It's really hard to live with someone you don't like. But, before you read this article, consider whether you really hate the person. While living with someone you don't like can be difficult, there are things you can do to make it easier. Communication is the key to all relationships, including those of housemates. This article looks at how to communicate with someone you hate and outlines strategies to reduce conflict in your everyday life.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Learn to Communicate with Annoying People
Step 1. Think about the interactions you had with your roommate that was unpleasant
It's possible that you're not communicating effectively with the person, and that's where your troubles start.
- Have you ever been rude to your roommate?
- What's the thing that really annoys you about this person? Are there any habits that annoy you or you don't like in general?
- You may not be a good roommate yet, or you may be expressing your feelings in a healthy way to improve the relationship with the roommate.
- Assess for yourself what you are doing and how you can become a better roommate.
Step 2. Get ready to interact
You know you'll feel awkward talking to your roommate, so be prepared for what you're going to say ahead of time.
- Try to think positively about the conversation you are about to talk about. Chatting in a bad manner will not make your relationship any better.
- Take a deep breath and try to be calm.
- Think about what you want to say, make sure you say it politely.
Step 3. Start a good relationship
Meet your roommate for a chat, so you give the impression that you want to have a conversation with him.
- Make eye contact.
- Say his name.
- Make connections and be friendly.
- Speak in a calm tone of voice.
Step 4. Listen actively when your friend is talking
Sometimes friendships are broken because you don't listen to your friend's point of view.
- Make sure you focus on what he's talking about, not how you feel when you hear him.
- Don't interrupt your roommate. Let him finish talking.
- Nod or show that you hear everything he has to say.
Step 5. Clarify your understanding
This will show that you are listening to the person and ensure that you really understand what he or she is trying to say.
- Follow it up with a clarifying statement.
- Say, "Let me first understand what you mean…" or "Tell me what do you really want me to do?"
- Keep your tone of voice calm and friendly.
Step 6. Be polite
Don't show that you feel the person is bothering you.
- Don't interrupt, yell, or make harsh comments even if he does.
- You can say, "Please don't yell at me" or "If you're screaming like this, how can I understand what you mean and solve this problem?"
- Respond in a friendly-sounding voice. Don't let him know he's upsetting you.
Step 7. Be silent if needed
Don't get involved with someone who is very angry or aggressive.
- If your roommate seems to be asking you to fight, be quiet until he calms down.
- If someone starts to speak harshly, he's about to explode. Then, you can reassess whether you want to continue the conversation or try again when he has calmed down.
- However, don't shout or swear at him.
Step 8. Wait until you are “invited” for another discussion
Once your roommate has calmed down, you can try to start the conversation again.
- Respond in a low, soothing voice. Try not to sound "commanding" or authoritarian.
- You can start the conversation again by saying, "So this is…" or "So I think this is the way to fix this problem quickly…"
- If the person becomes angry or rude again, be quiet or end the conversation. You're just a messenger and you don't have to get involved with rude people.
Step 9. Agree that you will follow up on the conversation
If you both agree to resolve the conflict, you should re-discuss it as soon as possible.
- Explain what you will do to solve the problem.
- Confirm that the person wants to talk about it again at a later time.
- Allow realistic time for a second discussion.
Step 10. End the conversation politely
Make sure your roommate knows that you don't want to continue, especially if he starts to get angry.
- You could say, “Thanks for letting me know how to fix this problem quickly. We will talk again later".
- If the person is angry and looks like he wants to get you into a fight, just say, “This chat is over…” then walk away.
- Don't feel angry in return. Anger will not solve this communication problem.
- Maintain a calm and friendly demeanor even at the end of the conversation.
Part 2 of 2: Making House Rules
Step 1. Discuss with your potential roommate
Ideally, do this before living together.
- Knowing other people's lifestyles and habits can help you get ready to live in the same house.
- You can decide under what circumstances you have to make the rules for living together.
- Make a copy of the agreement and sign the letter.
Step 2. Decide how the bill will be distributed
Finances are a major source of conflict with roommates. It is better to plan from the beginning how financial problems will be managed.
- Read the rental contract to see how the landlord wants to be paid. He may charge a monthly fee. If that's the case, work out a schedule with your roommate who will send the rent each month and the date when you will have to pay your share to your roommate.
- Determine who will pay for the cost of housing needs. Most apartments or houses will require the tenant to be responsible for some of the home's needs.
- If you're paying for your home needs, keep a copy of the bill and show your roommate the total you paid when you had to collect it.
- Usually the best way is to flatten all expenses, excluding personal expenses and food.
Step 3. Agree on how the housework will be done
Make a cleaning schedule and stick to it.
- It's a good idea to rotate the schedule for taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, and so on. That way, no one keeps doing the same thing every day.
- Regarding dirty dishes, you should clean your own dirty dishes after eating in the kitchen. Don't expect your roommate to wash your dishes, and vice versa.
- Don't expect your roommate to do more household chores than you've been told.
Step 4. Create rules of behavior that each other must understand
You and your roommate should be considerate of each other's rules regarding noise, use of personal objects, guests, smoking, etc.
- Talk about the time limit on which a person can stay. Make sure both of you are responsible for cleaning the house after receiving guests.
- Discuss the noise level you can tolerate. If you need some quiet time, tell your roommate in advance.
- Make rules about how you both use your belongings and space. Make sure you have other people in mind when using something that isn't yours. Explain what you expect when lending an item.
- Also, don't be selfish in using space in common areas. Don't fill the living room with your belongings, for example.
- If you smoke, smoke outside. If your roommate smokes, politely ask to smoke outside the house/apartment. The rental contract usually outlines the smoking policy in the rental home.
Tips
- Always try to maintain a peaceful and good relationship. You can't expect someone to be nice to you if you behave otherwise.
- Make rules and guidelines about the sources of problems that usually arise before living together.
- Try some effective communication tips to reduce tension during a discussion.
- Stay away from your roommates!
- Don't provoke a fight, but you shouldn't be too friendly either. Don't talk to him unless needed, and be polite if you decide to have a chat. Be indifferent.
