Many people live most of their lives in vain suffering trying to fulfill the wishes of others. Even worse, they just let life go on and live it passively. There is only one way to start a life on your own terms, and that is to realize that life is life You. You are the only person who can make your life better or worse. Take responsibility for the power within you and live the life you want starting today.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Affirming Your Individuality
Step 1. Realize the freedom of choice you have
There are three P's that apply in life: choice, opportunity, change. Be the one who is able to make the choice to take advantage of the opportunities or your life will never change. This ability belongs only to you and you can use it as you wish. This also applies to other people. Living your life the way you want it to start with understanding that you are capable of doing it (i.e. living the way you want to) if this is your decision.
Everything you see in your daily life and the existence of all the people you interact with frequently is your own choice. If you don't like your current life, make the decision to change it now
Step 2. Have independence
If you always turn to the people around you for guidance, you give up control of your life which means letting other people decide what you have to decide, relying on other people financially, or waiting on someone else's decision before acting. Take control of your life. While you may seek input from others, consider carefully the suggestions given, but you must make the final decision yourself.
Step 3. Determine your priority values
Who you really are, what kind of people are around you, what your livelihood is, what you love most, all of these things are determined by your core value, which is the personal quality you believe about yourself and others. In addition to your belief system, virtue values affect your entire life.
Determine what are the virtues that you believe in by finding out what values you value most. Knowing your virtues allows you to better understand yourself, what motivates you, and what your life goals are. Try to dig up your virtues through the website by answering a few questions and getting evaluation results from several different websites to make sure they are correct
Step 4. Set lofty life goals
After making the decision to live your life at your own pace, determine what this decision really means to you. Does this mean you have to move abroad? Quit college and then move to another faculty? Or does it just mean breaking free from someone who has been in control of your every decision?
- Think and write down all the things you dream of.
- This step is done only to find out what you really want in life. If there is no detailed plan to achieve that goal, that's okay. For now, you just need to know.
Part 2 of 3: Setting the Right Life Goals
Step 1. Forget other people's wishes
Well, this step is starting to feel difficult. Make the decision to no longer care what other people think of you. This can be very difficult to do, especially if your life has been controlled by the opinions of your parents, teachers, or friends. However, this step is necessary so that you can manage your own life. Desire to make others happy is an uphill task that is doomed to failure. Therefore, do not let the desires of others haunt you by:
- Remember that worrying about what other people think will only make you helpless. You can't do the right thing if you let someone else direct your decisions. Imagine what would happen if one person told you to turn right and the other person asked you to turn left. You are at a dead end and can't do anything about it.
- Trust your heart. After knowing the value of virtue, now you can rely on yourself to make decisions, as long as it is in line with the virtues that you believe in. If what you're doing or thinking doesn't feel right, calm down and don't make a decision until you've carefully considered all aspects.
- Don't ask for approval from others anymore. Since childhood, we have been dependent on the cues that other people give us (e.g. a smile, a gift, a wave, etc.) that tell us whether we are good or bad. Again, if you already know what your core values are and what you want to reflect on in your life, there is no reason to ask for approval from others. Do a self-evaluation to make sure that your actions align with your values and life goals. Also, make sure you always do what's best for yourself.
Step 2. Realize the power of your mind
There is a theory that your mind is the designer of your destiny. There is also a belief that thoughts have a tangible physical form and energy that determines how you feel and behave. The problem is, many people are more often thinking about the things they don't want, instead of thinking about what they want. Take control of your mind and success will soon come your way.
- Be careful with your thoughts. While eating breakfast, taking a shower, or exercising, pay attention to the thoughts that come up in the form of inner chatter about yourself. Are these thoughts negative? Positive? Neutral?
- After observing and recognizing your thoughts, pay attention to how your body feels when those thoughts occur. Do you want to go back to sleep and curl up under the covers? Or, want to hug everyone you meet? Remember that negative thoughts tend to cause negative feelings and positive thoughts make you feel more positive.
- Be a champion in positive thinking. Once you realize you're thinking negatively, ask if the thoughts are real.
