Who doesn't want to fall in love? Love is an almost universal and very common desire, like the hashtag about a member of the Kardashian family. If you are attracted to a girl and really want her to reciprocate your feelings, there are several ways to get her attention. More importantly, be yourself and respect the girl for who she is.
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Part 1 of 5: Understanding Attraction
Step 1. Learn how physical attraction works
Our body's biochemical reactions are the basis for all emotions, thoughts, and hopes for love. We are programmed to love! This attraction is based on chemical reactions in the brain. A group of neurotransmitters called monoamines (dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin) create the feelings we perceive as attraction.
- Dopamine is a hormone in the brain that makes you feel "happy". This hormone is also involved in the reward and motivation system in your brain. When you meet someone you're attracted to, dopamine starts sending a feel-good chemical reaction as a "reward" to your system.
- Norepinephrine, which is sometimes known as noradrenaline (but not the same as adrenaline), sends messages to your central nervous system. Norepinephrine is responsible for your ability to "block" information that is not as interesting as your partner.
- Serotonin regulates many body functions, including sexual behavior and body temperature. When you are very attracted to someone, serotonin lowers your body temperature, which makes your skin more capable of transmitting electrical power. This is why love can really make your skin vibrate.
- In fact, experts say that attraction stimulates the same chemicals in the brain that addiction stimulates, such as dopamine and oxytocin. If a girl isn't attracted to you, it has nothing to do with who you are: it's really because everyone's brain chemistry is different.
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A researcher from Rutgers University concluded that it only takes the brain less than a second to determine whether someone is attractive or not.
- You may or may not be able to cope with the impression that occurs in this fraction of a second, or you may not.
- If you don't, don't take it personally: humans are simply incapable of managing spontaneous arousal, and what someone thinks of you doesn't necessarily indicate that you have anything negative. For example, some women are attracted to men who like to take risks, others are attracted to men who are more cautious. There is nothing wrong with these two types of men.
- Understanding how attraction works might seem to unravel a bit of the mystery and magic of love. However, it does confirm that love and attraction are something our bodies regulate, on a very irrational level. Sometimes, an electric spark between two people can be completely right or wrong.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
Women are usually attracted to men who can take care of themselves. This includes maintaining a good appearance as well as a healthy overall disposition. Keeping your body looking and feeling strong and healthy is a good evolutionary sign of “reproductive fitness” – essentially, a sign that your genes are strong and healthy too.
- Taking good care of yourself and being healthy also shows self-confidence and proper self-respect. Most people find this interesting.
- This doesn't mean you have to overdo it and become a marathon runner or a bodybuilder. However, you might consider joining a gym or a top Frisbee team so that you feel healthier and more confident, which will make you more attractive. Alternatively, you can be the best version of yourself and be honest.
Step 3. Treat yourself to success
Your appearance and physical presence are the biggest first impressions you need. This impression is also usually the strongest aspect. You may have a good profile and online interactions, but if you end up meeting the girl you're chatting with in real life and you smell bad and you're wearing bad clothes, this will show more than the impression you make in an online chat room.
- Control your body odor. The women in the most educated circles do not like excessive body odor. Men who don't shower regularly, don't use deodorant, or wear smelly clothes will fail to attract women.
- Take care of your body. A person is still possible to find love even though he is not perfect: for example he has obesity, eczema, baldness… or any other condition. However, trying your best to maximize your appearance will make you look attractive and feel more confident.
- Wear attractive clothes. Each community has a choice of types of clothing that are considered attractive, and give a signal of masculinity, self-confidence, and masculinity.
Step 4. Consider body language signals
Body language can be conscious (such as winking at someone) or unconscious (such as reddened lips or quivering). People convey messages through the use of body language, including language of interest. Most body language relevant to physical attraction communicates a few basic messages:
- I'm available: look confident and balanced
- I'm interested: smiling shyly from across the room
- I'm harmless: don't look aggressive or unbalanced
- I am fertile: healthy, energetic and energetic
- I am approachable: body language is open and relaxed
Step 5. Look for open body language
Body language cues that say "I'm available" and "I'm approachable" convey the message that someone is in a state of mind ready to accept your approach. Look for things like:
- Smile
- Eye contact with yourself
- Looking up (instead of focusing on his cell phone, etc.)
- Sit or stand with relaxed, uncrossed arms and legs
- Feet pointing towards you while conversing
Step 6. Look for signs of interest
Some body language occurs subconsciously and when we are attracted to someone. Other body language is more of a behavior that occurs consciously. Looking for these signs can help you determine if your feelings for a girl are reciprocated:
- Blushing or blushing cheeks
- Reddish or thickened lips
- Dilated pupils
- Remove the “blocker” from in front of you (e.g. move the bag that separates you from it)
- Sudden racing heart or rapid breathing
- Licking tongue
- Implicitly imitating your body language. For example, if you move your weight to the other side, it will do the same a few moments later.
