We've all experienced anxiety; Anxiety is a natural way of predicting whether our efforts will succeed or fail. When trying to jump from a high mountain on a motorbike, you must of course be nervous. But in everyday life, excessive anxiety about doing small things, like speaking the truth with a friend, will limit your ability to enjoy your life. The wheel of life is always turning and whatever is stable today may change or be lost tomorrow. However, if you empower yourself, you can always rebuild your confidence, overcome anxiety, and bounce back on your own, also finding happiness wherever you go. Read step 1 below to start relieving your anxiety.
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Method 1 of 2: Adjusting the Viewpoint
Step 1. Learn to be objective
If you feel you can't do certain things, try to imagine if you were someone else. Think about what you would say to other people in your situation. For example, if you're nervous about going to a party where you don't know many people or going to a job interview, think about the advice you would give others in the same situation. If you look at it from that point of view, you will be able to see that there is nothing to worry about and you will be successful if you put in the effort.
Step 2. Write down your fears
Write down what makes you nervous, and what factors make you feel like you can't achieve anything. Read the article and ask yourself, which fears are rational and which fears are just the result of negative thinking. Think carefully about the root of your anxiety -- are you afraid of embarrassing yourself? Afraid to disappoint your parents? Afraid of not having the life you want? See how many fears you can handle and how many positive solutions you can think of for all your anxieties.
Feeling afraid of failing or being wrong is a natural feeling. Everyone has felt it too. However, if you're so restless that you can't do anything right, it's not natural
Step 3. Remember all the successes you have had
Instead of focusing on the times when you embarrassed yourself, failed at something, or looked stupid, focus on the things you did well. Think about the success you had at school, the friendships you kept well, or the times you made people laugh because of your good sense of humor. The more often you remember it, the more confidence you will have, and you will have even more confidence in the future.
Writing about your successes after they've happened can help. Keep a success journal on your desk and fill it with happy accomplishments and memories. When you feel like you can't do anything, look at the list and remember that you are a great and capable person
Step 4. Ask yourself, "What's the worst thing that could happen?
Be honest when answering. If you get a haircut and some people don't like it, for example, it's not the end of the world. If you really don't like it, remember that your hair will grow back. Don't let that fear stop you from trying something new. Once you realize that the worst that can happen isn't really that bad, you'll be able to become more dynamic and take risks.
If you are confused as to whether your answer makes sense or is exaggerated, ask the person whose judgment you trust. They can determine if your worst-case scenario is possible or too much
Step 5. Now, ask yourself, "What's the best thing that could happen?
This question is often not asked if you are nervous. For example, you are going out with someone you just met. The best thing that could happen is that you find a match and start a good relationship. Isn't that enough reason for you to go on a date? Even though the best things don't always happen, remembering them will help you face new things with a positive mind.
Before you do anything new, you can even write down the best thing that could have happened, or the three best things that could have happened, so you can remember them when you do that new thing
Step 6. Remember your strengths
So that you are no longer restless, you must always remember your strengths. Make a list of things you like about yourself, such as friendliness or intelligence, and keep those things in mind when interacting with someone. Anxious people only focus on the worst parts of themselves, which makes them unhappy about themselves.
By remembering the bad things about yourself, you will focus on the bad things and ignore the good things about yourself. If you are too hard on yourself for long periods of time, you will have a hard time remembering good things about yourself at first
Step 7. Learn to think positively
If you've been thinking negative thoughts for a long time, it's hard to recognize those negative thoughts. If you're always telling yourself that you're a loser, society's scum, or can't do anything right, then you will forever feel that way. Instead, try telling yourself positive things so that you will be able to tackle the new task with a sound mind and a desire for success.
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A good exercise to make you feel good about positive thinking and reduce self-torture is to tell yourself two good things about yourself every time you think badly. The good and the bad are not necessarily related.
For example, if you drink coffee that is too hot and you curse yourself because you didn't wait for the coffee to cool, remember that you can also play tennis well and have a great sense of humor. It may seem strange, but you have now changed your behavior when you praise yourself
Step 8. Ask why you said no
Say "yes" more often. Instead of telling yourself why you don't want to have a new experience, try to think about what would happen if you accepted the offer. While not all of your "no" answers actually happen, your "yes" answers can lead to something new and unexpected. If you feel hurt after confirming the experience, you can still get up and you can still have the experience, instead of if you said "no". Even if a good scenario doesn't happen, you will be able to think that you are a positive person and willing to try new things.
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For example, if an acquaintance from your music class asks you to join their band, your immediate response may be a refusal citing lack of experience or busyness with other classes.
If you think like that, before you try, you have shut yourself off from the idea and its exploration. If you say yes, you can get to know these acquaintances and their friends, and have new stories to tell. Accept their invitation and see where it takes you
Step 9. When you are feeling uneasy about your relationship, try implementing some of the steps above
Finding personal pleasure will also help; If you are happy, you will make other people and your partner happy, so you will feel more confident.
Method 2 of 2: Taking Action
Step 1. Choose friendly friends
Pay attention to how your friends treat others, themselves, and you. If you notice that your friends are overly critical, and like to criticize someone's clothes, bodies, decisions, or behavior on a daily basis, you may want to make new friends. Try to find friends who are friendlier and less judgmental.
While it's okay to have a few negative friends, if you're surrounded by negative people, you'll absorb the negative effects of their thoughts (even if those thoughts aren't directed at you). For example, if your friend doesn't like someone's hairstyle, when you like that hairstyle you will feel wrong and lose confidence in your own opinion
Step 2. Don't be too quick to judge others
Judging others seems to increase your self-esteem, but actually when you judge others badly, you are also criticizing your qualities and lowering your self-confidence. Try to increase your self-confidence. Not only will you make more friends and meaningful relationships, but your self-esteem will increase as well.
