If you're reading this article right now, chances are you've just had a bad birthday. It seems so unfair to have a bad day on your birthday because it's one of those special days when everything can focus on you. But because birthdays are supposed to be so magical, they can often be a day of disappointment and sadness after the celebration.
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Part 1 of 4: Feeling Good Again
Step 1. Have a quick self-pity party, then move on
Having a bad birthday is a huge disappointment. It's important to admit that it was disappointing and that it's important to grieve for a while; if you pretend not to be upset, it can lead to a persistent bad mood. Eat ice cream or cry your heart out, then move on! There is fun to plan.
Step 2. Have a birthday party for yourself
If your birthday doesn't go the way you wanted, take control of the matter and try to make it your birthday. Pick a day to celebrate (make sure you allow enough time for people to schedule it) and indulge in a party. A few tips for having a great post-birthday party:
- Invite as many or as few people as you like; You are in control of the guest list!
- If the party is being held outdoors, choose a restaurant you really enjoy or, if you're adventurous, visit a new place you've been wanting to go to for a long time.
- If the party is being held at home, buy or make food and decorations to highlight the birthday theme, or consider incorporating an unusual theme, such as a favorite season or trend, to bring it to life.
- Buy or bake a cake to make it feel like a real birthday celebration!
Step 3. Treat yourself to extra birthday items
There's no rule that says you can only receive gifts on your birthday, so get out there and treat yourself to some gifts! During birthday repeats, be sure to do it on a day (or week!) that you will enjoy. It won't really improve your birthday, but pampering yourself can help ease the pain for a while.
- Buy yourself a gift in the form of something you hoped for but didn't get.
- Rent your favorite movies and order food from your favorite restaurants.
- Invite some friends over to your house or have a spa day alone.
Part 2 of 4: Expressing Your Hope
Step 1. Reflect on your disappointment
Take a little time to evaluate why you feel like you had a bad birthday: Do you want more attention from someone. Are there activities you wish you could do but don't? Do birthdays always make you feel disappointed? Understanding why you're feeling disappointed specifically will help you overcome your bad mood.
Step 2. Assess whether or not you anticipated disappointment
For some people, birthdays are when we worry so much about the big day before it happens that we experience disappointment as if it had already happened. As your birthday approaches, consider whether you:
- Focusing on what you're worried about won't happen. If you're so worried about what gift you'll get or not get, or whether or not that special someone will call on your birthday, you've been weighing yourself down even before the birthday arrives. This kind of thinking gives rise to so much anxiety about birthday wishes that having fun becomes an uphill battle.
- Looking forward to what can happen. Rather than worrying about what won't happen, this type of thinking is far more hopeful of all the possibilities that will happen. Instead of looking into the future with anxiety about what might not happen, you look forward to your birthday with excitement and anticipation.
Step 3. Consider your expectations
Expectations for birthdays, i.e. anticipations for the day that often lead to bad and disappointing birthdays, fall basically into one of the following categories:
- Hope the birthday celebration itself. Since many of us expect a birthday to be a day full of many and important things that shower ourselves with gifts and attention, when this level of pleasure is not met, the overall feeling for the day becomes a huge disappointment. We are too focused on what the birthday should be like, so we don't enjoy it as it is.
- Hope where and how our life should be. Birthdays come once a year and are a prime time to reflect on the past year and think about the future. For some, this means trying to accept the inaccuracy of the timeline of the goals we set for ourselves. These expectations are often harder to deal with, and can really make a birthday feel bad.
Part 3 of 4: Redirect Your Thoughts
Step 1. Understand that disappointment comes from within
Yes, birthdays are special days, you deserve to feel the warmth and love on birthdays. But there's no rule that the whole world should focus on you that day. Disappointment is an inner feeling, and realizing that it was you who created your own suffering is the key to changing the way you think about the day.
Step 2. Find the exact cause behind the disappointment that appears
Since disappointment is an inner feeling, isolating the emotion that caused the disappointment can help you get over a bad mood.
- Do you feel rejected? Especially since everything is posted on social media, even a small rejection, like not many people writing “Happy birthday!” on your wall, it can be painful. Try to remember that anyone contacting you in any way is a good attitude; this is not a competition to upload or get the most likes.
- Are you worried about extraordinary targets? If expectations of how your life should be now are causing you to be in a bad mood, reflect on when and why you made that goal in the first place. Comparing yourself to others is never a good idea, and maybe the goals you set for yourself when you were younger are no longer in line with what you really want for yourself now.
- Are you contemplating about someone not greeting you on your birthday? Maybe an ex-girlfriend or crush didn't call you on your birthday, which can be painful. Instead of thinking about the one person who didn't call, think about the people who did. Reread the cards and wall posts you receive, and redirect your thoughts.
Step 3. Leave your disappointment behind
Repeating negative things on that day will not change the situation or the people you think ignored you on your birthday. Thinking about it won't change what happened, but it will make you feel worse. Instead, redirect your thoughts and focus on something positive. For example:
- Think about what you have accomplished in the past year and before. You may not be where you thought you would be right now, but you shouldn't give up on the goals you did achieve. Take a little time to make a list of “wins” of the year!
- Plan what you want to achieve this year and beyond. Just remember to make your goals reasonable so you don't put yourself too far into more and more disappointments the following year.
- Plan to actually celebrate someone else's birthday. If your friend or family member's birthday is coming up, forget about your disappointment by helping to make sure that he doesn't feel as disappointed as you on his special day. It will make you feel better, and make him feel loved.
Step 4. Lower your expectations
Maybe as a child you had a week-long birthday celebration that ended in a big party with a very large cake. That's fine, but it can have a huge impact on what you expect for your birthday now. Instead of expecting a big celebration, try next year not to expect anyone to do anything. This may sound negative, but it actually means that whatever good happens is going to be an unexpected surprise!
Part 4 of 4: Communicating More Effectively
Step 1. Understand that you can only control yourself
You can't get your friends and family to celebrate your birthday, but you have control over what those disappointments can do to you. Don't let it control you, but don't ignore it either. Admit that you feel disappointed, then continue with your inner dialogue.
Step 2. Let your friends and family know
Chances are your friends and family aren't aware that you feel like you've had a bad birthday. Maybe it's because they feel like they've celebrated your birthday just right and your expectations are just higher than that, or maybe birthdays aren't that important to them. Anyway, consider one of these conversation starters:
- "I think my tired body needs a quick massage because it was my birthday last week." This will let them know that you expect to be even more pampered on your birthday.
- "You want to arrange a trip for my birthday even though it's late?" There's nothing wrong with asking for help; in fact, this will not only let them know that your expectations are not being met, it will also ensure that the activity is exactly what you wanted it to be!
- "We did go out to dinner on my birthday, but I haven't danced with you yet. You want to?" This is a subtle, but not passive-aggressive, way to show that you enjoyed the birthday activity but also wished for a bit more fun before the day was over.
Step 3. Learn from experience
Whether you continue to feel disappointed about your birthday or this is the first year you've had a bad birthday, learn from your experience and let that knowledge influence you throughout the year. Take that as a perspective too: Is a birthday disappointment something you'll remember in 6 months? 3 months? Be grateful for everything you have! Happy birthday!!
