When in a relationship, you may feel like you want to be with your lover all the time. While it may feel good at first, both parties in all relationships need space to "breathe" for a moment and develop. How can you spend time with other friends or prepare a great presentation at work if you devote all your time to your loved one? Remember that you are not just a lover to him; you are more than that! Keep your identity outside of the relationship by taking time to be alone, managing other relationships and responsibilities, and building a healthy dynamic with your loved one!
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Method 1 of 3: Enjoying Private Time
Step 1. Take your time to enjoy hobbies, without your lover
Before meeting him, maybe you enjoyed scuba diving, reading books, or dancing. After being in a relationship with him, do you rarely enjoy these things? Remember that your interests are part of your identity! Try doing this hobby without your lover.
Maybe you've always wanted to try a new hobby like yoga, but your boyfriend doesn't like it. All you need to do is try the activity yourself
Step 2. Set aside time to be alone each day
If you live with your boyfriend or spend a lot of time together, you may rarely get a moment to be alone. Set aside time each day to do something for yourself, in his absence. Try going for a walk, soaking in hot water, or running.
- Encourage him to enjoy his personal time! You can say, “Honey, you must be tired all day. Want me to prepare water for bathing?”
- You can also set aside one day each week for yourself or other friends.
Step 3. Try to meditate every day
When you meditate, you can take some time to yourself and focus on your breath and your body. Meditation is the right activity to get rid of the stress you feel all day and focus on yourself. If you are constantly thinking about your loved one, meditation can be a great way to relax your mind for a while.
If you're unfamiliar with meditation, try using an app like Headspace or Calm
Step 4. Make a plan without it
Your lover doesn't have to be the first person you see when you wake up! Every now and then, make plans in his absence. Do your friends want to enjoy summer vacation? Plan! Have you always wanted to see your grandmother? Visit him!
While it's nice when you can include your boyfriend in your plans, remember that he doesn't have to be a part of all your plans all the time
Step 5. Turn off your phone every now and then
If you take your day to text or call her, what can you talk about when you get home? Instead of devoting all your thoughts to him when you're not together, focus on what's in the moment. Pay attention to class, take notes in a meeting, or devote your full attention to your personal life outside of relationships.
If you don't want to turn off your phone, try checking it every once in a while (eg every 30 minutes). Call your boyfriend once or twice a day when he's not with him
Method 2 of 3: Managing Life Outside of Relationships
Step 1. Spend time with friends
Plan a fun night out with your friends and call or message them regularly. When chatting with them, don't just talk about your relationship! There are more things you can talk about, lo!
- You can share stories about your lover for a few minutes, and only for a few minutes. However, if there is a big moment in your relationship, such as an engagement or a possible breakup, you can talk about it for a longer period of time.
- Ask them how! Remember that to have friends, you also have to be able to be a good friend figure.
Step 2. Find new friends
Maybe the reason you spend so much time with your boyfriend is that you don't have any other close relationships. While that's understandable, it's time for a change. Make new friends in places you frequent, such as the gym, book club, or synagogue.
- At the gym, for example, you could approach someone and say, “Hi! Yesterday I saw you wearing the Liverpool jersey. I'm a big fan of the Liverpool team! Are you a Liverpool supporter too?” Invite him to have a small talk and in the end, try to invite him to spend time with him.
- If you frequent the synagogue, join a small group so you can make new friends. Some places of worship often manage small groups for groups of young professionals, youth, or adults.
Step 3. Interact with your family
The biggest support network you have is family! If you haven't spoken to your mom in the last few days, give her a call! If any of your cousins have a birthday, you can meet them. Interacting with your family is a great way to be yourself when you're in a relationship.
Step 4. Focus on school and your career
Use your time wisely at work or school. Remember that apart from being a lover, you are also an employee or a student. If one day your lover leaves you, your job and education will not go with you. Be tenacious and diligent!
- Come to the office early and leave the workplace a few minutes after leaving time. Keep track of important things in meetings and always have a to-do list ready to keep you aware of your responsibilities.
- Do your homework to the best of your ability, complete the assigned reading assignments, and study every day.
Step 5. Set goals that are unrelated to your lover
Maybe you have some goals that you want to achieve with your lover, such as buying a house or having children, and those dreams are indeed beautiful! However, don't forget that you too have goals that are unrelated to them. Write down these goals and take steps to start achieving them today.
- For example, if you want to become a lawyer, you need to get a college degree first and get good grades. After that, you may need to take a law school entrance test and apply to the school of your choice.
- You also need to set short and long term goals. One short-term goal you can achieve is to work out at the gym three times a day. In the long term, you can try to get a promotion at work.
Method 3 of 3: Developing Healthy Relationships
Step 1. Know the aspects that make up a healthy relationship
It's important that you avoid unhealthy relationships, but you may have been in a healthy relationship all along and didn't realize it. Some signs of a healthy relationship include:
- Mutual respect
- Trust
- Honesty
- Ability to compromise
- The ability to have one's own identity
- Effective communication
- There is management of anger or emotions
- Willingness to work together in solving problems
- Have a healthy sexual relationship
Step 2. State your needs
Your desire to always be with your lover may stem from an existing need or unresolved problem, such as a tendency to be codependent. This attitude refers to unhealthy "dependence" on the part of one party in the relationship who is unable to provide for his or her own needs. Tell him what you need from him and give him the opportunity to share his needs.
- For example, maybe you want to be with him often because he has cheated on you before. Let him know that you want him to be more loyal and honest.
- In return, he may ask you to trust him and forgive him.
Step 3. Analyze your relationship and feelings every few weeks
To assess the course of the relationship, conduct periodic evaluations. You can ask questions like “Are you feeling happy?” and “What do we need to improve on?” to him and himself.
If the two of you are often unhappy, this might be a good time to separate
Step 4. Define your boundaries
Defend yourself if you are treated unfairly. When he hurts your feelings or bothers you, let him know that his actions are unacceptable.
For example, you might say, “David, I see you like the bikini photos on your ex's Instagram profile. It bothered me and I felt unappreciated. I wish you would stop doing it.”
Step 5. Encourage him to spend time with his friends
Just as you need personal space, he also needs space for himself. When his friends invite him to exercise together or meet up, encourage him to go see them. The more joy he gets, the happier he feels. You too can feel the benefits or goodness of it.
Step 6. Remember that your relationship is only one part of your life
In the end, you are more than just a match for your lover. You too are an amazing friend, worker, student, relative and individual! No matter what happens to your lover, you will always be who you are! Here's what you need to remember.
