Starting a conversation with a lover can sometimes feel awkward or forced. However, there are lots of easy ways you can follow to keep communication fun and healthy. Show genuine curiosity and interest when starting a conversation with him. Set a time each day to talk without distractions or distractions. Ask questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Express interest by sharing similar experiences, asking follow-up questions, and showing body language. Initiate deeper conversations by naturally directing small talk to more meaningful topics. Ask about his dreams and plans for the future, and talk about your current relationship. Avoid complicated topics and start a difficult conversation by explaining your feelings calmly, honestly, and clearly.
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Method 1 of 3: Starting Daily Chats
Step 1. Set a time to talk without interruption
Take time each day to chat with your loved one. Whether over the phone or in person, try to make time for both of you each day to pay attention to each other.
- Don't play on your phone, browse the internet, or watch television while you're chatting with them.
- Keep in mind that distractions or distractions aren't just electronics. For example, if either of you need a break after school or work, give each person time before starting a lengthy chat.
Step 2. Ask open-ended questions about the little things he goes through
Avoid questions that only require “yes” or “no” as an answer. Ask how he is and show a genuine interest in learning the small details in his life.
- Ask questions like “What did you do at work (or school) today? How was your presentation? What's the weirdest thing you've experienced today?”
- By learning small, even trivial things about a person, you can build the foundation for a more intimate relationship.
Step 3. Try not to sound “two-faced” or intrusive
Let curiosity lead you in the chat rather than simply asking questions about things you already know. Also, don't come across as nosy or intrude on their privacy when asking more detailed questions. When asking, don't make him feel like you're intentionally "rehearsing" the questions or being paranoid.
Explain what you mean if he looks annoyed or asks “Why do you want to know?”. Say, “I didn't mean to intrude on your privacy or disturb you. I just want to learn more about you.”
Step 4. Respond to him with clear interest and support
Make eye contact and nod to show that you are listening carefully. When he talks about something or asks a question, don't respond with short reactions like "Yes" or "That's it." Listen to what he has to say, ask follow-up questions, let him know that you support his decision, or share something or your experience that still relates to his opinion or experience.
It is important for you to show interest and support, or to turn your body and face towards him in order to maintain a good relationship
Step 5. Share details about your experience
Balance the chat by talking about yourself. Try not to accidentally change the subject when talking about yourself. However, show that you can also understand what he is going through. Share relevant experiences as a great way to strengthen chat and relationships.
For example, if he's talking about a bad experience (e.g. getting splashed by a passing vehicle while walking on the sidewalk), you might say, “Oh my gosh! That must be really annoying, but do you remember when we got caught in the rain our first walk in the park? We were soaking wet, but I laugh every time I remember the time we held hands and ran to escape the rain.”
Step 6. Show support for her
If he's discussing something emotional, make sure you provide him with support and empathy for the difficulties he's expressing. For example, if he tells you that he is having a fight with his best friend, listen to the story and show that you are ready to be there for him.
You could say, for example, “That's so bad! I'm sorry that you had to go through it. What can I do to help you?”
Method 2 of 3: Having a Deep Chat
Step 1. Warm the mood with small talk
Starting a meaningful conversation with forced topics will feel awkward and leave your lover feeling "stuck". Try small talk with him first, then naturally move on to more in-depth topics.
For example, you could start the conversation by telling a story about school or work. After that, take the conversation to a more in-depth topic by saying, “If you could change something in your life, what would you want to change?”
Step 2. Ask about your dreams and plans for the future
By knowing what he thinks about the future, you will both get an idea of a lasting relationship. Early in a relationship, you can get to know him better by understanding his hopes and dreams. As the relationship progresses, try to get to know each other's future plans so you can determine if he or she is a suitable partner for the long term.
- Ask questions like “How do you see yourself in five years?”, “What is your dream job?”, “Do you want to start a family?”, or “How many children would you like to have?”.
- Think of your own answers to these questions, and share them openly and honestly.
- Don't interrogate him. Have a two-way chat and reflect a willingness to share your own answers.
Step 3. Talk about relationships
Have regular relationship chats and share how you feel about your relationship status. Start the conversation by asking him about the progress of the relationship.
Try asking each other, “What was the first thing that convinced you to date me?”, “What is the biggest change in me that you have seen since we first started dating?”, “What are my strengths and weaknesses as your partner?”, and “What aspects do you like do I need to fix it?”
Step 4. Use a calm tone of voice when discussing relationships
Try to speak in a calm and objective tone as the conversation about the relationship deepens. If you see aspects that could be improved to become a better partner, show an open mind and don't take things for granted. Focus on building a closer relationship instead of just criticizing each other.
- If you want to tell him about his annoying behavior, try saying, “Please don't feel like I'm just being critical of what you're doing. I actually care about you and our relationship, and want us to be able to build a better relationship."
- If he tells you something you need to improve, take responsibility and if possible, ask for more opinions on things you can do to be a better partner.
Step 5. Use body language to show interest
Eye contact and nodding at the right moments are appropriate and important mediums to show your interest and concern. Display body language that is relaxed, but don't slouch so you don't look bored or disinterested. Don't cross your arms and legs, turn your body towards the other person, and sit or stand at the same height so that neither party appears "taller" than the other.
Method 3 of 3: Starting a Difficult Chat
Step 1. Don't avoid difficult topics
It may be easier to let the problem go away on its own and avoid complicated discussions. However, if you do, the situation will only worsen.
- Instead of avoiding difficult topics, ask him to take his time and talk about the problem at hand. You can say, “Hi! I know you're still upset about what happened back then. I would appreciate it if we could talk about the matter.”
- Keep in mind that by avoiding difficult issues, the situation will only worsen over time and your relationship will slowly crumble.
- Tell him, "I want to talk about the problem calmly and openly," or "There's something I want to talk to you about and I hope you can deal with it openly."
Step 2. Make an effort to share your feelings openly
Try to identify moments when you closed yourself off or were reluctant to open up to your lover. Think about the reason and explain it to him.
Tell him, “I know I've been shutting myself out this whole time. I've reflected on the reason and I think it's a form of self-defense. Since the beginning, I've always kept myself closed and I hope you'll be patient while I try to change into a better person.”
Step 3. Don't press him if he won't open up
If he doesn't feel comfortable opening up yet, don't take it to heart. Show empathy rather than simply giving up or cornering him.
Look at the situation objectively and provide understanding if he is shutting down. You could say, “I don't want to force you or pressure you to talk about how you feel. However, I hope one day you can trust me with your emotions. I promise we can talk openly and calmly to each other about anything.”
Step 4. Explain your goals and intentions clearly and honestly
When starting a difficult conversation, try not to make small talk. Whether you want to express a desire to get to know each other better or solve a problem, be clear and confident about your goals from the start.
- For example, you could say, “I want to talk about our relationship at a later stage. Do you want to become closer and have more physical contact with me? Do you have any expectations regarding time?”
- Ask him, “Can we talk about our outing with your friends last night? I feel ignored. I don't want to stop you from being friends with anyone, but maybe you could involve me more often when we spend time with your friends."
