Thinking about the past or the future makes you miss the opportunity to enjoy life in the present because everything seems to pass you by. If you are often reminded of past experiences or traumas and feel anxious about the future, start living in the present by doing the following ways.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Forgetting the Past and Anxiety about the Future
Step 1. Express your feelings about the past
No matter what past events you think about often, you need to express the emotions (either positive or negative) that came up because of those events so that you are ready to move on. Forget the bad experiences of the past and focus on the present by expressing all the emotions that have been building up.
- Share your feelings with a close friend, family member, or counselor.
- Write down how you feel about past events, for example by writing a journal or letter to someone who has hurt your feelings, but don't send it!
- Even though you often think of good memories, it also keeps you disconnected from the present. Because you keep reminiscing about the sweet past or longing for things to return to the way they used to be, you're not trying to improve your life right now.
Step 2. Forgive and forget
Blaming someone for causing suffering only interferes with your present life. Try to forgive people who have hurt you, instead of dwelling on them. Focus on what's going on and forget about blaming or hurting yourself. If someone has hurt your feelings, forgive and forget about it. Holding on to your hurt keeps you from living in the past and it won't hurt the person who hurt your feelings.
If needed, write a letter or imagine you are talking to this person about his or her actions. This letter is not to be sent, but to help you stop blaming others so that you can live your life in the present and experience happiness
Step 3. Focus on the fun stuff
If you don't find it helpful to express your feelings, focus on the fun things. The past is impossible to change and there is no point in worrying about the future, so don't dwell on it. Think of the fun things that are happening right now.
To make it easier, use reminders. For example, identify a specific place that connects you with your current life, such as your favorite place to read a book in the backyard. If your mind is always filled with memories about the past or fantasies about the future, replace those thoughts by imagining the good times you've had in this place or visualizing yourself sitting in this comfortable place
Step 4. Block distracting thoughts
If all these methods fail, block or ignore bad memories that appear so that you can slowly forget them. In addition, distractions due to the emergence of bad memories will be reduced by pressing them into the subconscious. Imagine you put all your troubles in a closed room and lock the door. Visualization is very useful, especially for dealing with disturbing thoughts or severe anxiety.
Research shows that memory suppression is a skill that can be learned to get rid of distracting thoughts or break free from the bondage of the past. The more often you do, the better the results. Whenever a bad memory comes up, press it into your subconscious. Learn to forget past events and try to think about other things
Step 5. Cope with anxiety about the future
When anxiety arises about the future, remember that you can only change what is happening in the present and focus on the present. Make a list of things you can do right now. Imagine you're reading a book about a vacation to Hawaii while imagining what it would be like if you were there right now or imagine another scenario to distract yourself from worrying about the future. Focus on the fun things, not on what worries you.
- If you're having trouble, create visual reminders of things you enjoy and keep your mind focused on the present. Always carry your favorite book with you. Print a photo of a specific location that you like the most and take a look at this photo if you want to cool off.
- You need to practice finding ideas and desires that don't trigger anxiety about the future. Keep practicing and in the end you will do well.
Step 6. Ask for help
If these methods don't help, seek help in other ways to deal with past suffering, reduce anxiety about the future, and focus on the present. Find a mental health professional in a nearby location by asking a doctor, relative, or friend. Consult with a trained counselor, therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. They will provide suggestions for dealing with problems and help patients become more productive or constructive in living their daily lives by focusing on the present.
Don't be shy about asking for help. Mental health is very important to you and don't hesitate to ask for help. This is common and mental health professionals are always ready to help you
Method 2 of 3: Overcoming Trauma from Past Experiences
Step 1. Recognize that trauma is different from painful memories
Trauma carries the same psychological and physiological effects as intense anxiety and fear in this moment as if the trauma never ends. Bad memories elicit painful emotions, such as sadness and guilt, but do not change perceptions as does acute trauma.
- Trauma must be dealt with in a special way and usually requires professional help.
- Symptoms of trauma usually only appear after a few years later. Trauma sufferers will experience nightmares, disturbing thoughts, depression, phobias, anxiety, or recall the events that caused the trauma.
- Post-traumatic recovery process takes a long time and traumatic thoughts are quite difficult to get rid of. By continuing to try, believe that things will get better.
Step 2. Seek help from supportive people or mental health professionals
Find a counselor or program that specializes in treating trauma. You are responsible for your own recovery including choosing the method and determining the time. Before deciding whether to enter therapy, you should consider a program that offers the following:
- Empowerment. Recovery is an opportunity to take control. While guidance is important, you must take responsibility for healing yourself. If the counselor suggests that you do something that might be bad or you're not ready for, don't do it.
- Validation. There may be experiences that you forget after a few years. A support group or counselor can determine what you went through and how the trauma shaped your life today.
- Connection. Traumatic experiences make a person prefer to close themselves off. Talking and sharing your experiences with others who can understand your problem will make you feel connected again.
Step 3. Tell someone you trust
Sharing past experiences is an important aspect of recovery. You have to find someone who is patient, kind, and able to understand what you are going through. Don't talk to people who say, “Don't think about it anymore”, “Forgive it and forget it”, or “It wasn't all right.”
