saying something negative about yourself, stop immediately and ask what you're thinking. Is the thought rational? If not, replace it with a neutral and realistic thought.
- For example, if you're thinking, "My new friends will stay away from me," say to yourself, "I can't please everyone. It's natural for friends to dislike me. I'll be nice and friendly so I can get to know my friends. -new friends".
- Learn to accept flaws and weaknesses so they can be overcome.
Step 3. Make a commitment to overcome weaknesses
Everyone has flaws and this is normal. An important aspect of self-improvement is knowing your weaknesses and seeing them as opportunities to improve yourself, instead of constantly regretting your shortcomings or thinking about what other people think of you. By making an effort to improve yourself, you are able to accept yourself and not focus on other people's perceptions of you.
For example, if a less than ideal body shape makes you feel insecure, set practice goals even if you start by setting goals that are easy to achieve. For example, start exercising by scheduling a 30-minute walk a day 3 times a week
Step 4. Do good selflessly
You will appreciate yourself more if you are able to pay attention to others and not just focus on yourself. Be kind and tactful to everyone you meet, but not out of a desire to please others or get something in return. You're still happy even if they don't thank you or give you something back because you did the right thing.
Do good as a part of everyday life, even by doing small things, such as opening the door for other people who will pass by or complimenting the clothes he wears
Step 5. Set proper boundaries when interacting with other people
Being nice to other people doesn't mean letting them take advantage of you or treat you as they please. If you're not used to it, setting boundaries may be difficult at first. However, firm boundaries make you feel more secure and comfortable when interacting with other people.
- Remember that you can decline someone's request if necessary.
- Explain your boundaries in an assertive manner and let them know the consequences if they are violated. For example, "I'm glad you came, but I don't want to argue about parenting anymore."
- At first, the other person may be disappointed, angry, or disapproving, especially if you've never set boundaries when interacting with them. However, people who respect you should respect your boundaries even if they find it difficult to accept them.
- If someone doesn't want to respect your boundaries, limit interaction with them.
Method 2 of 3: Focusing Attention
Step 1. Determine what worries you
The fear of thinking about other people's perceptions of you can become uncontrollable when it comes to something important and ambiguous. Try to identify what is really worrying you. In addition to reducing anxiety, this step helps you determine how to deal with it.
For example, you may feel afraid because you think you will be criticized by a coworker. Try to find out specifically what exactly you are worried about. Are you worried about being considered less productive by your boss? Afraid of being gossiped about by coworkers? Need training or support on the job?
Step 2. Determine what is behind your anxiety
Once you know what's worrying you, determine the cause. You may find a rational answer, but anxiety can be triggered by events that have happened to you. By reflecting, what you are worried about may be unwarranted.
- For example, you are afraid of being criticized by coworkers for getting tattoos. If you work in an office where the situation is not suitable for employees with tattoos (such as a conservative attorney's office), your anxiety is justified.
- If you work in a coffee shop where a lot of employees wear piercings, you may be able to get a tattoo. Find out if your anxiety is triggered by other causes, such as hearing your parents say ("If you have a tattoo, no one will believe you!").
Step 3. Practice focusing your mind
Focusing means being aware of the things you are experiencing, thinking, and feeling. Focusing makes you feel calmer so you don't worry about things that haven't happened or what other people think.
- If you start to think about other people's perceptions of you, refocus your thoughts on what's going on. Think about what you are doing, feeling, and the results you want to achieve.
- Be aware of how you feel and think without judging. Being aware of what you're thinking helps you accept the fact that you're anxious so it's easier to deal with.
- Do mindfulness meditation to get into the habit of focusing your mind at all times. Look for apps or guides to practice mindfulness meditation online.
Step 4. Prepare for the worst-case scenario
Anxiety about thinking about other people's perceptions of you is often triggered by imagining what will happen. Overcome this by preparing solutions or steps you want to take if the worst case scenario does happen.
- For example, you often think, "I can't complete the group assignment I'm responsible for. My friends must be mad at me." Ask yourself, "What will I do if I fail to complete a task? How do I deal with guilt? What can I do to prevent it?"
- Start by thinking of simple solutions, such as saying to your friends, "I'm sorry I didn't finish the assignment." As simple as it is, a useful plan reduces feelings of helplessness and overcomes anxiety.
Step 5. Distract by taking action
A great way to distract yourself when you think about other people's perceptions of you is to do something useful. Busy completing important tasks keeps you focused on the activity at hand, instead of thinking about what (maybe) other people say about you. For example, you can do the following:
- Complete tasks or jobs that have been neglected.
- Volunteer according to the mission you want to fulfill.
- Do a good deed to help others (eg help a neighbor who is moving house).
- Do a hobby or creative activity that you enjoy.
- Spend time with loved ones.
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Criticism
Step 1. Listen to criticism with an open mind
Criticism usually hurts someone, but criticism is easier to deal with if you view it as an opportunity to grow and improve, rather than as hurting or discouraging. If someone criticizes you, listen carefully before defending yourself because what they have to say may benefit you. Instead of getting annoyed or outright refusing, consider the following:
- Who is criticizing. Are criticisms delivered by people who always support you and whose opinions are worthy of respect?
- Submitted content. Does he say confusing or insulting things (eg "You are stupid!") or does he explain your behavior specifically and its impact on others (eg "I get annoyed when you come late")?
- How to deliver. Does he speak politely and give constructive criticism or is he rude and abusive?
Step 2. Ignore unfounded criticism and judgment
Keep in mind that criticism made at you or about you may not necessarily be true. Consider what is said, but you don't have to take other people's opinions for granted.
For example, coworkers say you're lazy, even though you've been working hard. Say to yourself, "I'm not lazy. Of course I can't do what they do because everyone's abilities are different. However, I have tried my best"
Step 3. Be tactful when others criticize or criticize you
Maybe you want to get angry or criticize back when someone says something untrue to or about you. However, this is not the right way. Even if you're upset by what he's saying, you'll stay calm (and impress the other person!) if you can control your emotions so that you remain tactful and dignified.
- Even if you disagree, be polite to him (being polite doesn't mean agreeing with his opinion), for example, by saying, "Thanks for your suggestion. I'll consider it."
- If he's being rude or abusive, a good response might make him calm down and become aware of his behavior. If not, you still appear as a wise person.
Step 4. Remember that other people's perception of you is their opinion, not yours
Someone who says or thinks negatively about you indicates something about that person, not about you. You can't change other people's thoughts, only he can change them. Remember that all you need to do is try your best to be the best person you can be and accept the fact that you can't please everyone.
Step 5. Spend time with supportive people
A person who interacts regularly with a person who likes to insult or criticize tends to be less confident. It's a good idea to cut ties with people who behave badly towards you, such as constantly criticizing, judging, taking advantage of you, or breaking boundaries you set. Make sure you interact only with people who respect you and are able to love and support you even if they criticize you.
If you can't avoid a very negative person, such as a coworker, try to reduce your interaction with them. Be polite or at least neutral when you meet her, but don't meet her
Tips
- Focus on the good of others. If you don't want to be judged by someone else, show respect for others.
- Don't be arrogant. Indifference is not the same as arrogance.
- Try to identify irrational beliefs that don't make sense. This makes it difficult for you to achieve your goals and triggers self-defeating behavior.
- Find out your weaknesses and try to improve them. Don't care what other people think of you. Tell them that you don't care and focus on the positive things that are useful in everyday life.
