There is a saying that sometimes words are sharper than swords. Painful comments from others, such as being given a derogatory or demeaning nickname, can go deep into the heart. Learn to forget hurtful words by minimizing their effects, increasing your self-esteem, and healing emotional wounds.
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Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Painful Words
Step 1. Don't take it to heart
The words people speak actually describe that person, not you. Sometimes, when someone is hurt, he or she will take it out on you in the form of hurtful words. Everyone has done it. Usually those words come out without a second thought, and he might regret it later.
If someone says something hurtful, try to remember that they may be hurting. You should still be nice, not offended
Step 2. Keep an eye on the person
If he says something hurtful, respond slowly in a way that acknowledges him, not his words. Whether he did it on purpose or not, a response like this would be unexpected, and he would probably rethink the effect of the words he had spoken.
For example, respond with, "Wow, I'm surprised to hear a nice person like you say something so mean."
Step 3. Give yourself time to feel the pain of the words
Instead of thinking, it's better to give yourself a deadline until when you will carry the pain. Feel it until the appointed time. Then, forget it.
For example, you might normally spend hours or even days thinking about malicious comments. So, start setting a 10 minute timeout. Think about how those words affected you and acknowledge the pain. After the time is up, get rid of the feeling and don't think about it again
Step 4. Write the words down on the paper, then crush the paper
If you're a more physical person, maybe you can counter the power of words by destroying them. Write it down on a piece of paper. Then, tear or crush the paper, throw it in the fire, or scribble on the words with a pencil or pen.
Step 5. Replace with positive comments
Balance the impact of negative words with positive words that you compose yourself. This method can work because it will cancel out the negative comments in your mind with more positive and uplifting comments.
For example, if someone says, “You are ugly,” you can replace it by telling yourself, “There is only one me in this whole world. I am special and unique.”
Method 2 of 3: Rebuilding Confidence
Step 1. Use these words to make you stronger
Can this painful situation be a test? Evaluate the hurtful words you receive and think about whether you can channel them into productive action. Ask why those words hurt you and what you can do about it.
For example, if someone says, “You are weak,” and you believe it, you may feel sad or angry. However, if you act, such as learn to defend yourself or strengthen yourself mentally, such words will never hurt you again
Step 2. Use your experience and perspective to help others
Bad words usually stem from hurt or insecurity. Consider what the person saying it might be going through, and think about if there's anything you can do or say to help. You can also increase your confidence by approaching and offering support to people who have been hurt by mean and cruel words.
Step 3. Prioritize your own opinion
Confidence will always falter if you allow other people to dictate how you feel. Stop thinking about other people's opinions. Instead, your opinion should be the most important.
For example, if someone says, "You can't achieve anything," but you don't believe it's true, remember what you were thinking. You can say to yourself, “That's not true. I believe I am destined to be a great person.”
Step 4. Work things out to be more confident
Opinions about yourself and your abilities have a lot to do with self-confidence. You can increase your confidence by taking on more challenges. Think of a goal or task that you want to achieve. Then, break it down into small steps that can be completed one at a time.
- For example, if you want to be financially independent, start by getting a job. Then, find a place to live that matches your income. Then, you can save or invest in areas that benefit your financial status.
- Stable completion of each step helps you to be more confident and increases confidence that you are capable of taking on new challenges.
Step 5. Take a deep breath and say a strengthening mantra
Deep breathing is a way of relaxation. When accompanied by positive affirmations, breathing exercises can help you believe in yourself and your abilities.
For example, take a deep breath through your nose and say to yourself, “I breathe in confidence and belief.” Hold your breath for a few seconds. Then, exhale while saying to yourself again, “I let out negativity and doubt.”
Method 3 of 3: Recovering from Painful Words
Step 1. Learn to love yourself every day
If you ignore emotional well-being, hurtful comments can easily sting. Counter negative comments or behavior by treating yourself well. This can be applied in many ways. Make a list of positive activities that you enjoy the most. Then, make a commitment to do some every day.
For example, you could cook yourself a healthy meal, take your dog for a walk near the lake, or meditate before bed
Step 2. Learn from experience
There is always something to be learned from conflict or painful experiences. After enough time has passed to forget the initial pain, reflect on what happened. Some things to think about are:
- What might have happened in that person's life, or in your relationship with them, that triggered the unkind words?
- Is there any truth in those words that you might learn even if they were harshly or utterly demoralizing?
- If someone talks like that again, what better way to deal with it?
Step 3. Hang out with positive people
Positive people carry positive vibrations and negative people carry negative vibrations. Make conscious choices to reduce time spent with negative or bad people who criticize or belittle you. Spend time with supportive people who appreciate who you are.
Step 4. Do the things you love
A great way to heal yourself from the influence of hurtful words is to engage in fun activities. Take up a hobby, join a new club or organization, or start over something you left behind a long time ago. Take time out of the day or week to do things that put a smile on your face.
For example, pursuing a passion for learning, teaching your skills to others, or increasing your knowledge in activities such as sewing or gardening
Step 5. Share with others
Stimulate emotional recovery by doing good for others. Make a commitment to more positive interactions with the people in your life and society.
- Engage with loved ones in a positive way, by expressing appreciation and revealing the strengths you see in them. For example, say, “Matt, you've been very helpful. I don't know what to do without you."
- You can also do random acts of kindness, like helping a neighbor clean the yard or paying for lunch for the person standing in line behind you. You can also radiate good vibes in the community by volunteering or donating to charity.
Step 6. Try journaling to understand your feelings better
Writing down your feelings can make it clear what's going on in your world. Plus, when writing a hurtful comment, you may be able to let it go down on paper and not think about it again. Get into the habit of journaling for a few minutes each day.
