Not everyone has good social skills, but that doesn't mean we don't need human love and friendship. We may need more effort, but everyone has the ability to create and maintain friendships. Before defining yourself as a “loner,” read this article to learn to make friends no matter how shy, rigid, and pessimistic you may be.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Overcoming Personal Reluctance
Step 1. Let go of insecurities
If you're constantly self-critical, feeling unwelcome and no one else wants to get close, then that's the message you're getting out there. People will be lazy to hang out with you. Before you can make friends, you must first "believe" that you can make friends.
- Shy people usually avoid social contact because they anticipate negative comments. Don't play the scenario in your head before it happens, just live it.
- Tell yourself that you are slang. Even if you don't believe it at first, the more you convince yourself that you are capable of making friends and that you are attractive and likable, the easier it will be for you to interact with other people. Try saying that to yourself every day. If you criticize yourself and say, "I'm a loser," then immediately correct that thought and tell yourself that it's not true.
- Make a list of your positive qualities. You definitely have positive qualities that you can bring to make friends. Make a list of all the things you think you can offer the other person, such as trustworthy, funny, smart, etc. Try not to focus on superficial things like money or looks.
Step 2. Be positive
Everyone wants to be around people who are optimistic, enthusiastic, and happy. Remember that being negative is a choice; no one is naturally condemned to be negative. But changing your perspective will take a lot of practice.
- Try to fight all negative thoughts with positive thoughts. No matter where you are or what you're doing, try to find at least one positive aspect of your situation.
- It's important to be positive when talking to other people. No one wants to be around people who are constantly complaining about their own misfortune. This is especially important when meeting new people. Share the good side of your life with them instead of sharing the bitter experience. People will be interested in it and want to know more about you.
Step 3. Stop judging other people
No one is perfect, including yourself. If you keep waiting for the perfect person, you'll be waiting a very long time. This doesn't mean that you have to be friends with anyone you meet. But you have to be willing to get to know people before getting rid of them.
Friends don't have to be like you. In fact, sometimes the best friends come from people with personalities and tastes that are opposite to yours. Don't turn people down just because you don't share music tastes or political opinions. What matters is the feeling that person makes when you are around them
Step 4. Be honest
If you want to make honest and long-lasting friendships, you have to be willing to let people into your life and trust each other. Ask how he is, and really hear what he has to say. Be supportive when they open up, and always protect the personal information they share with you.
- Don't gossip about your friends. While gossiping a little with friends every now and then may not hurt, gossiping too much or often saying negative things about other people behind their backs can be bad for your own image. Your friends won't trust you anymore.
- Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. If there's a conflict or something like that, consider it from the other person's point of view. Think about how you would feel if you were in his position. Learning to empathize will help you fight the feelings of anger, jealousy, and resentment that can get in the way of a friendship.
Part 2 of 2: Finding Opportunities to Meet Others
Step 1. Be careful with body language
If you are at a party or social gathering, body language is very important. Avoid crossing your arms, standing in the corner of a room, frowning, or looking at your phone, as these are signs of aversion to being approached.
Make sure to smile. Smiling makes you appear open to meeting other people, is less intimidating, and more attractive. Even if you have to insist, smile. Over time it will become natural
Step 2. Talk to a stranger
If you want to be sociable, you can't compartmentalize yourself by separating your "social life" from your "work life," your "school life," or "family life." To really get along, you have to be friendly and open in all aspects of your life. Practice this by greeting people and being friendly to everyone you meet, from the cashier at the bank, your teacher to the barista at your favorite cafe.
Step 3. Take the initiative
Don't always wait for your friends to call and be busy with plans. Being passive and not carrying out plans gives the impression that you are not interested in the friendship. If you want to meet friends, pick up the phone and call them.
- Consider throwing a party and inviting friends, team, and/or coworkers. Tell them to bring friends, and make the effort to meet those same friends.
- Create interesting activities to invite your friend(s). Invite them to lunch, take them to a movie, or invite them for some kind of outdoor activity.
Step 4. Say yes to new opportunities
Every new situation is an opportunity to meet new people. If someone asks you to go to a party where you don't know anyone, say yes. You never know who you will meet. If you don't know anyone there, you have nothing to lose.
