Talking to someone who is dying is never easy. The most important thing is to offer your love and presence, and not worry about how to fill the silence or say the right thing. While spending time with someone who is dying can be difficult and emotionally intense, talking to that person may not be as difficult as you think and can even give both of you time for honesty, joy, and sharing of love.
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Part 1 of 3: Know What to Say
Step 1. Be honest while remaining kind
You don't have to pretend like your loved one isn't dying, or even act like things are going to get better when they really aren't. The person you're with will appreciate the fact that you're being honest and open and won't want you to act like nothing's wrong. However, you should still treat your loved one with kindness and be sure to be sensitive to all of their needs. You can be speechless, but when in doubt, make sure you say something that makes your loved one feel better.
If your loved one asks about their health, you don't have to lie even if you can convey the information as best you can
Step 2. Ask how you can help
Another way you can talk to your loved one is to ask how you can help them get through the day more easily. This could mean going off to do some simple errands, making a phone call or two, or even buying her a snack. Maybe your loved one wants a massage or just wants to hear a funny joke; don't be afraid to ask what you can do to reduce the pain. Your loved one may feel as though asking for more help is weighing you down, so you can take the initiative and ask.
If he really doesn't want help, you don't have to repeat the question as often
Step 3. Encourage him to talk if he wants to
Your loved one may want to talk about an old memory or may have a story or idea to share. You should encourage him to talk, even if the subject is hurtful or serious. Just be there for him and let him know that you care about what he has to say. If he can't think clearly or is losing his mind, you can be there to help. Encourage him to speak by making eye contact and asking appropriate questions after he has spoken.
If your loved one is making him nervous by talking, you can ask him to calm down a bit. But in general, speaking is his right and you shouldn't feel like you have to control him
Step 4. Know when a single white lie won't hurt
While you should be honest and open with someone who is dying, you can also hide something if you need to. Sometimes being too honest will only make the dying person feel your pain and feel out of control because he or she can't do anything to stop it. If mom asks you if you and your sister are still fighting, for example, it might be best to say that you two are in the process of making up even if you've only just done that; in this case, offering a little relief is better than the brutal truth.
When you look back on these white lies, you won't regret telling them. However, you may regret being too honest when the moment could have been better if white lies were given
Step 5. Accept small talk
You may think that everything should be in a solemn mood while someone is dying, but your loved one may have other plans. Maybe he just wanted to spend his last days laughing, talking about college football games, or telling old funny stories. If you're trying to make things super serious, he may want you to change the subject to lighten the mood once in a while. Don't be afraid to crack a joke, tell a funny story that happened to you that morning, or ask if he wants to hear a comedy. There's nothing wrong with bringing a little joy into a tense situation.
Everything depends on your loved ones. Maybe he's reconciled and wants to relax in his final days. Maybe he just wants to get emotional and talk about old memories. Let him determine the situation and circumstances rather than trying to steer the conversation in a direction that you think is more suitable for someone's ending
Step 6. Keep talking even if there are no more answers
The sense of hearing is often the last thing that stops working when people die. You may find it pointless to talk to someone who is in a coma or just resting, but he or she is very likely to hear what you are saying. Only the sound of your voice can bring peace and comfort. Don't worry too much about being heard and just say what's on your mind. Your words alone can make a difference, even if the person you're talking to doesn't respond right away or may not hear you.
Talking to a loved one who is dying can offer comfort to both you and him, so there's nothing wrong with talking
Step 7. Know what to say if he is hallucinating
If the dying person reaches the very end, he or she may experience hallucinations due to drugs or disorientation. If this happens, there are two things you can do. If the person sees something unpleasant and becomes frightened or sick about it, you can gently try to bring him or her back to reality by saying it was just a hallucination; but if he sees something pleasant and seems pleased with the vision, there is no point in telling your loved one that he is hallucinating; let him be soothed by his sight.
Part 2 of 3: Know What To Do
Step 1. Don't feel like you have to say something perfect
Many people feel as if they have to say the right final words that show their love for the dying person as well as bring peace. While this is a good thought, if you spend all your time trying to put together the perfect words, you may find yourself at a loss for words. What's even more important than that is that you start talking without feeling too self-conscious, and tell your loved one clearly how much you love and care for him or her.
You probably want every word to mean, and will do, no matter what you say. Your loved one will not analyze everything you say and he will be happier if you open up to him than if you censor yourself
Step 2. Listen
You might think that the best thing you can do for a dying person is to offer some comforting words, but the fact is, sometimes the best thing you can do is offer a listening ear. The person may want to reminisce about past events, talk about his thoughts about the end of his life, or even laugh at recent events. You don't have to interrupt or offer words of wisdom or your own thoughts, and you should be able to comfortably look him in the eye, hold his hand, or just be there mentally and physically.
Make eye contact or hold her hand when she talks. You don't have to talk a lot to show that you're really listening
Step 3. Stay present in the moment
It can be challenging to stay in the present when you are with someone who is dying. Every few minutes, you might worry about whether this will be the last time you'll be able to talk to him, if this will be the last time dad will call you by your first name, or whether you'll be able to laugh with him again. While it's natural to feel this way, you can save these wondering thoughts and longing for after you've finished your visit, so you can focus on being there, enjoying every moment you have with your loved ones, and not letting anxiety get in the way of you being fully involved in your life. the moment.
