Experiencing a separation due to a breakup with a lover or divorce is not an easy thing. Losing someone who makes you feel loved usually causes deep sadness, even this experience makes many people think that happiness is no longer theirs. Don't fall into this mindset. Get through the dark times of a breakup by developing a positive attitude, patience, and strong will.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Overcoming the Sadness of Separation
Step 1. Avoid things that remind you of your ex
Someday, you will be able to remember the good times with your loved one without getting emotional, but be patient as this will take time. For now, it's natural to feel sad and disappointed when you reminisce about being with someone you love so much. Therefore, try to avoid things that evoke nostalgia about the relationship that has ended. If there are items that you want to throw away, put them in a box and then save them so that they can be used again later, for example:
- Ex-lover's belongings that you still keep
- Gift for you
- The series of songs he recorded especially for you
- A photo, picture or artwork that reminds you of him
Step 2. Don't contact your ex
Avoid meeting for at least one to two months, unless you're absolutely sure you can think of them as casual friends. If you have to meet him, don't have a long chat and stay polite. Although difficult, you should choose this method so that the atmosphere does not feel awkward. Also, remembering good memories may make you act like you used to or want to be in a relationship again. After all, the breakup will feel even more difficult if you act like this.
The advice above applies to the technology-based relationships you do every day. Think carefully about whether you need to block your ex's social media accounts (at least temporarily). Maybe you need to delete their cell phone number to avoid being tempted to text them
Step 3. Build mental strength through physical activity
Exercising is one way to restore confidence after experiencing difficulties. Besides being cheap and fun, research shows that exercise can improve mood and treat clinical depression. If done regularly, exercising makes you have a better physical appearance. This will make you more confident, making it easier for you to deal with the breakup.
Read the article “How to Start Exercising” to establish an exercise routine
Step 4. Ask for help from a support group
Don't be alone after a breakup because you tend to think negatively and criticize yourself too much. Hanging out with the people closest to you makes it easier for you to think positively. Friends and family members will provide helpful advice (and you should consider it). In addition, you will feel more comfortable and safe when you are with them. Remember that things won't get any better if you keep your problems to yourself.
If you can't meet in person with a support group, try to chat over the phone or Skype. You can make new friends, but for now, don't look for new dates
Step 5. Respect yourself
Remember that You is the most important person in your life. This thought makes you focus more on yourself, instead of dwelling on your ex. Believe in the positive aspects you have and accept your flaws. Everyone has flaws. Focus on giving your best. Happiness does not come from other people, but from within yourself.
If it helps, think of your ex-spouse with compassion because he or she has lost you. Imagine being disappointed after realizing how valuable you are
Part 2 of 2: Stepping Again
Step 1. Admit that you love someone, but this experience has passed
Love is a real thing and can end at any time. Losing someone you really love doesn't mean doing something in vain. The love you give is a way of knowing life and your true self as the meaning of the message that sounds so cliché: “It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all”.
Learning to forgive allows you to accept reality. Forgive yourself for feeling lost. Forgive your ex for wanting to separate (this is very important if you want to continue to be friends with him). Forgive yourself and the person who left you for meeting to deal with problems that ended in separation because this is a human thing. You both are human
Step 2. Do activities to reorganize your life
After recovering from grief, start all over again. Take this opportunity to develop yourself so that you can achieve success that makes you respect yourself more and achieve a better condition than before, for example by doing the following things:
- Focus on work. Accept a new assignment. Take on bigger responsibilities. Ask for a raise or promotion.
- Take up a new hobby. Learn to play music. Learn a foreign language. Start writing a story or keeping a journal.
- Take a trip around the world. Make new friends. Explore the outdoors (in a safe way).
Step 3. Start the relationship again
After a painful breakup, don't be in a romantic relationship for a month or two to deal with the emotional issues that often lead people to seek out a date just as an escape. It's a good idea to approach after being alone for some time to recover. At first, it's natural for you to still feel sad or awkward about having to start all over again. Do not worry; it will pass by itself.
Open your heart when you meet someone you like. Don't be afraid to get your heart broken again so you can't enjoy life right now. Even if you just feel attracted, you can have a crush on the person you like
Step 4. Live in the present
Even if your relationship with your ex-boyfriend was deeply troubled, what happened is irreversible. Maybe because it is so difficult, many people are very afraid if they have to forget their past. However, you can only move on to life if you think more about it today, instead of constantly reminiscing about times with ex-lover.
Be patient because this takes time. For now, you may still think about your ex a lot, but you can forget about it by taking care of yourself and not giving in to things that trigger depression and pessimism
Step 5. Focus on the future
At some point, you may not have hoped for a happy life, but as time goes on, these thoughts start to feel unreasonable. In reality, you entitled have a bright future. A person's happiness is not determined by the things that happened in the past, but by what he believes will happen in the future.
Step 6. Let the memories of your ex-girlfriend fade away slowly
Remember the message that says: “Time will heal all wounds”. Once you're apart, it seems like you can never pass a minute without thinking about your ex. However, after a week or a few months, this habit starts to diminish and eventually, you no longer think about the sad experience, and even “forget” to feel sad. If this is the case, consider it a great achievement. You've made it! A new life awaits you.
You don't have to forget your ex and you can still remember them, but don't let them interfere with your daily life. These memories should bring peace like thinking about a loved one who has passed away
Tips
- Don't fall victim to the myth of "matchmaking" which says that there is only one person who is most suitable as a life partner because this is very unrealistic. Everyone has a match with many people. Everyone has flaws because no one is perfect. An ex-boyfriend who once hurt you is not the right person for you. There are still other people (and possibly others) who deserve your love.
- “Forgetting” your ex may be a very powerful way to deal with suffering. However, don't forget the things you learned from your previous relationship. Like it or not, experiences are like threads in the pages of life that make up who you are today. Learn the positives and negatives to build a better relationship in the future.
- If you don't feel better after a month or so, you may have depression. Consult a doctor or therapist. Getting the help you need is always helpful.
