We've all been hurt by someone and then felt angry. Even if you are suffering, hurt, or disappointed, anger can be dangerous if you continue to nurture it. Don't let anger interfere with your physical or psychological health. Accept your anger, learn how to deal with it, and manage your emotions. While it's nice to imagine that we won't be hurt again, understanding how to let go of anger will help you get through it.
Part 1 of 3: Accepting Anger
Step 1. Understand anger
It is important to learn how to get rid of anger, not only for psychological health, but also for physical health. Part of letting go of anger is forgiveness, and forgiveness has a deterrent effect, making it less likely that other people will hurt you again in the future.
When someone betrays or hurts you, it has a negative effect on health through increased stress and anxiety. This can have a negative impact on the heart, immune, and nervous system
Step 2. Identify the problem
Find out what specifically makes you feel sick. Only by identifying the loss or its cause can you begin to deal with the problem and let go of it. It's also important to know if the person knows that he or she is hurting you. This affects how you start the reconciliation.
- For example, if your partner cheats on you or leaves you, you will definitely feel angry. The sense of loss you feel likely stems from a loss of feeling loved and valued or respected. In addition, chances are that your partner also understands how he or she has hurt you.
- Or, if a friend has extra tickets to a concert and doesn't invite you, you may feel that you are losing your sense of friendship and friendship and that leads to sadness and anger. However, the friend may not realize that your feelings are hurt.
Step 3. Allow yourself to grieve
Interpersonal conflicts and resolutions are sometimes seen as grief. For example, when someone hurts you, it feels as if you lost that person. The grieving stage can be used to understand emotions after you've been hurt. This stage also helps you understand that anger is a part of sadness and, therefore, it can help you get rid of your anger.
If the pain is related to a breakup or other unknown separation, then the loss may seem permanent. If the pain has to do with feelings of being ignored, forgotten, or unappreciated, then it may feel like you've temporarily lost that person, due to their loss of attention and respect
Step 4. Avoid the person who hurt you for a while
Anger can get out of control when tension builds between you and the person who hurt you. Postpone interaction until you have processed the grief and are in the accepting stage.
It's also important for the person to move into the grieving process, so the anger isn't directed at you when interacting. Even if this person has hurt you, he or she can still feel loss and regret
Part 2 of 3: Confronting Anger
Step 1. Shout
There are times when a person feels so angry that he or she feels the urge to scream. If you're dealing with this kind of anger right now, stop reading and scream into your pillow. Yelling gives you a physical outlet. Research shows that shouting out anger can release toxins that build up due to stress.
To be careful, you should try to make sure that your screams are muffled by the sound of the pillows so as not to disturb the neighbors
Step 2. Let go of your anger, metaphorically
If there are a lot of details about the situation that make you angry, you can find something symbolic to represent the anger component and then discard the symbolic element. As an example:
You can collect stones along the riverbank and throw them into the water after you have directed each component of your anger at each of them
Step 3. Replace hatred with compassion
Another way is to try to put yourself in the person's shoes. Consider the reasons he might have for acting in such a painful way. You may never be able to understand the other person's motivations, or agree with the reasoning once you find out, but it will be easier to let go of the anger on someone once you've spent time thinking about their position.
Whenever possible, remind yourself that the person is not aware that he or she is hurting you. If he hurts you consciously, think about what caused him to do that
Step 4. Decide if reconciliation is an option
Understand that forgiveness does not automatically lead to reconciliation. If you suspect that the party responsible for triggering your anger feels remorse and wants to make amends, reconciliation may work.
On the other hand, if the other party isn't open to making amends, or if the nature of the pain makes it impossible for you to trust him/her again, reconciliation doesn't seem like an option
Step 5. Sorry
Realize that you can forgive. Getting rid of anger completely means forgiving the person who hurt you. However, sometimes sorry is not for everyone. A forced or feigned apology is of no use to anyone, much less yourself. It is important that you process the pain thoroughly, control your anger, and decide if/when forgiveness is the right choice.
Understand that forgiving someone may not encourage the person to change their attitude. In this case, the purpose of forgiveness is to rid yourself of the anger and hatred that has formed. Sorry it is given for your own good and is an internal need, not an external one
Step 6. Take responsibility for your own actions
There are a lot of mistakes during the angry stage. It is important to reflect on your own role in the situation and accept any responsibility for the role you play. This does not mean you ignore the bad treatment of the other party. This means that if you do something wrong, you have to be honest about it, especially if you are planning a reconciliation.
Accepting responsibility can start with getting rid of negative emotions. One way to do this is to make a list of the 3 to 5 strongest negative emotions you feel, and think about how to replace those negative emotions with good ones
Part 3 of 3: Cultivating Emotions
Step 1. Look on the positive side
Consider how pain helps you develop as a person. See the unexpected positive benefit or impact and embrace it to help you overcome this problem. If you can't see the good that a painful situation can bring, look at other positives in your life and other things you can be grateful for.
Think about whether the pain has led you on a new path of good things, one you might not have encountered had the circumstances been different
Step 2. Leave a positive influence on the world
You can vent your anger and affect those around you, but then you will only spread it and the negative feelings will only get stronger. By consciously deciding to spread a positive influence on others, you can change your social interactions in a way that reduces anger.
Surround yourself with positive people. In short, by exposing yourself to the optimism and positive thoughts that others express, you are reintroducing positive thoughts into your life. Over time, you may even begin to develop positive thoughts on your own to replace anger
Step 3. Write a letter or journal
If you have a diary or journal, write down your anger as often as necessary to help release it. If you don't have a journal, you can write a letter to the person who triggered your anger to get those feelings out of your chest. But don't actually send the letter.
Sending a letter is almost always a bad idea. That could easily be viewed as retaliation or unacceptable, which would only exacerbate the problem. Even if you compose your sentences as politely as possible, the other person may not accept it well, especially if he or she has low self-esteem or is feeling sick
Step 4. Exercise or take up a hobby
Exercise gives you a positive physical outlet for anger. Choose the type of exercise you enjoy. Take a walk in a beautiful park, swim, or play basketball. The key is to divert the energy that could be channeled into anger, to channel it into something more positive for yourself.
If you're not a sports fan, you can start by taking a walk, channeling your energy into a new hobby, or doing something fun for friends or family
Step 5. Turn to your faith or meditation
If you believe in God, pray for strength and will to let go of anger. When getting rid of anger seems beyond your means, asking the Almighty for help can soften your heart, just enough to get rid of that anger forever. Whether you believe in a certain belief or not, meditation is a great way to stabilize your body, mind, and spirit. There are many different types of meditation to try, so choose the one that's best for you and your needs.
Ask for support and guidance from the religious leader at the worship center or others who share your beliefs. Read your religious scriptures, or spiritual books on anger and forgiveness
Step 6. Avoid social functions as necessary
If the person you're angry with is going to a social event and you want to avoid the urge to enter into an argument or stir up old hatreds, there's nothing wrong with skipping the event, even if people don't fully understand why.