- Temporary touches. For example, a light touch on the arm, wrist, or knee.
- Remember: none of these behaviors means that he's actually interested in you. Even if these signs look good, don't jump to conclusions right away. The red-cheeked girl with dilated pupils and moving her bag from next to you might just be doing it because she's polite, and it could be another girl blushing because she just got back from the eye doctor!
Step 7. Watch how he smiles
A woman's genuine smile may be a signal that she wants to make herself appear more attractive to you. A smile may also just be a sign that he's friendly, so check for other clues from his body language. Watch his smile to see the facial muscles he uses when he smiles. This will help you to know if the smile is genuine or not.
A genuine smile, also known as a “real woman's smile,” uses the muscles around the eyes in addition to the mouth. A fake smile usually only moves the muscles around the mouth, and looks tense or empty. This is why Tyra Banks always teaches models to “smile with their eyes.”
Step 8. Show your own interest
Once you've determined whether or not you have a chance, you can do a number of things to show your body language, to let the girl know that you're interested in her.
- Make eye contact with him and smile.
- Approach him more. You might be able to move to a closer table at the cafe, or get a tissue while he's at the ingredients stand. This can make him pay attention to your pheromones, which will help show interest.
- Tilt your head if you talk to him or look at him. A tilted head is a sign of interest.
Step 9. Try saying cool words
These words are useful when you are about to start a conversation. Although it can sound scary, you can still do it. Studies define three types of people who enjoy opening conversations:
- The "direct". These people are honest and direct about the main things, such as “I think you're really cute” or “I'm a little shy, but I wanted to chat with you.” Generally, men prefer this type of person when someone is trying to have a conversation with him.
- The "nonsense". They can have a conversation but don't get to the point, such as "What do you think of this place?" or “Do you come here often?”. In general, women choose this type.
- The cute". They involve humor, although usually cliché or even embarrassing, such as “Which do you want for your eggs, scrambled or fertilized?”. Both women and men rated this kind of person as the least attractive.
- If you're a heterosexual guy looking to strike up a conversation with a girl, take a small talk approach.
- Studies have also shown that those who are honest and supportive are more likely to have long-term relationship outcomes, while strategies that involve manipulation or dishonesty (such as the cutesy type) can result in short-term relationships.
Step 10. Give a gentle touch if you feel he is inviting you
Touch is a great way to show physical attraction. Don't be a scary person, but if you've known him for a while and he seems interested in you, you can nudge his arm a bit or touch his hand.
- Don't touch a girl unless she's giving you signs that she's interested. Even if it does, do it with caution. Usually it is better to wait until he initiates some kind of touch first.
- If he reacts negatively to your touch, apologize and don't try to touch him again. Showing respect and providing personal space can make him attracted to you. Being aggressive definitely won't interest him.
- Make sure your physical touch is culturally appropriate. What is considered normal in Colorado may be forbidden in Morocco. What is considered normal at a public university in Toronto may not be possible at a conservative Christian school in Oklahoma.
- If you're really unsure, ask for a physical touch! For example, reach out for a friendly position. Or you could ask, "Can I hug you?" or, "Would you like some help applying sunscreen on your back?" This move can create physical touch in a way that respects her boundaries, while remaining honest about them.
- Don't force touching a girl. You don't have to physically touch a girl in the early stages of flirting. Trying too hard, or forcing yourself to try to touch, can be bad and make you come across as a "scary" person.
- The moment of touch will usually "present itself". If the relationship and feelings of attraction already exist, usually this moment will happen automatically. The two of you may accidentally reach out for the same food in the cafeteria, or he may put his hand over yours while watching a movie; things like this will happen by themselves.
Part 2 of 5: Becoming an Extraordinary Person
Step 1. Live your life
Who wants to have a serious relationship with someone who just sits idle all day? If you want the girl of your dreams to fall in love with you, go out and show her that your life is fun. Do things that make you happy, fill your life with learning and exploration, and chase your dreams. People are often more attracted to those who appear to be living happy and meaningful lives.
- Do you want to make your own video game? You can do it! Writing book? Get started now, champ! Exploring caves? Yes, you can! Pursue your dreams and you will see that the girls will be attracted to your passion and determination.
