When you tend to talk too much, people won't appreciate your message or what you have to say. While talking isn't a bad thing, being chatty or talking too much is actually considered an annoying trait. If you want to build new relationships and maintain existing ones, learn when to talk (and, above all, when not to talk). In order to do this, you will need to practice some basic skills. In no time, people will start to appreciate you as a speaker again.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Learn to Be Quiet
Step 1. Identify why you talk too much
Speech is an integral part of humans and helps maintain social relationships. However, talking is also a person's way of dealing with nervousness and pressure. Ask yourself if you tend to talk a lot because you're nervous or clumsy, then adopt a new habit that can help you feel calmer and more confident.
- Meditate to calm yourself down.
- Imagine yourself feeling calm and giving the other person a chance to talk.
- Try to sit down and feel the emotions. Think about how you feel, accept the feeling, then let it go.
- Keep a journal to help identify and share your thoughts.
Step 2. Stay away from technology
Often, the "need" to talk is a reaction to overstimulation of the things you find on Twitter, viral videos on YouTube, posts on Snapchat, and similar content. Spend some time without distractions like smartphones and social media, and try to connect more with yourself.
- Find joy in the no-device/technology moment, and replace the “negative” distraction with something more constructive, like an art or craft project. Use your hands and try to draw something.
- Practice the art of not reacting to anything that catches your eye. Save your energy and focus on an artistic activity (eg cutting and pasting pictures to create a craft from scratch).
Step 3. Write down your thoughts in a journal
If those around you seem increasingly disinterested in what you have to say, write your thoughts in a journal. Learn to express yourself while trying to refrain from revealing your thoughts to others.
- If you don't know where to start, keep in mind that journaling is free and flows through the mind (whatever comes to mind). You don't have to write something that makes sense, rhymes, makes sense, and the like. Try looking for recommended journal topics from the internet that can be used as a starting point for writing if necessary.
- You can journal “traditionally” (using paper and pen), or type it into a blank document on your computer.
Step 4. Meditate to build self-awareness
Your meditation doesn't have to be as serious as a yogi (eg sitting in absolute silence with your back to the wall while you say the "om" prayer). Set aside 5-10 minutes each day to meditate as a way to be more aware and aware of your thoughts, and to appreciate the art of “calm”.
- You can look for some meditation-helping apps, such as Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace.
- If being in absolute silence bothers you, try meditating in another way (and elsewhere). You can meditate while bathing in the shower and focus on your own thoughts, or play background music to accompany the meditation moment.
- The more you practice, the more at ease you will feel with yourself and begin to realize that you don't have to ask other people to give you their attention through talking. You will realize that your "power" lies in your presence so that the desire to cover the power vacuum will decrease.
Step 5. Observe the surroundings
Usually, the key to "natural" silence is to put yourself in a situation that requires your attention in a healthy way. The best way to achieve this is to become a part of your everyday environment.
- Take 5-10 minutes each day to go outside and enjoy the sun on your skin, or the wind blowing and stroking your hair. Admire the beauty of the clouds in the sky, including their shape and size.
- Take a walk down a busy street and pay attention to everything you see and hear. After a while, see if you can distinguish each sound based on its source (e.g. a distant car horn, the cry of a baby sitting next to you, cell phone text message notifications, etc.).
Part 2 of 3: Becoming a Better Listener
Step 1. Try sitting in silence
When you don't feel comfortable with silence, you will feel an internal pressure that pushes you to fill the silence with chat or speech. As a result, you will talk too much while carrying the awkward feeling of silence that was previously there. Fortunately, you can learn to deal with and conquer these feelings through practice.
Ask a close friend to sit with you quietly. Make a promise not to talk to each other for a certain period of time. Keep doing this until you no longer feel clumsy
Step 2. Realize the difference between listening and listening
Listening is only a biological process related to the sense of hearing. Meanwhile, listening is a more complex activity and involves not only the ears, but also the heart, mind, soul, and body.
- Show genuine interest in the moment with the other person. Pay attention, show concern, and be prepared to learn something from the people you interact with.
- Calm down while prioritizing the other person, and listen to what he or she has to say without any expectations or desire to fill in the blanks with self-talk/topics.
Step 3. Remember that while listening, you are focusing on the other person
When you're quiet and not trying to focus on yourself, you can focus on the other person and be ready to listen better.
- Efforts to be a good listener consist of 80% patience and willingness to listen to the other person without interruption, as well as 20% reflection on the other person's speech and requests for additional/advanced information.
