Susana your heart is very good. Your day is going very well. Suddenly, you feel all the energy being sucked out and the spirit disappearing. Why? Maybe you just met someone with a bad attitude, someone who ruined your mood. Learning how to identify and avoid these types of personalities can help you stay positive. Learn how to take control of your life.
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Toxic People
Step 1. Identify the basic characteristics of a toxic person
We all have had bad days. However, in the case of a toxic person, this sadness can be constant. If the person is negative more than a few days per week, you may be dealing with a toxic personality. Look for traits that indicate a toxic personality, such as the following:
- Nervous energy
- Anger of sadness
- Keep complaining
- Very dependent on others
- Happy to criticize
- View the world negatively or cynically
Step 2. Pay more attention to the energy of the people around you
If you have a warm point of view, it can sometimes be difficult to recognize the toxic people in your life. However, if you can learn to recognize a person's energy, you can identify negativity more easily.
- Have you ever walked into a shop and was greeted by an eager shopkeeper? It sure feels good to make you even more willing to come back. Being around negative people was like walking into a shop where the atmosphere was dark, the shopkeeper barely wanted to mumble the word hello. You can feel it right away.
- Pay attention to body language and tone of voice. Try to pay attention to the sound that comes out, instead of just the words that are spoken. You can find out how it really feels from all this. How is the interlocutor connected to you? What was on his mind as they spoke?
Step 3. Be careful with people who are always angry
Anger, yelling, and negative criticism are real signs of a toxic personality. Angry people usually need a lot of help, but that doesn't mean you have to be willing to be their vent. Being around people like this can make you angry too. Don't let yourself get caught up in such negativity.
- People whose voices are often raised may be grumpy. People who have control over their emotions usually don't feel the need to scream.
- You also have to be careful with pent-up anger. Some people don't want to say much, but they use bad body language and keep it to their heart. Such a person can express anger at unusual times, when it seems inappropriate to be angry.
Step 4. Be careful with people who have a negative point of view
Do you know someone who always gets the dark side of things? Adversity loves to make friends, so people with this kind of personality often want to find friends who feel the same way and compete in this ordeal. They will try to attract you in negativity.
- People with negative viewpoints are often competitive in their misery, trying to be the most miserable person possible. Such people often view the faults of others as grave faults, and are difficult to forgive.
- Be wary of people who always talk about their failures and sorrows, sometimes even cheerfully. Anyone who criticizes other people's failures, or appears overly cynical, may have a toxic personality like this.
Step 5. Be careful of people who are always looking for attention
People who don't believe in themselves fail to believe in themselves and often rely on others to get it. They want your attention and should be the center of everything. This need for attention is constant and can tire you out.
- Take a look at Facebook and other social networks for these personality traits. A hidden tendency to brag and post too often can be a sign of this toxic personality.
- These people often try to outshine everyone around them, or always turn the conversation back to the topic about them.
Step 6. Be careful with people who like to gossip
Gossip is done out of envy, not out of concern for other people. And in some cases, gossip can be fun and make you feel close to the people you're gossiping with, so it's hard to avoid it too. If you've ever been in the mood for gossip, you're not the only one.
Gossipers are always comparing themselves to other people, and this is a surefire way to prepare you for a path of disappointment and failure. Don't worry too much about other people, just take care of yourself
Step 7. Be wary of people trying to scare others
For people like this, everything is scary. This person's concern for the world can be contagious. Fear gives such people a sense of security and communicating that fear gives them a sense of purpose. You. It's not good for your mood.
Be careful with negative people who always find the dark side of things. If you want to discuss your upcoming vacation to be enjoyable, this person will discuss the deadly diseases that can be caught on a plane, and the dangers that lurk along the way
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with Toxic People
Step 1. Take a look at the people in your environment
Do these people trigger you to be your best self? Or are you drawn into its negativity? Using the criteria discussed in the previous section, try to make a list of the most likely toxic relationships in your life, and come up with a specific and detailed plan for dealing with them. Think about the relationship with:
- Your couple
- Your ex-spouse
- Work colleague
Step 2. Try to accept people for who they are
A toxic personality can only feel bad if it affects you negatively. You can make friends with angry people. You can make friends with negative people. Not that there's anything wrong with them. Accept people for who they are and don't let them influence you.
- Accept yourself as you are too. If you are a positive person, you may not be able to get along with negative people. But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. You just need to know what is healthy for yourself.
- Negative emotions have a time limit. This negative emotion will not last because it will end. You don't have to carry the negativity you get from meeting someone when the meeting is over.
Step 3. Try to empathize
If anyone wants to share their anxiety, refute their negative words. For example, if the person insists that your new job will fail, ask him, "What if you don't?" Try to help them see your possibilities instead of just negativity.
Don't try to change other people. Remember that you can't change other people, you can only change yourself. Therefore, do not concern yourself with feeling responsible for the other person or feeling sorry for him or her. You can only help negative people when you are no longer influenced by them
Step 4. Try to learn not to pay attention
If you don't like someone's words, try to stop paying attention to them. You can pay attention to only the positive and constructive parts of the conversation and start daydreaming when the person starts talking about things in a negative way.
- Try to be supportive and positive in the conversation. If your friend can't stop talking about how, "My job is bad and I hate it so much," don't get into it. Try saying, "At least you got lunch." Thus, you create distance between you. If you show that you're not willing to talk about the topic in a negative light like this, there may be less discussion of negative things.
