If you're feeling lascivious, you may feel embarrassed about the thoughts and actions you make about sex. You may feel ashamed because of your religious or spiritual beliefs or because of your relationship status (such as being in a monogamous or married relationship). Either way, you're likely feeling out of place or at least out of position where you want to be when it comes to sexual desire. Remember that it is difficult to define sexual 'normality' and that sexuality lies on a spectrum of thoughts, desires and actions.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Confronting Your Thoughts and Emotions
Step 1. Think about how sexual thoughts affect your life
You may spend hours each day obsessing over specific videos or fantasizing about sex to such an extent that you can't enjoy life. How badly is that perverted nature preventing you from living a productive or happy life? Has anyone been hurt by your behavior? How can these thoughts and behaviors cause problems?
- Ponder how your thoughts and actions affect your daily life and how your life would change if those thoughts and actions could disappear? Will you have more free time? Would you feel better about yourself? Will other people think differently about you?
- Remember that sexual thoughts are natural and not evil. If you've ever heard that thinking about sex makes you a bad person or that you will sin for these thoughts, remember that everyone has thoughts about sex and that is natural. Especially in your teenage years, you will have a variety of sexual thoughts that are a normal part of exploring your sexuality.
Step 2. Understand more about healthy sexuality
Healthy sexuality can be difficult to understand. For example, some people enjoy casual sex while for others this practice is considered terrible; some people like to masturbate while others are shy or refuse to masturbate. Determining healthy sexuality means doing what feels healthy to you in a way that enriches your life. It means feeling sexually fulfilled and happy without having any residual feelings of shame or self-hatred.
Remember that humans are naturally sexual beings so it's okay and it's perfectly normal to have sexual desire and feelings
Step 3. Define your own healthy sexuality
As you work to reduce the thoughts that are considered lewd, it is also important to determine what you consider healthy. Don't focus on removing all sexuality from your life. Instead, focus on creating a healthy sexual atmosphere for yourself, in your body and mind. Remember that it is unrealistic to demand yourself to meet a standard of having no sexual desires and thoughts at all. However, you do have control over your behavior.
- Write a list of what you consider to be healthy sexuality. Focus on determining healthy thoughts and actions, how you relate to other people sexually, and how you feel about yourself afterwards.
- Think about the things that make you feel good versus the things that make you regret. What are the differences between these two categories?
Step 4. Confront the shame
Shame often stems from the notion that "Because of this behavior, I am a sinner." If you're feeling perverted, chances are you've experienced some of the embarrassment associated with this assumption. Feeling ashamed of yourself can lead to a lack of self-confidence. Confront your shame and realize that it has no positive role to play in your life.
- Be aware of when you feel embarrassed. Is it after masturbating or after viewing pornography? Is it after thinking about sexual things? Be aware of what causes embarrassment. Then decide which one to get rid of, the action or the shame. Determine how you feel about the action, whether you'll feel better if you stop doing it, or whether you feel like you should keep doing it without a response of shame.
- Where did the shame come from? Is that feeling a belief that has been passed down through your family? Do those feelings have anything to do with deeply held religious beliefs? Understanding the source of your shame can help you deal with it.
- If you're trying to deal with the shame you're trying to get rid of, say to yourself, "I'm able to love and express my sexuality in a way that's healthy and enjoyable for me. Expressing my sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of."
Step 5. Confront the guilt
Guilt can be a healthy emotion when recognized for its role in shaping behavior. For example, if you feel sorry for an action, guilt can accompany it and lead you to make a different decision the next time you are faced with a similar situation.
- If you feel guilty about your sexual thoughts or feelings, think of them as guideposts and pay attention to them. Make an effort and take the time to understand the feelings of guilt, where they come from, and how you can practice healthy sexuality without feeling guilty.
- Ask yourself when you experience feelings of guilt. Are the feelings related to sexual acts/thoughts, your own sexuality, or to outside influences (such as religion or beliefs)? Can guilt be justified?
- If you don't want to experience feelings of guilt related to your sexuality, tell yourself "I can be a sexual being and express my sexuality in a healthy way without guilt."
- If you have hurt someone sexually, confronting the issue is very important.
Step 6. Think about your body healthily
If you feel ashamed of your own body, learn to accept yourself as you are. Accept your body with your existing skin tone, hair texture, height and weight. If you hate your own body, you may have become too attached to other body types and have fallen into a perverted mindset. Start by accepting yourself. The more you accept yourself, your body and your sexuality, the less often you will experience unhealthy sexuality.
- If you are ashamed of your own body because you have wrinkles, sagging skin, or scars, forgive your body. Learn to appreciate the various jobs your body does such as digesting food, filtering out toxins and turning food into nutrients.
