A bad memory that comes from an embarrassing event or comes from a traumatic event, can linger for days, months and even years. Fortunately, there are ways to train your mind to deal with negative memories in a healthy way. Keep reading to learn methods to reduce the frequency of recalling bad memories and reduce anxiety when you remember them.
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Part 1 of 3: Creating a Healthy Mindset
Step 1. Avoid objects and places that can trigger recalling memories
Do you notice that you are hit unconsciously by your bad memories when you go to certain places or around certain things? Maybe you haven't realized that these are the things that trigger your memories. For example, maybe your bad memory relates to an incident that happened in elementary school, and you remember it every time you go through it. If you start taking a new path to get to work in the morning and avoid going down the street where your elementary school is, you can keep your mind free of your bad memories a little more often.
- If you can completely avoid the things that can trigger you from bad memories, eventually they will all fade from your mind. You'll have fewer reasons to remember them and as you move on with your life, you'll replace your bad memories with more important thoughts.
- Of course, not all triggers are completely avoidable, and maybe you don't want to change your path to go to work, or donate your sci-fi book collection, or stop listening to your favorite band just because the last time you saw their live show was the night your ex You ended his relationship with you. If avoiding the trigger isn't possible, either because there are too many triggers or because you hate to give the memory strength, there are other ways to deal with the memory.
Step 2. Think about memories until they lose their power
For the first time you think of something bad, it may make you weak and make you feel anxious and restless. Your urge may be to avoid thinking about it as much as possible, but trying to hold onto the memory can give you more strength the next time it comes to mind. Instead of pushing it out of your mind, allow yourself to remember what happened. Keep thinking about it until it finally loses its sting. Eventually, you'll stop thinking about it, and when you do, it won't hurt anymore. If the memories become heavier in your mind then you should hurry to go for a walk or do any activity as soon as possible.
- Try to stay comfortable because in fact the event that caused the memory has ended. Whatever happens, other people laugh at you, or something dangerous happened to you, it's all in the past.
- In some cases, thinking about bad memories can be a bit obsessive. Observe your emotions as you repeatedly recall your memories. If you realize that even after you deliberately think about the memory, it still has the power to hurt you, try other ways to get rid of the bad memory.
Step 3. Try changing your memory
Every time you remember something, the memories change slightly. Your brain creates tiny gaps in the memory to replace it with incorrect information. You can take advantage of how your brain works by replacing parts of bad memories with different information. Eventually you will start to remember the version that has changed.
- For example, let's say you have memories of riding a boat called “The Dreamcatcher” in your childhood with your father. You remember your father at the back end of the boat wearing red shorts and sunglasses, screaming at the sight of you leaning too far on the rails and falling into the water. You “know” this is what happened, but years later when you look at the photo on the day of the incident all you see is your dad in jeans, and the boat's name is “The Kingfisher”. As you can see, memories are not always accurate, and can be changed.
- Try to change the part of the memory that makes you feel bad. Using the example above, if you remember that you felt scared and alone when you fell into a river, try to reimagine the memories so you can focus on how happy you felt to be saved by your father.
- Every time you think about your memories, they feel a little different. If you focus on the good feelings instead of the bad each time, the memories will change rhythmically. Maybe it won't go from bad memories to great memories, but chances are it will be less painful.
Step 4. Focus on happier memories
Sometimes our brains get stuck in habits that are hard for us to break. If you find yourself dwelling on a lot of bad memories, train your mind to turn them into good memories instead. Don't give bad memories too many opportunities to change your mood or make you feel anxious, instead of letting them enter your mind, change your mind to more beautiful memories. Keep practicing positive thinking until you no longer automatically fall into the same old mental routine.
Try to match your bad memories with good ones. For example, if you can't stop thinking about a time when you were nervous during a presentation and the whole class laughed, pair that memory with a memory of a time when you did well and you were praised. Every time you think about bad memories, change your thoughts to good ones. Having a good memory fresh in your mind will keep you from having to rack your brain for something good to think about when you're feeling bad
Step 5. Learn to be in the present
The practice of paying more attention to present events is also called mindfulness. This means focusing on what is in the present as opposed to dwelling on the past or being nervous and anticipating the future. Staying mindful is the best way to get out of stress and get more value out of life. Instead of spending time and energy worrying about things you can't change, you can let go of all the burdens and "live" with them.
- Often times we let our minds wander during our daily activities. Instead of going on “autopilot,” take the time to notice small things, like sounds or smells, that you wouldn't normally notice. This can help your mind return to current events rather than drifting off and fixating on memories.
- Implement a mantra that you can repeat when your mind drifts where you don't want it to go. For example, you can say “I am here” or “I am alive”. Say something on which you are based in the present.
- Pay attention to how your body is feeling now. Pay attention to your senses: what are you hearing, seeing, feeling and smelling right now?
- Try meditating. Most forms of meditation are anything to do with mindfulness. Focusing on your breathing and freeing your mind of distractions helps you live more fully in the present. Regular practice of meditation not only helps you stay focused, but is also shown to improve your overall mood.
Part 2 of 3: Have a Positive Outlook
Step 1. Consider what you have learned from an incident
Even the most terrible experiences can teach us a lesson. It may take a while for you to realize what you have learned, especially if the incident is fresh. But if you can look back and see that you have gained wisdom from the situation, your bad memories may no longer hurt. Can you get a hope that you didn't realize before?
- Remember that bad experiences are an unavoidable part of life. Difficult experiences make us stronger, and help us appreciate the good times in life. Without feeling bad every now and then, we won't be able to appreciate the good feelings.
- Try to be grateful for your blessings. Whatever you may have lost as a result of these memories, make a list of things you are grateful for right now.