- Maintaining your own attraction after a relationship will also help you avoid becoming "codependent." A codependent relationship occurs when one or both parties feel they cannot be complete or happy without their partner. Relationships like these are unhealthy, and you can avoid them by staying true to yourself. This will attract people who are also true to themselves.
Step 2. Point out your attractive qualities
People don't decide who they want to love. Love happens because the people involved in it have attractive qualities. Love often develops over time, so your job is to show the girl that you deserve company. Let your personality shine through and give him a chance to see who you really are and what you can give. As it turns out, people often think that personality traits like your sense of humor, friendliness, and honesty make you more physically attractive!
- Other qualities that can influence how people respond to your attractive qualities include respect, honesty, hard work, and intelligence.
- Studies also suggest that heterosexual women are more likely to value personality and social characteristics, such as sociability and intelligence, over physical characteristics.
Step 3. Be funny
Have a good sense of humour. It's no secret that girls love a guy who can crack jokes or be funny - it's scientifically proven! Practice pranks with your friends every once in a while, and learn which ones are funny and which are not. When you're alone with a girl, making jokes can be a good way to relieve tension.
- Remember: if you're not good at joking, you can still develop a good sense of humor - you just have to like to laugh and be around funny people.
- Sarcasm or bitter humor is not a good choice. Try positive or slightly self-deprecating humor.
- For example, if you're at a coffee shop with a girl, say something like “I think there are two kinds of people: people who are sad a lot and people who drink coffee. What do you think?"
Step 4. Be cheerful
One of the most important things that both men and women look for in their partners is cheerfulness. You have to be cheerful because maybe the girl of your dreams finds cheerfulness attractive. How to? Make boring routines, like studying, interesting and fun, for example by turning your math problem into a song. Don't take things too seriously. And most importantly, make sure you can laugh at yourself.
Being able to have fun, relax, and even annoy yourself makes girls think that you're not an uptight or aggressive person. It also relaxes everyone around you, so they feel more comfortable spending time with you
Step 5. Have confidence
In order for you to truly be loved, believe that you are valuable. Most girls are not attracted to people who often look down on themselves. So, be confident without being arrogant. Know your talents. Don't exaggerate or flaunt them, but put these things into your routine and don't be afraid to let the talent be known to the masses every once in a while.
- The difference between real self-confidence and arrogance is in how you think about yourself. True self-confidence means that you know who you are, and that you feel comfortable and happy about who you are. Arrogance usually arises from the need to compete or put others down to make yourself feel confident. Really confident guys don't have to put other people down or be an asshole to show that they're really cool guys.
- If you feel the need to talk about yourself, make sure you do it jokingly. Laugh at the mistakes you make and the stupid things you do, in addition to the things you don't like about yourself. "Really, DON'T LET you ask me to dance. I'm not very good at it. I'm putting myself and others at risk. It's better this way."
Part 3 of 5: Winning Her Heart
Step 1. Get to know him
Getting to know a girl is more than just remembering her day and place of birth. Spend time with him, develop trust, and appreciate things about him that he doesn't usually show. Learn about her fear of something (like water, and why), or learn about the most embarrassing moments in her life (and help her laugh at those moments). Understand his way of thinking and his principles of life. This will help you to love him as a full human being, and he will appreciate that more than you understand.
- A good way to start is to ask open-ended questions. Take, for example, social psychologist Arthur Aron, who made the news with a list of 36 questions to develop intimacy between people. These questions are creative and open-ended, and talk about more interesting things than her favorite movie.
- For example, you could ask “Do you want to be famous? In what way?” or “What do you think a perfect day would be like?”
- Not only will this give you a chance to get to know him better, but it will also show him that you think he's smart and that his opinion is valuable.
Step 2. Find out what he likes to do
Then, do these things with him. Doing something that you know she likes will pay off, because she will feel comfortable and safe doing it. If he's comfortable when you two date, he's more likely to approach you, hold your hand, or even kiss you.
Whether you like surfing, horseback riding, shopping, or cooking, you can try getting him involved in doing what he enjoys most. Ask her friend what she does in her free time, or ask her outright if you dare (good luck to you). That way, he'll know that you did take the time to find out what he likes, and that you're willing to go the extra mile to make sure he's happy
Step 3. Take her to a fun date
You don't have to do something he likes on a date, but if you want love to blossom, you still have to ask him out alone. When you're ready to take it to the next level, try visiting a familiar place like a movie, coffee shop, or dance party. You can also try taking her to an amusement park or a haunted house; Studies show that the feeling of attraction or danger in a date helps release chemicals in the brain, which can bring two different people together.