- Use small warnings to remind yourself to be selective in your listening. You can pull your hair, bury your nails in your palms, jerk your wrists, or tap your knees. Remind your body that negativity is attacking you and that you must avoid it.
Step 5. Change the subject
If you don't like what someone is saying, change the subject. If you catch any negativity, try to start talking about something else. Whenever someone tries to steer the conversation in a negative direction, find something else to talk about. If your friend wants to say, "My job sucks and my boss sucks," try changing the subject. Say, "Yeah. At least football is fun. What game did you watch last Sunday?"
- If someone is looking for someone to blame for a problem, try to be calm. Try to focus on finding solutions to problems and looking for the positive side, instead of dwelling on the negativity.
- With hot-tempered people, try to keep the facts straight. Indicate what to do to fix the problem. If they become increasingly angry, stay away from them and give them space to cool off.
Step 6. Start minimizing your interactions with toxic people
If you're having a hard time dealing with the negativity these people are bringing into your life, it may be time to significantly limit your interactions with them. You can't change the other person's attitude, but you can try not to deal with him at all.
- If you are often the one initiating interactions with this person, stop. If this person stops contacting you, take it as a sign that your relationship isn't worth it in his eyes.
- If someone asks you if something is wrong, try to be honest with them. Say, "I'm having a hard time dealing with your negativity. You're constantly negative, and I don't like how that makes me feel. I like you, but I think we should see each other less often."
Step 7. End a toxic relationship
If someone is affecting your mental health and well-being through their negativity, end your relationship with them. Don't see him again if he can't be positive around you.
Don't try to use ultimatums with regards to a person's personality. Telling someone, "We can be friends if you're not negative" is like telling him you'd like to be friends with him if he wasn't being him. If change is not possible, accept it. Try to be honest with yourself
Part 3 of 3: Saving Yourself
Step 1. Think about your needs and wants
What is most important to you? What do you want from life? Know what you like and don't like and try to figure out what kind of self you want to be in the future. Listen to what other people have to say, but remind yourself that you are the final decision maker. You are the president of the country of your own life.
Write short and long term plans on paper. Stick this paper on the wall so that you are constantly reminded and can always focus. It can also help you when times are tough and you feel the urge to fall into old negative habits
Step 2. Make your own decisions
Many people go through life saying, "My parents wanted me to do X, so I did X," or "My partner wanted me to go to city X, so we went to city X." Do you want your life to be ruled by someone else? Try to make a decision, be it good or bad, and live life with the consequences.
Don't let other people or their opinions be the reason for you. By saying, "I'd be happy if X was different!" is like saying, "I have no control over my own life." It's true, sometimes you have to compromise with those close to you. But don't let compromise always be your way of life
Step 3. Choose like-minded people to fill your life with
Surely you don't want to hang out with people you don't like, do you? Surround yourself with people who can help you achieve a healthy body and mind. Look for people who are optimistic, passionate, and happy.
- The more time you spend with these people, the happier and happier you will become. Their healthy and positive attitude can help you to have a good life.
- Try to consider whether or not you need to make a big change in your life. Move to a new city, or change jobs if you are surrounded by negative people in your old office. End the relationship and start a new relationship with the person who built you up, instead of bringing you down.
Step 4. Try to be positive wherever you are
Use the inspiring examples of the more positive people in your life to guide you away from toxic people. Try to be a more optimistic person by seeing the good in other people and praising the good in that person. Try to stay excited. Accept and give compliments gratefully, keep eye contact with them, and smile.
Step 5. Make relaxation a priority in life
If you're constantly battling the negativity of those around you, you'll need to commit to fighting the stress that creates. Find something calming and balancing yourself and do this when you need it to get you energized again. Some of the techniques commonly used to deal with stress are:
- Climbing a hill or mountain
- Martial arts
- Find one thing in a day to be grateful for.
- Try to spend as little time as possible with negative people. Even if for example you only have to spend five minutes in one day, it means that your positive and productive time is reduced by five minutes.
- Don't be afraid that people will think you're antisocial if you want to stay away from certain people. You must be the most important person in your life. You know what's best for yourself.
- Use a small, cute photo frame to display a simple note that says Always Grateful and put it somewhere you walk by and see it often.
- Force yourself to analyze existing relationships until it becomes a habit that you can't help but do. You will find this removes the negativity from your mind which is replaced with more harmonious, happy and productive thoughts.
- Make sure you have taken care of your basic social needs. Always set boundaries so that this person's illness does not interfere with your life and happiness.
- Sometimes people with mental disorders or who have been hurt by toxic people show these signs. If they bother you, don't think about it anymore, stay away from them because you don't deserve to be hurt. However, if they are simply complaining or are overly emotional but don't mean to hurt you, you can try to help them because when the problem is over, this person is no longer toxic and is fun again.
- If you decide to help them, remember that you are not responsible for fixing them. You're just helping them get through the tough times. This is also optional, only if you can handle it and your relationship is healthy and the person isn't hurting you.
- Some disorders such as Narcissistic, Antisocial, Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder are personality disorders. These four disorders are difficult for professional therapists to treat and these four personalities tend to be toxic and often hurt others. It is not advisable to help people with this disorder, especially if the person refuses to seek help.