We are constantly bombarded with images of the "ideal" body shape that are unrealistic and tend to be dangerous. This can make it difficult for you to accept, love and be confident in your own body, which is very important. It's also important to know what your body can physically do and to feel comfortable with its capacities. According to philosopher Baruch Spinoza, humans "don't know what their bodies can do", in the sense that no one can know for sure what their bodies can actually do, at least before experimenting with it. Psychologists note that there is a clear difference between the way people perceive their bodies and how their bodies act. In order for you to accept your body shape, it is important that you connect with these two aspects of your body in their own way.
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Part 1 of 5: Appreciating Your Unique Body
Step 1. Know what really gives you pleasure
Make a list of your happiest moments. Include as many details as possible, such as who you were with, what you did, where you were, etc. Think about what they all have in common. What type of people are you with? How much joy do you feel? Or the atmosphere, like being out in the open or in a big city? Once you've realized what conditions caused your body to experience a lot of pleasure in the past, try to maximize the time you spend in similar situations in the future.
Everyone has a unique body, which means you need to experiment and find out what makes you feel good. Research shows that less than half of Americans describe themselves as very happy in their current state, partly because they are not entirely sure what really makes them happy. Start by thinking back to the past that you describe as happy times
Step 2. Know what your talents are
Part of having a unique body structure and chemistry is coming to terms with the fact that the human body will naturally be better at certain activities than others. For example, if your maximum height is 157 cm, it is unlikely that you will become a world-class player in the NBA. But maybe you can become a good horseman. Learning to accept your body means learning to accept that your body is better at performing certain actions against others. You may need some time to figure out what these activities are.
If you're not sure what activities are naturally right for your body, spend some time experimenting with things you never thought you would be interested in. Take a yoga class or make pottery. Go to a stage improv event. As Spinoza says, there's no way of knowing what your body can do until you do it
Step 3. Identify what you like about your body and appearance
Even people with a bad body image can find something they appreciate about their bodies. Learning to love and appreciate all the good qualities of yourself is very important, including physical qualities. Don't let yourself get hung up on the qualities that bother you, focus only on the positive.
For example, maybe you're not happy with your thighs right now-because you think they're too fat or thin-but try to look on the bright side. You may wish you had slimmer thighs, but your current thighs are strong enough to propel you up hills. Or, you think your legs are really skinny, but you're one of the few people who really deserves to wear tight jeans
Step 4. Accept your body as it is
This means not trying to change who you are or focusing on qualities you don't like. Learn to like your own body-the way you move, feel, and walk. Forget how you used to look, especially if your body is undergoing changes due to pregnancy, childbirth, an accident, or a medical condition. Be kind to your body as it is right now.
Don't diet, unless your doctor recommends it. Learn to listen to your body and eat the amount you are comfortable with. Don't hold back on food or blame yourself for eating too much
Part 2 of 5: Learn to Avoid Negative Thoughts About Your Body
Step 1. Realize how much time you spend on negative thoughts
Negative thoughts do nothing to improve your self-image. Take a day or two to actively reflect on how often you think about your body. How often do you think or say something negative about your own body? How often do you have positive thoughts? Chances are, you are much more critical than positive.
Consider writing in a journal, notebook, or on your phone for this task. Take a notebook with you whenever possible and write down any negative thoughts that come up immediately. Include an explanation of whether the negative thoughts are related to your outward appearance or not. At the end of the day, you'll likely wonder to yourself that in one day, you're a lot more negative than you realized
Step 2. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts
While it may be difficult at first, it is an important part of accepting your body. As soon as you notice that you are starting to think negatively, replace it with something positive. Give yourself time to get used to positive thinking.
Try starting each day with some positive thoughts. Keep these thoughts in mind throughout the day when you start to feel critical of yourself. For example, you might say, "I'm so excited about the feeling this new haircut makes."
Step 3. Limit your exposure to negative media images
Try cutting back or stopping access to television shows, movies, magazines, or blogs that present an unrealistic or negative body image. Remind yourself that the majority of photos circulating on the internet and in magazines have been altered to make models look more in line with standard ideas about beauty and sexuality.