Be strategic about what you call a "date." Usually, once you've won the girl's heart, make sure you date her so you know that you're both interested. However, if you haven't won her heart yet, it's better to play slowly when seducing her, and win her over as a friend before you step into a romantic relationship. Sometimes a girl will turn down a romantic relationship if she's not sure if you're a good friend
Step 4. Be clear
You may not want to ask him to be your boyfriend the first time you meet him, or even on the first few dates. However, at the end of the day you have to show an attitude and express interest in being his girlfriend. If you wait too long, you risk making him think of you as just a friend. Don't leave your relationship with him ambiguous.
You can also clearly state signals to show your interest. For example, if you're having fun, don't end the conversation with a bad word. Say something like, “I had a great time last night. Can I call you tomorrow?"
Step 5. Don't overestimate who you are at first
Sometimes, telling a girl all about yourself might be a tease to make you look great, or it could show how much you like her. This is actually a bad idea for two reasons:
- First, it means you talk a lot about yourself, so you spend less time listening to the story.
- Second, it may mean that you are talking about certain things too quickly. The first few dates are not a good time to talk bad about your boss or your ex-boyfriend. This type of self-disclosure can make you look bitter, unable to keep secrets, or not have a good sense of self-limitation.
- This doesn't mean you have to be mysterious, but you can start talking about your likes and dislikes, and let the conversation grow organically. If he is interested in you, he will ask questions about himself. Just make sure you maintain a balance between you and him.
Step 6. Give him some personal space
This doesn't mean you have to sell it hard, but give the girl control over what happens next. Approaching him too much and forcing him into a relationship will only do the opposite of what you expect. Show him that you value his life beyond yours; when you make room for a girl to live, she is more likely to love you on her own terms.
- When you give him personal space, don't overdo it. Continue to call him regularly and show him that you are interested. If you're shy, don't give him too much space or he'll think you're not interested. You have to present yourself a little bit if you want to get his attention.
- If you've just started dating her and things are going well, let her know that you'll be calling her before the weekend (if the date is on a Friday). Let him do his own thing on Saturday, then call him on Sunday and tell him that you really enjoyed spending time with him and want to do something else soon, maybe next week. This is the perfect time to take her out to a trending party or dance.
- Giving personal space talks about showing how confident you are. What you're really saying here is basically "I'm having fun with you, and I like you, but I'm not going to overdo it because I'm not desperate." Both men and women are attracted to people who are cool and calm, who don't rush, and don't seem desperate.
Part 4 of 5: Keeping an Open Mind
Step 1. Don't judge him
Don't judge the girl you like. He is himself, with his own qualities, just like you. We've all done things that stress other people out or look awkward. You have to determine whether these idiosyncrasies are things you can accept in life or totally intolerable.
- If you think you can live with all the weirdness, follow your decision. Don't try to change him. Do not criticize or ridicule its uniqueness. Accept it as it is.
- His personality doesn't make him a bad person. Even if you find something about him totally unacceptable, you don't have to be mean to him.
Step 2. Don't expect it to change
In fact, if you can get rid of most of your "expectations" about him, you'll probably be happier in your relationship. We often expect unreasonable things from others, which can make us feel anxious and unhappy when we don't get them.
- This doesn't mean you shouldn't have certain expectations or allow yourself to be mistreated. You can expect someone to show up when they promise to come to an event (unless there's an emergency), or want someone to treat you with kindness and respect, and show love and kindness to others.
- However, if you hope that the girl can read your mind to know your needs, you may be disappointed that no one in the world can read minds.
- Furthermore, people's personalities tend not to change. If your ideal girl always seems to be running late and you've talked to her about this but she hasn't changed, chances are she will continue to do so. You can decide for yourself if something is too big to handle, or decide to let it just be what it is (by remaining too late). Don't expect it to change.
Step 3. Keep your eyes open to all possibilities
Don't get too attached to wanting to make a girl fall in love with you, and don't try to "force" love on a girl who doesn't really feel it! Desperation never succeeds in getting anyone interested.
- Get to know more girls and give more opportunities for love to develop. Visit school social events and charities. Don't be afraid to go to another school social event if a friend invites you to attend. You never know when you might run into that special someone, who will leave you feeling breathless.
- Sometimes, when you stop looking for love, love will appear before you. The universe works in unique ways, especially if you've just been trying really hard, or feel like you're running out of energy. If you feel this way, don't hesitate to take a break from your search for love. It sounds counterintuitive and frustrating, but it does work: when you stop trying, the girls will usually find you.
- Love adventure. Maybe all the girls you know have boyfriends, or maybe you just aren't interested in your friends. Many men these days find love outside of their immediate, everyday social circle. If you're old enough, try dating online. If you are interested in extracurricular activities, get involved in a wider scope so you can travel. When looking for the girl of your dreams, you have to be open-minded and try as many adventures as life has to offer.