- You will have to recount the trauma over and over again, so make sure the person you are talking to understands that this is something important. It's helpful to let your emotions out just once, but you need to keep consulting and telling them again.
- If you don't have anyone close or you trust, meet someone you really like. Ask him to accompany you on a fun activity and if you like it, invite him back so the two of you can have fun together next time. Plus, you can build a close relationship by spending time together.
- Be careful when telling other people about your trauma because it may make them feel like they have experienced the same trauma from listening to your experience. Don't be disappointed if your friend doesn't want to hear your story every day. Start talking to family members and close friends, but if you need more support, talk to a counselor who specializes in trauma.
Step 4. Make a list to note how to take care of yourself
Maybe you can't figure out how to calm yourself down when you're having a hard time. Write down things that make you feel more comfortable and put them where they are easily visible, for example:
- Doing creative activities: painting, drawing, making wood crafts, embroidering, or making other crafts.
- Exercising. You don't need to do strenuous exercise, just walk in the neighborhood, jog, swim, work out with a team, dance, hike, or any other activity that gets your body moving.
- Play with small children in your family or with pets. This method provides a sense of calm and makes you feel more comfortable.
- Sing in a soft voice or hum. Take a deep breath and sing your favorite song.
- Wear what you like, such as your favorite shirt or your favorite piece of jewelry.
Method 3 of 3: Realizing the Present
Step 1. Be aware of your surroundings
Don't live in a rush and get stuck in the past. Observe everything around you, whether natural or man-made. Try to pay attention to every aspect of your life right now.
For example, take the time to walk and pay attention to your surroundings. If outdoors, look out at the trees, the ground, and the natural landscape. Feel the air touching your skin. If you're indoors, pay attention to the color of the walls, the sound of people near you, or the floor touching the soles of your feet. This method keeps you focused on the present and aware of your surroundings
Step 2. Calm down
People tend to live a fast-paced life from one moment to another. Make sure you always feel calm and enjoy whatever you're doing, even if it's boring. For example, watch your actions when you want to eat a snack. Hold a sprig of grapes and observe in detail. Pay attention to the shape and size. Pick a grape and chew it while observing the taste. Recognize the sweet taste on your tongue and the food in the form of grapes that you are enjoying.
Unpleasant events in everyday life are common. If you have to do a job you don't like or fulfill an obligation you don't like, that's okay. Instead of wanting to finish it quickly, think about and be aware of what you do each day
Step 3. Change your routine
One of the things that keeps you stuck in the past without you even realizing it is getting stuck in a routine. Maybe you do the same activity the same way every day or at the same time every week. While routine can provide comfort, it can make you feel trapped and forget the present. Change your routine, for example by taking a different route to the bus stop or driving to work a different way.
- Small changes also help you break free from routine. Change what you eat every day. Use the unfamiliar words you just learned every day. Anything that enables you to observe every day's actions will help you live in the moment, not in the past or future.
- If you don't want or can't change your routine, try to be aware of your every action during the routine. Pay attention to the taste of the oatmeal you eat every morning or the shape of the tree you see through the bus window on your way to work.
Step 4. Pay attention to calming moments
Almost every day you have to wait for a certain moment to get something. Maybe you have to queue at the supermarket or wait for the green light in the car. While waiting, instead of looking at your phone, pay attention to your surroundings. Be aware of everything around you and don't waste time nagging if the line is shorter or the red light isn't that long.
- This is the best moment to observe the little things that you usually experience in your daily life. Don't use your cell phone to fill your free time. Instead, look at people in line or other cars near you. Smile at the person in line behind you or have a chat.
- Do a variety of ways until you find the best way to be aware of life in the present.
Step 5. Set a reminder for yourself
In order to always think about the present, especially when you're just starting out, you may need a reminder. Tie a string around your wrist, color one nail with bright pink nail polish, or wear an upside-down watch. Use certain objects as reminders.
Each time you see a reminder, take a few seconds to focus on what it sounds like, how it smells, and what you see around you. Observe how you feel and do. This method keeps you focused on the present situation and not thinking about the past or the future
Step 6. Focus on unfinished tasks
Instead of doing a task without thinking, try to do a good job. Focus your attention on the task of writing a paper, a project at work, or completing a household task. Find something busy to keep your mind free from the past and the future.
- This method is easier to do if you do the tasks one at a time. Working on several tasks at the same time makes you confused and start thinking about other things, for example wanting to finish certain tasks immediately or doing other tasks.
- Try to work quietly so you can focus on your current actions.
Step 7. Meditate
The best way to focus on the present is to meditate. Meditation helps you focus on the moment you are meditating on and ignore other things, such as past suffering or anxiety about the future.
- Start by taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly while focusing on the breath. Ignore other thoughts and focus on the sound of the breath until everything else passes from your mind.
- In order to meditate well, you must make time to practice. Don't give up if you haven't experienced a meditative state (zen moment) in a short time or even after a few months. With frequent practice, you will get the (main) benefit of meditation.