Psychologists worry that with an increase in trends like this in the last 20 years, these images can create unrealistic ideals of what body shape should be. Don't let yourself be sucked in by these empty caricatures with no real-world references
Step 4. Find a therapist who applies Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Many of the CBT techniques used by psychologists focus on the present and short-term use of goals as therapy. While it's a good idea to see a therapist for CBT, you can start practicing on your own. When you notice negative thoughts about yourself coming up, stop, take a deep breath, and try to find evidence for your beliefs. Does anyone really say that this aspect of your body is flawed? If so, was the person just trying to hurt you, or maybe just kidding?
Psychologists believe that, in most cases, if you have unrealistic expectations about what your body should be, you will have a false body image. It's important to pay attention to when these unrealistic expectations arise in your thought process, so that you can counter these ideals with concrete information
Step 5. Overcome the negative people in your life
You've tried to be kinder to yourself and focus on the positive aspects of yourself, but you also need to value the other people in your life. Do you get such criticism from friends and family? Do they say you should lose weight, dress differently, or change your hair? If so, it's important that you find ways to deal with these negative influences.
It's worth noting that you probably won't be able to cut ties with close friends and family in the same way you would stop buying Vogue or watching America's Next Top Model. However, if they are mocking your body or being overly harsh and critical, you should be willing to talk to them in a respectful but firm way to say that their words or behavior hurt you deeply
Step 6. Join different social groups
When you try a new activity, talk to people you usually ignore or who you're embarrassed to meet. Talking to strangers may not feel comfortable at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will become and the better it will get. No matter how uncomfortable you may feel at first, remember that isolating yourself from other people is even worse, because some studies show that in the long term it can be just as deadly as obesity. Being comfortable interacting with new people is very important, especially if the people you currently surround yourself with don't support your body image or are not a positive influence.
Brain research shows that who humans love is greatly influenced by their brain chemistry, which means you may not always fall in love with the type of person you imagine yourself to be. This can also be applied in making close friends. It is important that you surround yourself with people who support and encourage your self-discovery. Simply put, it will be easier for you to accept your body and challenge any unrealistic ideals you may have if you are surrounded by people who accept you and your search results
Part 3 of 5: Learn to Focus on the Positive
Step 1. Pay attention to the compliments you receive
Instead of paying attention to criticism, it's better to enjoy the praise you get. Pay attention to the content of other people's compliments and keep those compliments in mind. Write it down so you can remember it later, especially during the darker moments.
Instead of rejecting people's compliments or convincing yourself that they're just being polite, take their word for it and trust that they're not just entertaining you. Assume they are giving you an honest assessment. Accept their positive words with pleasure
Step 2. Identify what you like about yourself, constantly
Whenever you notice that you are thinking negatively about your body or any part of it, remember something about your body that you like. Make a list of at least ten positive things about yourself, leaving out anything that has to do with appearance. Add to the list frequently.
This will help you to begin to understand and appreciate all the amazing aspects of yourself. You will realize that your body is only one part of your whole package
Step 3. Renew your relationship with the mirror
If you spend too much time in front of the mirror, make it a rule that you shouldn't say or think anything negative about yourself while looking in the mirror. Instead, use a mirror to identify the positive things you see. If you're still having a hard time facing the mirror, stay away for a while. Studies show that you are likely to be more focused on your career or personal relationships, rather than your appearance.
Say positive affirmations in front of a mirror: Say to yourself “You are beautiful!”, or “You are amazing,” and so on when standing in front of a mirror. This may feel forced, and at first you may not believe what you're saying, but experts say that this process-which they call cognitive behavioral therapy-does really work over time
Part 4 of 5: Setting Goals and Making Changes
Step 1. Improve your health and well-being
Part of learning to fully accept and be happy with your own body may mean changing some aspects in the end. For example, if you are overweight, you may want to lose weight. However, remember that the number on the scale is only one aspect and indicator of your overall health. Make sure you make a schedule and routine of physical exercise to reduce all the "numbers" you have (weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc.). This will give you an overall picture of your health, and allow you to discuss your health goals with your doctor.