Part 5 of 5: Treating Him As an Equal
Step 1. Respect her feelings, thoughts, and emotions
Try to see things from his point of view. Show him that you value his opinion, even if you don't agree with him.
- Asking her about these things will help, instead of making assumptions on her own. When he talks to you about his feelings or thoughts, listen to him.
- If you're having trouble seeing things from his point of view, use "me" based statements to ask him to explain: "I really want to understand your point of view, but I'm having a hard time. Can you explain how you feel right now?”
Step 2. Be honest and genuine with yourself and with him, always
Honesty builds trust, but once trust is broken, trust doesn't come back. From then on, your words will be suspected. Be yourself and act honestly.
- Show genuine purpose. Be honest and open about your own plans, desires, and desires. If he can't accept these things, at least you've set an adjustable starting point for the two of you to get to know each other.
- There is a difference between being open and honest and being manipulated. For example, you don't have to show someone your text or email to "prove" that you can be trusted. You don't have to report where you are every minute of every day. This intrusive behavior is discouraged in a healthy relationship.
Step 3. Be ready to listen and communicate
The most important aspect is learning to listen patiently and actively. The understanding you gain will help communicate in a helpful and caring way, thus creating healthy relationships, in which those within them feel valued and recognized.
- Listen to what he has to say. Don't think about what you'll say in response while he's still talking. Ask him to clarify anything you don't understand by saying something like, “I'm not sure I understand you. All I hear is _. What do you mean?" These types of clarification will also help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
- Avoid passive aggression. Passive aggression occurs when your boyfriend asks if something is wrong and you respond, "No, what's wrong?" when in fact you are really angry. This is a way of expressing anger or pain without confronting them directly, and can destroy communication in a relationship. Talk about your feelings openly and honestly, but make sure you still respect the girl.
- Use "I" statements, such as "I'm sad that you didn't call me on Tuesday, even though you promised," instead of "You forgot to call me and you hurt my feelings." Saying "you" can make people feel defensive and attacked.
- Communication is not one-way. You should also feel that he is listening to you and acknowledging your needs.
Step 4. Accept his position as an individual
You should try to understand what makes it unique. Actively celebrate his uniqueness and work to promote and enable him to pursue and develop the core activities that will make him happy and satisfied.
If you can find something you both enjoy doing, that's a good thing. Sometimes, one of you has to compromise. For example, you might want to watch an action movie when he wants to see the latest Pixar movie (or vice versa). Take turns making room for your partner to pursue what makes them happy
Step 5. Help him achieve his dreams
Just like when you give him personal space, you have to help him do the things he wants to do for himself. This usually means you let him spend time doing the things he wants, like going to school or practicing skills, or doing things with him. When he sees that you are the person who supports him in the things he wants in life, he will know that you are really the person he needs.
Step 6. Show dedication and commitment
You should always be there for him, whether as a friend or a supporter. Forgive his weaknesses quickly and try to protect his best qualities. Similarly, you need to open up to him so he can make you the best version of yourself. A committed love relationship is a partner relationship, where you both enhance each other's best qualities in each other. Maintain this standard while loving each other.
Step 7. Understand that the girl is not obliged to fall in love with you
People often use the word "friendzone" to describe a situation when one person doesn't reciprocate the feelings of another. But remember: you can act and be a good person, but that doesn't mean he will fall in love with you. He is a person of his own will, not an object to be won in a video game.
Tips
- Be funny and humorous, but don't annoy other people.
- Be careful not to rush. If you approach him too quickly, he can get the wrong impression.
- You may really want someone to fall in love with you, but make sure you use your head as well as your heart. Love is the only starting point of a healthy relationship. The rest depends on communication, compatibility, and commitment.
- Make him feel special and he'll know you really appreciate him.
- Don't send a message just because you want to send a message. Make sure you have a motive. Instead of just saying "Hey, how are you?" Send a message "Hey! Let's buy froyo, have lunch, play video games, etc. together!" You won't succeed in building a deep relationship just through text messages.
- Take the time to approach him and show an interest in the things that interest him. For example, take time to read his favorite book or play his favorite music. Do what he loves to do! On the other hand, don't force him to do what you want; have an open mind.
- Go with his friends and your friends.
- Show him that he can count on you when needed, and make sure you're always available for advice.
- Consider that you have to ask a question and get an answer from it. Make him feel attached to you. Tell him interesting things.
- Keep smiling and maintain eye contact when conversing.
