The relationship is over, but that doesn't mean you and your ex are ready to let go of each other. If you still have feelings for your ex and wonder if he feels the same way, you need to pay attention to how he interacts with you and how he behaves with other people. However, the best way to find out is to talk honestly with him. Trying to interpret his behavior can also be tried, although it's not very sure if you want to determine if he's interested in continuing the relationship.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Watching His Behavior towards You
Step 1. Think about what you know about him
Understanding yourself, yourself, and the relationship itself may be the best way to interpret the behavior you observe. Think again about your past relationship and the way your ex communicated and handled conflict. Is he direct and outspoken? If so, chances are he's not hiding his feelings and you'll know when he misses you. Does he usually avoid you when he's angry and irritated? If so, her silence now doesn't mean she misses you, but may be angry or irritated and doesn't want to talk. Is he the type of person who lingers on and ponders the past? That means maybe he thinks about you a lot. Use what you know about him and his personality to interpret his behavior for you.
Keep in mind that behavioral interpretations are filtered through the observer's prejudices and expectations (in personal relationships), so you're more likely to see things that aren't really there. If he used to love texting and you haven't texted him since you broke up, don't try to interpret that his silence means he misses you. He will probably text you if he misses you. Try to see his behavior from a more objective perspective
Step 2. Pay attention to how often he contacts you
If he doesn't miss you, he may only call when he has to (for example, to pick up things at your place). If she misses her, she may have a hard time resisting the urge to call, text, email, etc.
- He may not have a specific reason for calling. Maybe he just said, “Hey! How are you?."
- The exception is if he ends the relationship, but also expresses a desire to remain friends. If this is the case, contact you possible is a sign that he misses you, but it could also be that he's just trying to stay friends.
- If he calls you multiple times while he's drunk in the middle of the night after drinking (and thus can't help himself), chances are he still has feelings he can't forget.
Step 3. Think about what his attitude would be like when he contacted you
He may be looking for excuses to call so he doesn't call if there's no reason. Maybe he's asking for advice or help with troubleshooting. Maybe he's also trying to steer the conversation into a deeper topic. For example, he might talk about what he wants to achieve in life or what kind of life he wants to live in the future.
When contacting, did he "skip" call your name with the favorite name he used to use when they were dating? A slip of the tongue like this can be an indication that he still thinks of you the same way he used to
Step 4. Pay attention to how long it takes him to reply to your contact
If you contact him, how quickly will he respond to your messages or emails? How long until he calls back? A case of taking hours to respond doesn't really mean anything, but if he continues to ignore you for hours or even days, he probably doesn't miss you.
If he completely ignores your calls and messages, don't text or call again. This is hard to do if you miss him, but implementing a rule of not contacting him will help you move on with your life
Step 5. Observe her body language
If you happen to be in the same place as her, pay attention to her body language. If he avoids eye contact, crosses his arms or legs, and doesn't smile, he probably doesn't like being around you.
- While body language is a good clue about how a person is feeling, nothing can be said for sure. For example, he misses you very much, but in your presence he is indifferent. This was probably because he was afraid of getting hurt again.
- Try observing his body language and combining it with other information. For example, if his body language shows that he doesn't want to be around you but calls you every day, then he may miss you but feel defensive around you.
Step 6. Notice if he shows up in places you frequent
If he randomly stops by your office or shows up at a place you frequent, it's probably not a coincidence. If your friends are the same, he probably knows where you are and "happens" to go there too.
If he shows up where you go, don't forget to watch his body language. Does he keep glancing at you? If so, he may also be trying to observe your behavior
Method 2 of 3: Observing His Behavior Among Others
Step 1. Browse social media
If you're still friends with him on social media, watch what he writes and interacts closely with. Does he post a lot of cryptic and/or sad things (a sad song about a lost love, for example)? Does he comment on or “like” old photos of the two of you together? If so, it might be a sign that he's having a hard time getting over his breakup with you.
- But remember that social media doesn't always accurately describe what's going on in someone's life. People who post a lot of photos as if their lives are perfect may be facing major emotional problems.
- Don't cross the line when browsing social media. Respect your ex's privacy, and limit yourself to checking in once a day, at most.
Step 2. Notice how he behaves around you in social situations
If you and your ex still hang out with the same group of friends, pay close attention (but discreetly) how they behave when you're there too. If he seems agitated and is trying to interact with you, it may be because he's still trying to work out any lingering feelings.
