Some people seem destined to be active conversationalists while others are not. Even if you find it easy to have conversations with other people, it can sometimes be uncomfortable if the other person doesn't respond proportionately to what you're saying. Mastering the art of conversation takes practice, and this way of interacting is not easy for some people. However, whether you have to give a presentation at the office, interact at school, or attend a dinner party, having speaking skills can come in handy, even if the person you're talking to is a quiet person.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Starting the Conversation
Step 1. Prepare the topic of conversation
Whether you're going to a particular event that requires you to talk to people or just preparing to chat with anyone that day, it's good to have a few topics to start the conversation with. These conversation topics can help you start a conversation and keep it going if the other person has good speaking skills. Before leaving the house today, read the latest news in the newspaper or on the internet, and jot down some interesting stories.
Step 2. Start the conversation confidently
Introduce yourself if it's your first time meeting the person you're talking to. If you've met him before, say hello. When starting a conversation, it's important to be confident and signal to the other person to participate. If you seem comfortable in the conversation, the other person will feel the same way. Avoid defensive body language, such as crossing your arms over your chest, and don't forget to smile warmly and make eye contact with him.
Step 3. Comment on topics of mutual interest
Once the conversation has started to flow smoothly, focus on the things that interest both of you at the time, such as the room you're in, the event you're attending, or the environment in which the event is being held. This is a good time to provide information about yourself that will make you appear open and interested. Here are some examples:
- “I was a college friend of Dewi when she was in Surabaya. How do you know the host?”
- “I have been interested in marketing strategy for a long time. How about you? Why come to this event?”
- “I don't live around here, but the neighborhood is very pretty. Do you know this area well?”
Step 4. Try to get to know the other person better by asking open-ended questions
Whether you already know the other person or are talking to a new person, show interest in them and encourage them to be actively involved in the conversation. The best way to do this is to ask questions that don't answer simply yes or no. Try rearranging the question so that it provokes a more detailed response. Here are some examples:
- Instead of asking, “Did you have a great weekend?” try saying “What are you doing this weekend?”
- Instead of asking, "I love this food, how about you?" try saying, “If you were the organizer of the event, what menu would you serve?”
- Instead of asking, “Have we met before?” try saying, "I think we met on Gilang's birthday a few months ago, what have you been doing so far?"
Step 5. Avoid sensitive topics
When you start a conversation with someone who is quiet, it's a good idea to choose a general topic that everyone knows. Don't make the other person feel uncomfortable or clueless by bringing up topics they don't know or don't want to comment on. Consider only asking open-ended questions about general topics like family, hobbies, travel, and work. While you can dig deeper into certain topics once the conversation has progressed, it is advisable to avoid the following topics:
- Religion
- Political
- Money
- Family problem
- Health problems
- Sex
Part 2 of 2: Encouraging Conversation
Step 1. Maintain good eye contact
Staring at the other person while he is talking shows you appreciate him. This attitude also shows that you are listening and engaged in the conversation. If the person you're talking to isn't someone who easily participates in conversations, he or she will feel even more uncomfortable speaking if you show an indifferent attitude. Avoid looking at objects behind the interlocutor or passers-by. Also, try to maintain warm and encouraging eye contact, instead of looking too intense.
Step 2. Ask questions in turns
If the other person is getting enthusiastic about engaging in the conversation and seems more active, make sure you give him the opportunity to ask you questions. Don't bombard him with questions, as that will make it seem like you're interviewing or interrogating him. Be open and ready to answer any questions he may have.
Step 3. Listen carefully and leave positive comments
Another important aspect of the art of conversation is the ability to listen. When you are having a conversation and encouraging the other person to talk, be sure to listen attentively to what he or she is saying. When he responds, make positive comments so that he feels more motivated to continue the conversation. Here are some examples:
- "Wow, that's a great point of view! I've never thought of that before."
- "Wow, how do you know so much about astronomy?"
- "I've been looking for information about this period of history. Which book would you recommend?"
Step 4. Switch from topic to topic
Another technique you can use to keep the conversation flowing is conversation threads. In this case, you divide each statement of the other person into several parts and choose one of them as a topic to continue the conversation. This technique will help you respond to their comments without appearing as if they were interrogating them. Here's an example:
- If the other person says, "I just came back from Makassar and I'm really tired, but tomorrow morning I have to attend a meeting" you have three choices of threads that can be used to continue the conversation: why he went to Makassar, the fact that he is tired, and his job..
- Choose one of these threads, then respond with a question or an anecdote like, “I have a relative in Makassar and last year I went there to visit him. Where have you gone?” or “Morning meetings are indeed exciting, because traffic is unpredictable. How about you suggest that it be delayed a little later?”
Step 5. End the conversation by leaving a positive impression on the recent interaction
When saying goodbye, make sure to give the impression that you are enjoying the conversation. Since the other person is a talkative person, encourage him or her by letting him know that you enjoyed the interaction. If you like and feel comfortable, let him know that you'd like to chat with him at another time and can exchange contact information. Try to give him a compliment when you say goodbye and say it sincerely. Here are some examples:
- "I have to find my table. Nice to meet you. Thank you for accompanying me to wait in line!"
- "I enjoyed chatting with you. I hope we can meet again at the next conference!"
- "I'm very pleased to meet you, and I will definitely be reading the article you mentioned earlier."
Tips
- Don't interrupt someone who is talking. This will make it seem as if you want to dominate the conversation and will further discourage the other person from participating in the conversation.
- Don't be aggressive when trying to start a conversation with someone. If the person is still disinterested after you've tried to start a conversation a few times, leave them gracefully saying "Nice to meet you" or "Sorry for interrupting."
- Avoid saying things like, "Wow, you're really quiet, aren't you?" or "I don't bite" when trying to talk to someone who is quiet. This action will make the conversation more awkward and can make the other person feel offended.
