One of the reasons we make friends and acquaintances is so that we have a network of people who can help when we are having a hard time. Unfortunately, even if you have many potential helpers, asking for help can be difficult. For most people, it is difficult to admit that we need the help of others, even if the consequences of continuing without that help are enormous. Don't worry – this quick guide will teach you how to ask for help tactically and gracefully.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Politely Asking for Help
Step 1. Approach your helper at the right time
If you ask someone for help at an inconvenient time, you can embarrass or even anger them. You can also reduce the chances that he will say yes. If you're going to ask a teacher to help with math homework, don't ask in the middle of a lecture. Definitely don't ask right after he finds out that his house is on fire! In general, try not to interrupt someone's work and their moments of happiness or sadness.
You may also need to move to a private location when asking your helper, depending on the help you ask for. If the help embarrass you or the person (for example, if you ask for help fixing your underwear), don't ask for it in front of other people
Step 2. Tell them you want to ask for help
The sooner you mention the intention, the better. Being honest about what you want is polite, and also a smart use of time. If you ask for help at the end of a long conversation and the helper says he can't help, you're wasting time that could be used to find another helper. It's easy – all you have to say is, "Hi, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor." in the first few sentences. Then, make your request! Potential helpers will likely appreciate that you don't hide what you want!
Step 3. Arrange your words carefully
You need to be polite and pleasant but also clear about what you want. Explain the facts of the situation. Don't allow any guesswork. Then, without wasting time, explain what help you need from the person. Ask frankly if they will help you with a simple question. Don't leave any opportunity for misunderstanding. If the issue is important enough to require someone else's help, you should raise it directly. "Could you help me with my math homework for an hour tomorrow?" instead of "Hey, if you want to show me something about math, that'd be cool!"
- Specify relevant deadlines or information qualifications up front. For example, in the math homework example, if there's an exam at the end of the week, make sure you include the information so he knows he needs to spend some time before that.
- Don't try to force or make someone feel guilty into helping you. Help means nothing unless it is given sincerely and sincerely.
Step 4. Get straight to the point
Don't procrastinate – the longer you wait before expressing your need for help, the more likely you will lose your nerve and leave the conversation without even asking for anything. When this happens, you'll be right back where you started! Say hello, make small talk in a sentence or two, move to a quiet area if necessary, then tell the person immediately that you need their help. Don't let him go until you muster up the courage to ask!
Step 5. Praise your helper
Let him know that he's the only person good enough for it – even if he isn't. Praise his abilities – in this example, we could say something like, "Could you help me with your math homework? You're really good at trigonometry – didn't you get an A on your last exam?" Your compliments can range from subtle to exaggerated, depending on how desperate you are for his help!
Step 6. Give him a reason to help you
People who are reluctant to help can be swayed if you tell them the consequences (for you) of not providing the help. Tell them the worst case scenario that will happen if they don't help you. In our example, you could tell the prospective tutor that if you can't get his help with your math homework, you're sure to fail the exam!
You don't have to be whiny or overly talkative, but if you're desperate, it can help
Step 7. Give your helper an "exit
If you really need someone's help, you may be tempted to attack the potential helper for not being able to help you. But if you do this, you will regret it as soon as help is given. For peace of mind and to avoid any awkwardness or hurt feelings remaining, It's a good idea to give the helper an "exit strategy" when you ask him for help. Mention possible reasons why he can't help you – they may take that excuse if they don't want to help.
In our homework example, we might say something like, "Hi, I would really appreciate it if you could help me with my homework, unless you're busy or something."
Step 8. Accept rejection politely
The act of asking implies the possibility that they will say no. Prepare yourself for this eventuality! Don't be upset if the person can't help – on the contrary, you should be happy that they are honest in their capacity to help you. If, out of guilt, they offer to help, only to withdraw later, they've wasted your precious time. By being candid, they've given you a better chance of seeking help elsewhere. Say you understand and don't ask them for help again.
- However, you can ask if they know someone who can help. With luck, they'll be able to recommend someone you haven't considered before.
- If someone can't give you the help you need, don't take it to heart – it's not a reflection of their opinion of you. If you suddenly ignore the person, he will think that you only care about his ability to help you.
Step 9. Have a backup plan
Asking someone for help doesn't necessarily mean they'll agree to help! They may be too busy to help or may not know how. They may not be able to help. In either case, don't get too emotionally involved in the first option – have a few alternative options just in case you have to seek help elsewhere.
In our math homework example, for example, we'll first plan to ask the girl in class who always gets an A. If she can't help, we'll ask the boy who answers most of the class questions. If he can't help either, then that's when and only for that reason you need to approach an unfriendly teacher
Part 2 of 2: Receiving Help Gracefully
Step 1. Thank your helper
The rule is to express sincere gratitude three times – when the helper agrees to help, when they finish helping, and when you meet them afterwards. Remember that the person is under no obligation to help you – he or she is doing it out of personal kindness.
- Your thanks don't need to be flowery and complicated. "Thank you very much" is sufficient and effective. Most people can tell if your gratitude is genuine, so a small, heartfelt "thank you" is better than a long, complicated thank you speech.
- If the favor is great, consider writing a personal thank you message or buying him a gift. When giving gifts, remember that the sincerity and emotional content of the gift are far more valuable than the material value of the gift.
Step 2. Follow up with obligations on your part
If such assistance requires your participation, give.
There's nothing worse than asking someone for help, then not offering the full attention and participation that person needs to help you. For example, in the math homework example, if we ask a friend to teach us before a test, it would be unfair if we come unprepared or even busy texting via cellphone during the study session.
If the help requires the use of certain items, do your best to make them available to the helper. If your friend spends the day helping you with homework, try to come with paper, pencil, calculator, etc
Step 3. Be ready to help others when they need it
When you accept the help of others, in turn you must try to help others. You can try asking the helper if he needs help with anything as soon as he finishes helping you. Otherwise, just go on with your daily activities, keeping your eyes open for people who are in need of help. Remember that someone's first reaction when asking for your help may be reluctance or doubt. Try to get over the feeling. If you can help someone (realistically), do.
- Think about how relieved you will feel when someone else agrees to help you. By helping others, you also give them the same relief.
- Don't just help others after they've helped you! Try to help others whenever you can – it will feel great!
Tips
- Swallow your arrogance! Don't be shy about asking others for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Admitting that you need someone's help is often much more difficult than denying it, so you should be proud of your willingness to ask others for help.
- Remember that at some point, everyone in human history had to accept the help of others. Alexander the Great wasn't too proud to accept Aristotle's help as a child – you can't be afraid to ask for help with homework!