Step 2. From happy memories
As time passes, the bad memories will naturally start to fade a bit. You can speed up the process by living life to the fullest and making new good memories to fill your mind. Spend time doing the things you love with people who make you happy. The more good memories you make, the less of a bad one you will feel in the long run.
- Going somewhere you've never been before can help, so you can get new experiences that are completely unrelated to the past. Book a flight to a new city, or be a tourist in your own city and go to neighborhoods you rarely visit.
- If walking isn't your thing, change your routine in another way. Go to a new restaurant you've never tried, cook a challenging meal, or invite your friends over for a dinner party.
Step 3. Have a busy life
Keep your schedule full and encourage your thoughts, so you'll have less time to think about the negative. If you tend to spend time on your own, prioritize going out with your friends more often, or visiting your family more often. Turn yourself into interesting books, or choose a new hobby. The more often you sit still and do nothing, the more you can think about your past memories. Here are some activities that can keep you busy:
- Doing physical activity, such as soccer or kick boxing. If you don't like exercise, challenge yourself to walk a few miles each day, or start doing yoga. Challenging yourself physically is a great way to free your mind of negative thoughts. Practice makes your brain to release endorphins that can improve your mood.
- Create something new. You can sew a dress, paint, or write a song. Put your energy into something, and you won't have time to dwell on bad memories.
- Look for opportunities to donate your time. Helping others is a great way to keep your mind off your own problems.
Step 4. Avoid alcohol and drugs
Using substances changes your thoughts for the worse, especially if bad memories make you feel depressed and anxious. Alcohol can increase depression, anger, anxiety, especially in people who are experiencing these symptoms. To stay mentally positive, avoiding alcohol and drugs is the best thing you can do.
- Using alcohol and drugs as a way to forget bad memories, or as a way to avoid all kinds of negative emotions, generally leads to addiction. If you turn to alcohol or drugs to lose your memory, seek help now.
- Other forms of escape should also be avoided. If you tend to gamble, overeat, or take refuge in a habit that could be detrimental to your health as a way to suppress bad feelings, it's important to acknowledge your behavior and curb it, either on your own or with the help of a therapist or support group.
Step 5. Put your health first
When you are overcome by negative thoughts, it will be difficult for you to remember and take good care of yourself. Eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, and exercising several times a week can throw bad memories away. In addition to making sure your basic needs are met, take some time to pamper yourself a bit to help relieve your anxiety from your bad memories.
- Eat a healthy diet that includes adequate fruit and vegetables, protein, whole grains and good fats.
- Get 30 minutes to an hour of exercise every day, even if you're just taking a long walk after work.
- Sleep seven to eight hours every night. Fatigue can make your emotions rise faster than usual and are prone to making you think about bad memories.
Part 3 of 3: Coping With Traumatic Experiences
Step 1. Grieving over the memories
Acknowledge negative memories and emotions associated with it. While this may seem counterproductive, letting go is a key element of the healing process. Suppressing a bad memory will only cause it to reappear at a later date. Allow yourself to feel angry, sad, embarrassed, or hurt. If you need to cry or scream, do it. You will come out on the other hand feeling more capable of dealing with it than if you tried to ignore your pain.
Step 2. Talk to the other person
Call a friend or family member you trust. Others can provide input, share similar stories, and even reassure you that maybe it wasn't as bad as you thought. If possible, talk to someone unrelated to the incident, this will give you the good point of view you need.
- Consider joining a support group. Do some research to find support groups in your area that relate to the particular issue at hand. There are many support groups out there for recent divorces, breakups, chronic illnesses, and so on.
- If you are not comfortable sharing your experiences with others, write them down in your personal journal and keep them in a very safe place where others cannot find them.
Step 3. Consider seeing psychotherapy
If you feel you need more than a friend or family member, talking to a professional may be the right choice for you. Since the doctor-patient relationship is confidential, you don't have to worry about censoring yourself or feeling embarrassed.
- A therapist can help you identify your triggers and learn to deal with them. He will teach you steps you can use to get over the bad memories you have in your mind.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy was found to help people dealing with trauma. Consider finding a therapist who specializes in this approach.
Step 4. Find out if you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
This disorder can develop after a frightening and dangerous experience, such as being sexually assaulted, being in a bad car accident, being abused, or having a debilitating illness. For people with PTSD, memories of the trauma are easy to lose. This creates a constant feeling of anxiety that a bad situation will happen again. If you think you may have PTSD, it is very important to seek help, as this is not something you can handle on your own.
- Symptoms of PTSD include having flashbacks, nightmares, and thoughts that scare you.
- You may feel emotionally numb, depressed, or constantly worried, feeling on edge all the time.
Step 5. Seek special treatment
If you feel trapped by your memories of a traumatic experience, there are treatments available that can help. This treatment is usually used in conjunction with psychotherapy for best results. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss whether special treatment can help you finally feel free from bad memories that are affecting your quality of life.
- Medication may be the first treatment to try. Anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications are often prescribed for people who have difficulty escaping negative thoughts.
- Somatic experiencing is a treatment intended for you to re-experience what your body is feeling. It focuses on improving so that this does not happen when the hazard does not occur.
- Electroshock therapy is an effective way to relieve thoughts of traumatic memories when other treatments are working.
Tips
- Renaming memories can help trick your brain into switching faster. For example, instead of calling it a “bad” memory, call it a “past” memory. Repeating the word “bad” in your head will only make you feel that way: bad.
- Do not linger in times of mourning. It's perfectly natural to feel sad for a while because of a disappointing event, but you need to know when it's time to pull away from the grieving period and start living again.