- Give your full presence without thinking about what has or will happen, or your intentions. Focus only on the other person.
Step 4. Observe body language and tone of voice
Seeing changes in basic behavior such as a person's voice, facial expression, or body language is an advantage of being a good listener. Adjust yourself based on these changes while listening to the other person.
- If the speaker (eg a friend) suddenly sounds tense (or has expressions and body language that reflect tension), you can use non-confrontational or calm expressions to lighten the mood.
- If the speaker or your friend seems emotional and suddenly raises his voice, nod your head to show concern or lean forward to feel emotional support.
Step 5. Train yourself to be receptive and not to judge others
When you listen to someone without judging them by their responses, you don't “shrink” them and help them feel free and accepted. In return, you can also get acceptance from him.
- Show respect for the other person and contribute to the conversation rather than simply reprimanding him for views you disagree with. Keep in mind that facial expressions such as a grin, a wink, or body language that reflect tension are just as scathing as a judgmental verbal response.
- Just because you accept someone's opinion, doesn't mean you have to agree with them. Keep in mind that when you understand someone by listening to them, it doesn't necessarily mean that your opinion is the same or in line with theirs.
Step 6. Ask if there are some things that need to be said (or vice versa)
Determine rationally an appropriate time to listen, as well as a time to respond and ask follow-up questions. Timing and self-control are important.
- Think about the impact of your words. Can your response positively or negatively affect the chat and relationship with the other person? Never let your desire to impress other people actually ruin your relationship with the other person.
- Use the following questions as a basic guide so you don't talk too much: “Do I want to speak because I need to add valuable information, or do I just want to fill in the blanks?”
Part 3 of 3: Participate in Daily Chat
Step 1. Show a willingness to listen
When the other person signals that he or she wants to talk, show that you will give your undivided attention. Close the book you are reading or keep your phone on the table.
- Make sure your body language reflects your attachment or full attention to the other person. Lean forward and maintain eye contact as he speaks.
- Smile at the right moments and nod your head occasionally to show that you're listening, without interrupting the other person.
- To show that you understand what he is saying, summarize and repeat it by paraphrasing what he is saying.
Step 2. Think before responding
As much as possible, think twice before you speak. Listen to what other people have to say, understand the topic of the conversation, and be sure of what you have to say.
- Avoid talking more than you should by looking in the mirror for a moment to the other person after he or she has asked for your opinion or opinion.
- Hold on for a moment. You could even say, “Just a minute. Let me think for a moment.” Reflect on his words, hold yourself back, and express your opinion or answer.
Step 3. Refrain from cutting someone off
Cutting off the other person's speech is like "overwriting" the other person's words or expressing your opinion before it's your turn. Let the other person finish talking. After that, it will be your turn to speak. Don't let other people feel unappreciated in the chat.
- If you feel like interrupting someone while they're still talking, "check" what you want to respond to in your mind until they're done speaking. If you need something more vivid or tangible, write or type your thoughts into a notebook or cell phone, and express them after your turn.
- Be self-aware when you interrupt someone else's speech. Pay attention to facial expressions (eg winking eyes or face turned to the side) to alert yourself to your own actions. When you wake up, you can say, “Ah, sorry! Continue with your story” or “Gosh! I'm not supposed to cut! Continue your story."
Step 4. Speak at the right moment
Keep up with the topics raised. Discuss what makes sense and avoid examples that seem irrelevant, unreasonable, or ambiguous. Provide simple facts and clear logic so that listeners can understand what you are saying.
- Use “natural” silent pauses and the context of the chat as a guide for knowing when to speak. If someone is grumbling, this may not be the time to talk about the party they've been wanting to attend for the past few weeks.
- If you don't know what to say, ask more follow-up questions (e.g. “What does that mean?”, “Who's in charge?”, How come?”, or “Why did this happen?”). Such questions encourage the interlocutor to explain his speech further. Try asking open-ended questions, because these types of questions give the other person a chance to talk further so you don't talk too much.
Tips
- Don't say anything that contradicts what you said earlier (or personal views).
- Don't say nonsense.
- Identify the cause of your talking too much and work to reduce the frequency or intensity of speaking by enjoying the silence and listening better to friends, family members, and experts.
- Don't feel that you have to be the main topic and subject of the conversation.
- Speak more slowly and reduce the number of words spoken. If you tend to speak and think quickly, the other person may be offended and feel that you are not involving them in the conversation.