- For example, the thought that you can never get the job you want makes you feel disappointed and lose the motivation to keep looking for work. However, you can fight these negative thoughts by looking for evidence against them. Do you ever get what you love, even if it takes time? If so, this is a sign that you will eventually get a job you love.
Step 3. Stop comparing
Comparing ourselves to others makes our lives unhappy. When watering your lawn, don't try to find out if the neighbor's grass is greener. This will be even more difficult if you access social media that is often used to show life that has been very polished. You will see other people's lives as limited to vacations and luxurious dinners, without any fights with spouses and health problems due to food poisoning that he has to sit on the toilet for five hours. You certainly already know that only you can control someone's life, your own life. Comparing yourself to others keeps your attention focused on others, but forgets that you should care about yourself.
- Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare how you were a month, six months, or a year ago with today. After practicing basketball so hard, you're still not Stephen Curry, but you're doing better now than you were a month ago. You just need to be the best you can be, not better than everyone else.
- Comparing yourself to others is a game you can never win because there will always be people who are smarter, younger, prettier, richer, and better at other things. However, remember that no one has a perfect life and people whose life looks perfect, still face problems.
Part 3 of 3: Making Your Dreams Come True
Step 1. Set goals with challenging deadlines
Maybe you've heard that goals should be set based on SMART criteria, which stands for: specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time-bound. Start by setting up the life goals you've written down (in the step above) and then make a plan to achieve them with measurable activities and achievable, but challenging, deadlines.
- Take one step further in achieving your goals by seeking support from others. Ask a coworker, close friend, or family member if you can email your weekly progress explaining what actions you've taken to achieve your goals. Those extra steps make you more motivated.
- If you can't get support from other people, download an app that keeps you going.
Step 2. Do one thing each day that gets you closer to achieving your goal and make this task a priority
If you really want to live your life your way, you have to prioritize that goal above all else. Every week, make sure you've done the main task with the highest/most important priority. That way, if there are other tasks that you haven't done yet, your day will still be meaningful.
If there's an activity you really enjoy, don't let money stop you from doing it. Also, don't give in to the belief that you don't have time. If your purpose in life is very important, you can definitely make time
Step 3. Spend time with people who inspire, encourage, and appreciate you
Living a self-directed life will be more enjoyable with the people around you. Don't expect positive change if you're interacting with negative people most of the time. The positive energy from friends and loved ones makes you more confident, more energized, and happier.
In everyday life, there will always be people who are criticizing, unmotivated, or misbehaving that we find hard to avoid. Be aware of their negative influence and control your thoughts when you are with them. If negative thoughts arise, fight them and turn them into positive thoughts
Step 4. Take a chance
Visit new places and gather experience. If your life has been controlled by the approval or whims of others, you may be less inclined to take risks. However, it is enough to take small risks to build confidence in yourself and your abilities. This will give you a better understanding of how to overcome obstacles and improve your skills.
Step 5. Learn from mistakes
When you take advantage of opportunities, you may make some mistakes. Don't dwell on your mistakes for too long and use this as an opportunity to improve yourself. You will learn best when you have to experience discomfort. Failure is temporary, so make the most of it so that the next risk will bear success.
Tips
- Be patient with yourself if you make a mistake.
- Prepare a deck of cards with inspiring messages to dispel any negative thoughts that arise during this process. Read it over and over several times a day until positive thoughts form on their own.
- Give yourself permission to live your life the way you want. Don't wait for someone else to do it for you.
- Be prepared for slow progress if you've been living your life the way other people wanted you to.
- Be persistent. Listen to opposing opinions, but never give up.
- Remember that you don't always have to be accepted, but don't do something just to get you accepted. Make sure you make a decision to change that makes a difference because you want to follow your personal beliefs, want to change your life, and other desires. Other people will not appreciate someone who seems "different" just because they want to get attention.
Warning
- Don't interpret “living your life the way you want” as an excuse for violence or irresponsible misbehavior.
- If someone is limiting your desires, consider who this person is before you go against them. You need to think carefully about what parents, police, lawyers, etc. say. Authorities have authority for some reason you may not know about.
- Being yourself is a wish that has bad consequences if you are not the kind, kind, and loving person that others deserve.