- But you have to be careful. He may still not get over his feelings, but that doesn't mean he misses you. For example, he may be very angry because your actions actually hurt him. Try to assess his behavior in the context of past relationships and interactions.
- Notice if he keeps looking at you even when he's interacting with other people. This may mean he also wants to observe your behavior to find out how you feel.
Step 3. Talk to the same friend
If you have a mutual friend you can trust to keep your investigation a secret, ask if your ex has mentioned anything about you. The same friend may be able to give you a clearer idea of your ex's current situation.
- If you're afraid that this mutual friend will report what you're asking, try asking very casually. For example, instead of asking bluntly, say, “I wonder how [ex's name] is doing. I know he had an important exam yesterday, I hope his results are good." The friend may understand what you mean, but it won't be as clear-cut as if you said, “Has [name of ex] ever talked about me?”
- Don't keep chasing friends with this topic. You can talk about it every now and then, but if it's every time, he might get annoyed.
- If your friend says, "I'm sorry, I don't want to get into this situation," respect her wishes. It's not that he doesn't care. He cares, he just doesn't want to be dragged into a “say this, say that” scenario or seem partial.
Method 3 of 3: Talking To Him
Step 1. Decide if talking is a good idea
The easiest and most obvious way to tell if he misses you is to ask him. Unfortunately, for most people this method is very scary. However, the quickest way to get a feel for how he feels is to talk.
- Realize that some people can't be honest about their feelings, especially if they're afraid you'll hurt them again.
- If you and your ex can't communicate without fighting, meeting up to discuss topics like this might not be a good idea.
- Asking directly may seem scary, but in the future you will not be confused anymore. Instead of wasting time trying to interpret his silence or the emoji he uses, you'll know clearly if he wants to come back to you. If not, you can start trying to get over it and move on with your own life, not wasting time on people who are no longer interested in being in a relationship with you.
Step 2. Call him
You can reach him via text message or email, but perhaps the quickest way is to call him. Speak in a light, friendly tone. Ask if he'd like to meet up for lunch or coffee because you want to talk about something.
Understand that he may refuse. If he doesn't want to see you, it's a sign that he doesn't miss you, or if he does, maybe he's not ready to meet you. Try not to be angry. Instead, respect his wishes
Step 3. Try to keep the atmosphere relaxed
If it's the first time you're meeting him after the breakup, things might get a little awkward. Take the initiative and try to make things as relaxed as possible. Ask how things are going (school or work), and tell us a little about your activities.
Try to talk about something light and don't talk directly about the relationship. This will lighten the mood and show that you are not trying to provoke an argument
Step 4. Wait for the right moment
If you meet at a restaurant or cafe and order food and/or drinks, it's a good idea to wait until the order arrives and then state why you want to meet. This is to ensure there are no distractions from the waiter who wants to take orders, bring food, etc.
If you order a drink, don't opt for alcohol (if relevant). While you think drinking will help you relax, alcohol can also make you say things you don't want to say or maybe get emotional
Step 5. Be honest with him
Even though it's scary, in the end you have to say why you want to meet. Start by saying that you appreciate her coming, and that you'd like to talk about some things you've been thinking about for a long time. If you still have feelings for him, be honest.
- If you miss him, you may feel vulnerable if you tell him your feelings honestly, but he's also more likely to open up about his feelings.
- For example, say, “Actually, I think about you a lot. I know we broke up, and I respect you, but I want to know how you feel now."
- You could say this over the phone or in a text message, but speaking in person allows you to observe his body language and facial expressions.
Step 6. Decide what to do next
If it turns out that he misses you as much as you miss him, now is the time to decide what to do. Try to talk about the reasons for breaking up objectively, and whether the two of you can try again.
- If it turns out that he doesn't miss you, at least you know that now you have to move on. Don't try to make him feel what he doesn't.
- Even though it's very difficult, think rationally about whether continuing your current relationship is a good idea. Maybe you miss each other, but maybe getting back together isn't a good idea. For example, if you often fight about basic principles (for example, religion or how to live your life), the ending may not be much different.
Tips
- Be prepared for anything. If you want to find out if he misses you because you want to be back with him, be prepared to face the fact that he may have forgotten you.
- Remember to let go of pride when talking to your ex. It's easy to get sarcastic and defensive if you're not sure how he feels, but that will only keep him from telling the truth.