When you're with a loved one and feel your mind drifting off, rebuke yourself. Tell yourself that you can reflect or worry later; the most important thing now is to just enjoy your time with loved ones
Step 4. Sometimes, try to hold back the tears
While you may feel overburdened by sadness, regret, or perhaps even anger, you can't show that face all the time to a dying person. While you shouldn't lie and act like you've fully accepted what's going on, you shouldn't talk to your loved one with red eyes and uncomfortably sad feelings every time you look at them, or you'll likely upset them too. Try to bring joy and optimism to your loved ones whenever possible; he's already had enough problems, and all the time offering you comfort about his imminent death may not be part of his agenda.
If you really feel yourself weighed down by grief when you talk to him, that's okay too. While putting on a cheerful face can sometimes help, you shouldn't be disappointed in yourself for having natural emotions
Step 5. Remember that actions are more powerful messengers than words
While it's important to talk to your loved ones and be there to listen, you should also remember that what matters most is that your actions show how much you care. This means visiting as often as you can and calling when you can't. This means watching movies, browsing photo albums, playing cards, or doing whatever else you and him like to do together. It means coming when you say you will come and demonstrate your love through everything you do.
If you're really at a loss for words but want to convey how much he means to you, just being loving, kissing him, stroking his hair can help get your message across
Part 3 of 3: Know What to Avoid
Step 1. Don't wait until the last minute
You may have complicated feelings for a dying person, and your relationship may not always be perfect. Still, you better talk to him as soon as possible before it's too late. When a loved one is dying, it's not about fixing or straightening things out, it's about being with them when they need you the most. If you wait too long to talk to him, you may end up missing the opportunity altogether.
Even if your relationship with him is never perfect, it's much more important that you talk to him than wait for the right moment
Step 2. Don't forget to say “I love you
You may have complicated feelings for him and may forget to say the most important words. Even if you've never said those words to him or haven't said them in a long time, it's important to say them while you still have precious time with him. You'll regret it if you don't find the right time to say it and you should stop looking for the right moment to be honest and confess your true feelings.
Don't be afraid to express how much he means to you and talk about your favorite memories or the strengths you've developed because of him. It may be an emotional moment, but he will be very curious
Step 3. Don't offer false reassurances
Of course, it's tempting to tell a dying person that everything is going to be all right. You may want to let your loved one know that he or she will get better, when there's no chance, that things will get better, or that they're looking better, even if that's not true. He will generally become overly aware of his physical condition and will appreciate the fact that you offer support without trying to cover it up. Just focus on being there for your loved ones instead of offering false hope when the end is very near.
Your loved ones will likely know if you're being dishonest, and you shouldn't cause any further tension or sadness
Step 4. Don't be afraid to share your good news
The dying person still cares about you and wants to know about your life. If you're hiding good news, whether you're pregnant, engaged, or just got a new job, you shouldn't act like nothing good is going on in your life. Even if you don't want to talk much about your love life or career issues, sharing a good part of your life with a dying person will make him or her feel happy to be a part of yours. In addition, if a loved one is about to leave this life, he or she will be comforted with the thought that your life is in a good place.
Your loved one will want to feel close to you in those final moments. If he feels that you are distancing himself from him, it will only make him feel worse
Step 5. Avoid stale words
While you may not know what to say, some things can generally be avoided, including saying something like, “Everything is God's plan,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” Unless the person is very religious or uses the words himself, this type of talk can cause some frustration, and can even make it sound like he deserves to die and suffer for some reason and that there's no point in fighting back or feeling angry. Instead, focus on being in the present with him, rather than trying to figure out why he was waiting to die.
If you are religious and he is not, this is not the time to use religious language or refer to God. He will not appreciate your efforts to impose religion on him when his end is near
Step 6. Avoid giving suggestions
If your loved one is only days or months away from death's door, then this is not the time to give unsolicited medical advice. While some may think it's appropriate to tell a person with Stage 4 cancer that he or she should give up chemotherapy and become a vegetarian to cure the disease, you should completely avoid acting like that. Your loved one has probably tried everything and considered all the options, and this type of talk is just frustrating, hurtful, and rude.
At this point, your loved one just wants to be at peace. Suggesting health options will only lead to stress or anger
Step 7. Don't force him to talk
If your loved one is feeling really tired and just wants to enjoy your presence, then don't feel pressured to have a conversation. This is not the same as trying to cheer up a friend who is sad, and your loved one may be physically or emotionally exhausted. While you may want to have a conversation or think that speaking is better than silence, let your loved one decide whether or not you should speak. You don't want to force him to use a lot of his energy at this difficult time.
Tips
- Be gentle and sympathetic without being overly sentimental.
- Don't be afraid to share any emotions the dying person displays - sadness, regret, even anger.
- Discuss the disease process and medical treatment if she wants to talk about it. His life will revolve around these things on a daily basis, so that might as well be the focus of his attention.
- Don't feel uneasy knowing that they won't be around anymore. For example, talk about things that will happen in your life, such as vacations, if the topic comes up.
Warning
- Death, as well as birth, is an experience experienced by all human beings. Remember it.
- You may have strong beliefs about life after death, resurrection, rebirth, the existence of God, religion, etc. or other superstition. Unless you positively know that a dying person also believes the same thing as you, keep that belief to yourself and most of all, don't try to force your belief on him. It's not about you.