- When you insult someone else's decision or mistake, think about why you did it. If your initial thought is "because they're wrong", think harder. Why are they wrong? In what context? Does your cultural background or upbringing make you think that way?
- Do people from other countries or cultures feel wrong too? Doing different things or living a lifestyle you don't want to do doesn't always make them wrong, really.
Step 3. Do one interesting thing every day
There's no need to do anything dangerous -- head to an area of your city that you've never explored before and enter any shop. Look what you find. Try talking to the shopkeeper. The more new experiences you have, the more interested you will be in life, rather than the more restless you become when you meet new people or experiences. If you know that you can do interesting things every day, you will stop thinking about failure every step of the way.
If you're thinking about your self-image, try going into a slightly different clothing store and trying on clothes that don't suit your taste. Laugh at your appearance in the mirror. In fact, you may be able to find a new outfit that suits you unexpectedly. If not, you can still wear old clothes that are still appropriate. Try as many new things as possible
Step 4. Overcome any weaknesses you can overcome
If you hate acne scars or your voice, there's probably not much you can do about it. If you have an irreversible weakness, you must learn to accept it. However, if there is something you can change, such as how easily you experience stress, you should take steps to change it. We are all born with certain weaknesses and it will be difficult to completely change ourselves, but you can certainly improve certain things.
- If you take steps to fix what you don't like about yourself, you'll be better equipped to deal with anxiety.
- Finding things you don't like about yourself and changing them isn't easy. But it's better than constantly cursing yourself without changing it.
Step 5. Stop comparing yourself to others
The quickest way to feel anxious is to compare yourself to people you know, or even to people you see on television. If you do, you'll find ways to make yourself feel bad, poor, unsuccessful, or other embarrassing things just because you feel you can't compete with them. Focus on what will make your life better by your standards, not by the standards of others.
If you try, you will always be able to find someone who is healthier, richer, and wiser than you. But on the other hand, many people wish to be like you. Remember that the grass on the other side is always greener, and even the person you thought was perfect might wish to be someone else
Step 6. Talk about your anxiety with a close friend
One way to deal with your anxiety is to talk about it with your close friends. Having friends who understand you can help you gain perspective without bias and can make you feel that your worries or biases are irrational. Your close friends can cheer you up, tell you that you can achieve your life goals, and help you solve bad thoughts and doubts in your life.
Sometimes, revealing something is halfway to getting it done. You may feel depressed because you keep your anxiety to yourself
Step 7. Strive for expertise
If you want to feel better, one way is to have a skill, such as dancing, writing, painting, joking, or speaking a foreign language. Any skill doesn't matter -- the important thing is that you've tried to master something to be proud of. Trying to master something and making a commitment to do it regularly can make you feel better.
However, you don't have to be ambitious to be the best soccer player or the highest math scorer to impress others. You have to do it for yourself
Step 8. Laugh at yourself
Generally, people who are often restless think too seriously of themselves. They are always worried about failing or embarrassing themselves. People who have a good sense of humor about themselves and understand that everyone can make mistakes are usually less anxious, because they understand that they can make mistakes and don't mind it. You have to learn to laugh at yourself, and make jokes when you don't get what you want, instead of feeling nervous because you have to look good all the time. You'll feel relieved if you can face the day with a laugh -- instead of worrying that everything has to be perfect.
You don't have to put yourself down and laugh at yourself every time you make a mistake. However, you should forgive yourself more; if you laugh at yourself, other people will feel more comfortable around you, and you will find that you feel more comfortable about yourself
Step 9. Get as much information as possible
One of the reasons you feel insecure is that you hate dealing with uncertainty. You may not know what's going to happen at a party, in a new class, or on a trip with people you don't know. While you can't predict what will happen in a given situation, you can make yourself feel more comfortable by gathering information about the situation so you can feel in control. This will help you feel more secure in the face of what is to come.
- For example, if you are going to a party, try to find out who the invitees are, what people will be doing at the party, what clothes you should wear, etc., so that you know what you can expect.
- If you are nervous before giving a presentation, make sure you know how many people will be there, what kind of room you are presenting in, who is giving presentations, etc., so that the X factor you are worried about will be reduced.
Step 10. Remember that you are not alone
You may feel that you are the only person in this world who always doubts his abilities or feels that he is not comparable to others. However, remember that everyone feels restless at some point, even supermodels or successful business people. Anxiety is a part of life, and if you stop feeling it, you will feel better! Everyone has things that make them nervous, and your anxiety is normal. Knowing this will help you move in a better direction.
Tips
- Have hobbies and engage in activities that you enjoy, and practice as often as possible. The activity you choose can be done alone or in groups. Even if you don't do it very well at first or don't feel capable after a while, you've made a mark on yourself, and you get a building relationship if the activity you choose is a group activity. You can join activities such as sports, hiking, sewing, reading clubs, photography, music, insect collecting, learning a language or programming language, or volunteering.
- If someone criticizes you, think objectively. Is what they say true? Have they thought about it from a different point of view? Do they understand my point of view? Do they offer a solution, or just make me feel low? Think from their point of view.
- If you feel shy, laugh at yourself and try to be happy. Feeling angry or torturing yourself after a while will only destroy your chances of enjoying what you are doing, and will discourage you from dealing with similar situations. If you laugh at yourself, you can forget about it and still try to be happy.
- Try to help others even if the help you offer is simple. Helping others will give you confidence and a feeling of being valued. Working together when doing something will bring motivation and happiness. Make yourself desirable to others -- and yourself.