You may need to gain or lose weight to be healthy, but you should also aim for strength, flexibility, and endurance
Step 2. Set positive goals
Instead of focusing on the negative side of the goal, focus on the positive. For example, if you decide to start an exercise program, avoid framing your goal in terms of how many pounds you want to lose. Instead, make your goals positive, such as "I'm going to work out so I can run 3km without stopping," or "I'm committed to a walking program to be fit enough to hike with my dad."
You're more likely to succeed (both at achieving your goals and learning to feel better about yourself) if you think about what you hope to achieve or do better
Step 3. Do physical activities that you enjoy
Choose activities and exercise programs that you find fun and entertaining, and don't choose them just because they can help you change your body. Instead, devote time to trying new activities and doing what you really enjoy and are passionate about. For example, if you like yoga, do it, even if you feel you are currently too overweight to look elegant while doing it. Almost any exercise program can be adapted for individuals of different sizes and fitness levels.
If you're too concerned about your body image when exercising in front of other people, consider doing a private workout, working out with a close friend, or working out at home. Be careful not to let your fear of being judged by others dictate how you live your own life
Step 4. Bring your own style
Don't choose clothes, makeup, or hairstyles based solely on what you think is “suitable” for someone with your body type or what fashion magazines say looks best. Wear what you want, what you like, and what you are comfortable wearing. Choose clothes that reflect your personality, are comfortable, and suit your lifestyle and activities.
Try different styles and styles of clothing. If you feel confident and beautiful in a style that is considered “good for body type X”, then no matter what, just wear it, but do it because you like it, not because you think you should
Part 5 of 5: Assessing the Situation in Context
Step 1. Compare yourself only with yourself
The world would be a rather boring place if we all looked the same. There's no point in comparing yourself to others, regardless of whether that person is a celebrity or a classmate sitting next to you. Instead, compare yourself in terms of the progress you've made, because now you've created realistic goals. For example, you might think that you have improved your appearance now compared to a few years ago.
Don't forget to be patient and be kind to yourself. Don't treat or judge yourself harder than you would a friend or anyone else
Step 2. Remember that body image is only one part of a healthy self-image
It's important for you to accept and better yet love your body, but it's equally important to realize that your self-worth is not determined by your outward appearance.
When you think about the person you admire, love and/or value the most, what qualities come to mind? Do you judge others or yourself based solely on physical qualities or on character and personality?
Step 3. Know when to seek help
Understand that almost everyone has trouble maintaining a positive body image all the time, and these ups and downs are normal. However, you should also honestly consider whether you should talk to a counselor, doctor, or mental health professional. There are various signs that indicate a severe body problem that requires professional help. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Can't you control negative thoughts about yourself? Do you spend hours thinking about your perceived shortcomings?
- Is your unhappiness with your appearance interfering with your life? For example, do you avoid going out of the house or speaking in public? Are you anxious about going to work because you are afraid of being seen and judged?
- Do you spend a lot of time in front of the mirror every day and/or dress up too much?
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Can't you stop comparing yourself to others? Do you avoid being photographed?
Understand that if you're struggling with any of the above conditions, you're more likely to need help accepting your body. You may be experiencing what is known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), which generally requires professional help. If left untreated, BDD can lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior. Even if you haven't been diagnosed with BDD, know that seeking help and advice is nothing to be ashamed of, rather than struggling alone
Step 4. Seek professional help that is right for you
You have several options in this case. You can see a mental health therapist and/or counselor and then have one-on-one therapy. Or, you can find a support group in your city for a less formalized therapy. There are even support groups on the internet where you can connect with other people who are also absorbed by negative thoughts about their bodies.
The important thing here is to find support from others who will not judge your perception of yourself. They may have some useful advice to offer you
Tips
- Stick a note identifying your good qualities on the mirror. Feel free to post notes identifying physical qualities that you value (e.g., “You have great cheekbones”), but make sure you write a few notes that don't just have to do with looks.
- A strong support system is very important, because advice from people you trust about your self-image is very helpful. You can refer to what they say when negative thoughts arise.
- Be sure to discuss with your doctor any decision to start a new diet or exercise program, and be aware of any extreme or sudden changes in your body.