- You may not be proud of every part of your body, but take time to express gratitude for the little things that your body does for you and the abilities it gives you.
- Your body tells a story. The color of the skin, the patches and the scars each tell a story about your origins and experiences. Honor your family and your unique experiences on the living canvas of your body.
Part 2 of 3: Taking Action
Step 1. Delete any images or videos from your computer
Clean electronic devices from any material that can be misleading. By keeping your computer and phone free from temptation, you are fostering an environment that supports you in meeting your goals of reducing unpleasant thoughts and feelings about sex.
- Use parental control tools to prevent you from "accidentally" opening pornographic websites. If you must disable the software, this step will buy you a few seconds to rethink and redirect that impulse to something else.
- If you have concerns about consuming pornography, read How to Overcome a Pornography Addiction.
Step 2. Throw away any magazines or pictures you have
This could also include removing any posters in your room, or removing T-shirts, stickers, or hats that don't support your view of healthy sexuality. You need to create an environment that encourages you to stay on target and get rid of any thoughts or feelings that don't align with your version of healthy sexuality.
Step 3. Watch your jokes
Making sexual jokes may be your way of making sexual comments disguised as jokes, but in reality the jokes are vile or disrespectful. Sexual jokes are often not funny, especially when they are directed at someone directly. Jokes like this are often disrespectful and hurtful. Laughing at someone's sexuality is never appropriate, especially when it's spread as gossip or meant to hurt someone. Anyway, don't make jokes like that.
If you come across a joke that you find funny but you know it will hurt someone, keep it to yourself
Step 4. Divert your own attention
You may need to divert your own thoughts and/or behavior. Once you catch yourself engrossed in a thought or behavior you want to change, distract yourself. You may need to change your view, start a different conversation, or walk away from the situation.
- If you're having trouble staying focused, take a break and go to the restroom, go for a walk, or do something else at the same time.
- If you find yourself looking at other people inappropriately, stop yourself and distract yourself.
- If you're going to tell an inappropriate joke, stop yourself and say something different.
Step 5. Interact politely
If you have perverted thoughts towards people, make sure you respect and respect everyone. If you are attracted to women, treat all women with respect. If you are attracted to men, treat all men with respect. Respect everyone's sexual boundaries. Talk first before having sex. Set boundaries and communicate your tastes and desires, and make sure you understand your partner's tastes and desires.
Don't approach anyone in a sexually degrading way
Step 6. Try not to reinforce what other people think of you
If other people have been telling you all along that you're a pervert, there are things you can do to not reinforce their opinion of you. Some behaviors can even be considered sexual harassment or bullying which can get you into a lot of trouble. Make sure you avoid:
- Making sex jokes or gestures
- Bringing up sex in inappropriate situations such as in class, when someone is talking to you, or in any other situation that you think people might feel uncomfortable about.
- Sending text messages containing sex or obscene images to people.
- Touching private body parts in public.
- Touching other people is inappropriate and/or unexpected.
- Expose your body to people.
Part 3 of 3: Making Personal Changes
Step 1. Deal with stress effectively
If you're feeling depressed, you may be more prone to falling back into bad habits. Find ways to relieve and manage daily stress. Don't let stress build up; find ways to reduce it every day. Doing exercise, socializing with people, and avoiding unnecessary stress are all great ways to manage stress.
- Join a running club, start a yoga practice, or go for a daily walk with your dog.
- Call a friend, host a special night out to play with friends, or make plans for dinner with friends.
- If you feel chronically stressed but aren't sure how to properly identify it, start writing a stress journal and jot down any stress you experience each day/week/month. You may begin to discover the patterns that cause your stress, then begin to deal with them one by one.
Step 2. Choose your friends carefully
Don't hang out with people who encourage you to think or act lewdly. You may need to distance yourself from perverted friends or choose new friends altogether. Make friends with people who support and encourage you to live life in the way that is most beneficial to you. Having a great support system in life helps you fight stress.
If there are people who influence you negatively but are irreplaceable in your life, politely ask them to reduce their comments or behavior, or ask them not to discuss these things when you are around
Step 3. Ask your friends for help
Friends can help along your journey and make it easier by supporting you. Start an accountability group if you and your friends are having a similar problem. Send messages of support, have lunch together, and keep each other on track.
You can also join support groups, whether local or online, such as the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health or Sex Addicts Anonymous or other groups
Step 4. See a therapist
If you feel like you can't control your own thoughts, see a therapist. A therapist can help you confront your feelings, find strategies for coping, and work through the process of reducing negative sexual thoughts. Therapists are there for you to support and help you live a happier and more fulfilled life.
